Many men have fallen into funks and let their connections go after their significant other dies in real life. This has been studied in real life. I think Savitar has a bigger affect on the team dispersing than Barry's depression over Iris.
Our arguments are going in circles. You want to defend people who want Iris dead and Barry and Joe to come out fine when it contradicts actual examples of real life grief because she's not a strong character for us to care about and then say she's not an extension of Barry, she's her own character. The writer's sure don't think so. Every time they write any characterization in her, or let her do anything, or let her react to Barry's plays it's written off as barely mattering, or overreacting.
Speculation on my part because of bad writer's. I'm sure if they'd have let the two brake off the engagement, they'd have written Iris out until she was ready to die and Barry realizes what a fool he was. No growth for Iris in that scenario, but I guess people wanted Iris 100% on board with Barry marrying her against his free will to protect her instead of marrying her for the right reasons.
Now the thing you're not getting from my initial post is that people posting before were complaining about a plot point that's not confirmed in the description, or interview. Another person places links and agrees, implying they're confirmed sources when they're just a twitter thread bringing up old complaints that have nothing to do with whether Iris dying is solely at fault for a bad future. That's all. We can move on from that. Then more posts come in picking apart the real idea that Barry could actually grieve because the viewers wouldn't.
I find it amusing that you seem to try to put words into my mouth. When did I defend people who want Iris dead? Seriously? You clearly ignore what I wrote earlier or maybe you didn't read it, whatever. The point is that I wrote that Iris death affecting the others like that is unbelievable, it is laughable how they try to push such an importance onto her without back it with anything, thus I get how people find it the plot of the upcoming episode laughable.
Don't generalize people, that's a bad habit. Sure, there are guys who went into a downwards spiral - temporary and not - after their spouse/loved once dies, same thing goes for women, but how they portray that on most shows is laughable, they do it sloppy and without actually exploring it any meaningful way, and I am sure that it will be the exact same for the upcoming episode.
Barry loves Iris, I don't like how they portray it on the show - it comes over creepy and more like an obsession at times - but we know what the writers try to go for with it. Saying that Iris got all huffy and puffy over Barry asking for her hand in marriage because he asked her not for the right reason is an excuse to introduce more drama, nothing more to that. They try to portray both of them deeply in love, and they are not like a couple who only got together like six months ago, those two grew up together as sibling - one of the reasons I really find their relationship a little weird - and they know each other, or at least are supposed to. You can't tell me that Barry's proposal or his feelings were fake just because it came as a kneejerk reaction - many proposal happen like that. If Iris really has such doubts about his feelings, they seriously should not consider marry at all. But, again, it is artificial drama for drama's sake, nothing more. It is not about watching them progress as characters, it is only to get an emotion reaction of the viewers, and they certainly did, didn't they?
No, I got you just fine, I just think that this really isn't the reason why people, in this case, don't really buy that Iris' death can be that impactful to the STAR lab's team. The show just simply didn't earn it. They are friends, sure, but Iris is nowhere near as dear or close to Caitlin and Cisco as Barry is, and everybody getting so distraught over her passing is something you have to built up to. I may repeat myself, but that has nothing to do with context we know nothing about yet, but the writers missing out on establishing her in a way that would make the reactions of the others in next episode believable.