A year ago, I joked about Batman murdering people, since it's a Zack Snyder film. "Batman is going to use a machine gun and blow people's heads off
just kidding, he can't be that stupid after the MOS stuff!
t:"
A year later, I sit in a theater and almost laugh my butt off as Bat-Rambo rips people to shreds with a machine gun, blows a guy up, stabs people etc. But that's not all:
- I can't believe that they killed Jack! He was my favorite character.
- Superman kills (or cripples) a guy by slamming him through walls.
- Dream sequences, and more dream sequences. Probably inspired by Synder's own dreams when he fell asleep behind the camera.
- Young Bruce's face when he falls in slow motion. "Noooooooo!"
- Mark of Zorro. Great movie...why did they have to include it here?
- The guy with no legs who climbs and vandalizes the Superman statue. The policeman says something like: "get down from there!" But he lets him finish it. The stuff where he turns into a suicide bomber is also hilarious
- I was curious to hear Superman speak during the hearing, but the Zack Synder cameo (a jar of piss) ruins everything. Images of Lex Luthor with his his wiener in one hand and a jar in the other flashed before my eyes before everything exploded.
- Superman standing in the flames, like: "damn...I forgot to return those DVD's I rented"
- Superman's sad face when he flies off. Why didn't he just stick out his lower lip?
- Angry Batman's sexy training montage. "Look girls, he's almost naked". Reminded me of all those 80s movies with cheesy music by Bill Conti.
- The Knightmare sequence. Bad coreography...the guy in front of me laughed when the Parademon knocked out Batman. I wonder what non-comic readers thought when they witnessed that scene..."I don't like the scary mutant flies!"
- The hobo Flash. "Yaaaarggh, Breeewwsss!" Did regular moviegoers understand what the heck just happened?
- The other superhero cameos were equally silly and unnecessary. Again, I bet many regular moviegoers found it confusing. "Why did the crazy black guy play around with the torso? I'm scared!"
- Martha Kent polaroids. Sick and awful. The blurred photo with white eyes...Synder has issues
- Batman changes his mind when he hears "Martha". Reminds me of my school days when I was 6-7. "what, you're a fan of Super Mario Bros too? Let's be friends". Maybe the guy you shot to death last week had a father called Thomas, Batman.
- Lex Luthor's kindergarten arguments in his God speech made me roll my eyes. Did the writer really win an Oscar?
- Lex Luthor bakes his own Doomsday with Zod's body and some blood. Ding ding!
- Synder talked about exploring Doomsday's "mythology"...was that it?
- How did Batman survive Doomsday's energy blasts?
- Superman's first death when he looks like Michael Jackson in Thriller.
- Wonder Woman's theme.
- Superman's "thing from another planet" line. Sounds like he's aware that BvS is like a cheesy b-movie.
- The fight was better than the one in MOS, but hard to follow. Too much crap happened at once.
- And then, Superman dies again. Synder actually killed Superman in his second appearance, and we didn't even get to know the guy. Bagpipe music, Tobey Maguire-ish crying...and suddenly the dirt starts to move! Superman is alive again...what a surprise.
- Finally, we see the story behind the bald Lex pics...they shaved his hair in prison. That's...not interesting at all.
I'm not saying everything about it is bad. I liked Ben Affleck as Batman, a lot of the action scenes were good, Jeremy Irons is a good Alfred (but in the wrong Batman movie). I wanted to like it, and it's sad that it failed.
It was entertaining...like a bad Steven Seagal movie. 4/10