The Temple of Doomed Relationships

[Optimus_Prime_]

Actually, yes!

Wow, I just thought hair pulling and ass slapping was part of normal sex. I don't know any other way to do it.....

Can't say the alternative really occurs to me either.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Actually, yes!

Wow, I just thought hair pulling and ass slapping was part of normal sex. I don't know any other way to do it.....

Can't say the alternative really occurs to me either.

Huh... maybe it's just English guys... they're all pansies

 

[The Squirrel]

Well someone messaged me back nearly a month later. I don't know what that means, but I'm assuming it's a in. She's still cute.

 

[DV8]

Ok, I think i am gonna start taking SuperMike's advice more seriously, now that he has put up an avatar where he looks more sensible, haha.
But, seriously, even though I do not always think your posts are relevant to my particular situation, they are interesting to read.

you mean "more sensible" as in, he looks like he can kick your ass more . . . Lol

I think his advice has always been more sensible, you were just in a vulnerable and hurt state of mind; the bottom line is, a female should NOT be accepting gifts from other dudes under ANY circumstance if she is in a committed relationship with you; IT IS BLATANT DISRESPECT. DO NOT let her, or any other female get away with that in the future, you need to tell them it's disrepectful and to not let it happen again; do not blame the other guy for this, it is the WOMAN'S decision and fault for accepting the gift

also, don't give women more credit than they're due, man . . . any woman that is "testing" you as you put it, is "playing games" in my book . . . DV8 don't play dat ****

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

you mean "more sensible" as in, he looks like he can kick your ass more . . . Lol

no, I was talking about a second pic he replaced his original pic with, he only had it up for a minute or two, but changed it again to that third pic after I ribbed him about it. Which is a shame, as it was a much better picture of him than the first one, cause, tbh, he looked a little too smug in that first one. Now he looks like a show off, haha.

I think his advice has always been more sensible, you were just in a vulnerable and hurt state of mind; the bottom line is, a female should NOT be accepting gifts from other dudes under ANY circumstance if she is in a committed relationship with you; IT IS BLATANT DISRESPECT. DO NOT let her, or any other female get away with that in the future, you need to tell them it's disrepectful and to not let it happen again; do not blame the other guy for this, it is the WOMAN'S decision and fault for accepting the gift

No, the guy knew what he was doing, he has been trying to break us up for a while now, this is just his latest attempt.
He gives her a watch, which is just enough of a piece of jewellery to be like a claim on her, but, can seem innocuous enough that if I say anything about that, he can claim 'I'm nuts', and act the innocent, which he has already done, claimed I'm 'nuts'. that was his plan all along.
and she thinks he is such a 'nice' guy, so might think nothing of it, but he is actually quite devious when it comes to these matters, and perhaps she is naive in some matters, esp when it comes to this guy.

Anyway, I wouldn't mind her accepting gifts from a guy if were for a good reason of course, birthday, Christmas...but not that kind of gift, not a personal gift of jewellery, because that's what it is, and esp not from a guy who is doing it by way of trying to court her.
and I wouldn't mind a guy friend giving her a gift any other time as long as he was not some guy trying to woo her.
I am still pissed about it, it was way out of order. He did it deliberately to cause arguments between us, I suspected he would start doing devious things like this.

also, don't give women more credit than they're due, man . . . any woman that is "testing" you as you put it, is "playing games" in my book . . . DV8 don't play dat ****

Well, y'know, I don't mind her testing me up to a point, but if she did this, took a personal gift of jewellery from him, she should undertsand why I reacted so badly, because in my opinion what she did was as bad as what I did.

 

[DV8]

no, I was talking about a second pic he replaced his original pic with, he only had it up for a minute or two, but changed it again to that third pic after I ribbed him about it. Which is a shame, as it was a much better picture of him than the first one, cause, tbh, he looked a little too smug in that first one. Now he looks like a show off, haha.




No, the guy knew what he was doing, he has been trying to break us up for a while now, this is just his latest attempt.
He gives her a watch, which is just enough of a piece of jewellery to be like a claim on her, but, can seem innocuous enough that if I say anything about that, he can claim 'I'm nuts', and act the innocent, which he has already done, claimed I'm 'nuts'. that was his plan all along.
and she thinks he is such a 'nice' guy, so might think nothing of it, but he is actually quite devious when it comes to these matters, and perhaps she is naive in some matters, esp when it comes to this guy.

Anyway, I wouldn't mind her accepting gifts from a guy if were for a good reason of course, birthday, Christmas...but not that kind of gift, not a personal gift of jewellery, because that's what it is, and esp not from a guy who is doing it by way of trying to court her.
and I wouldn't mind a guy friend giving her a gift any other time as long as he was not some guy trying to woo her.
I am still pissed about it, it was way out of order. He did it deliberately to cause arguments between us, I suspected he would start doing devious things like this.




Well, y'know, I don't mind her testing me up to a point, but if she did this, took a personal gift of jewellery from him, she should undertsand why I reacted so badly, because in my opinion what she did was as bad as what I did.

I'm not sayin the dude is perfectly innocent, but again you are giving her too much credit . . . yeah, birthday, xmas presents, WHATEVER; IMO your girl, if she is your girl, shouldn't even be talking to males "friends" unless they are gay; a "male friend" if he's not gay, a cousin, or been her friend since gradeschool is tryin to get in her pants in one way or another; she likes the attention and is not testing you, she's PLAYING you; it's a game; don't put up with it . . . that's all

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm not sayin the dude is perfectly innocent, but again you are giving her too much credit . . . yeah, birthday, xmas presents, WHATEVER; IMO your girl, if she is your girl, shouldn't even be talking to males "friends" unless they are gay; a "male friend" if he's not gay, a cousin, or been her friend since gradeschool is tryin to get in her pants in one way or another; she likes the attention and is not testing you, she's PLAYING you; it's a game; don't put up with it . . . that's all

Wow... that's just ridiculous...

IMO you don't tell your girl who she can and can't be friends with, or treat her like you control her at all.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

If a man treats another man like he is a threat, then you are elevating him.

Treat him like he is just a hopeless romantic who has a silly crush, which you find cute, and you are lowering him.

You can also congradulate her on getting a watch out of him. Again, this elevates your status.

In the few cases when I am in a Bar, I don't buy drinks for girls, but I will sometimes challenge them to go get me a drink, but the catch is she has to get another guy there to buy it for her, and then she brings it to me.

The most attractive women will often have a dozen or so guys in her friend zone, they tend to be hopelessly in love romantic idealists, who are the kind of guys who get LJBF'ed a lot, that is why they are there.

These guys are no threat, BUT they can become a threat if YOU turn them into one.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

If a man treats another man like he is a threat, then you are elevating him.

Treat him like he is just a hopeless romantic who has a silly crush, which you find cute, and you are lowering him.

You can also congradulate her on getting a watch out of him. Again, this elevates your status.

In the few cases when I am in a Bar, I don't buy drinks for girls, but I will sometimes challenge them to go get me a drink, but the catch is she has to get another guy there to buy it for her, and then she brings it to me.

The most attractive women will often have a dozen or so guys in her friend zone, they tend to be hopelessly in love romantic idealists, who are the kind of guys who get LJBF'ed a lot, that is why they are there.

These guys are no threat, BUT they can become a threat if YOU turn them into one.

I agree somewhat with you. I don't treat other guys my girlfriend knows as a threat, only it's not to elevate my position and lower theirs. It's more because I know and trust that she's with me, that she isn't looking for something else. Acting like a jealous jerk and questioning her every move and friendship just shows there's no trust.

 

[steintym]

And that might be fine in the bar scene or even early on in dating ... but if my wife starts receiving gifts from some dude, I'm asking questions and probably getting extremely pissed. I don't care if it "elevates" him or makes him a "threat".

Of course ... If my wife is actually accepting these gifts, there's probably an already bigger issue.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

I'm not sayin the dude is perfectly innocent, but again you are giving her too much credit . . . yeah, birthday, xmas presents, WHATEVER; IMO your girl, if she is your girl, shouldn't even be talking to males "friends" unless they are gay; a "male friend" if he's not gay, a cousin, or been her friend since gradeschool is tryin to get in her pants in one way or another; she likes the attention and is not testing you, she's PLAYING you; it's a game; don't put up with it . . . that's all

Of course I don't agree with this, I don't care how many male friends she has. But, this guy works with her anyway, so contact with him is unavoidable.

Hey, maybe she is bs-ing me about getting a watch off him, but imo, that is a bs too far, she should know that is going tear me up and there's gonna be a massive reaction of the negative...and it's going too far to accept one as well, even if it is like he is saying 'Oh, you have done a great job, here is a nice watch for you.' , y'know, because people do that in work situations, but with this guy, again, this would be just another way of sneaking in something meant to woo her and start up arguments between us.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I agree somewhat with you. I don't treat other guys my girlfriend knows as a threat, only it's not to elevate my position and lower theirs. It's more because I know and trust that she's with me, that she isn't looking for something else. Acting like a jealous jerk and questioning her every move and friendship just shows there's no trust.

I'd say as long as you're reasonably certain there is no sex involved and as long as she's not like spending time at his place alone, then there's no reason to be too confrontational about it. A guy can spin his wheels with my girl, if you date someone who's hot it's gonna happen, and as long as she's not being more than friendly about it, it's fine. I don't expect anyone to turn down a gift. Frankly if another guy buys my girl lingerie but she only wears it for me, that's f***ing awesome! Thanks dude, lol That Shiz iz expenzive

That's slightly facetious, lingerie would be weird, but it's more to illustrate a point.

 

[Anubis]

Or you could like, not acknowledge it, wait a week or two, then clobber the guy with a baseball bat while he's going to his car one night after work.

 

[bullets]

Dating advice from Mr T


[YT]hHDXpojyuGs&feature=related[/YT]

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Or you could like, not acknowledge it, wait a week or two, then clobber the guy with a baseball bat while he's going to his car one night after work.

Despite being pretty easy going I do subtley f*** with guys who she's friend zoned. I guess this would go towards guys trying to make moves in general. I think the best way to deal with them is a little PDA. Maybe shoot them a quick look, don't let her see it, then just go for a kiss or something. Really rub it in his face. Another great thing to do is smack your girl's a** (IF she's into this!) in front of him. He really can't call you on any of it. He's trying to do the same thing, and it let's him know you're getting there long before he does, if he ever will that is

 

[Anubis]

Or you know, piano wire + Bath tub + Acid = problem solved.

 

[-Catwoman-]

Despite being pretty easy going I do subtley f*** with guys who she's friend zoned. I guess this would go towards guys trying to make moves in general. I think the best way to deal with them is a little PDA. Maybe shoot them a quick look, don't let her see it, then just go for a kiss or something. Really rub it in his face. Another great thing to do is smack your girl's a** (IF she's into this!) in front of him. He really can't call you on any of it. He's trying to do the same thing, and it let's him know you're getting there long before he does, if he ever will that is

I like your subtle approach, but really there should be no need for anything of this. When my boyfriend does things like this, it makes me feel more like a commodity or special toy that they don't want to share. All I know is that if you treat your girl right, she will stay true. And if she doesn't then she doesn't deserve you anyways.

 

[Anubis]

Okay then, reverse it. He's got a friend that's a girl that's actively trying to steal him from you with gifts and s**t. What do you do?

 

[AndThePickles]

Despite being pretty easy going I do subtley f*** with guys who she's friend zoned. I guess this would go towards guys trying to make moves in general. I think the best way to deal with them is a little PDA. Maybe shoot them a quick look, don't let her see it, then just go for a kiss or something. Really rub it in his face. Another great thing to do is smack your girl's a** (IF she's into this!) in front of him. He really can't call you on any of it. He's trying to do the same thing, and it let's him know you're getting there long before he does, if he ever will that is

Ha, women are WELL aware of when the guy they're dating "subtly" does those things you suggested.

Edit: to expand on this, was just randomly musing - you can often score points with your lady if you do it in the right way. I dislike jealous guys, but I enjoy a little possessiveness when it shows the guy is proud to be with me. So, the person looking to make moves gets burned, AND you get brownie points with the girl. I remember being at the mall with a guy I was dating right after graduating high school, and out of the blue he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close. I asked him why, and he told me that some guy had been staring hard at me, and he just wanted to show him that "she's mine." so, territorial, but sweet

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Okay then, reverse it. He's got a friend that's a girl that's actively trying to steal him from you with gifts and s**t. What do you do?

That's gonna be a brawl 100 times out of 100. Some b**** gonna get her eyes clawed out!

 

[Anita18]

I'm not sayin the dude is perfectly innocent, but again you are giving her too much credit . . . yeah, birthday, xmas presents, WHATEVER; IMO your girl, if she is your girl, shouldn't even be talking to males "friends" unless they are gay; a "male friend" if he's not gay, a cousin, or been her friend since gradeschool is tryin to get in her pants in one way or another; she likes the attention and is not testing you, she's PLAYING you; it's a game; don't put up with it . . . that's all

Um, I'm a prude and I have a bunch of guy friends that I talk to. Most of them are SHHers and we actually get hilariously dirty chatting on Facebook.

But it's all in good fun. It never gets personal.

Okay then, reverse it. He's got a friend that's a girl that's actively trying to steal him from you with gifts and s**t. What do you do?

Ask him if he wants to continue leading this girl on by accepting her gifts. Obviously she wants something from him, and continuing to accept them knowing that he'll do nothing for her in return makes him a *****e, IMO.

If he chooses her over me, good riddance. And if he continues to accept them, I'd still break up with him too, because I don't date *****ebags.

Fighting over someone is just really really stupid. I'm better than that. People aren't possessions to be fought over. They can make their own decisions.

 

[SpideyVille]

I remember when my brother started dating his wife, there was some girl who got him stuff like chocolates and boxers for Christmas, and he told her it was from our mom. But when my mom told her it was from another girl, she freaked out. A few years ago he got a GPS from a girl that 'm going to assume that he was seeing on the side, and told her the same thing, that it was from our mom.

Of course, he got in bigger trouble because she found out (in a very stalkerish way) that he had gotten the same girl a laptop for Christmas. But he somehow managed to convince her that it was for a co-worker of his that was going to give it to his wife and was going to pay my brother back. But it was my mom who ended up paying him so he could show her the money as "proof".

 

[BrollySupersj]

That sounds salvageable. If she likes you, she likes you. If she's messed up from a prior bf, it's just gonna take a bit of work. If you really like her, I wouldn't recommend giving up on it.

I don't know. I spent the better part of 4 months or so trying to put in a "bit of work" with a girl who was messed up from a prior boyfriend, and it just ended up with her and I making more and more drama for ourselves.

I don't regret it - I'm happy that I gave it my all, and have no regrets about the situation - but it's not as simple as just "taking a bit of work"

I told her that I'd be ready and willing if she wanted to try again at some point in the future. I told her to take her time think it through. Haven't spoken or seen her since then. I guess that's my answer. Either way, I'm over it. It hurt a little at first knowing that the relationship was sabotaged from the start, but oh well.

 

[SpideyVille]

So this isn't exactly a relationship issue, but I've mentioned before how it was always hard for me to be physical with a girl because I've never really been an assertive person and I've never really close enough to someone to feel comfortable enough to make any moves. But right now I'm in a play and my character has a girlfriend, and I'm being encouraged to be a little physical, like in terms of grabbing her hand or holding it for a while and its a little weird for me to get into that part of the role.

I know this girl since we were in the same acting class, and I'm cool with her boyfriend so they know my intentions are purely part of acting, but its still a little weird for me, even though I know this will actually help me break that barrier. But right now this is still a mental block that keeps me from fully committing to the role.

 

[BobJM]

So this isn't exactly a relationship issue, but I've mentioned before how it was always hard for me to be physical with a girl because I've never really been an assertive person and I've never really close enough to someone to feel comfortable enough to make any moves. But right now I'm in a play and my character has a girlfriend, and I'm being encouraged to be a little physical, like in terms of grabbing her hand or holding it for a while and its a little weird for me to get into that part of the role.

I know this girl since we were in the same acting class, and I'm cool with her boyfriend so they know my intentions are purely part of acting, but its still a little weird for me, even though I know this will actually help me break that barrier. But right now this is still a mental block that keeps me from fully committing to the role.

Maybe part of the problem is your connecting physical connection to assertion, whereas that's not necessarily the case. Holding a girl's hand or embracing for a hug isn't assertive. It's instead rather gentle and has more emotional impact than physical.

If you think about these small moments of contact as more of connection between two personalities, rather than two bodies. When you're with someone who you truly care for (like the part of the girlfriend in your play), that person almost becomes an extension of you. Holding her hand is no different than feeling your own. It's so natural and so non-assertive.

You just have to realize that, in order to be comfortable with contact, you need to realize why you're making that physical connection. It's not aggressive or carnal, but instead gentle and heartfelt.

I think.