The Temple of Doomed Relationships

[Optimus_Prime_]

In a social interaction, my perception of YOU and vice versa is always a SINGLE image. Like the hypothetical girl who's telling you this; because that's "at the heart of her" ? Yeah. That makes her being that single character.

No, we perceive each other one-dimensionally ALL THE TIME. Even when they aren't. I'm more concerned about that perception, that impression of me, rather than the actual interaction.

I literally don't have any clue what you're saying here. This is, in my opinion, a pretty warped perception though. I do not ever perceive someone as a 'single image'.

 

[Anita18]

Look, nothing would make MY LIFE HAPPIER if what happened to your cousin happened with me. But I HAVE GOOD REASON TO DOUBT she doesn't give a **** (remember New Years? Remember everything between then and before that?

So...then you'd be perfectly happy with this maybe-relationship-that's-going-nowhere situation instead of being rejected and then completely free to pursue a real relationship? Cause that's the definition of a doormat.

When I've given (or was given) the "I just want to be friends" talk, more often than not I'd never hear from the guy again. But ya know, that's fine, because we'd met for the purpose of dating and if that wasn't going to work out, then why bother extending the in-between?

That's the second time I've seen you post that regarding SuperMike But heck, you can't ignore that some of his words have truth in them.

I didn't think SuperFerret saw it the first time.

As for confidence... I think it's a bit different. I mean, I'm confident in my work, in my studies, in my art, my hair, and my perspectives on life. I'm NOT confident in my own masculinity, in my body, and in my WIT. So yeah, i wouldn't say it's that black-and-white. And because of the sexual nature of the last three, I'm pretty sure I come off as Mild-Mannered Clark Kent from CR than Investigative-Journalist Clark Kent from S:TAS. I DO lack confidence, but if I'm trying to flaunt it or pretend it, then yeah it isn't that. Best way to overcome it is to make it real. I think that's possible. I mean, masculinity, body and wit? Yeah, I can be confident on those things. You described your current bf AS THE GUY who exists in an ideal relationship: a dude who's balanced between his Alpha and Beta aspects.

I think the last three you posted are overblown in most relationships. I mean, my bf doesn't feel completely confident in his masculinity or body either - if you put him next to a gym rat, he'd probably wonder why the hell I'm with scrawny little him instead of hot-body guy. I bet he'd feel jealous of SuperMike's seeming abilities to bed any chick he wants. Its hard for people with slim pickings NOT to feel jealous of people who possess near-universal attraction. But as I figure, you don't need to attract every guy or every girl, just ONE.

The right girl for you will see past that. You just have to clear your romantic life out and be able to find her.

And as my best friend and I determined, the quiet ones often belie their shy personality in bed.

 

[Dark Raven]

Nave Torment, I don't know if it has been already mentioned in this thread, and I apologise if it has, but with regard to this "Nice Guy" concept, there's a book by Robert A Glover called "No More Mr Nice Guy."

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328220342&sr=8-1

It deals with what he calls the "Nice Guy" syndrome.

Here's the description from the book:

Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O'Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the "Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

According to him, nice guys have been conditioned to believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will be loved, get what they want, and have a smooth life.

There's also a website dedicated to the book where you can also take the nice guy assessment to see if you fall into that trap, as well as other exercises you can do:

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/

It's not to do with deciding to treat women unkindly or act in an untoward way, but to learn to act in a healthy way that doesn't allow you to be a doormat and other things associated with that behaviour. It's not just about how you act towards women but towards anyone in general.

I've bought the book but haven't read through the whole thing yet (I bought it over a year ago). However, those who have read it and done the exercises seem to attest to its effectiveness.

It sounds like you might be suffering from the Nice Guy Syndrome yourself, so I hope the book helps.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Which is still wrong. I'm sorry, but a lot of what gets talked about around here really butchers what I know of genetics and human evolution. There's no real evidence that men and women have "gender roles" in "the jungle", in fact there's much more evidence that what makes humans unique is there ability to swap roles and perform similar tasks as a team. You can try to justify misogyny with biology if you like, but understand that's more or less what you are doing. It seems pretty consistent to assume humans at least favor monogamy much more, males as much as females.

It makes me feel like you're the type of guy that I've always disliked, the type I've always sworn I'd never become, and ultimately, the type of guy who I pity because while you may have far more sex than I will, I'll be more emotionally fulfilled.

The nice guy does exist, ladies and gentlemen. He's just not a wet blanket like you might think he is.

Nice to see we got such noble white knights on here.

 

[Anubis]

This is entertaining.

I am entertained.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

So...then you'd be perfectly happy with this maybe-relationship-that's-going-nowhere situation instead of being rejected and then completely free to pursue a real relationship? Cause that's the definition of a doormat.

When I've given (or was given) the "I just want to be friends" talk, more often than not I'd never hear from the guy again. But ya know, that's fine, because we'd met for the purpose of dating and if that wasn't going to work out, then why bother extending the in-between?


I didn't think SuperFerret saw it the first time.


I think the last three you posted are overblown in most relationships. I mean, my bf doesn't feel completely confident in his masculinity or body either - if you put him next to a gym rat, he'd probably wonder why the hell I'm with scrawny little him instead of hot-body guy. I bet he'd feel jealous of SuperMike's seeming abilities to bed any chick he wants. Its hard for people with slim pickings NOT to feel jealous of people who possess near-universal attraction. But as I figure, you don't need to attract every guy or every girl, just ONE.

The right girl for you will see past that. You just have to clear your romantic life out and be able to find her.

And as my best friend and I determined, the quiet ones often belie their shy personality in bed.

Oh now, I wouldn't go that far. Just going over it in my head, with me making attempts to bed women; I certainly cannot bed any of them I want.
　
With cold attempts, as in the cold approach and getting numbers in the first place, my success rate was about as low as 20%. Lots of times a girl already has a boyfriend or you get a number and flakiness. Once I get the point where she is in my house my success rate was over 90%. Just doing the vague math, I could bed about 1 out of 10 girls I wanted, and success was more from not being afraid to get numbers or make bold moves.
　
Fact is, not every woman is looking for a hot sexual fling 30 days out of the month 365.
　
My goal was to find the ones that were.
　
Since we are on the "evil Ogre" subject, that comes up now and then concerning my image I should add that I:
　
1. Never told a girl I loved her in order to get in her pants
2. Never offered a woman drugs or alcohol to get in her pants
3. Never promised an exclusive relationship to get in her pants
　
I also never dropped a girl’s name around town. I never just cut off contact. In other words I did not do the one night stand and dump thing. I always would make it clear when I was not looking to be knee deep in a relationship, so as not to give a false hope of one.
　
Often I would end up with small circle of FWBs, and they would eventually come across a guy who was willing to give more commitment. I always made it clear that if a guy comes along offering more commitment I wanted them to stop calling me and to get with him.
　
I was often times the guy women may sleep with between relationships, and a rebound guy. I was a guy for younger women in school, and who did not want boyfriends, wanted to keep options open, but still adults who wanted a sex life.
　
My goal was always to find which girls were the horny ones who were also looking for sex. Some women maybe 10% really are looking for NSA sex. They often will not talk about it, as they receive harsh social judgment for it, but anyone who thinks it is so much less important to women is wrong.

Some guys will play the friend card and try to cozy up to a girl and then try to corner her into a relationship and they call themselves the nice guy. Well if THOSE are the good guys, then I’m pleased to be the villain.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I literally don't have any clue what you're saying here. This is, in my opinion, a pretty warped perception though. I do not ever perceive someone as a 'single image'.

Fine, then consider this: your impression about the individual around you. It's specific isn't it? The person you're talking to has one singular identity in your mind right? More often than not, labels and stereotypes come out this way, but even when we are introducing a person we tend to see his or her current 'occupation' or 'title'. That should say something about the single-image I'm talking about. But let me elaborate (and I'm borrowing this from one my most favourite authors -- I consider this more 'grim' than 'warped', but you be the judge): to the world our conditions are mere illusions. We are not an existence, or experience, or passion, or sensations to anybody other than our own selves. To the world we are nothign more than a frequently passing thought. If we are miserable all the time, the world will simply say that we are so, if we are delighted the world will accept it and agree that we are taking things well. That is how the world works. Through labels. Impressions. Images of one and another. Rarely do we truly connect with another soul, that's why those connections are so profound.

The author I'm referring to is Thomas Hardy. It's all speculative, but I can't completely deny him when he speaks of man's alienation with the world.

So...then you'd be perfectly happy with this maybe-relationship-that's-going-nowhere situation instead of being rejected and then completely free to pursue a real relationship? Cause that's the definition of a doormat.

No, no! What I meant is that like your cousin, if I walk up to e-card girl and tell her about my crush, and she responds and says "GET OUTTA TOWN DUDE I'VE BEEN FEELING THE SAME WAY!" and somewhere down the line we get hitched, hell, why would I mind that? (did I... misread your anecdote?!)

In the name of Stanley Ikpkis, yes, I need to stop being a doormat.

I didn't think SuperFerret saw it the first time.

I think the last three you posted are overblown in most relationships. I mean, my bf doesn't feel completely confident in his masculinity or body either - if you put him next to a gym rat, he'd probably wonder why the hell I'm with scrawny little him instead of hot-body guy. I bet he'd feel jealous of SuperMike's seeming abilities to bed any chick he wants. Its hard for people with slim pickings NOT to feel jealous of people who possess near-universal attraction. But as I figure, you don't need to attract every guy or every girl, just ONE.

The right girl for you will see past that. You just have to clear your romantic life out and be able to find her.

And as my best friend and I determined, the quiet ones often belie their shy personality in bed.

again, I so, so SO want you to be right. And I so, so SO want the women in my life to see things that way.

Hell screw that. I'll just think that you bloody-well ARE right and that THERE IS hope in the world (for me).

Nave Torment, I don't know if it has been already mentioned in this thread, and I apologise if it has, but with regard to this "Nice Guy" concept, there's a book by Robert A Glover called "No More Mr Nice Guy."

[...]

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328220342&sr=8-1It sounds like you might be suffering from the Nice Guy Syndrome yourself, so I hope the book helps.

That book actually sounds like it could help me out here. Thanks Dark Raven! Is there any connection with the Alice Cooper song?

(covered famously by Megadeth here)

 

[Dark Raven]

That book actually sounds like it could help me out here. Thanks Dark Raven! Is there any connection with the Alice Cooper song?

(covered famously by Megadeth here)

You're welcome. I do hope it helps.

I don't know about any Alice Cooper song, sorry.

I do know that the book discusses how "Nice Guys" might not necessarily be all that nice, but try to give the appearance of one - ie presenting the perfect image and covering up any flaws, and not being assertive enough for various reasons. It sounds very much what you've been talking about, that's for sure.

I think it could help a lot of people, including myself, if I actually took the time to read it. I've been occupied with other things though.

 

[Anita18]

This is entertaining.

I am entertained.

Oh now, I wouldn't go that far. Just going over it in my head, with me making attempts to bed women; I certainly cannot bed any of them I want.
　
With cold attempts, as in the cold approach and getting numbers in the first place, my success rate was about as low as 20%. Lots of times a girl already has a boyfriend or you get a number and flakiness. Once I get the point where she is in my house my success rate was over 90%. Just doing the vague math, I could bed about 1 out of 10 girls I wanted, and success was more from not being afraid to get numbers or make bold moves.
　
Fact is, not every woman is looking for a hot sexual fling 30 days out of the month 365.
　
My goal was to find the ones that were.
　
Since we are on the "evil Ogre" subject, that comes up now and then concerning my image I should add that I:
　
1. Never told a girl I loved her in order to get in her pants
2. Never offered a woman drugs or alcohol to get in her pants
3. Never promised an exclusive relationship to get in her pants
　
I also never dropped a girl’s name around town. I never just cut off contact. In other words I did not do the one night stand and dump thing. I always would make it clear when I was not looking to be knee deep in a relationship, so as not to give a false hope of one.
　
Often I would end up with small circle of FWBs, and they would eventually come across a guy who was willing to give more commitment. I always made it clear that if a guy comes along offering more commitment I wanted them to stop calling me and to get with him.
　
I was often times the guy women may sleep with between relationships, and a rebound guy. I was a guy for younger women in school, and who did not want boyfriends, wanted to keep options open, but still adults who wanted a sex life.
　
My goal was always to find which girls were the horny ones who were also looking for sex. Some women maybe 10% really are looking for NSA sex. They often will not talk about it, as they receive harsh social judgment for it, but anyone who thinks it is so much less important to women is wrong.

Some guys will play the friend card and try to cozy up to a girl and then try to corner her into a relationship and they call themselves the nice guy. Well if THOSE are the good guys, then I’m pleased to be the villain.

See, I knew you weren't a total Neanderthal. Just someone who knows what he wants and goes out to get it.

I'm sure even if my bf had near-universal attraction to women, he wouldn't use it as extensively as you have. Listening to 90% of women yak gives him hives. I'm probably the only one he's met that he can tolerate.

Your advice won't work for every guy out there - lots of guys aren't just looking for sex, but a relationship. But they still need to be ready to leave if they don't get what they want. I think that's the issue for 90% of the guys here. If you search enough, you WILL find what you're looking for. There's absolutely no need to settle for the cute girl you crush on but there's no reciprocation.

Fine, then consider this: your impression about the individual around you. It's specific isn't it? The person you're talking to has one singular identity in your mind right? More often than not, labels and stereotypes come out this way, but even when we are introducing a person we tend to see his or her current 'occupation' or 'title'. That should say something about the single-image I'm talking about. But let me elaborate (and I'm borrowing this from one my most favourite authors -- I consider this more 'grim' than 'warped', but you be the judge): to the world our conditions are mere illusions. We are not an existence, or experience, or passion, or sensations to anybody other than our own selves. To the world we are nothign more than a frequently passing thought. If we are miserable all the time, the world will simply say that we are so, if we are delighted the world will accept it and agree that we are taking things well. That is how the world works. Through labels. Impressions. Images of one and another. Rarely do we truly connect with another soul, that's why those connections are so profound.

The author I'm referring to is Thomas Hardy. It's all speculative, but I can't completely deny him when he speaks of man's alienation with the world.

That's only if you approach people at arm's length to begin with.

I have this special gift, especially with older people - they spill their guts to me. They will converse with me for an hour at most and they will tell me their deepest feelings about their kids, or their marriages, or everything in between. I think this is because I love to listen to them.

People ARE looking for connections, but they won't open up to you if you don't open yourself up first.

No, no! What I meant is that like your cousin, if I walk up to e-card girl and tell her about my crush, and she responds and says "GET OUTTA TOWN DUDE I'VE BEEN FEELING THE SAME WAY!" and somewhere down the line we get hitched, hell, why would I mind that? (did I... misread your anecdote?!)

In the name of Stanley Ikpkis, yes, I need to stop being a doormat.

again, I so, so SO want you to be right. And I so, so SO want the women in my life to see things that way.

Hell screw that. I'll just think that you bloody-well ARE right and that THERE IS hope in the world (for me).

Well then throw caution to the wind and give it a go! The danger with building that moment up is what if it doesn't end up the way you want? Might as well just get it over with and don't overthink it, you know?

And there's really no use wishing that the women in your life will see you differently. If they don't, the onus is on you to continue your search. You can't change people unless they want to be changed.

 

[Dark Raven]

I think the last three you posted are overblown in most relationships. I mean, my bf doesn't feel completely confident in his masculinity or body either - if you put him next to a gym rat, he'd probably wonder why the hell I'm with scrawny little him instead of hot-body guy. I bet he'd feel jealous of SuperMike's seeming abilities to bed any chick he wants. Its hard for people with slim pickings NOT to feel jealous of people who possess near-universal attraction. But as I figure, you don't need to attract every guy or every girl, just ONE.

The right girl for you will see past that. You just have to clear your romantic life out and be able to find her.

And as my best friend and I determined, the quiet ones often belie their shy personality in bed.

I have a couple of questions for you Anita, if you don't mind me asking.

Why are you attracted to your bf, since he doesn't seem to fit the typical standard image of attractiveness? It's a genuine question, as I'm curious. A lot of girls seem to want guys who are very athletic and rugged and confident.

Also, is your bf's caucasian ethnicity incidental to your attraction to him or something essential? In other words, did you specifically want a white guy, or would you be equally attracted to/ date an Asian guy? It seems a lot of Asian chicks living in the west don't go for Asian guys but prefer white guys, and since most white chicks don't go for Asian guys either, that doesn't really leave us with anyone.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Fine, then consider this: your impression about the individual around you. It's specific isn't it? T

No

he person you're talking to has one singular identity in your mind right?

Not really. Usually they have a lot of identities frankly.

More often than not, labels and stereotypes come out this way, but even when we are introducing a person we tend to see his or her current 'occupation' or 'title'. That should say something about the single-image I'm talking about. But let me elaborate (and I'm borrowing this from one my most favourite authors -- I consider this more 'grim' than 'warped', but you be the judge): to the world our conditions are mere illusions. We are not an existence, or experience, or passion, or sensations to anybody other than our own selves. To the world we are nothign more than a frequently passing thought. If we are miserable all the time, the world will simply say that we are so, if we are delighted the world will accept it and agree that we are taking things well. That is how the world works. Through labels. Impressions. Images of one and another. Rarely do we truly connect with another soul, that's why those connections are so profound.

The author I'm referring to is Thomas Hardy. It's all speculative, but I can't completely deny him when he speaks of man's alienation with the world.

Feelings of alienation are not good, or in my opinion healthy for your self image. They have a word for what you're doing and it's called labelling, and its not a good thing. I don't think of people as occupations or labels first and humans second, nor do I feel alienated. If you do feel this way it probably inhibits your ability to relate to people and them to you.

 

[Anubis]

Technically you're racist.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Nice to see we got such noble white knights on here.

I have more than a casual knowledge of human biology, and specifically in the human brain as it relates to us as a social species. Most of what you write in regards to the subject is utter nonsense. Comes largely from outdated information they used to propagate a bunch of myths to justify racism and sexism. It's not at all accurate. Your notions of DOMINANT males and SUBMISSIVE females is not accurate, never has been accurate and I sincerely doubt we'll ever find any CREDIBLE (i.e. not off of Mystery's Dating Advice Forum) evidence to support any of this.

Yeah, you dance around some decent confidence stuff, but if you want to be a domineering individual (which you DO) then all you'll attract is those willing, perhaps submissive enough to tolerate it. Part of the reason I don't cheat on women or choke women is because I don't want that done to me. If I dish it out I have to be able to take it. I don't like an unequal partner.

Furthermore most of the skillz you gloat about are gushied up people skills that most people teach themselves naturally. There are just as many BETA males out there getting laid twice as much as you because they aren't having to read those skills off a website. They picked them up naturally over time. Getting laid is not a skill. It's having good people skills are being relaxed around women. Those people don't have to follow some routine or game they've worked out in their mind.

 

[Anita18]

I have a couple of questions for you Anita, if you don't mind me asking.

Why are you attracted to your bf, since he doesn't seem to fit the typical standard image of attractiveness? It's a genuine question, as I'm curious. A lot of girls seem to want guys who are very athletic and rugged and confident.

Well, since we met on POF, are you asking physically? He looked laid-back and had a good bone structure.

And I find the shy awkward guys totally cute. But not the creepy here's-a-valentine-written-in-my-blood awkward! More like, not totally suave but he's gonna work with what he has the best he can, which is very cute.

As we got to know each other, I found he has a lot of confidence in his decisions, and he doesn't worry much. I find this a marker of maturity, which is also attractive as well. We're both very mature for our age, I think.

We didn't really have a lot of chemistry early on and neither of us are talkers, but the silence was comfortable, which is always a good sign I think.

Also, is your bf's caucasian ethnicity incidental to your attraction to him or something essential? In other words, did you specifically want a white guy, or would you be equally attracted to/ date an Asian guy? It seems a lot of Asian chicks living in the west don't go for Asian guys but prefer white guys, and since most white chicks don't go for Asian guys either, that doesn't really leave us with anyone.

My old roommate is a pretty blonde girl and SHE went for the Chinese guy and they have a cute hapa kid now. But he was fairly confident and outgoing, and even had a *gasp* tattoo.

I find all sorts of guys attractive, and wasn't really looking for anyone in particular, although for various reasons my sister and I always ended up with white guys as boyfriends.

I find most of the Asian guys I've come across are of two extremes. Exhibit A: super-shy, booky, momma's boys who are EXTREMELY conservative. Exhibit B: outgoing party animals hellbent on shedding the shy Asian guy stereotype. Neither one works for me.

Also, I don't think I'm attractive to most Asian guys. Most Asian girls that are considered attractive are demure and tiny and dainty. I'm quite tall by female Asian standards, very angular, and certainly not dainty. And demure? I'm shy but I can bring on the if provoked. I had one Asian guy going after me and a mutual friend was since she was sure that I was gonna steamroll him once we met in person. I totally did.

 

[Erzengel]

I was able to get a somewhat white person. :finger guns:

 

[Anubis]

Ya'll should go after Black chicks. They don't get too much love from other races either.

 

[Erzengel]

And black too. :raises fist:

 

[terry78]

I'm seeing more white dudes snagging the sistas as of late though. They all happen to look like ****ing statuesque supermodels, but hey.

 

[Anubis]

Whatever works.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I have more than a casual knowledge of human biology, and specifically in the human brain as it relates to us as a social species. Most of what you write in regards to the subject is utter nonsense. Comes largely from outdated information they used to propagate a bunch of myths to justify racism and sexism. It's not at all accurate. Your notions of DOMINANT males and SUBMISSIVE females is not accurate, never has been accurate and I sincerely doubt we'll ever find any CREDIBLE (i.e. not off of Mystery's Dating Advice Forum) evidence to support any of this.

Yeah, you dance around some decent confidence stuff, but if you want to be a domineering individual (which you DO) then all you'll attract is those willing, perhaps submissive enough to tolerate it. Part of the reason I don't cheat on women or choke women is because I don't want that done to me. If I dish it out I have to be able to take it. I don't like an unequal partner.

Furthermore most of the skillz you gloat about are gushied up people skills that most people teach themselves naturally. There are just as many BETA males out there getting laid twice as much as you because they aren't having to read those skills off a website. They picked them up naturally over time. Getting laid is not a skill. It's having good people skills are being relaxed around women. Those people don't have to follow some routine or game they've worked out in their mind.

Such rude hostility.

 

[Dark Raven]

Well, since we met on POF, are you asking physically? He looked laid-back and had a good bone structure.

What is POF? I wasn't really meaning just physically but just overall, but you've kind of answered that now.

And I find the shy awkward guys totally cute. But not the creepy here's-a-valentine-written-in-my-blood awkward! More like, not totally suave but he's gonna work with what he has the best he can, which is very cute.

As we got to know each other, I found he has a lot of confidence in his decisions, and he doesn't worry much. I find this a marker of maturity, which is also attractive as well. We're both very mature for our age, I think.

We didn't really have a lot of chemistry early on and neither of us are talkers, but the silence was comfortable, which is always a good sign I think.

I think chemistry can sometimes be a little overrated. Not that I don't think there should be any chemistry at all, because it is important. However, chemistry changes from one situation to the next. If one person isn't feeling that great, then there may be no chemistry one time, and then great chemistry the next time. In other words, I don't think the lack of chemistry early on in a relationship should be the final judge of whether two people could be compatible for each other, which is what a lot of people do and too quickly dismiss someone if they don't seem to hit it off instantly. It's good to know that you haven't done that.

My old roommate is a pretty blonde girl and SHE went for the Chinese guy and they have a cute hapa kid now. But he was fairly confident and outgoing, and even had a *gasp* tattoo.

Well that's encouraging to know. The more examples I hear about is very helpful. What attracted her to him?

I find all sorts of guys attractive, and wasn't really looking for anyone in particular, although for various reasons my sister and I always ended up with white guys as boyfriends.

I find most of the Asian guys I've come across are of two extremes. Exhibit A: super-shy, booky, momma's boys who are EXTREMELY conservative. Exhibit B: outgoing party animals hellbent on shedding the shy Asian guy stereotype. Neither one works for me.

But if you met an Asian who wasn't either of those two extremes but say, just like your current bf in personality, but looks Asian, would you be open or attracted to him?

Also, I don't think I'm attractive to most Asian guys. Most Asian girls that are considered attractive are demure and tiny and dainty.

I don't know if I like girls that are overly demure and dainty. Or certainly, I don't really like the overly shy and timid type.

I'm quite tall by female Asian standards, very angular, and certainly not dainty.

When you say very angular, do you mean like this?

Or this?

Or do you mean kind of like Hilary Swank/ Jennifer Garner?

And demure? I'm shy but I can bring on the if provoked. I had one Asian guy going after me and a mutual friend was since she was sure that I was gonna steamroll him once we met in person. I totally did.

One of the Asian guys of the type that doesn't appeal to you?

 

[SuperFerret]

Oh now, I wouldn't go that far. Just going over it in my head, with me making attempts to bed women; I certainly cannot bed any of them I want.
　
With cold attempts, as in the cold approach and getting numbers in the first place, my success rate was about as low as 20%. Lots of times a girl already has a boyfriend or you get a number and flakiness. Once I get the point where she is in my house my success rate was over 90%. Just doing the vague math, I could bed about 1 out of 10 girls I wanted, and success was more from not being afraid to get numbers or make bold moves.
　
Fact is, not every woman is looking for a hot sexual fling 30 days out of the month 365.
　
My goal was to find the ones that were.
　
Since we are on the "evil Ogre" subject, that comes up now and then concerning my image I should add that I:
　
1. Never told a girl I loved her in order to get in her pants
2. Never offered a woman drugs or alcohol to get in her pants
3. Never promised an exclusive relationship to get in her pants
　
I also never dropped a girl’s name around town. I never just cut off contact. In other words I did not do the one night stand and dump thing. I always would make it clear when I was not looking to be knee deep in a relationship, so as not to give a false hope of one.
　
Often I would end up with small circle of FWBs, and they would eventually come across a guy who was willing to give more commitment. I always made it clear that if a guy comes along offering more commitment I wanted them to stop calling me and to get with him.
　
I was often times the guy women may sleep with between relationships, and a rebound guy. I was a guy for younger women in school, and who did not want boyfriends, wanted to keep options open, but still adults who wanted a sex life.
　
My goal was always to find which girls were the horny ones who were also looking for sex. Some women maybe 10% really are looking for NSA sex. They often will not talk about it, as they receive harsh social judgment for it, but anyone who thinks it is so much less important to women is wrong.

Some guys will play the friend card and try to cozy up to a girl and then try to corner her into a relationship and they call themselves the nice guy. Well if THOSE are the good guys, then I’m pleased to be the villain.

Maybe you should make that more clear. It seems that every bit of advice I see from you here amounts to "why haven't you put your dick in her yet?" I still don't agree with your methods, but I'll retract my statements and apologize.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Dude, none of that is special. If a woman gives you her number she's at least considered sleeping with you. Good for you meeting lots of women and hitting them up for sex.

What qualifies to you as 'flakiness'? Not wanting to just come over your house? Lot of people don't JUST want to do that. Lots of women want to hang out in public because honestly rape is a reality and getting to know someone before sleeping with them mitigates a whole lot of unnecessary risks.

BRAVO! You realize sex is free. It's not a spectacular revelation.

I think, honestly, a lot of your advice is very bad. A lot of these kids would benefit from having a relationship and they won't build those skills following stuff off of pick-up.com. ATTRACTION is all about confidence and being bold and all that jargon, and if all you want is sex that's fine. Real long term relationships are based on things other than attraction.

Honestly a woman better be more than just attracted to me because this sh** is a b*tch to maintain and it isn't around forever. I'm not getting younger, and neither is anyone else. So my relationships simply can't be about that. Relationships take a lot of compromise and swallowing your pride.

 

[Erzengel]

Well the only issue is that type of behavior doesn't work for everyone. You can't make someone who's socially inept and tell him to do this and do that, when he's spent a good portion of his life, not being that way.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Well the only issue is that type of behavior doesn't work for everyone. You can't make someone who's socially inept and tell him to do this and do that, when he's spent a good portion of his life, not being that way.

This too. Also, many people won't appreciate the crowds and environments where you find these oversexed ladies. A lot of people like quiet date activities and don't function well in high pressure situations. Can't make those people change and there's no reason they should. There's a lot of hot women out there that want guys like that.