We Hate Everything About Everything - Part 21

[squeekness]

For me it tapered off over time as I suffered with more pain. My husband is older than me but in better health so I still try to accommodate him. I find if we abstain for too long he gets grouchy. We're married now 25 years but are still twice a week people. I'd be happier with twice a month, lol.

 

[Hobgoblin]

She was very sexual when we first dated. She initiated our first time. She often wanted it when there were people in the next room. I think she liked the risk of getting caught, as her mom is very against unmarried sex. Then we moved into our apartment and her libido totally dried up. I have told her many times how important it is to me, but she treats it like a chore. She may give me a wink and a smile occasionally but when I try to make good on it after work, she is tired or doesnt feel good. I told her eventually that a promise from her doesn't mean anything.

She complained to her mom about my libido and her mom said men need to get over it. I can't get it from my wife, I won't cheat and she doesnt want me to look at porn. I dont know what to do. I cant sit and think wholesome thoughts all day.

 

[Spider-Fan]

Pretty much you're going to have to have a straight talk with her about it, and an effort is going to have to be needed to spice things up. You can't live the entire rest of your life unhappy with your love life. That will only end badly. So, she has to put forth the effort or work something out with you. Compromise is the only way that is going to work. Unhappy sex life is one thing that will end any marriage eventually.

 

[Donner]

I agree. It's also unreasonable for her to say you can't look at porn. She sounds a bit selfish.

 

[Erzengel]

Agree with all the above. Think a discussion has to be had.

 

[squeekness]

I agree. It's also unreasonable for her to say you can't look at porn. She sounds a bit selfish.

Is it, though? If porn keeps his libido high it could be a problem. Plus its a little like cheating. Not to mention it can make a guy think that there is something wrong with his wife if she doesn't do what a porno girl does. Not a fan of porn, no.

 

[Erzengel]

Porn is NEVER a replacement for the real thing though.

And obviously abuse or overuse is a different story.

 

[Donner]

It's also perfectly normal to look at porn.

Based on pornhub stats, it also sounds like most people prefer the amateur stuff to the "scripted" videos. The sex in amateur videos is pretty normal.

 

[squeekness]

I can also say something from a woman's perspective. Sex for us, by its very nature, is a kind of surrender. If you have stress with your partner about other things -- money, kids, whatever -- it can make you not want to even be touched by someone you may not like so much. Marriage is different than dating, it comes with a whole boatload of new challenges. Plus there are a number of women who go into menopause early, B12 deficiency I think it is. I know a girl at work who crashed at 30. Libido, dead. There are a number of reasons a girl's desire wanes. I know that stress is a huge factor. You want to be good to your man, but when you start having a bunch of sex you don't enjoy for what ever reason -- stress, pain -- it can make you look at a guy a whole new way.

And no, I don't agree that watching a lot of porn is normal.

 

[Erzengel]

Are we just discussing specifics? What constitutes a lot of porn? I mean it can be a problem if he's constantly looking at it or would rather look at it than be intimate.

But occasional usage?

Also that applies to both sexes as well.

 

[squeekness]

Porn is different for women. All it does is enrage me. I see young beautiful women doing things I can no longer do because of my health issues. I get insanely jealous. It can be unhealthy for insecure women.

 

[Erzengel]

I know women who feel exactly how you do and their husbands, bfs etc. should be cognizant of their feelings.

I also know women who are into porn. So it's not a broad statement for the sex.

However, if in a particular situation like Hobgoblin, if your wife refuses to be intimate with you and forbids you from viewing porn and your only alternative is to quell your desires, something is going to give. And honestly, looking at porn instead of cheating on your wife, seems like a lesser wrong.

 

[squeekness]

I know women who feel exactly how you do and their husbands, bfs etc. should be cognizant of their feelings.

I also know women who are into porn. So it's not a broad statement for the sex.

However, if in a particular situation like Hobgoblin, if your wife refuses to be intimate with you and forbids you from viewing porn and your only alternative is to quell your desires, something is going to give. And honestly, looking at porn instead of cheating on your wife, seems like a lesser wrong.

My husband is very good to me in that he watches porn very rarely and he does so alone. He is patient with my limitations. That's because we talked about it honestly and whenever it came up. Good marriages have lots of conversations. Hob needs to have these conversations with his wife, with a councilor if needs be. That seems best to me. If it goes on too long, the marriage could falter. For all he knows there is something going on he doesn't know about that is manifesting itself this way.

 

[Schlosser85]

I don't think there's anything inherently abnormal about occasionally watching porn. We all think dirty thoughts when we *********e, so how is it different to have visual aids while doing it?

It's when it crosses a line into obsessive viewing/addiction that there's an issue, IMO.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I don't like looking at porn. It does feel disrespectful and I know how dangerous it is for cyber security. But I have no other outlet. She says libido is like having writers block. She wants to do it but the desire isnt there.

I'm getting mixed signals from her. She teases that I look at other women because they are thinner but she also does nt care that she has put on weight. On one hand I do like her curves and I don't want her to feel bad, but I do like the online women, too.

 

[Spider-Fan]

I know women who feel exactly how you do and their husbands, bfs etc. should be cognizant of their feelings.

I also know women who are into porn. So it's not a broad statement for the sex.

However, if in a particular situation like Hobgoblin, if your wife refuses to be intimate with you and forbids you from viewing porn and your only alternative is to quell your desires, something is going to give. And honestly, looking at porn instead of cheating on your wife, seems like a lesser wrong.

I agree with Erz. If there is something going on that is limiting her labido, I can understand that, but that doesn't quell the need. There are many ways that can destroy the relationship, so I think relenting on the porn is probably the lesser of two evils.

 

[squeekness]

I don't like looking at porn. It does feel disrespectful and I know how dangerous it is for cyber security. But I have no other outlet. She says libido is like having writers block. She wants to do it but the desire isnt there.

I'm getting mixed signals from her. She teases that I look at other women because they are thinner but she also does nt care that she has put on weight. On one hand I do like her curves and I don't want her to feel bad, but I do like the online women, too.

If she thinks that you like the online women better and are only "making do" with her because you are married that could be a problem. It would be for me. When you feel you can't compete it can sap your desire. Women want to be wanted, not feel like an available substitute. She may be more responsive if you give up the porn and try harder to woo her.

 

[Hobgoblin]

If she thinks that you like the online women better and are only "making do" with her because you are married that could be a problem. It would be for me. When you feel you can't compete it can sap your desire. Women want to be wanted, not feel like an available substitute. She may be more responsive if you give up the porn and try harder to woo her.

Actually it's just the opposite. I prefer her to the online women because she is real and I love her. They are just pixels on a screen. I want her, but her lack of desire means i have to go elsewhere. I've tried wooing her and it doesn't help. Most of the time she just wants to play video games or with her dog.

 

[MaceB]

mispost.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

It's more of a dislike than hatred, I'm not a fan of widescreen recording of old stuff that were not made for widescreen, it either makes characters look fat or trims too much from the top and bottom sides of the picture.

 

[Breogan]

It's more of a dislike than hatred, I'm not a fan of widescreen recording of old stuff that were not made for widescreen, it either makes characters look fat or trims too much from the top and bottom sides of the picture.

That seems ridiculous, I had no idea that was even available as an "option"? What films? TV? Where/why would you even see something like that?

 

[Mandon Knight]

Hate the concept & practice of porn, it's disrespectful for both genders. If it floats people's boat, then great, but it's not for me.

 

[squeekness]

That seems ridiculous, I had no idea that was even available as an "option"? What films? TV? Where/why would you even see something like that?

Some tv stations replaying older movies may do that.

 

[Kane52630]

Hate the concept & practice of porn, it's disrespectful for both genders. If it floats people's boat, then great, but it's not for me.

 

[Mandon Knight]

I thought some of the conversation was around sex drive & use / access to porn so giving my views / thoughts, that's all.