The Relationship Thread: Single Posters on Patrol - Part 18

[hopefuldreamer]

But that's exactly what girls have turned it into for me. And it's exactly why I'm done with it.

I just don't get how that happens though.

If I like someone enough to wanna ask em out, it's BECAUSE spending time with them isn't a chore.

Why would you WANT to date anyone that it was a chore to be around?

When they constantly list off what it is they are looking for in a guy, and it's exactly what I'm wanting to offer in a relationship.

Again, the things they list off are not EVERYTHING they want in a guy. Just some of the things. You are some of the things they want in a guy. You are also some of the things they definitely DON'T want in a guy.

And when that's every single girl I've ever encountered... it's obvious that I'm not good enough for any of them. At least in their minds. And that gets verified by their very words... so yea...

I'm not right for any of the guys I meet as well.

That doesn't mean I get all huffy about it like it's an injustice. I feel sad sometimes about it, but it's not OTHER PEOPLE who are at fault, so I can't look at them and be like 'you people aren't worth my time'.

Like I said, they don't think I'm good enough. So of course that bothers me when I'm constantly deemed "not good enough"

Hey, I had my little pity party a few posts ago about not being good enough, I know how much that feeling sucks.

But it's wrong to put the blame on the people who aren't attracted to you.

Lots of situations. Whether through school, or work, or other social groups, I am around these girls on a regular basis. Thus creates social situations where we talk to each other. And things get said.

Outside of those social situations, I don't talk to these people. Now that my time is ending in my current location, I don't keep contact with these people.

But that doesn't mean that there wasn't many instances of socialization with these people. That doesn't mean they haven't said these things to me, and it doesn't mean that I haven't had other people come to me about things that have been said to me.

So it's not like they call you up wanting to talk about their boyfs, or they come round your house crying.

It's just girls engaging in general chit chat with a guy in their class about stuff in their life.

And you just hate hearing about it because your full of your own anger and sense that there is some kind of injustice going on because you're a good person and that doesn't win you a girl.

But it's not worth my time. Because what you described is not what happens to me.

I meet a new woman. We conversate, and interact, and we click over common interests. Then when I try to continue that, through calling, texting, going out, what have you... I'm treated like a leper, like I am completely out of line for thinking that there could have possibly been some kind of bond or connection between me and this person of the opposite sex that I got on with so well, like me having interest is the most disgusting and unfortunate thing that could have ever happened to her.

So that makes me want to continue talking to women why? How does that make me want to have a positive opinion of women?

It sounds to me like your just not picking up a sense of whether the girl is interested or not before jumping into calling and texting.

Most people are happy to chat to anyone, especially in social situations.

But you can TELL when someone you are talking to is interested. You can tell by the INTEREST they are showing in what you are saying. The way they encourage you to continue telling them more about yourself. The length of the conversation, the ease of it. Their body language, eye contact, the way and amount that they are smiling at you etc etc.

And you can tell when someone is just 'being nice' and chatting to you because your in the same room or the same class or at the same party and you've introduced yourselves.

You can tell by the vagueness of the conversation. The lack of enthusiastic interest in what your saying. The lack of real connection. The conversations don't go on too long one on one, and it's not so easy... you keep having to think of more things to say. Their body language is plutonic, their eye contact isn't so strong, and their smile... it just doesn't have that 'glint' in it that says they are finding you attractive.

If a guy that I didn't really click with started texting and calling me and it was clear he was really into me, i'd have to take a step back too.

I mean, what do you mean exactly when you say they treat you like a leper.

What exactly do they say that makes you feel like that?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yea, cuz I haven't put effort into it?

I'm 30 years old, and I've been into girls since I was old enough to know there was a difference between boys and girls.

And since that time, women have shown me that they are nothing more than a waste of time.

I'm 30 years old. I'm a college graduate, beginning a career. It is no longer my responsibility to show a girl why I am worth her time, it is now a girl's responsibility to show me why she's worth my time. I'm done putting myself out there for these people that are quite frankly, undeserving of my time.

It's nobody's responsibilty at all.

And TBH, the side of yourself your showing right now... that's EXACTLY why you are single.

I know Erz and others are constantly telling you to ask out every girl as soon as you think you like them... but it's becoming clear to me that you shouldn't do that at all.

In fact, i'd suggest just trying to make more female friends and enjoy female company without wanting to 'have' them... whatever that means to you.

I think you need to get better at being around women in general if you honestly think that in your entire life, women have been nothing but a waste of your time.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

They've been a waste of my time romantically.

When I'm talking about females in that regard, I'm talking about them romantically.

I have plenty of female friends who's company and conversation I enjoy without the need to "be with" them. I could probably name about about 5 or 6 right off the bat just off the top of my head.

But romantically, females have proven to be a waste of my time.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

They've been a waste of my time romantically.

When I'm talking about females in that regard, I'm talking about them romantically.

I have plenty of female friends who's company and conversation I enjoy without the need to "be with" them. I could probably name about about 5 or 6 right off the bat just off the top of my head.

But romantically, females have proven to be a waste of my time.

You really should look at the way you've been saying it tho.

Not 'looking for a girlfriend has been a waste of my time' but 'women have been a waste of my time'.

Suggests a lot of animosity towards the female sex.

I'd say you need to find a way to let that go.

Seriously, the most action I get is allowing guys to use me to get off. But you don't hear me banging on about how all men are just after sex and it's so unfair and their all a waste of time in the end.

You just hear me feeling sad that I haven't attracted one that wanted more.

Yet.

You said you've got female friends? How did you make those female friends? And what is it that stopped them from being people you tried and failed to court?

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I have a friend who has unwittingly friend-zoned a lot of guys. She'd be friends with them thinking that's all they are, and then they admit their feelings and she would have no idea what to do. They remain friends with her but still keep trying. And I always wonder if they think she's giving them hints that she likes them or if they befriended her just to date her.

I accidentally cock-blocked one of them. He asked her to go Christmas shopping with him (because they were friends ) and she told him she'd bring her friend (me), and he was really quiet the whole time and didn't talk much and we were kind of confused. Then he admitted his feelings a couple months later. It all made sense after that.
He's still kind of friends with her and I'm pretty sure he still has those feelings.

 

[Erzengel]

I think there are a lot of girls who think naively that that they just want to be friends and when they say they want more, think, I told him no, and think they can just turn off a switch.

 

[jaymes_e06]

I think there are a lot of girls who think naively that that they just want to be friends and when they say they want more, think, I told him no, and think they can just turn off a switch.

I think it has to do with that initial sexual attraction. They say a girl knows within the first five mins of meeting a guy whether or no she wants to have sex with him.

I can't deny there are girls I that I can not even picture being my girlfriend because they are in my friend-zone and even if they asked I probably couldn't see them in that way.

 

[Erzengel]

It's nobody's responsibilty at all.

And TBH, the side of yourself your showing right now... that's EXACTLY why you are single.

I know Erz and others are constantly telling you to ask out every girl as soon as you think you like them... but it's becoming clear to me that you shouldn't do that at all.

In fact, i'd suggest just trying to make more female friends and enjoy female company without wanting to 'have' them... whatever that means to you.

I think you need to get better at being around women in general if you honestly think that in your entire life, women have been nothing but a waste of your time.

He has female friends.

So he is capable of maintaing friendships with the opposite sex.

Just not of the relationship variety.

Not sure if he's moved yet, but I think a change in scenery will do him good. I know he thinks that it'll be the same but I think he should make the most of it.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I think there are a lot of girls who think naively that that they just want to be friends and when they say they want more, think, I told him no, and think they can just turn off a switch.

Basically most of my friends.....

 

[webhead9707]

I get what you all are saying I think.

Honestly I think it can change. I haven't escaped it yet, but it's possible. It sounds crappy but really, the difference between a very intimate and close friendship and a romantic relationship is pretty much just physical attraction. I'm a scrawny weakling with acne and I've come to terms with the fact that, well, that probably has a lot to do with why girls aren't attracted to me. So I'm changing it. I've changed my mind about girls before, I'm pretty sure girls can change theirs too. I've seen it happen.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You really should look at the way you've been saying it tho.

Not 'looking for a girlfriend has been a waste of my time' but 'women have been a waste of my time'.

Suggests a lot of animosity towards the female sex.

I'd say you need to find a way to let that go.

Seriously, the most action I get is allowing guys to use me to get off. But you don't hear me banging on about how all men are just after sex and it's so unfair and their all a waste of time in the end.

You just hear me feeling sad that I haven't attracted one that wanted more.

Yet.

You said you've got female friends? How did you make those female friends? And what is it that stopped them from being people you tried and failed to court?

I just assumed it was a given that talking about women in the relationship advice thread, it'd be known I was talking about the romantic / sexual variety. I apologize if I didn't make that clear.

Well, one of those girls who I have no romantic interest in, the main reason I am not interested in her is because he is hardcore Christian. Super hardcore. And I don't know how clear I have made this on the forum, but I am pretty anti-Christianity. She's not just Christian (something I could deal with, the simply fact of being a Christian isn't an inherent deal breaker), she's super duper conservative stereotypical Bible Belt Christian. It just... wouldn't work. Her and I have had conversations about our lack of romantic compatibility, and it's pretty mutual between us that the religion is the #1 factor that makes us incompatible on a dating level. She's a great friend, she's really been there for me through some of my tough times, and I've tried to be there for her in the same way. But romantically, we couldn't do it.

Another girl, from back home, she's pretty awesome and we click pretty well, but again, I feel there's a mutual personality incompatibility. She's like a hippie pot head, and while I don't really have anything against people's personal use of weed or other drugs, I don't partake, and drug use is a pretty heavy deal breaker for me. We just... don't have much in common on a romantic level.

Another of those girls is one of my best friends from high school, and while there were some people who said her and I had a "spark" (that neither of us really felt), while I'm not necessarily against dating her should that happen, she's involved in a very serious relationship with the father of her son.

The girl I talk to most right now is someone that I had a mild interest in years ago, she didn't, but we stayed friends, got back in contact with each other the last year or so while I was out here, but the interest I had in her is long gone.

As far as one of your other posts, talking about the signs that I should be looking for, and examples of how girls have reacted to me:

-Girl I met while I was at work. She came in to my store. We started talking, and instantly hit it off due to some immediate common interests we had. We had a great conversation, she was excited to share her interests with me, and I had something to add to the conversation because she was a huge comic book nerd just like me, she was in a similar field as me in her school, and liked doing a lot of the same things that I did. She mentioned a movie that she was excited about releasing, a movie that I was also interested in seeing, so I asked her if she wanted to see it together. She agreed, and gave me her phone number. When I contacted her? No reply.

You'll chalk that up to just a rejection, and that's fine I don't particularly begrudge her, but she gave me all the signals that I should be looking for in a first encounter. She was actively engaging in the conversation, happily sharing her likes, interests, and hobbies with me, interested in hearing mine, and showed honest interest in getting together with me at a later time. No reason for me to assume that she wouldn't have been interested.

-A girl when I was in college the first time around, her and I constantly talked after class, as it was both of our last class of the day, so we'd walk each other to our cars, having some real deep conversations with each other. We were both in some similar personal situations at the time, and she was always open about sharing her personal life with me, as I was with her, and we were really clicking off that. Her and I got together, just her and I, to study for a test we had. Again, we had a really good time together, hanging out, sharing great conversation, and just getting along really well. So after we were done studying, I asked her out. I asked her if she'd like to grab some ice cream together after the test. Not only did she say no by coming up with a thousand excuses as to why she couldn't spare a half hour to get ice cream together, but she never spoke to me again, going out of her way to avoid me in class and afterwards, and in the case where we did have to interact, was always nasty tempered with me, giving me dirty looks or tossing attitude my way. That's just but one example of a girl acting as if my being interested in her was offensive.

-Another girl acting offensive at my interest in her, it was one of the first college parties I went to in my current college run. This was a girl that I had seen around the department, but her and I never interacted. But at this party, her and I found ourselves spending most of the party together, where she flat out told me she was attracted to me. Okay, good deal I thought. We continued talking and spending time at the party, and I did make a move on her given all the things she was saying. She declined, however, and went home on her own. Back on campus after the party, her and I would talk, she'd ask if she could walk me to my classes, and did, so I asked for her number so I could call her sometime. To which she said no, because she was not interested in me, and giving me her number would be a waste of my time and her's because she didn't want to talk to me, and she wouldn't answer her phone when she called, so she wasn't going to give me her number and then play hideaway from my calls. But it didn't stop there. From then on, for an extended period of time, if I was standing around having conversations with people, she would go out of her way to interrupt and say nasty things to me, about something I had said in the conversation that she was not a part of, or to just say random bad things about me. So despite her telling me flat out that she was attracted to me, and after the fact trying to spend time with me, my reciprocation of that and taking action on it was somehow offensive to her.

-Another girl, that I already have a history with, tells me she has feelings for me. Constantly talked about how she wished she could "be more" for me than just a friend. Said she wanted to be the one to take my virginity. Told me I was the type of guy she could marry. And when I told her that I had some type of feelings for her too and was interested in pursuing something, she flipped her **** on me, lectured me about how "desperate" I was for falling for her, because she was "just being a friend, being nice to me" and that I mistook acts of kindness and friendship as interest...

-Another girl, didn't completely act offended by the notion of my interest, but another girl that I was clicking with over tons of common interests and seemingly getting along personally, acted like I was completely out of line for being interested with her, and couldn't figure out why I could possibly think she could be interested in me.

-First girl I ever "dated", we had gone out a couple times, and I decided to ask her out for Valentine's Day. She agreed. First time I ever had a date for Valentine's Day. I took her to a really nice restaurant in town, and we had a really nice evening. Afterwards, I tried to have the "we've been going out, I'm interested in seeing where this can go" conversation, to which she replied saying her and I were "just friends", because she wasn't trying to settle down. So I stopped trying to "date" her romantically, but she continued always contacting me, always wanting to see me. She called me up one day when she had to catch a flight, and asked if I wanted to see her off before her trip. So I did. When she got back, her and I went out one night to dinner and a movie, where between the two, she took me to the mall as we were waiting for our movie - to go to the jewelry store and look at engagement rings... I got very dirty looks from the salesperson because, in her mind, I wasn't actively partaking in this couple's activity of looking for her engagement ring. Needless to say, I was rather confused. Our last date was when I got tickets to a concert in San Francisco, and I asked her if she wanted to go. She did. And we had made plans that I'd pick her up, and we'd go straight to the concert. But a couple days before the concert, she called me saying she wanted her and I to "get together and spend all day together"... so we did, and had a nice time at the concert. When we got back home, I brought up to her that I was getting some mixed signals from her, and despite what she said about wanting to be "just friends", it felt like she was sending me signals that she was interested in more. She completely avoided the subject, said she wanted to talk about it another day, and played the "who's this" card when I contacted her later to try to talk about it. So I cut her off, and we never spoke again... Until months later, when she sends me a text saying "Just because I haven't talked to you doesn't mean I've forgotten about you, just giving you time to miss me". We got back in touch briefly, but nothing came of it.

-Couple girls that I dated in college, we had a great first date, spending 3-4 hours at dinner just talking, getting along really well, getting to know each other. Both girls said they wanted a 2nd date. One girl even went so far as to say "You're obviously doing something right, you pulled me". Completely avoided me when I tried to contact to make plans for a 2nd date.

-The infamous Courtney that I talk about, straight told me "There is definitely something between us, and there always will be", and "You and I are on the path to something", but when I made a move, flipped her ****, stopped talking to me and caused loads of drama for me.

So you tell me what signs I should look for... but the fact is, I GET them! I get the signals, but the signals are never the signals, because when I act on those signals, I always get hit with the "it's not what you thought it was" card, to the extent that women act as though I'm -in the wrong- for having had interest in them. This doesn't even include the times that girls have run "interference" to keep me away from their friends when they found out I was interested in the friend, call me a "creeper" anytime I even so much as look or talk to a girl, regardless of what my interests are (one of the girls who I was talking to in such instance where others were calling me a "creeper" even got mad about them doing that). People say that I need more confidence when approaching women, but this is WHY I lack the confidence, because the very act of being interested in a girl and approaching her to talk to her and express that interest has been met with open hostility, and the instances where it feels like the girl returns the interest, they didn't, and often times act offended by the very notion of me being interested in them or thinking there was a possibility that the interest could be returned on their end.

And the one time the interest was returned? I finally get a girlfriend, a girl who has no desire to be intimate or affectionate with me on even the smallest level, and reaches a point where it's not even important to her that we see each other or talk to each other.

So yea, sorry if it's hard for me to have positive feelings about women when it comes to romantic or sexual interests.

He has female friends.

So he is capable of maintaing friendships with the opposite sex.

Just not of the relationship variety.

Not sure if he's moved yet, but I think a change in scenery will do him good. I know he thinks that it'll be the same but I think he should make the most of it.

No, I haven't moved yet. The move is happening in about 2 weeks or so. 3 tops.

And no, I don't think anything is going to change. Got no reason to believe otherwise.

 

[Anita18]

When they constantly list off what it is they are looking for in a guy, and it's exactly what I'm wanting to offer in a relationship.

Very, VERY few people are able to articulate what it is they're actually looking for.

I think I'm able to articulate pretty well, but even I was surprised at how I react to my husband sometimes. I thought I wanted someone to tolerate my independence, and what I got is someone who actively encourages me in everything I do. Which is way better. I just didn't know it at the time.

So what these women say they want, is likely not what thy really want. And it's not because they're hypocritical. It's just because people are complicated.

Like I said, they don't think I'm good enough. So of course that bothers me when I'm constantly deemed "not good enough"

Nell, I know it's tiring to hear that over and over again from multiple women, but if they actually say you're not good enough for them, then that means they're not good enough for you too. It goes both ways. You can't just keep harboring this defeatist attitude of "I have to change myself somehow so women will find me good enough."

You actually have a different flavor of the problem hopeful has, but it's essentially the same problem. (You actually have had more action with more people than me, despite your virginity and your whinging about it. I've only kissed 2 guys ever, and slept with one. Clearly I do not fool around. ) But the issue is that so far, no one has wanted to date you or hopeful in an honest long-term relationship.

So IMO it isn't an issue of attractiveness. You just conveniently manage to forget the 3 or 4 girls you've fooled around with when on one of these pity parties. It's an issue with finding someone compatible with you, which is a lot more achievable and less defeatist.

I get what you all are saying I think.

Honestly I think it can change. I haven't escaped it yet, but it's possible. It sounds crappy but really, the difference between a very intimate and close friendship and a romantic relationship is pretty much just physical attraction. I'm a scrawny weakling with acne and I've come to terms with the fact that, well, that probably has a lot to do with why girls aren't attracted to me. So I'm changing it. I've changed my mind about girls before, I'm pretty sure girls can change theirs too. I've seen it happen.

The hubs is a scrawny weakling who claimed he was breaking out badly on our second date but I don't remember it.

I'm a scrawny chick with no boobs that men generally do not find attractive, but birds of a feather flock together, amirite?

 

[Erzengel]

So you tell me what signs I should look for... but the fact is, I GET them! I get the signals, but the signals are never the signals, because when I act on those signals, I always get hit with the "it's not what you thought it was" card, to the extent that women act as though I'm -in the wrong- for having had interest in them. This doesn't even include the times that girls have run "interference" to keep me away from their friends when they found out I was interested in the friend, call me a "creeper" anytime I even so much as look or talk to a girl, regardless of what my interests are (one of the girls who I was talking to in such instance where others were calling me a "creeper" even got mad about them doing that). People say that I need more confidence when approaching women, but this is WHY I lack the confidence, because the very act of being interested in a girl and approaching her to talk to her and express that interest has been met with open hostility, and the instances where it feels like the girl returns the interest, they didn't, and often times act offended by the very notion of me being interested in them or thinking there was a possibility that the interest could be returned on their end.

And the one time the interest was returned? I finally get a girlfriend, a girl who has no desire to be intimate or affectionate with me on even the smallest level, and reaches a point where it's not even important to her that we see each other or talk to each other.

So yea, sorry if it's hard for me to have positive feelings about women when it comes to romantic or sexual interests.

No, I haven't moved yet. The move is happening in about 2 weeks or so. 3 tops.

And no, I don't think anything is going to change. Got no reason to believe otherwise.

You can chalk up a lot to dating difficult women.

I mean you bring up high school relationships. Most of us barely even consider those "relationships".

I know the point of your story is just to prove that you've tried for a long time.

I know you are frustrated and it's easy to want to give up but as much as you adopt this new outlook that "women aren't worth the trouble", you aren't one of those people who's asexual. You have feelings and desires and from the years of dating you've tried to do it's evident that relationships are important to you.

If you don't want to date in North Carolina because you are moving soon, that makes sense.

Once you get back to California, you are going to have a bigger pool and a more diverse selection of possible dating options. I just hope you try and keep your options open. And I'd be completely honest, I'd be careful about your anti-women sentiment and hope that you eventually let that go.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Some of those girls don't seem mentally stable.

 

[webhead9707]

The hubs is a scrawny weakling who claimed he was breaking out badly on our second date but I don't remember it.

I'm a scrawny chick with no boobs that men generally do not find attractive, but birds of a feather flock together, amirite?

Hahaha, well I'll be the first to admit that from a physical perspective, the girl that I was having difficulties with is way out of my league. For now. Most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and I've seen lots of girls.

 

[Warhammer]

So yeah, hope that answers your question!

Oh yeah, you definitely answered my question. I could sit here and try to give you a conservative, judgmental reply but at the end of the day, it must feel good to have companionship...to not be alone all the time and to feel wanted. Temporary or not.

And now loneliness and depression hits in 3...2...1...

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You can chalk up a lot to dating difficult women.

I mean you bring up high school relationships. Most of us barely even consider those "relationships".

I know the point of your story is just to prove that you've tried for a long time.

I know you are frustrated and it's easy to want to give up but as much as you adopt this new outlook that "women aren't worth the trouble", you aren't one of those people who's asexual. You have feelings and desires and from the years of dating you've tried to do it's evident that relationships are important to you.

If you don't want to date in North Carolina because you are moving soon, that makes sense.

Once you get back to California, you are going to have a bigger pool and a more diverse selection of possible dating options. I just hope you try and keep your options open. And I'd be completely honest, I'd be careful about your anti-women sentiment and hope that you eventually let that go.

Not a single one of those was a high school relationship. All of those were college or later experiences with adult women of various ages. Some of them the age range that you hate, some of them older.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Hahaha, well I'll be the first to admit that from a physical perspective, the girl that I was having difficulties with is way out of my league. For now. Most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and I've seen lots of girls.

Do you frequently make a move on her, or did you admit your feelings in the beginning and never spoke of them (to her) again?

 

[webhead9707]

Do you frequently make a move on her, or did you admit your feelings in the beginning and never spoke of them (to her) again?

I admitted my feelings and now we occasionally talk about it 'cause it hasn't changed, but I'm not a sleaze about it. I don't try to kiss her every time I see her or anything.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I admitted my feelings and now we occasionally talk about it 'cause it hasn't changed, but I'm not a sleaze about it. I don't try to kiss her every time I see her or anything.

Does she feel awkward about it?

 

[webhead9707]

Does she feel awkward about it?

Not really. We're comfortable talking about anything with one another.

 

[Erzengel]

Not a single one of those was a high school relationship. All of those were college or later experiences with adult women of various ages. Some of them the age range that you hate, some of them older.

I misread the first one. I thought you once told a story of a date in high school around Valentine's day. Read that and thought it was the same story.

And I don't hate that age range. If you can find someone at 20 years old more power to you.

My point which I've stated on numerous occasions is that a 20 year old all bright eyed with their whole 20s in their future for the most part has different priorities then someone who's 30. Especially a long term relationship. I mean all things being equal, do you really think if it worked out with any of those girls in that age bracket, they'd consider transferring to CA?

Is it plausible? Yes. Likely, no.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Some of those girls don't seem mentally stable.

Well appropriately enough, ONE of those girls I listed did end up being a pretty big time druggie with some mental instabilities. She's since... calmed down a little bit, and isn't quite as bad, but yea... she's still... a little cray cray.

I misread the first one. I thought you once told a story of a date in high school around Valentine's day. Read that and thought it was the same story.

And I don't hate that age range. If you can find someone at 20 years old more power to you.

My point which I've stated on numerous occasions is that a 20 year old all bright eyed with their whole 20s in their future for the most part has different priorities then someone who's 30. Especially a long term relationship. I mean all things being equal, do you really think if it worked out with any of those girls in that age bracket, they'd consider transferring to CA?

Is it plausible? Yes. Likely, no.

You have to think, if I had been with one of these girls for an extended period of time, and it was something that was serious, I probably wouldn't be looking to bolt out of state at the first opportunity.

My ex even asked me once if I planned on moving back to California. We didn't have a huge conversation about it, but I told her yes, it's a tentative plan, but that there could be certain things that could keep me. At the time, it was over a year away that I'd have been looking at moving out of state - if my ex-girlfriend and I stayed together that whole time and we were still together today, that would put us at about a year and a half together. I probably wouldn't be bailing out of state at the first opportunity, with her graduating in December and us being able to determine what so of future we might have together.

The last girls that I actively wanted to "girlfriend" were all about a year ago or so. Most of my crushed the last few months have been girls I just wanted to hook up with - such as the 19 year old. But if it had worked out with any of these girls, and I had an actual relationship with them, I'd be at a point in my life right now where I'd be discussing with her what sort of future we had together, and perhaps having alternate plans, than simply bailing on Tennessee.

 

[Erzengel]

But, you would still bail on Tennessee. For what you have a degree and experience in, you'd have to move closer to a bigger city. New York, San Francisco, LA, Chicago?

Maybe they would go, but that's a lot to ask a 19-20 year old to think about moving 2-3 years from the time you would have dated them, regardless of how serious you were. Even at 22, it'd be a lot to ask.

Which has been my point, just the different positions in your lives. And at 30, would still want to put your life on hold for 2-3 years?

 

[Anubis]

30's the new 12.