*Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Wylie Times]

There's one problem with that:

=/=

It shouldn't matter....charm goes a LONG way.

 

[SLVRSR4]

I don't understand this at all, so are you a gay guy, straight guy, bi? You're not going to get anywhere with a lesbian if you have a dick and you've said you've been friends with her for 5 years, I'm sure you've known this. I think you're only chance with her is a sex change. Gotta get this girl out of your mind if you're going to find someone else.

I'm bi it was really early in the morning when i typed that

 

[Shuley]

There's one problem with that:

=/=

you don't need to look like him, you just need to grow a pair. you haven't even tried yet and your already rejecting yourself...any woman on here will agree with me.

 

[Erzengel]

There's one problem with that:
=/=

Do you know how many women think confidence is attractive/sexy?

You don't even have to BE confident as long as you ACT confident.

Mumbling, staring at the ground with your hands in your pocket isn't a way to any woman's heart.

 

[Shuley]

Do you know how many women think confidence is attractive/sexy?

You don't even have to BE confident as long as you ACT confident.

Mumbling, staring at the ground with your hands in your pocket isn't a way to any woman's heart.

 

[BillyZaned]

I'll say! My parents would think you were a gang member.

It also depends on the way you dress. If you dress relatively nicely (ie, not like you're in construction) and cover up the tats some, it might be easier to meet the neighbors.

Ussualy form fitting shirts and Jeans for my everyday look. Most of my shirts are short sleeved too... I love my tats...

Yeah, the skulls going up both of my arms... ussualy not the best way to get some people to say "want to come in for a beer"...

 

[BillyZaned]

There's one problem with that:

=/=

I'm confused... are you a chubby guy on top, or the dude who was hunting Josh Brolin?

 

[E-Man]

There's one problem with that:

=/=

I've got two questions for you Neil.

Do you brush your teeth regularly?
Do you take showers on a daily basis?

If the answer is yes to those questions, then you have a chance as long as you project confidence when you talk. Sure some girls might reject you on looks, but that happens to everyone who isn't rich, famous, or both. Like people here have said, girls are more into confidence. That's how you see ugly dudes that aren't famous with good looking girls. They ask like they mean it, and they get what they want. You don't need a smooth line or pretty face. You just need to know what you want from her, and to tell her straight up how you want things to be. She'll either turn you down, or she'll start to pursue something with you. There is no gray area when asking a female out, so you have a 50% chance of "getting the girl." I like those odds.

 

[Figs]

Do you know how many women think confidence is attractive/sexy?

You don't even have to BE confident as long as you ACT confident.

Mumbling, staring at the ground with your hands in your pocket isn't a way to any woman's heart.

Erz speaks the truth!

Nell, over the years I've seen some absolutely beautiful women with guys that I never would have thought they could get with. I'm not arrogant and don't think I'm god's gift to women, to be honest I could use a little more confidence but these guys were the type that made me feel like **** years ago when I was still single. I would see them and think, "how in the holy hell did they manage to get with her?!".

Two most important things that a lot of women will look past looks for, confidence and a sense of humour. Those are probably the top two things. As Erzengel said, even if you're not confident...just act like you are. It can be tricky at first because being confident and being cocky can be pretty similar but try it sometime.

Not to mention, if you really are looking for a relationship with someone compatible, it's best to be confident and take charge. Example, don't be embarrassed about going somewhere or seeing a movie you think the girl might think of you as a dork or loser for. It's not going to go well if you aren't being yourself, that's confidence, not caring how people judge you.

 

[BillyZaned]

there's a thin line... very thing line what it comes to the perception of Arogance and Confidence

 

[Erzengel]

Just don't be a dick.

That's usually the best line not to cross.

 

[Anita18]

there's a thin line... very thing line what it comes to the perception of Arogance and Confidence

I don't know. Arrogance is acting like you're inherently better than everyone else. "I rock, everyone else here is a loser."

Confidence is acting like you could do anything you put your mind to. It doesn't even have to be like, Bill-Clinton-charismatic, just speak up so people know what you're saying.

Then again trying to put on a confident face CAN easily lead to coming off arrogant for some. What I'm saying is that to an outsider, there's a definite difference.

My ex was shy and meek by nature, but in trying to act confident (especially in large groups of people), he totally went overboard and instead most people thought he was an arrogant prick.

 

[SsM]

there's a thin line... very thing line what it comes to the perception of Arogance and Confidence

Yeah, but honestly... You should be able to tell the difference. I can always tell when I am being plain arrogant and I tone it down.

 

[Figs]

I don't know. Arrogance is acting like you're inherently better than everyone else. "I rock, everyone else here is a loser."

Confidence is acting like you could do anything you put your mind to. It doesn't even have to be like, Bill-Clinton-charismatic, just speak up so people know what you're saying.

Then again trying to put on a confident face CAN easily lead to coming off arrogant for some. What I'm saying is that to an outsider, there's a definite difference.

My ex was shy and meek by nature, but in trying to act confident (especially in large groups of people), he totally went overboard and instead most people thought he was an arrogant prick.

Sounds too much like me. I've always been shy and laid back. I never found small talk interesting but if you get me on the right subject like music or film I will talk your ear off but with what I think of as confidence in my opinions. I've noticed over the years my confidence comes off different to people than it should and a good percentage of the people I've met in my life don't like me.

It also doesn't help that I have a fairly deep and loud voice so a lot of times I come off to people as I'm boasting or shoving my opinions down someone's throat. Just sucks because that's not what I was intending and I'm just being myself.

there's a thin line... very thing line what it comes to the perception of Arogance and Confidence

Pretty much. As I just stated above your quote, in my experience I've come to realize most people have a hard time telling the difference. That, plus a lot of people are shallow and looks also play a factor in it as well. I've seen some "bigger" or 'more attractive' guys(jocks, preps etc...) act almost identical or say almost the same thing or joke as myself but when they do it the girls are practically on their knees while for me I get the dirty looks or straight up ignored. Being skinny and introverted is definitely harder in life at times.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Sounds too much like me. I've always been shy and laid back. I never found small talk interesting but if you get me on the right subject like music or film I will talk your ear off but with what I think of as confidence in my opinions. I've noticed over the years my confidence comes off different to people than it should and a good percentage of the people I've met in my life don't like me.

It also doesn't help that I have a fairly deep and loud voice so a lot of times I come off to people as I'm boasting or shoving my opinions down someone's throat. Just sucks because that's not what I was intending and I'm just being myself.

Man this sounds exactly like me.

 

[Erzengel]

Another Erz rule besides:
ACT confident.....

Is

NUMBERS, NUMBERS, NUMBERS!!!

Dating is all a numbers game. Ask 100 girls out, a few will say yes.

 

[Figs]

Another Erz rule besides:
ACT confident.....

Is

NUMBERS, NUMBERS, NUMBERS!!!

Dating is all a numbers game. Ask 100 girls out, a few will say yes.

Hahaha, reminds me of something Gene Simmons of KISS fame did. I had read his autobiography a number of years ago.

He was doing some interview and as the interview went on, a bunch of models were walking by from a nearby shoot or something. He kept asking each one if they would like to have dinner with him(most kept saying no since they didn't know who he was) and eventually the interviewer asks him what the hell is he doing, he simply responds, "one of them will eventually take me up on my offer". t:

 

[amazingfantasy15]

There's one problem with that:

=/=

Well, this says a lot, you aren't confident in yourself, I think you need to work on you before trying to find a girl. Do something that will give yourself some confidence, it can be something small or something big, just something that will make you feel better about yourself. That's something I noticed when I started running, it made me feel better about myself, like I was doing something other than just working, then going home to watch TV, gave me a confidence boost. Can't get a girl if you don't believe in yourself.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

you don't need to look like him, you just need to grow a pair. you haven't even tried yet and your already rejecting yourself...any woman on here will agree with me.

Tried what yet?

Asking 2 beautiful women whom I've never met to take an exotic cruise with me where we'll make love all weekend?

You're right, I haven't tried that.

But I have put myself out there lots of times in regards to women, and many different types of women. I've hit on bartenders and waitresses, and asked them out. Working in restaurants, I have gone up to tables of girls whom I was attracted to and talked to them to ask them out. I've tried to get to know co-workers and classmates, and ask them out. I've met girls in bars or parties that I've tried to ask out or get their number. I've tried to talk to friends of female friends. Hell, I've even responded to personal ads put on the internet I've pretty much tried it all.

There have been times where I have been obviously less than confident, and I've known it, and don't really blame anyone other than myself.

There have been times when I felt I was smooth and confident, and it didn't work out for whatever reasons, and I never had any hard feelings about the situation, because sometimes you're just not into someone on that level, and that's cool. There are a lot of girls that I've known that are both pretty, and have a great personality that I just couldn't get into like that. I can accept it if the girl just isn't into me. I've even developed friendships with many of the girls who "rejected" me in this fashion.

But mostly, I have a girl who I'm attracted to, who always acts friendly with me, wanting me to talk to her, often times being flirty with me, we talk about perhaps going out sometime, and then I make the move to ask them, and they get all weirded out because I had the nerve to ask them out. So we don't go out, I stop paying attention to them because it's clear to me that they aren't interested, and then they start getting all butt hurt about the fact that I'm not showing interest in them anymore, and become offended at the thought of me thinking they aren't interested. So, I try again, asking them out, or for a phone number, or what have you, nothing happens, they act weird about me asking them out, we never go out, and the cycle continues.

When you have a history of not getting the girl, plus people in your ear telling you to "lower your standards" because the girls you are going after are "out of your league", it becomes difficult to have the confidence that you can put yourself out there and get any girl you want - or any girl at all for that matter.

P.S.: I'm not qq'ing, I'm merely carrying on the conversation that we are having is all. I'm not sitting here sulking, or depressed, or anything of the sort. Just partaking in conversation before I get to my reading before work

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well, this says a lot, you aren't confident in yourself, I think you need to work on you before trying to find a girl. Do something that will give yourself some confidence, it can be something small or something big, just something that will make you feel better about yourself. That's something I noticed when I started running, it made me feel better about myself, like I was doing something other than just working, then going home to watch TV, gave me a confidence boost. Can't get a girl if you don't believe in yourself.

You're right. If there's one common thing I hear from people in regards to my lacking of a girlfriend, it's my own personal lack of confidence. I don't have confidence in my self.

Like I said in my previous post, it's hard for me to have confidence when I have a history of not getting the girl (the closest I've had to a relationship is that Amanda girl that katie hates me talking about), and then people who's opinions I trust - close friends - are telling me that my standards are too high, and that I can't get a girl "that good", I need to lower my standards.

All that together makes my confidence go \/\/\/\/\/\/, so when I do meet a girl who I am attracted to, I hesitate to do anything, because of my past, and things that have been told to me, it's like "why even bother, you know how it's going to turn out anyways, might as well not waste your time"

 

[katie_girl09]

Shuley's right, Nell. You need to grow some balls. A severe lack of confidence is your problem.

 

[Figs]

That is one thing that really gets on my nerves.

Not just girls but guys as well need to realize that there is a reason and purpose for flirting. If you're not attracted to said person and just want to be friends...Do Not Flirt with them. There is a difference between flirting and joking around in a friendly manner.

This is in regards to what you said Nell about girls that weren't interested in you on that kind of a level that still flirt around like they are.

 

[BillyZaned]

Tried what yet?

Asking 2 beautiful women whom I've never met to take an exotic cruise with me where we'll make love all weekend?

You're right, I haven't tried that.

First off man, that's a movie... be who you are... and nothing less or more... because no matter what, you are, yourself...

But I have put myself out there lots of times in regards to women, and many different types of women. I've hit on bartenders and waitresses, and asked them out. Working in restaurants, I have gone up to tables of girls whom I was attracted to and talked to them to ask them out. I've tried to get to know co-workers and classmates, and ask them out. I've met girls in bars or parties that I've tried to ask out or get their number. I've tried to talk to friends of female friends. Hell, I've even responded to personal ads put on the internet I've pretty much tried it all.

There have been times where I have been obviously less than confident, and I've known it, and don't really blame anyone other than myself.

There have been times when I felt I was smooth and confident, and it didn't work out for whatever reasons, and I never had any hard feelings about the situation, because sometimes you're just not into someone on that level, and that's cool. There are a lot of girls that I've known that are both pretty, and have a great personality that I just couldn't get into like that. I can accept it if the girl just isn't into me. I've even developed friendships with many of the girls who "rejected" me in this fashion.

But mostly, I have a girl who I'm attracted to, who always acts friendly with me, wanting me to talk to her, often times being flirty with me, we talk about perhaps going out sometime, and then I make the move to ask them, and they get all weirded out because I had the nerve to ask them out. So we don't go out, I stop paying attention to them because it's clear to me that they aren't interested, and then they start getting all butt hurt about the fact that I'm not showing interest in them anymore, and become offended at the thought of me thinking they aren't interested. So, I try again, asking them out, or for a phone number, or what have you, nothing happens, they act weird about me asking them out, we never go out, and the cycle continues.

When you have a history of not getting the girl, plus people in your ear telling you to "lower your standards" because the girls you are going after are "out of your league", it becomes difficult to have the confidence that you can put yourself out there and get any girl you want - or any girl at all for that matter.

P.S.: I'm not qq'ing, I'm merely carrying on the conversation that we are having is all. I'm not sitting here sulking, or depressed, or anything of the sort. Just partaking in conversation before I get to my reading before work

you seem to be going at is all wrong... first off, co-workers... NO NO NO..
second off... going up to girls, when your the waiter... NO NO NO...

I think, from teh way you are describing this.... you are one, coming on way to strong, and way to fast..... second, putting women on a pedestal.... just chill man, be cool and confident... not like a lonely puppy that needs a master

 

[Anita18]

Sounds too much like me. I've always been shy and laid back. I never found small talk interesting but if you get me on the right subject like music or film I will talk your ear off but with what I think of as confidence in my opinions. I've noticed over the years my confidence comes off different to people than it should and a good percentage of the people I've met in my life don't like me.

It also doesn't help that I have a fairly deep and loud voice so a lot of times I come off to people as I'm boasting or shoving my opinions down someone's throat. Just sucks because that's not what I was intending and I'm just being myself.

I tend to scare people the first time they hear me laugh. Something about the pitch of my speaking voice makes me completely inaudible in a noisy environment, even when I'm trying to project, but people can hear me laugh from across the room.

When you have a history of not getting the girl, plus people in your ear telling you to "lower your standards" because the girls you are going after are "out of your league", it becomes difficult to have the confidence that you can put yourself out there and get any girl you want - or any girl at all for that matter.

You know, I really dislike the term "standards" when used here. What does that even MEAN? Looks? Socioeconomic status? Educational status?

Cause really, I don't like the thought of someone being "out of my league" on anyone. If anything, I find that I relate MUCH more to people who are similar to me socioeconomically and at least as educated as I am, but that's just it. Relation, similarities. Nothing to do with "standards" or "being in my league." That kind of talk is bullcrap.

Not just girls but guys as well need to realize that there is a reason and purpose for flirting. If you're not attracted to said person and just want to be friends...Do Not Flirt with them. There is a difference between flirting and joking around in a friendly manner.

This is in regards to what you said Nell about girls that weren't interested in you on that kind of a level that still flirt around like they are.

My friend "flirts" with someone she met in school, but it's nothing like, "I was thinking about you all night" or "I was dreaming of you and I wish you were here" kind of talk. It's just good conversation with a little sexual tension every now and then. To her, it's just fun, and probably for him too, since he knows she's taken.

There are definitely different levels of flirtation and come-ons.

 

[E-Man]

I all y'all saying Neil needs to grow a pair. He doesn't need that. He just needs to buy some good smelling cologne(Curve, Cool Water, Issy Miyake, etc.) and he'll be one step closer to having a lady. Then if his teeth is white, he'll have no problem. Go on out there and get em Neil!