Gymrats & Stalkers: "I Was Assaulted In A Public Restroom"

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I clearly am not getting it. I dont understand how telling Jason that David is a lawyer is "merging the two." Did I miss something?

LS I am sure will clarify, but from what I remember he didn't want Jason to fully know about David or vice-versa since they each actually somewhat know each other.

David still seems to be closeted for the most part and would probably be terrified to find out someone in law-enforcement that he's acquainted with knows he is gay.
 
LS I am sure will clarify, but from what I remember he didn't want Jason to fully know about David or vice-versa since they each actually somewhat know each other.

David still seems to be closeted for the most part and would probably be terrified to find out someone in law-enforcement that he's acquainted with knows he is gay.

The only thing I recall that LS mentioned is that David (lawyer) examined Jason (cop) on the stand during a trial or some other judicial proceeding. If I recall, LS said the encounter was brief and some time ago. So....I dont understand the issue.
 
I clearly am not getting it. I dont understand how telling Jason that David is a lawyer is "merging the two." Did I miss something?

Because David tried him once on the stand a few years ago. At this point Jason only vaguely remembers his face. I don't want him to quite make the connection. Not until I break things to David. And even when I do, I'm simply gonna tell Dave that I'm dating someone else. I doubt that he'll try to probe anything further. But if he knows it's a former witness he might have some sort of issue. Trust me, I know these men and how they think.

Besides, I'm not exactly in the habit of introducing my current girl or boyfriends to my exes anyway. Are you? LOL
 
Technically I didn't lie. I just didn't tell him the entire truth. I will in time. I still have to figure out how to tell David what's going on.

I really gotta disagree with you here. The words 'technically didn't' and 'lie' should never be next to each other. Withholding the truth is still a lie. IMO, it's even more hurtful than an outright lie. Being a jealous and posessive person, if someone tells me the truth upfront and right away, I have a greater chance of accepting it and dealing with it once the red goes away from my vision. Sure, I'll be ******** at first, but give me some time and I'll see things clearly. I'd also be more apt to see things in a different light if that person told me up front.

I think that, at worst, all you should say for now is "There's something going on, but I just can't put it into words yet. You need to understand I need some space right now to think..." Things like that. If it wasn't understood that you were not exclusive, then you have bigger problems...

If you were doing your wife and got your nut first and just rolled over and went to sleep while she was still hot and bothered, how would she feel? Or better yet, if you were horny and not getting any and then learned that the reason you were in the "Deny Zone" is because she was using a damn vibrator, how would you feel? :dry:

Jason's actions were selfish. But I forgive him.

Again, I need to disagree. First of all, the spouse analogy is kind of lost in this situation. You two weren't even a couple yet. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but he didn't even know his own feelings... which I think is far more forgivable than him getting jiggy with you and then stopping halfway through and saying "I can't do this right now".

I think I understand his 'selfishness'. I would much prefer someone come to me when they're on firmer ground with themselves than have someone follow an impulse that they'll later regret and/or hate me for.
 
LS I am sure will clarify, but from what I remember he didn't want Jason to fully know about David or vice-versa since they each actually somewhat know each other.

David still seems to be closeted for the most part and would probably be terrified to find out someone in law-enforcement that he's acquainted with knows he is gay.

Exactly. You got it. :up:
 
Scat is a synonym for uh...poo. There are some gay men (and probably straight couples too who are into that darker s***) that love to crap or pee on their partner during sex.

Which is udderly disgussing. :down

Hmm, is scat known to be more popular amongst gay men? I never knew. And yes, it's disgusting :csad:

Also, mrvlknight, you haven't heard that Pitbull song? :wow: We need to take you out dancing!
 
Because David tried him once on the stand a few years ago. At this point Jason only vaguely remembers his face. I don't want him to quite make the connection. Not until I break things to David. And even when I do, I'm simply gonna tell Dave that I'm dating someone else. I doubt that he'll try to probe anything further. But if he knows it's a former witness he might have some sort of issue. Trust me, I know these men and how they think.

Besides, I'm not exactly in the habit of introducing my current girl or boyfriends to my exes anyway. Are you? LOL

Well, you know them better than me obviously. But I will again state that honesty from the beginning is the best way to handle things.

I just checked and re-read to see if I had misread the other post (thinking I had it backwards and you had told David (the ex) the lie about Jason, but you hadnt.

I never said you should introduce them. Obviously there is no need to do that. I think we are missing each other on this topic or something.

I have dated girls who knew girls that I had dated before. When they asked about them, I would say "yes, we dated for __ months." Or whatever. Thats it, end of story. They would often say "yeah, I had a class with her once" or "I know her sister" or something similar.
 
I really gotta disagree with you here. The words 'technically didn't' and 'lie' should never be next to each other. Withholding the truth is still a lie. IMO, it's even more hurtful than an outright lie. Being a jealous and posessive person, if someone tells me the truth upfront and right away, I have a greater chance of accepting it and dealing with it once the red goes away from my vision. Sure, I'll be ******** at first, but give me some time and I'll see things clearly. I'd also be more apt to see things in a different light if that person told me up front.

I think that, at worst, all you should say for now is "There's something going on, but I just can't put it into words yet. You need to understand I need some space right now to think..." Things like that. If it wasn't understood that you were not exclusive, then you have bigger problems...



Again, I need to disagree. First of all, the spouse analogy is kind of lost in this situation. You two weren't even a couple yet. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but he didn't even know his own feelings... which I think is far more forgivable than him getting jiggy with you and then stopping halfway through and saying "I can't do this right now".

I think I understand his 'selfishness'. I would much prefer someone come to me when they're on firmer ground with themselves than have someone follow an impulse that they'll later regret and/or hate me for.

Pretty much exactly what I said on both points. Thank you.:up:
 
I think the issue some of you aren't realizing is the fact that both men are still closeted. Jason is now just knowing what he is feeling. I can see him being scared that someone else he doesn't really know or trust is aware is he gay.

David seems insecure and keeps it completely hidden in the work place. Again someone that he knows of, but doesn't really know, would be aware he is gay and would make him uncomfortable. It is completely different to comparing exes since we're talking about closeted men in a work environment that might not be so understanding.
 
I really gotta disagree with you here. The words 'technically didn't' and 'lie' should never be next to each other. Withholding the truth is still a lie. IMO, it's even more hurtful than an outright lie. Being a jealous and posessive person, if someone tells me the truth upfront and right away, I have a greater chance of accepting it and dealing with it once the red goes away from my vision. Sure, I'll be ******** at first, but give me some time and I'll see things clearly. I'd also be more apt to see things in a different light if that person told me up front.

Generally, I'd see the value of what you're saying. But I can't apply it here.

See, I have two guys who are closet homophobes. I am taking that into consideration in terms of how I'm handling their feelings. Eventually the entire details will be revealed. But for Jason, being told, "That's my ex. He's enforces the law also" is hardly misleading because David is a lawyer and his cases are designed to enforce it.

I know what I'm doing. LOL :p


I think that, at worst, all you should say for now is "There's something going on, but I just can't put it into words yet. You need to understand I need some space right now to think..." Things like that. If it wasn't understood that you were not exclusive, then you have bigger problems...

To tell Jason that "something's going on" with David would've been worse and truly misleading. Why create a cloud of suspicion? I answered in questions in a brief sentence. And kept it that that. And he was fine with it. :)


Again, I need to disagree. First of all, the spouse analogy is kind of lost in this situation. You two weren't even a couple yet. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but he didn't even know his own feelings... which I think is far more forgivable than him getting jiggy with you and then stopping halfway through and saying "I can't do this right now".

I can see your point there. Although wrestling practically nude is kinda...jiggy foreplay wouldn't you agree? LOL :p

I think I understand his 'selfishness'. I would much prefer someone come to me when they're on firmer ground with themselves than have someone follow an impulse that they'll later regret and/or hate me for.

True. But then, you shouldn't be getting in the bed with me either. Hence my concerns of being led on. :oldrazz:

At any rate, it's all water under the bridge for the most part. I handled things as best I could...and we're moving forward. I think that bright times are ahead for us.
 
I think the issue some of you aren't realizing is the fact that both men are still closeted. Jason is now just knowing what he is feeling. I can see him being scared that someone else he doesn't really know or trust is aware is he gay.

David seems insecure and keeps it completely hidden in the work place. Again someone that he knows of, but doesn't really know, would be aware he is gay and would make him uncomfortable. It is completely different to comparing exes since we're talking about closeted men in a work environment that might not be so understanding.

Right. And I am trying to protect both of these men because I care about them--and I understand their fears and hang-ups. It would be great if one day David found someone else and all four of us could go out or something. Perhaps I'd be open to that in the future. But right now, feelings are still raw and there are a lot of complicated issues that are inherent to gay life..and I am trying to navigate this situation through a potential mine field.
 
Because David tried him once on the stand a few years ago. At this point Jason only vaguely remembers his face. I don't want him to quite make the connection. Not until I break things to David. And even when I do, I'm simply gonna tell Dave that I'm dating someone else. I doubt that he'll try to probe anything further. But if he knows it's a former witness he might have some sort of issue. Trust me, I know these men and how they think.

Besides, I'm not exactly in the habit of introducing my current girl or boyfriends to my exes anyway. Are you? LOL

I'm still taking notes here...
 
Thank you. It's not totally worked out. But we made some great progress. He did indeed recognize David. I had a picture still up in the bathroom on this little stand next to the jacuzzi that I failed to take down. We were taking a shower together and when he stepped out he pointed it out. Obviously this was not the first time he had probably seen it because it was the same bathroom he had *********ed in earlier. He said, "Is that your ex?" I was caught off guard like, "S***! I thought I took all the pics down". So of course, I said yes. I was a little nervous at that point because Jason said, "he looks familiar for some reason. What does he do?" I played it cool and simply said that he was also in "law enforcement." Technically, that was a white lie...but in away David does enforce the law--in the courtroom...even though I led Jason to believe that David's another cop.

:dry:

It was the best I could do.

LS-Re-read this above-you said yourself that you led Jason to believe that David is a cop. You and I both (because of your background) know that if someone says they are in law enforcement that the general thought is they are a cop (or maybe a probation/parole officer, or something similar), but not a lawyer. A lawyer does not enforce the law. They practice law in a courtroom by representing clients.

I wrote this as a counter point to what you said (In bold) below. You seem to be backtracking a bit.
See, I have two guys who are closet homophobes. I am taking that into consideration in terms of how I'm handling their feelings. Eventually the entire details will be revealed. But for Jason, being told, "That's my ex. He's enforces the law also" is hardly misleading because David is a lawyer and his cases are designed to enforce it.
I know what I'm doing. LOL :p




To tell Jason that "something's going on" with David would've been worse and truly misleading. Why create a cloud of suspicion? I answered in questions in a brief sentence. And kept it that that. And he was fine with it. :)


Again, am I reading this wrong? Telling Jason (current) that David (ex) is a lawyer isnt telling him something is going on with him. Jason apparently assumed it was your ex, and asked....:huh:
Clearly there is nothing going on with David now. No harm there.
.

Right. And I am trying to protect both of these men because I care about them--and I understand their fears and hang-ups. It would be great if one day David found someone else and all four of us could go out or something. Perhaps I'd be open to that in the future. But right now, feelings are still raw and there are a lot of complicated issues that are inherent to gay life..and I am trying to navigate this situation through a potential mine field.

I did not know that David is also still "in the closet." But since your current (Jason) is as well (and even asked you to keep it that way, at least for now), then I dont see the harm. But, as I said before, you know them, I dont and the "complicated issues" you mention I clearly dont know either.
 
LS-Re-read this above-you said yourself that you led Jason to believe that David is a cop. You and I both (because of your background) know that if someone says they are in law enforcement that the general thought is they are a cop (or maybe a probation/parole officer, or something similar), but not a lawyer. A lawyer does not enforce the law. They practice law in a courtroom by representing clients.

I wrote this as a counter point to what you said (In bold) below. You seem to be backtracking a bit.

*sigh*

It is confusing to me that this of all things seems to be a stickler for you and Henchwench. And yet it wasn't for Jason or me. LOL

In terms of backtracking: Not at all. I see your point. But I am going by what I remember. With that one statement I probably did give the impression to Jason that David is a cop. Or a parole officer. Or a commissioner. Or one who answers the phones. LOL I simply did not go into specifics at this time. Is it a stretch? Maybe. I can understand where you and HenchWench are coming from. But at the time it seemed to be the right thing to do. By not going into specifics Jason will not be offended when I finally tell him exactly what David does. And you know what? If Jason pressed me further about it, I'd tell him.

Also, I disagree about what lawyers do. They pratice law in the courtroom to ensure that client's rights are protected, and that those who break the law are prosecuted and punished. By working in conjunction with the court system, they make sure that the law is upheld and enforced. Again, I don't see a deal-breaker, and I am confident that Jason wouldn't either.

Basically, I played it off.

I did not know that David is also still "in the closet." But since your current (Jason) is as well (and even asked you to keep it that way, at least for now), then I dont see the harm. But, as I said before, you know them, I dont and the "complicated issues" you mention I clearly dont know either.

It's cool. :up: But Zink really has the crux of what's going on from my standpoint. It's about timing. I have every intention of shedding the full light on everything for both men...but in time. Jason has enough to deal with without knowing that he's sleeping with the ex of a lawyer he may run in the same circles with. That's confusing and he's already kinda paranoid. I don't need to add to that.

And remember, this is all transpiring in a matter of days. For him, it's a lot to take in. Timing is everything. No worries.
 
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To be fair, a lawyer is law enforcement. A lawyer is like a PUBLIC cop. And besides, who really goes into great detail about an ex to a current relationship?
 
*sigh*

It is confusing to me that this of all things seems to be a stickler for you and Henchwench. And yet it wasn't for Jason or me. LOL

In terms of backtracking: Not at all. I see your point. But I am going by what I remember. With that one statement I probably did give the impression to Jason that David is a cop. Or a parole officer. Or a commissioner. Or one who answers the phones. LOL I simply did not go into specifics at this time. Is it a stretch? Maybe. I can understand where you and HenchWench are coming from. But at the time it seemed to be the right thing to do. By not going into specifics Jason will not be offended when I finally tell him exactly what David does. And you know what? If Jason pressed me further about it, I'd tell him.

Also, I disagree about what lawyers do. They pratice law in the courtroom to ensure that client's rights are protected, and that those who break the law are prosecuted and punished. By working in conjunction with the court system, they make sure that the law is upheld and enforced. Again, I don't see a deal-breaker, and I am confident that Jason wouldn't either.

Basically, I played it off.



It's cool. :up: But Zink really has the crux of what's going on from my standpoint. It's about timing. I have every intention of shedding the full light on everything for both men...but in time. Jason has enough to deal with without knowing that he's sleeping with the ex of a lawyer he may run in the same circles with. That's confusing and he's already kinda paranoid. I don't need to add to that.

And remember, this is all transpiring in a matter of days. For him, it's a lot to take in. Timing is everything. No worries.

My hangups are what I already told you. I have been hurt severely by what someone considered a "half truth" or "not the whole story" type of lie.
But, this is your situation and all, and you are the one who has to figure all of it out. I honestly wish you and him the best of luck....given what you have said, it probably isnt/wont be a hangup for him. Sorry to give you so much criticism about it. Oh and see what I said below about lawyers/law enforcement.

To be fair, a lawyer is law enforcement. A lawyer is like a PUBLIC cop.

Yeah, I disagree (except for prosecutors, which David could be, actually). But, I believe, the vast majority of people who hear "he is in law enforcement" would make the connection with someone carrying a badge and gun. That is more of the point in this situation.

Oh, and I'm 1000000% for the fairtax. :woot: (serious).
 
David is a prosecutor. I think I mentioned that earlier in the thread.
 
Good to hear things are going well for you, LS. Keep us posted, I've hit this thread every night to see where things have gone. :woot:
I second whoever said whther it's New York, or whether it's your lifestyle, your life is WAY different than mine. :awesome:
 
I second whoever said whther it's New York, or whether it's your lifestyle, your life is WAY different than mine. :awesome:

LOL I still don't get this statement though. No one will explain it to me. In what way? Unless you're gay wouldn't the lifestyle be way different anyway? :p

And thanks Schlosser. :up:
 
LOL I still don't get this statement though. No one will explain it to me. In what way? Unless you're gay wouldn't the lifestyle be way different anyway? :p

And thanks Schlosser. :up:

Dreammaster, that was me, that said it originally.

LS-to explain the best that I can....

Similarities:
1) I believe that you and I are fairly close in age (early 30s-?).
2) We are both professional men (although I cant recall what you do at the moment).
3) We both are dedicated to a healthy lifestyle through exercise and enjoy it. 4) We both work/have worked in some form of public safety.

Based on all the above, I would think that our lifestyles (our schedules/other interests/etc) would also be similar.

But I think thats may be where the similarities end.

Differences:
1) It seems you stay out OR up really late often. You have mentioned meeting up with Jason after his shift (midnight) and also being on instant messenger until 3am in this thread. Im not sure how you do this and work on a regular basis.
2) It seems that you go to out clubs and parties and such on a regular, whereas I do not. (which may also lead to the fact that I have never heard your favorite song).
3) This may seem small and may not actually fit here, but I will mention it anyways-the way that you speak about Jason...I have never heard anyone talk about another person (significant other, family member, etc) in my entire life.

**Just FYI, although I am married with a child, I didnt do # 1 or 2 when I was single and living on my own either.**

Dang...there were more things that I gathered based on some of the stuff you mentioned in this thread...but I cant think of them at the moment! I will edit/add when I do.

Obviously the gay/bi thing is a huge difference, but Im only mentioning it now because it was NOT one of the things that I was referring to earlier. I only know of 2 gay people and one of them is my cousin (and as I mentioned, Im still shocked about that one). Here in the south, things are a lot more conservative and anti-gay, just to be completely honest.

Oh and the fact that you want to see Avatar...definitely a big difference LOL! :oldrazz:
 
I don't think homosexuality would create another lifestyle. All those are personal choices more than having anything to do with him being gay. I am not sure if that is what you are implying though.
 
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