I ****ed up. Again.

[hippy fascist]

:heart:

 

[Dorian Gray]

I can see Kainedamo doing this...

http://www.illwillpress.com/fm220.html

 

[ShadowBoxing]

That's great...and the guy on the end has a british accent...brillant.

 

[kainedamo]

Thanks for that ShadowBoxing. I probably rushed too quickly into the asking out part.

 

[kainedamo]

I haven't contacted her at all since the "munch", and got the following message from her...

Thought I'd say hi I'm of to do some walking today you up to anything nice?


So... I guess I didn't screw up as badly as I thought?? I'm gonna say to her "hey I'm gonna go ride my sweet sweet bike today, baby!!"

Or alternatively, I'll say "It's a really lovely day and I thought I'd take my new bicycle out for a bit."

EDIT: Okay, I sent the latter. Maybe I should have asked something else, or thrown in a funny quip, or something.

 

[Erzengel]

The way you described the scenario and her reactions, I'm actually surprised she messaged you.

 

[kainedamo]

I'm as confused as you are, Erz. Maybe I read her reaction wrong and she was just a little embarrased, or something. I have no idea.

The question is, what do I do now? I was thinking, I've already messaged her back. I'll leave it a day or two. Then I'll be like, are you going to the next thing? And thats somewhere where we can meet and chat - I won't have to ask her out for a date. Or do I need to show my interest more?

The whole dating game is deeply confusing.

 

[Erzengel]

You keep blaming your dyspraxia but the better you can read people, the easier the whole dating scene is.

See your problem is you want to set up a definitive next meeting already even though, you f'ed up the last one. Why don't you take it more slowly and just do the whole chit chat thing and let her bring up the next meeting or the next Munch thing.

 

[Babs Gordon]

As a general rule if you JUST met the girl for the first time it's good to be hands off for at least a few dates. I just went out with a guy I'd met over the internet from the same town and I don't even know him. Therefore I'd really he rather not touch me until I know him better.

And drunkeness on a first date or any of the first five dates are probably not wise.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah I usually had the I don't touch until I'm touched rule.

 

[hippy fascist]

depends though, sometimes you meet a girl and the chemistry's just there. you have to judge each experience on it's own terms and try to find your own path.

I think part of what's complicating this for you is the fact that this is based around S & M. S & M, unless I'm mistaken, is based heavily on trust. Therefore you would think that practitioners, just like yourself, feel they need to really trust a person before they become intimate with them. Again, I have little or no frame of reference so i may just be blowing smoke...

 

[jaguarr]

I think part of what's complicating this for you is the fact that this is based around S & M. S & M, unless I'm mistaken, is based heavily on trust. Therefore you would think that practitioners, just like yourself, feel they need to really trust a person before they become intimate with them. Again, I have little or no frame of reference so i may just be blowing smoke...

You are not off base in your observations. Trust is a GIGANTIC part of the scene and the people in it are either usually very slow to give it or sometimes entirely all too trusting from the get-go. Kaine's a bit of a newbie to it all and he made a pretty classic mistake that a lot of new Tops make by thinking he could be more aggressive with this girl and put his hands on her way too soon. Some subs have pretty low self-esteem and will put up with that sort of behavior (or even embrace it), but others are more well-adjusted and don't like it, just like they wouldn't like anyone new touching them uninvited. A lot of Tops think that the ground they walk on is f**king magic gold and that they can do whatever the hell they want to. A lot of newbie Tops just don't know any better and base their behavior on that of some of the more initiated that continue to overstep their bounds.

The BDSM culture is just like any other culture; once you lose someone's trust it's very difficult to get it back. It just usually takes more time to become trustworthy in someone's eyes, other than with the folks with low self-esteem who are way too trusting of others in the scene. If you can't be trusted in a social scenario, you most likely can't be trusted in a scene where actual play is going on. Poor decision making is not a quality you want in someone when they're engaged in potentially dangerous activities with you, and that goes for both the Top and the bottom. They're the type of people who may overstep their boundaries and take liberties with you that you had not agreed to or take you far past your established hard limits. And, again, there are ways that both a Top and a bottom can do any of those things in a scene, so it's not just limited to the Top not being trustworthy.

Get a reputation for continually overstepping your bounds in social settings and you'll continually be the person standing in the corner only getting to observe at a Munch or play party, or worse....the person they don't inform about those functions anymore.

jag

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

I suck.

QFIPT

 

[Mee]

How could they change Wilhelm too? Wilhelm without the tiger avvy is like a hot dog without a bun.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

rectified

 

[November Rain]

This only happened to you Kainedamo because you kept that extra bike you got...

let this be a lesson to you...

 

[kainedamo]

This only happened to you Kainedamo because you kept that extra bike you got...

let this be a lesson to you...

Damn you, karma!!

 

[DV8]

dude . . . KD, go watch the movie Tao of Steve . . . take notes, b*tch

 

[hippy fascist]

dude . . . KD, go watch the movie Tao of Steve . . . take notes, b*tch

Seriously, It works!

 

[hippy fascist]

only problem is, the thing kainedamo is aweseome at is making hilarious creepy threads...

 

[DV8]

^good point don't watch that movie, KD . . . we need someone like you to remember how awesome the rest of us are . . .

 

[hippy fascist]

stu!

 

[DV8]

stu? please enlighten me . . .

 

[hippy fascist]

stu? please enlighten me . . .

a stu is the opposite of a steve, your Jughead's and your Barney Fife types...

 

[DV8]

oh yeah!! LOL!! forgot about that . . . I thought it was some new-fangled leet talk . . .