The Last Crusade of Relationships

[Nave 'Torment']

I'd just be honest. I'm sure the doctor would understand.t:

This

 

[Erzengel]

So... I see her again today, and she's giving me a bunch of songs again (wouldn't really read too much into it this time). She said she had 'fun' and would love to go out again this weekend.

But... there's something not right about it. I dunno, I like her a lot and I didn't push her overboard and confess my undying love for her or anything. The other time was great but she doesn't betray anything more than a very, very casual interest in the thing. I still get the vibe that her attachment isn't as profound as mine is. I didn't tell her that though.

Fact that she's at least considering it should be enough but i dunno...

I was telling this to another friend, and she suggests that I ask someone else out. Just might do that? Should I?

EDIT: Maybe I ought to focus on focusing on building myself up more instead of going head long into a relationship or anything like that? Maybe I'm not ready for that yet? A month ago, if this happened, if we started going out I would've been the happiest person in the world. Now i'm getting second guesses every time I talk to her. (That's like... 2 different 'negative vibes' at the same time here )

If she said she wanted to go out again, ask her out, make sure she knows it's a date. If she flakes out or spurns your advances, move on.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Maybe it's because I'm a very unconventional lady, but the biggest ice breaker a guy could ever utilize is having a PSP and a copy of Monster Hunter Portable 3rd, or to a lesser degree Freedom Unite (Or pretty soon I will be getting a Japanese 3DS and a copy of Monster Hunter Tri G.) and having some fun hunting together. If a guy can become interested in that game series and want to play it with me that is a very good bonding experience in my book.

 

[Rocketman]

I was almost certain that EVERYONE here would advise me NOT to do this.

Now that I have SHH's go-ahead, I may venture forth.

I'm kind of nervous. I might seriously need a blue pill. It's going to be extremely weird, yet extremely awesome. I've only had sex with my girlfriend, and it's been almost 5 years. It's going to be insane experiencing it with someone else, while NOT cheating, AND while my girl is right there.

Since I won't be able to get the blue pill (most likely), any tips on lasting longer? Are there any vitamins or something? Will getting drunk help? (I don't want to get drunk - I want to remember every single detail until I go to my grave and beyond).

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I was almost certain that EVERYONE here would advise me NOT to do this.

Now that I have SHH's go-ahead, I may venture forth.

I'm kind of nervous. I might seriously need a blue pill. It's going to be extremely weird, yet extremely awesome. I've only had sex with my girlfriend, and it's been almost 5 years. It's going to be insane experiencing it with someone else, while NOT cheating, AND while my girl is right there.

Since I won't be able to get the blue pill (most likely), any tips on lasting longer? Are there any vitamins or something? Will getting drunk help? (I don't want to get drunk - I want to remember every single detail until I go to my grave and beyond).

Alcohol is bad for erections. Stay away from caffine for a few days too, or at least limit it within 5 hours of the deed. These are often the culprits if a guy is getting rubbery syndrome, where its hard enough to work with, but not really the ideal riggidity that you want to have.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

If she said she wanted to go out again, ask her out, make sure she knows it's a date. If she flakes out or spurns your advances, move on.

I did. She seems to like the fact that we're "dating" instead of the fact that "we" are dating. Said she wanted to chose the venue this time and would let me know.

It's strange, a month ago I would've wanted to marry this girl on the spot. But when we do meet up there's very little sexual attraction that she betrays (maybe she's THAT good?). Maybe I need to enjoy the moment and just shut the **** up.

(I'll be doing the latter).

Maybe it's because I'm a very unconventional lady, but the biggest ice breaker a guy could ever utilize is having a PSP and a copy of Monster Hunter Portable 3rd, or to a lesser degree Freedom Unite (Or pretty soon I will be getting a Japanese 3DS and a copy of Monster Hunter Tri G.) and having some fun hunting together. If a guy can become interested in that game series and want to play it with me that is a very good bonding experience in my book.

It also means you're a special lady Jinouga. And I never took you to be that big of a gamer

From where I'm parked though, most women are oblivious to games. The only ones being Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat, and even those rather few. I gave Portal to the girl I'm talking about, and she only liked the after-credits song.

I was almost certain that EVERYONE here would advise me NOT to do this.

Now that I have SHH's go-ahead, I may venture forth.

Make sure your girl really REALLY doesn't mind about it. Then have the time of your life. And... never mention it again to her I guess? No? Okay.

 

[Dark Raven]

How's that been working out for you? (hypothetical)

I'm assuming you mean rhetorical, since I can't imagine why you'd be asking me a hypothetical question in this context.

Ever heard the saying "if you do what you have always done, you will get what you always got"? I want you to experiment a bit. Take a risk and send something funny.

Show a bit of a sense of humor. Go ahead and tease a girl a little bit about something in her profile. Light and funny though, don't cross over into brutal insult. The idea is to express you are not taking things too seriously. Keep in mind even the lightest of humor will sometimes get you a negative responce. Also keep in mind we are working with percentages here, and you will get a higher% of replies with some humor in your messages.

Also, don't bother sending a pre-emptive face save, such as "if not its all good". Just seems to show a lack of confidence. Think about how that sounds in person, say it to yourself out loud, and it can come off as very timid sounding. Your basicaly saying you won't be mad if she rejects you. That does not feel like the confident frame of mind.

Well that is probably from a lack of confidence at the moment. I haven't always written that before. Sometimes though it's easy to think that there's an unspoken understanding or even universal acknowledgement among women that they are not attracted to me, so in a way, it's almost a subconsious apology for having even dared to suggest the idea of posing myself as a potential candidate. Not saying this is correct at all, but just explaining my internal reasoning.

I want you to think of some open ended questions to ask the girl, that require more than a yes or no answer. Use it as a follow up when you get a response. It gives you both something to talk about vs. the standard interview process she has done a ton of times. Tell her they are screening/ "getting to know you" questions.

Example: Ask her if money was no issue, where she would take you on a vacation, what activities you would do, where you would eat etc... Describe the vacation in detail, the more the better.

She may ask you what you would do and reverse the roll. That sort of role playing open ended questions are good, in that she has to invest some time into it, and gets her thinking about you some. Its also different than what a lot of guys do, and that is important too.

I do sometimes ask open ended questions about things in their profile. The message I posted earlier is more like the bare bones skeleton of my message with different things changed each time for each individual.

I've had a look at at a few examples of how to write a good first message for online dating sites and there seem to be some good pointers, some of what you've mentioned.

Here's one which seems to have taken a more statistical approach, looking at which techniques have had more of a success rate than others.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

Once a few e-mails have gone back and forth, and given she is near you, then I would go for the numbers, to text her and set up a date.

That's fine in theory. It's getting to that stage when they've seen a photo of me. Like I said, most have stopped corresponding as soon as I've shown them a photo of myself. The only ones who haven't were those who had become somewhat emotionally invested and hadn't seen a proper photo of me yet and then we met in person. I wouldn't ever choose to do it this way if I could help it because I prefer a person knows what I look like from the outset. I don't want to be corresponding for weeks or months.

If she protests on the meeting, I do get a little forward, but the reason I give is a REAL reason. Its that people can build up an unrealistic expecation with something that is only online, and the get dissapointed with what they meet in person after they have emotionally invested, so might as well get that out of the way and meet sooner than later and see if there is in person chemistry.

I would give that same reason too, and I tend to prefer to meet people as quickly as possible. I'm not after a pen pal and prefer not to have to waste my time if unnecessary.

Well I wouldn't jump into an utterly random open-ended question, especially ones that presume you're already in a relationship with her. "If you were on vacation with me.." What a forward young man you are! And I don't know anything about you, how could I answer anyway? Delete.


If you have something in common, ask something about that.


Really, the main thing is NOT to ask the girl to look at your profile and that being the only real call-to-action. If she has half a brain in her head, that's the very first thing she'll do once she gets a message from someone!

Yeah, I can see that and that makes sense.

You certainly wouldn't start a conversation with someone in real life by handing her a business card and saying you work in similar fields, so it would be cool to chat. You'd actually ask real questions, right?

And that makes sense too. I guess it has become too business-like and even generic of late.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Now I've gotten responses with more or less that same message when there's been no photo, but absolutely none when there has been one. In the cases where they have replied, the responses have usually been like "hi, thanks for getting in touch. Your profile sounds interesting too." Then they'll ask about something on my profile or say that something sounds cool, and we'll correspond for a while. Then they'll ask for a photo and I send one, and that's when the bomb drops and they disappear, never to be heard from again.

I have a question - are you only messaging attractive women?

If not, try messaging some women you wouldn't usually go for. Call it an experiment.

If you want people to see past your looks, maybe do the same thing in your own search. Try and see past their looks.

So, I never thought I would write this in my whole life, but I'm about to write it. I actually have an opportunity for [BLACKOUT]a threesome. [/BLACKOUT] Now, my one buddy has been clear on his position: "As awesome as it would be, don't do it." But he doesn't really have any good reasons. And all I can think about is how awesome it would be. t: [BLACKOUT]It would be my girlfriend and her best friend. It started as innocent pillow talk, just joking around, and the topic was brought up for the hell of it, and she was actually giggling at the prospect of it. Since then, it's been brought up to her best friend, and for all intents and purposes, everyone's in!! [/BLACKOUT] WHAT SHOULD I DO????

Threesomes can be very weird.

I've had two. I don't regret either of them. They were both fun and spontaneous , I was at university age and experimenting with new things.

I will say though, that I'd never be comfortable having one while in a committed relationship though.

One or the other of you may think your partner is enjoying sex with the third party more than with you. I know I couldn't stand it if my boyfriend was having sex with a woman and it looked like he was having a better time than when he was with me...

And you've got the added dynamic of it being her best friend, who I certainly wouldn't trust him around her again after that, I'd be paranoid he'd then have the hots for her and want another go after such a good night with her.

Also, have they ever done anything with each other before? Not that I'm saying she might turn lesbian, but while her friend says she's cool with it, she might actually find being intimate and touching each other and kissing and stuff makes their friendship incredibly awkward after that... Depends on the kind of friendship they have.

But hey, If you go for it, good luck and enjoy!

Probably just cuz of the subject matter.

So just a general question about sex...

I always hear about how virgins... well... don't perform well the first time. On the side of the males, they won't last very long.

So about that... how do women feel about a guy who, well, might not last long on one go, but is willing and able to go numerous times? Is that an acceptable substitute in lieu of just going at it non-stop for one continuous run?

Personally, I have only ever had guys who last a reasonable time or last too long. In fact I've had way too many that lasted way too long. It gets boring, and in some cases even starts to hurt.

I would MUCH rather have a guy who might not last long in the actual act, but will spend some time on other areas, than have a guy going at it like it's a marathon and whoever lasts longest is the winner...

Personally, if a guy finishes quickly I find it incredibly flattering. I take it to mean I'm THAT hot, he was THAT turned on that he couldn't contain himself

 

[Dark Raven]

I was almost certain that EVERYONE here would advise me NOT to do this.

Now that I have SHH's go-ahead, I may venture forth.

I'm kind of nervous. I might seriously need a blue pill. It's going to be extremely weird, yet extremely awesome. I've only had sex with my girlfriend, and it's been almost 5 years. It's going to be insane experiencing it with someone else, while NOT cheating, AND while my girl is right there.

Since I won't be able to get the blue pill (most likely), any tips on lasting longer? Are there any vitamins or something? Will getting drunk help? (I don't want to get drunk - I want to remember every single detail until I go to my grave and beyond).

Have you discussed it with both your gf and best friend together at the same time? Make sure that they're not just having a laugh. You don't want to find out that they wouldn't really be up for it when it comes down to the deed.

As for everyone on SHH giving you the green light, I'm sure that's because they find the idea of getting it on with two girls very hot. Is your gf's best friend hot, because if not, then you'll definitely need that blue pill to keep your end up.

I would say make sure your gf and her bff are really getting it on and enjoying themselves in bed together first before moving in too quickly. You don't want to seem too into her friend or that might cause problems. I'm assuming you want to see them having lesbian sex together and not just giving attention to you but not really interacting with each other? Do you know what to expect?

And why doesn't your gf or her bff mind doing this? Do they have some bisexual tendencies themselves? You should find out.

I have a question - are you only messaging attractive women?

Not at all. Of course, they have to be moderately attractive to me with at least some potential for a relationship. I'm avoiding those who appear to be very stunning because I'm guessing right away that they wouldn't even be interested and that they would have a wide choice of candidates if lots of people message them.

If not, try messaging some women you wouldn't usually go for. Call it an experiment.


If you want people to see past your looks, maybe do the same thing in your own search. Try and see past their looks.

I have tried to experiment a bit, even for the sake of "securing" more dates even just to prime the pump, so to speak. I haven't had any success though.

 

[WillardNation]

And I'm going to reiterate my point about laying down ground rules. Make sure your gf is cool with whatever you do.


While we're on the subject of sex, is it just me or is one of the biggest turnoffs in sex the word "no". The past two girls I've slept with have both declined to do things while having sex. And they weren't any weird requests or fetishes or anything. The first girl just refused to do it doggie style and the second girl is just kind of boring in bed so I simply said, "Talk to me." I, personally, am a big fan of not even necessarily "dirty talk" (although I definitely don't have a problem with that) but just communication. Her reply was, "No. That's weird." Weird?! Since when is talking during sex weird? I was totally flabbergasted by that comment.

I can understand if I broke out some crazy costumes or toys or something but a simple position and communicating? Those are pretty goddamn vanilla if you ask me.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I'm assuming you mean rhetorical, since I can't imagine why you'd be asking me a hypothetical question in this context.

Your assumption is correct.

You catching SuperMike in a brain fart gets you the prize behind door number 3.

 

[steintym]

I was almost certain that EVERYONE here would advise me NOT to do this.

Now that I have SHH's go-ahead, I may venture forth.

I'm kind of nervous. I might seriously need a blue pill. It's going to be extremely weird, yet extremely awesome. I've only had sex with my girlfriend, and it's been almost 5 years. It's going to be insane experiencing it with someone else, while NOT cheating, AND while my girl is right there.

Since I won't be able to get the blue pill (most likely), any tips on lasting longer? Are there any vitamins or something? Will getting drunk help? (I don't want to get drunk - I want to remember every single detail until I go to my grave and beyond).

Go for it and good luck.

Actually, a couple of drinks actually helps me. Just don't go overboard and get sloppy drunk. If you don't over do it, a few beverages might help the nerves and stamina.

 

[Erzengel]

And I'm going to reiterate my point about laying down ground rules. Make sure your gf is cool with whatever you do.


While we're on the subject of sex, is it just me or is one of the biggest turnoffs in sex the word "no". The past two girls I've slept with have both declined to do things while having sex. And they weren't any weird requests or fetishes or anything. The first girl just refused to do it doggie style and the second girl is just kind of boring in bed so I simply said, "Talk to me." I, personally, am a big fan of not even necessarily "dirty talk" (although I definitely don't have a problem with that) but just communication. Her reply was, "No. That's weird." Weird?! Since when is talking during sex weird? I was totally flabbergasted by that comment.

I can understand if I broke out some crazy costumes or toys or something but a simple position and communicating? Those are pretty goddamn vanilla if you ask me.

Sexual compatibility is very important. Almost a deal breaker. But, not automatic. You should also attempt to talk to your partner and say, hey let's try this.

Or, in terms of different positions, just flip them over without telling them.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Not at all. Of course, they have to be moderately attractive to me with at least some potential for a relationship. I'm avoiding those who appear to be very stunning because I'm guessing right away that they wouldn't even be interested and that they would have a wide choice of candidates if lots of people message them.

I have tried to experiment a bit, even for the sake of "securing" more dates even just to prime the pump, so to speak. I haven't had any success though.

Have you had any success in places other than online? Cause maybe that's just not the medium for you.

I know it's definitely not the medium for me. I joined POF a long time ago, but I must admit, I still get messages from there on a daily basis, but I never reply to them because I just don't really want to date someone that way.

But I don't have people lining up to date in me in the real world. People are attracted to me, but they don't want me to be their girlfriend. And I spent a long time being really upset by that, feeling sorry for myself, watching all my friends go from relationship to relationship and wondering what the heck was wrong with me and why no one wanted to go out with me. Thought it must be because i'm not really skinny, or because I have a big forehead and a big shiny nose and wide shoulders and don't have the money for the cutest clothes etc etc.

And hey, I still don't know exactly WHY i've only ever been in one real relationship in my 24 years, and even that was a train wreck. But I do know and accept now that it's little to do with the way I look (You only have to look around you at the couples in the street. There are some damn ugly people in relationships. Sometimes both hideous. Sometimes one hideous, one attractive. etc etc )

And i've actually grown to like being single over the last few years.

Basically, you can be perfectly content being on your own. That doesn mean I wouldn't love to fall in love again and feel that wonderful feeling and get swept away by it. It doesn't mean that I don't get confused about the people in my life sometimes and wonder if there's deeper feelings there. And it doesn't mean I don't cry when I watch the Notebook

But if you spend a really long time trying really hard to find someone, and it just isn't happening... stop trying. Start 'loving yourself', and I don't mean that in a cheesy way. But just start being more of an assertive, independant and free spirited person, and find the happiness in your life that is not dependant on someone elses input.

I know that some people have found the loves of their lives online. My best friend found her husband online, and Anita here is very happy because of her online dating experiences. So maybe still keep an eye out.

But it's just not going to happen for everyone, unfortunately

And I'm going to reiterate my point about laying down ground rules. Make sure your gf is cool with whatever you do.

While we're on the subject of sex, is it just me or is one of the biggest turnoffs in sex the word "no". The past two girls I've slept with have both declined to do things while having sex. And they weren't any weird requests or fetishes or anything. The first girl just refused to do it doggie style and the second girl is just kind of boring in bed so I simply said, "Talk to me." I, personally, am a big fan of not even necessarily "dirty talk" (although I definitely don't have a problem with that) but just communication. Her reply was, "No. That's weird." Weird?! Since when is talking during sex weird? I was totally flabbergasted by that comment.

I can understand if I broke out some crazy costumes or toys or something but a simple position and communicating? Those are pretty goddamn vanilla if you ask me.

Depends if the 'No' is real, or part of a domination game. (I.e. 'Take your shirt off' 'No' 'Fine, i'll do it myself' *Rips shirt off*)

Saying no to doggie is a bit odd... then again, maybe it hurts her at that angle, you never know. And i'm sure anyone who says no to dirty talk just doesn't have a clue what to say and so defensively makes you look weird for asking...

TBH, i've never talked dirty, but if a guy sprung it on me I'd give it a go

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Sexual compatibility is very important. Almost a deal breaker. But, not automatic. You should also attempt to talk to your partner and say, hey let's try this.

Or, in terms of different positions, just flip them over without telling them.

I dunno how well that works. If I didn't wanna do doggie, no one could flip me into the position to do it! I mean, I have a guy once try to slip it in the wrong hole... and then pretended it was an accident... as if I didn't know he was just seeing what i'd do

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Well that is probably from a lack of confidence at the moment. I haven't always written that before. Sometimes though it's easy to think that there's an unspoken understanding or even universal acknowledgement among women that they are not attracted to me, so in a way, it's almost a subconsious apology for having even dared to suggest the idea of posing myself as a potential candidate. Not saying this is correct at all, but just explaining my internal reasoning.

I do sometimes ask open ended questions about things in their profile. The message I posted earlier is more like the bare bones skeleton of my message with different things changed each time for each individual.

I've had a look at at a few examples of how to write a good first message for online dating sites and there seem to be some good pointers, some of what you've mentioned.

Here's one which seems to have taken a more statistical approach, looking at which techniques have had more of a success rate than others.

As far as initial openers goes, try to think of something light and humorous that she has not already heard 100x. Something cute can work too, the important things are:

1. Light humor
2. Don’t say anything hurtful in your humor
3. Don’t write too much

When you mention that you include more, that could be what is killing it for you. I love to type and to talk myself, and talking too much was the one issue I consciously keep a hold on when with a woman, and this also applies to e-dating.

You want the opener to be a quick snapshot, a little advertisement, something to get her looking to find out more about you.

Its best to avoid going into detail about why you are perfect for her, or anything that looks like you are overly eager to impress her, which indicates emotional investment. To most women, early emotional investment on behalf of a male is creepy. So don’t do that.

Ok, so you sent the girl a good opener, stage two is the open ended questions, which can go back and forth several times. Then go for the number, "I’ll text you, we should meet" sort of thing.

Now where it looks like your lack of confidence is coming from is your looks. Now you are Asian, you have said and you live in the UK? Do you mean Asian as in middle east, Arab or Persian looking, OR Eastern Asian, like Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Thai etc…? Just curios.

Either way, if you feel that your genetic looks are sub-par, I got some very good news for you. You as a man have far more options to increase your visual attractiveness to women.

Now, because I’m not an equalist, I don’t suggest the same thing for everybody.

For men who are naturally really good looking, it can actually help to dress down a notch. Less impressive clothing on a good healthy genetic showing of symmetrical features, high and wide cheekbones etc… Can make a supermodel looking male seem just a little more accessible to a higher% of women who might otherwise assume he is out of their league if he is dressed too well. This obviously depends on the situation and setting.

Now for guys who have a little less in the way of DNA given good looks, dressing a notch up can help tremendously in that your perceived attractiveness will go up with it.

I got to run, but in meantime google fashion advice for guys of your height, build and age group. Possibly ethnicity too, some things work better for Asians than others for example. You may find some very good ideas on things to wear. Number 1 suggestion there is to get some nice shoes, this helps more in person than online obviously.

 

[Erzengel]

It depends how aggressive someone wants to be or how open their partner is. And in the heat of the moment, some things just "happen".

 

[Anita18]

Well that is probably from a lack of confidence at the moment. I haven't always written that before. Sometimes though it's easy to think that there's an unspoken understanding or even universal acknowledgement among women that they are not attracted to me, so in a way, it's almost a subconsious apology for having even dared to suggest the idea of posing myself as a potential candidate. Not saying this is correct at all, but just explaining my internal reasoning.

And my answer to that is to get over yourself. (Not usually advice little ol' nice me would give ,but I think you're strong enough to take it. t You don't think you're attractive so you assume everyone must feel the same way. So much so that you're literally making it come true yourself in by introducing yourself with this low confidence. You might thing that opener you gave us just seems nice, but it also screams, "You won't like me anyway so don't waste your time."

People are on an online dating site to meet other people. The main point is to start a conversation, LIKE you are meeting someone in person. Sure, looking at profiles is where people shop on superficialities (picture, occupation, hobbies), but that stops the second you actually reach out to someone. Insist that they get to know you as a person.

That's great that you're messaging them first - that way, you give yourself a chance with women who would have initially passed your profile over. It's your chance to get them emotionally invested in you, just like you want them to do. If you have a really cool/personable first message, women's first impressions of you will be good and then the profile view would come from a better place. It's certainly better than the opposite option, where your message screams low confidence and then the women check out your profile photo and figure they agree.

People's opinions can be swayed very much by presentation as much as the actual content. Always have that in mind. It'll serve you well in business as well as pleasure.

Personally, I have only ever had guys who last a reasonable time or last too long. In fact I've had way too many that lasted way too long. It gets boring, and in some cases even starts to hurt.

I would MUCH rather have a guy who might not last long in the actual act, but will spend some time on other areas, than have a guy going at it like it's a marathon and whoever lasts longest is the winner...

Personally, if a guy finishes quickly I find it incredibly flattering. I take it to mean I'm THAT hot, he was THAT turned on that he couldn't contain himself

Hah my friend and I were talking about this recently - our partners last too long and we're "done" waaay before they are!

And no, my bf doesn't keep going at it like the Energizer Bunny once I've had my fill. It hurts then. And he has....other things he really likes me to be doing.

Not at all. Of course, they have to be moderately attractive to me with at least some potential for a relationship. I'm avoiding those who appear to be very stunning because I'm guessing right away that they wouldn't even be interested and that they would have a wide choice of candidates if lots of people message them.

Not to mention all of the really attractive women spend a lot of time and money making themselves look that way. You really have to ask yourself if you want a gf who spends hours and lots of $$$ (really, dudes, you have no idea how expensive this stuff is!) on hair and makeup before going out the door, and who doesn't look nearly as stunning without it.

Well some women are incredibly lucky and look stunning all the time, like Natalie Portman. But they're very rare.

While we're on the subject of sex, is it just me or is one of the biggest turnoffs in sex the word "no". The past two girls I've slept with have both declined to do things while having sex. And they weren't any weird requests or fetishes or anything. The first girl just refused to do it doggie style and the second girl is just kind of boring in bed so I simply said, "Talk to me." I, personally, am a big fan of not even necessarily "dirty talk" (although I definitely don't have a problem with that) but just communication. Her reply was, "No. That's weird." Weird?! Since when is talking during sex weird? I was totally flabbergasted by that comment.

I can understand if I broke out some crazy costumes or toys or something but a simple position and communicating? Those are pretty goddamn vanilla if you ask me.

Pffft, I was a virgin until 25, having only slept with one guy, and yeah, even that sounds vanilla! I've been talking to other people about stuff like that and it's actually making me feel better since it seems like I'm actually one of the relatively more adventurous women out there. So yeah, don't count out the virgins, people!

But...there are things I will not do. One of the major ones (you can probably figure out which), we actually tried and I DID NOT LIKE ONE IOTA. It was quite literally one of the most painful experiences in my life. So I think it's fair that I put a kibosh to that right away.

And I've had to tell my bf "We have to stop" when things actually start hurting because my uterus is hanging too low or something. And there was that period of time where I was recovering from stomach flu and wasn't in the mood for months. I was very grateful my bf didn't treat me like I was a blow-up doll and owed him sex because I was his gf.

 

[Anita18]

Sexual compatibility is very important. Almost a deal breaker. But, not automatic. You should also attempt to talk to your partner and say, hey let's try this.

Or, in terms of different positions, just flip them over without telling them.

Won't work with some couples. And yeah, some positions are more painful than others so IMO WillardNation did the right thing by at least asking.

 

[Erzengel]

Some couples. Not all couples.

 

[Anita18]

Gorilla and flea?

I have kicked my bf in the head while changing positions, so it probably behooves him to tell me what he wants me to do so I can be careful about it.

 

[Rocketman]

Neither my gf or her bff are bi. They're just playful and innocent. And they're close friends. We've all known each other long enough that it wouldn't be too weird. They most likely won't be giving each other attention in bed. The focus will probably be on me.

But my issue is indeed involving my girlfriend suddenly becoming weird at the prospect of me preferring her friend, which TOTALLY would not be the case. I'm not going to lie, both my gf and her bff are pretty goddamn attractive, and both fit my tastes 100%. I just don't want my gf suddenly becoming paranoid that I would want to leave her for the friend, because I totally would never do that.

I think the situation here is summed up like this. My girlfriend's best friend is single, she can't find a good guy, and she wants some action. She doesn't want to be a skank and date random jerks, and she already knows that I'm a good guy (which I am). So it's simply a case of my girlfriend and her "sharing" me for a night (or beyond), and everyone benefits. She's horny. We're horny. We're all close. We know each other. Why not?

And on my relationship's end of the spectrum, we've been together for 5 years. We want to spice things up. We try to add a new twist every once in a while, and now this is going one step further. We haven't hit a rut or anything, but the idea of adding a new level of excitement doesn't seem too dangerous to me or her (for now).

I'll be honest. I'd looove to bang her friend. I'm human. I can't help it. But I would never cheat on my girlfriend, and I would never do it unless my girlfriend's actually present in the room, sharing the experience with me. Sounds okay to me.

 

[Erzengel]

Just realize, this could change your relationship with your gf. But I've known some girls who it wasn't a big deal at all.

I mean using a condom will, increase your stamina slightly. Maybe, a little "There's Something About Mary," a few hours before so you won't be a two pumper.

 

[Erzengel]

Gorilla and flea?

I have kicked my bf in the head while changing positions, so it probably behooves him to tell me what he wants me to do so I can be careful about it.

Some people are more dominant than others. Pushing, pulling, flipping, carrying, etc.

 

[The Guard]

Rocketman,

I would just say make damn sure that your girlfriend is actually okay with the idea, and stable enough to handle it.

Is she generally the secure type, or is she often insecure and jealous? Has she done the menage a tois thing before, with other boyfriends and or/friends?

Because as fantastic as the idea of a threesome (do I have to bleep that out?) is, there's a world of difference between giggling about it with your significant other and their friends, and being turned on by the idea, and actually doing it, and being okay with it.

This is coming from someone who had a relationship of 10 years, who had the chance to do it, and my wife of three years first agreed to it, then planned it, and then abruptly left me over the fact that I would even consider such a thing. (No, that's not all it was about, but it was a big part of it).

Personally, I think if you have stable relationships with both of them, and a girlfriend and friend who are fairly secure with themselves and cool with it, that's something fairly special, and go for it. Just make sure.