The Last Crusade of Relationships

[Dark Raven]

LOL, I've seen Geoffrey Arend act and there isn't anything particularly intriguing about it.


So you don't get ANY responses AT ALL when you post a picture? I find that highly doubtful. Do you make an attempt to message women? There could also be something about the kind of pictures you put up. Photos where you look uncomfortable are uncomfortable to look at. Be doing something interesting. Smile a little, or at least look like you aren't at gunpoint. My bf is TERRIBLE at taking photos. I assure you, 95% of them are him grimacing uncomfortably. But even he managed to scrounge up 2-3 photos where he's looking pretty nice.

I've always messaged the women. I never wait for them to message me.

I'm always smiling in my photos and often they are doing some activity. I wouldn't ever post something where I looked even remotely uncomfortable. Anyone who did know me would think they are nice, cheerful photos.


So far when having a photo however, I haven't received any responses. I've kept a record of it. I remember once though that when I didn't have a photo, back in the early days of the internet, a girl did get to know me quite well without having ever seen me. It was only sometime later she did see me, by which time her emotions were already invested in me, having gotten to know my personality first before my face. However, we never did meet up because she was overseas in the US and couldn't handle a long distance relationship. I don't blame her as I don't want that either. I need someone who is actually here.


Other times where I've not posted anything, at least people have responded to my messages, and as mentioned before, I even went on a couple of blind dates out of these but they didn't work out. I do remember though in one case with someone who did respond, when she later asked for a photo and I sent one, she stopped ever writing ever again. That happened actually more than once.

But even if it is true and you are "too ugly" to be attractive to whatever women you've come across...what are you going to do about it? Surely giving up and becoming a recluse isn't on your list of things to do.

Well I was thinking of giving up actually and getting a pet instead.

But when I say "too ugly" in this specific case, I'm talking about online dating services where they do judge on photos. In real life people might get to know me without thinking in terms of dating at all, and then later once they've got to know me their feelings might change. Online though, where the focus is specifically dating and you're presenting yourself as a potential date, the woman has to make a quick evaluation there and then based on your photo whether she does want to invest any time in you. So far, no one has when a photo has been present.

^ I want to know what these messages Dark Raven is sending.



Dark Raven, can you post an example of some of the messages you have sent?



Are you willing to copy and paste what your profile says here? (you can leave your picture out)

It's difficult to post a profile without it being too specific or leaving large chunks out.


However, as for messages, it's basically something to the effect of:

"Hi, I came across your profile and thought it sounded really interesting for [X reason]. [potential question about that]. I'm a/ I do [common interest] too. Maybe you'd like to check out my profile as it seems we have quite a few things in common and thought it would be cool to chat. Do drop me a line and say hi.

Hope to hear from you soon but no problem if not."

It will usually be some variant of that. Nothing too long or demanding too much at such an early stage, and certainly not suggesting that the woman might want to consider me as a potential candidate. It's all very light and casual.


Now I've gotten responses with more or less that same message when there's been no photo, but absolutely none when there has been one. In the cases where they have replied, the responses have usually been like "hi, thanks for getting in touch. Your profile sounds interesting too." Then they'll ask about something on my profile or say that something sounds cool, and we'll correspond for a while. Then they'll ask for a photo and I send one, and that's when the bomb drops and they disappear, never to be heard from again.

 

[Anita18]

Other times where I've not posted anything, at least people have responded to my messages, and as mentioned before, I even went on a couple of blind dates out of these but they didn't work out. I do remember though in one case with someone who did respond, when she later asked for a photo and I sent one, she stopped ever writing ever again. That happened actually more than once.

That's happened to me too bub. I put up a personals ad on Craigslist with a side pic of me with my face mostly hidden (mostly for s***s and giggles) and got about 1000 messages. Obviously in order for it to be manageable, I weeded down the pool by A LOT but probably 70% of the guys I wrote back with a full-on face pic never got back to me. Hence my calling myself a butterface. I know I'm not that pretty in the face to most people and that guys mostly like my legs/butt. It's just sort of the honest truth.

But my bf thinks I have a very pretty face so there's bound to be SOMEBODY out there who'd like yours too.

Well I was thinking of giving up actually and getting a pet instead.

You could get a pet and meet girls that way because we LOVE puppies and kittens.

But when I say "too ugly" in this specific case, I'm talking about online dating services where they do judge on photos. In real life people might get to know me without thinking in terms of dating at all, and then later once they've got to know me their feelings might change. Online though, where the focus is specifically dating and you're presenting yourself as a potential date, the woman has to make a quick evaluation there and then based on your photo whether she does want to invest any time in you. So far, no one has when a photo has been present.

Then...you think meeting people in real life works better for you. Then go for it.

For me, online dating was a chance to meet people without having to actually meet them one-by-one in person, which was a boon to an introverted hermit like me. But if you're not an introverted hermit, you should definitely pursue other avenues. My sister and my cousin met their SOs social dancing. Might as well give that a try to meet an intelligent Asian woman.

However, as for messages, it's basically something to the effect of:

"Hi, I came across your profile and thought it sounded really interesting for [X reason]. [potential question about that]. I'm a/ I do [common interest] too. Maybe you'd like to check out my profile as it seems we have quite a few things in common and thought it would be cool to chat. Do drop me a line and say hi.

Hope to hear from you soon but no problem if not."

It will usually be some variant of that. Nothing too long or demanding too much at such an early stage, and certainly not suggesting that the woman might want to consider me as a potential candidate. It's all very light and casual.

And keelingly boring.

Sorry dude, I'd delete that message because it's too generic and sounds too planned. It's kind of the opposite of casual for me. Don't be afraid to be spontaneous and off-the-cuff! Think more fun and jokey like you're with friends and less business-like.

I'm pretty sure my first message to my bf (who used the username of StrongBadFan on POF - and no, you won't find him there anymore) went something like, "Hey I know Strong Bad! I love TROGDOR THE BURNINATOR!"

 

[SuperMike335!!]

It's difficult to post a profile without it being too specific or leaving large chunks out.

However, as for messages, it's basically something to the effect of:

"Hi, I came across your profile and thought it sounded really interesting for [X reason]. [potential question about that]. I'm a/ I do [common interest] too. Maybe you'd like to check out my profile as it seems we have quite a few things in common and thought it would be cool to chat. Do drop me a line and say hi.

Hope to hear from you soon but no problem if not."

It will usually be some variant of that. Nothing too long or demanding too much at such an early stage, and certainly not suggesting that the woman might want to consider me as a potential candidate. It's all very light and casual.

Now I've gotten responses with more or less that same message when there's been no photo, but absolutely none when there has been one. In the cases where they have replied, the responses have usually been like "hi, thanks for getting in touch. Your profile sounds interesting too." Then they'll ask about something on my profile or say that something sounds cool, and we'll correspond for a while. Then they'll ask for a photo and I send one, and that's when the bomb drops and they disappear, never to be heard from again.

How's that been working out for you? (hypothetical)

Ever heard the saying "if you do what you have always done, you will get what you always got"? I want you to experiment a bit. Take a risk and send something funny.

Show a bit of a sense of humor. Go ahead and tease a girl a little bit about something in her profile. Light and funny though, don't cross over into brutal insult. The idea is to express you are not taking things too seriously. Keep in mind even the lightest of humor will sometimes get you a negative responce. Also keep in mind we are working with percentages here, and you will get a higher% of replies with some humor in your messages.

Also, don't bother sending a pre-emptive face save, such as "if not its all good". Just seems to show a lack of confidence. Think about how that sounds in person, say it to yourself out loud, and it can come off as very timid sounding. Your basicaly saying you won't be mad if she rejects you. That does not feel like the confident frame of mind.

I want you to think of some open ended questions to ask the girl, that require more than a yes or no answer. Use it as a follow up when you get a response. It gives you both something to talk about vs. the standard interview process she has done a ton of times. Tell her they are screening/ "getting to know you" questions.

Example: Ask her if money was no issue, where she would take you on a vacation, what activities you would do, where you would eat etc... Describe the vacation in detail, the more the better.

She may ask you what you would do and reverse the roll. That sort of role playing open ended questions are good, in that she has to invest some time into it, and gets her thinking about you some. Its also different than what a lot of guys do, and that is important too.

Once a few e-mails have gone back and forth, and given she is near you, then I would go for the numbers, to text her and set up a date.

If she protests on the meeting, I do get a little forward, but the reason I give is a REAL reason. Its that people can build up an unrealistic expecation with something that is only online, and the get dissapointed with what they meet in person after they have emotionally invested, so might as well get that out of the way and meet sooner than later and see if there is in person chemistry.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

^ add to that here is an example of a funny opener:

"Sorry I was late, I was busy slaying dragons, rescuing maidens, and defeating an evil wizard. I got turned into a frog there for a little while, and it was sort of a long story, but you have to see the jeweled princess Taria I found. Um… You are a Princes right?"

 

[Rocketman]

So, I never thought I would write this in my whole life, but I'm about to write it. I actually have an opportunity for [BLACKOUT]a threesome. [/BLACKOUT] Now, my one buddy has been clear on his position: "As awesome as it would be, don't do it." But he doesn't really have any good reasons. And all I can think about is how awesome it would be. t: [BLACKOUT]It would be my girlfriend and her best friend. It started as innocent pillow talk, just joking around, and the topic was brought up for the hell of it, and she was actually giggling at the prospect of it. Since then, it's been brought up to her best friend, and for all intents and purposes, everyone's in!! [/BLACKOUT] WHAT SHOULD I DO????

 

[Anubis]

Do it. At least when she dumps you for her friend, you'll have a cool story to tell people.

 

[Rocketman]

Do it. At least when she dumps you for her friend, you'll have a cool story to tell people.

As funny as this is, I'm worried about me and her breaking up. But honestly, that shouldn't happen. We're just being a silly, fun couple, just once. We've been together for almost 5 years. My fingers are crossed that her best friend isn't a homewrecker.

I should do it? Seriously?

 

[Anita18]

How's that been working out for you? (hypothetical)

Ever heard the saying "if you do what you have always done, you will get what you always got"? I want you to experiment a bit. Take a risk and send something funny.

Show a bit of a sense of humor. Go ahead and tease a girl a little bit about something in her profile. Light and funny though, don't cross over into brutal insult. The idea is to express you are not taking things too seriously. Keep in mind even the lightest of humor will sometimes get you a negative responce. Also keep in mind we are working with percentages here, and you will get a higher% of replies with some humor in your messages.

Also, don't bother sending a pre-emptive face save, such as "if not its all good". Just seems to show a lack of confidence. Think about how that sounds in person, say it to yourself out loud, and it can come off as very timid sounding. Your basicaly saying you won't be mad if she rejects you. That does not feel like the confident frame of mind.

I want you to think of some open ended questions to ask the girl, that require more than a yes or no answer. Use it as a follow up when you get a response. It gives you both something to talk about vs. the standard interview process she has done a ton of times. Tell her they are screening/ "getting to know you" questions.

Example: Ask her if money was no issue, where she would take you on a vacation, what activities you would do, where you would eat etc... Describe the vacation in detail, the more the better.

She may ask you what you would do and reverse the roll. That sort of role playing open ended questions are good, in that she has to invest some time into it, and gets her thinking about you some. Its also different than what a lot of guys do, and that is important too.

Once a few e-mails have gone back and forth, and given she is near you, then I would go for the numbers, to text her and set up a date.

If she protests on the meeting, I do get a little forward, but the reason I give is a REAL reason. Its that people can build up an unrealistic expecation with something that is only online, and the get dissapointed with what they meet in person after they have emotionally invested, so might as well get that out of the way and meet sooner than later and see if there is in person chemistry.

Well I wouldn't jump into an utterly random open-ended question, especially ones that presume you're already in a relationship with her. "If you were on vacation with me.." What a forward young man you are! And I don't know anything about you, how could I answer anyway? Delete.

If you have something in common, ask something about that.

Really, the main thing is NOT to ask the girl to look at your profile and that being the only real call-to-action. If she has half a brain in her head, that's the very first thing she'll do once she gets a message from someone!

You certainly wouldn't start a conversation with someone in real life by handing her a business card and saying you work in similar fields, so it would be cool to chat. You'd actually ask real questions, right?

 

[Anubis]

As funny as this is, I'm worried about me and her breaking up. But honestly, that shouldn't happen. We're just being a silly, fun couple, just once. We've been together for almost 5 years. My fingers are crossed that her best friend isn't a homewrecker.

I should do it? Seriously?

Who came up with the idea? You or her?

 

[Anita18]

Do it. At least when she dumps you for her friend, you'll have a cool story to tell people.

This best friend is a chick, correct?

Well if your girl turns lesbian, there's nothing you can really do there besides cut off your penis, so there should be no shame, right?

 

[Rocketman]

Who came up with the idea? You or her?

I did, but she set the wheels in motion.
It was really a random joke comment on my end during playful snuggling/wrestling, that turned into her saying, "You know what? Okay. Why not? It'll be fun."

From there, her and her best friend (a girl) talked about it. And boom, it was that easy.

 

[Anubis]

Yeah, why not? Knock yourself out.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Well I wouldn't jump into an utterly random open-ended question, especially ones that presume you're already in a relationship with her. "If you were on vacation with me.." What a forward young man you are! And I don't know anything about you, how could I answer anyway? Delete.

Its really easy to just turn your nose up at something, when not really in that situation and say "well that would never work with Meeeee". You have also stated, many times, how you are extremely unique. If something is too forward for 0.02% of the population, and works great with say 99.98% I will still use it. Hell if it works with better than 50% I will still use it, as if I get 10 replies that helps me narrow it down to 5. These are qualifiers. Refusal to have fun and take an imaginary vacation, or other forms of being a sour puss, is a disqualification.

Are you saying that someone should not ask an open ended question until they are already in a relationship? OR did it look like I meant that to be the opener itself?

Maybe I should specify; open ended questions are NOT openers themselves, but for follow up dialogue after contact has already been made with some silly humor. They are one of the best methods to qualify/disqualify someone as well as get to know about them.

I never got a negative response to them ever, but I did get all sort of great ideas for stuff to do on vacations.

I had a lot of fortune with online dating, but none of it was "luck". Using open ended questions as part of back and forth dialogue, as something I did every time, worked very well for me.

They allow someone to get to know more than just "what is your favorite color, animal, food, movie" that has to be about the most boring over used questions ever.

Its also far better than the guy writing a bunch about himself as follow up, which is the e-equivalent of a guy talking too much about himself on a date.

 

[Anita18]

Its really easy to just turn your nose up at something, when not really in that situation and say "well that would never work with Meeeee". You have also stated, many times, how you are extremely unique. If something is too forward for 0.02% of the population, and works great with say 99.98% I will still use it. Hell if it works with better than 50% I will still use it, as if I get 10 replies that helps me narrow it down to 5. These are qualifiers. Refusal to have fun and take an imaginary vacation, or other forms of being a sour puss, is a disqualification.

Are you saying that someone should not ask an open ended question until they are already in a relationship? OR did it look like I meant that to be the opener itself?

Maybe I should specify; open ended questions are NOT openers themselves, but for follow up dialogue after contact has already been made with some silly humor. They are one of the best methods to qualify/disqualify someone as well as get to know about them.

I never got a negative response to them ever, but I did get all sort of great ideas for stuff to do on vacations.

I had a lot of fortune with online dating, but none of it was "luck". Using open ended questions as part of back and forth dialogue, as something I did every time, worked very well for me.

They allow someone to get to know more than just "what is your favorite color, animal, food, movie" that has to be about the most boring over used questions ever.

Its also far better than the guy writing a bunch about himself as follow up, which is the e-equivalent of a guy talking too much about himself on a date.

Hey, at least I don't aggressively claim myself to be super-unique like *cough* some others here.

And yeah the vacation question could totally work as a follow-up. My point is I don't think it would work as a cold opener for Dark Raven. It takes a certain kind of flirty personality to pull that off, and I don't think he naturally has it. So it's better to ease him into some safe ones for now.

 

[WillardNation]

As funny as this is, I'm worried about me and her breaking up. But honestly, that shouldn't happen. We're just being a silly, fun couple, just once. We've been together for almost 5 years. My fingers are crossed that her best friend isn't a homewrecker.

I should do it? Seriously?

Definitely do it. But I would suggest setting some ground rules first. Your girlfriend might say she's down for it but as soon as she sees you ****ing her best friend, her emotions are going to get all kinds of crazy. I've seen this way too many times. So I would say get with your girl and set boundaries. See how cool she is with how far you go with her best friend.

 

[BrollySupersj]

So, I never thought I would write this in my whole life, but I'm about to write it. I actually have an opportunity for [BLACKOUT]a threesome. [/BLACKOUT] Now, my one buddy has been clear on his position: "As awesome as it would be, don't do it." But he doesn't really have any good reasons. And all I can think about is how awesome it would be. t: [BLACKOUT]It would be my girlfriend and her best friend. It started as innocent pillow talk, just joking around, and the topic was brought up for the hell of it, and she was actually giggling at the prospect of it. Since then, it's been brought up to her best friend, and for all intents and purposes, everyone's in!! [/BLACKOUT] WHAT SHOULD I DO????

Make it so.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Hey, at least I don't aggressively claim myself to be super-unique like *cough* some others here.

And yeah the vacation question could totally work as a follow-up. My point is I don't think it would work as a cold opener for Dark Raven. It takes a certain kind of flirty personality to pull that off, and I don't think he naturally has it. So it's better to ease him into some safe ones for now.

That is what I originally meant. Only as a follow up.

First thing he has to do is start getting more replis to the opener. Keep it light and with some humor.

So, I never thought I would write this in my whole life, but I'm about to write it. I actually have an opportunity for [BLACKOUT]a threesome. [/BLACKOUT] Now, my one buddy has been clear on his position: "As awesome as it would be, don't do it." But he doesn't really have any good reasons. And all I can think about is how awesome it would be. t: [BLACKOUT]It would be my girlfriend and her best friend. It started as innocent pillow talk, just joking around, and the topic was brought up for the hell of it, and she was actually giggling at the prospect of it. Since then, it's been brought up to her best friend, and for all intents and purposes, everyone's in!! [/BLACKOUT] WHAT SHOULD I DO????

[BLACKOUT]

I’m not saying you should do this, but it is what I have done, and very glad I did. I would get a hold of a little blue pill, and only take a quarter of it 1 hour before the event.


The reason for this, is that when I got two girls, there is 2x the stimuli, and I only got one penis, and a lot of testosterone. It could be very embarrassing to "blow it" in less than 10 minutes into the event, but a quarter of one those, and right back into action immediately, with almost no refractory time. That way even if you jump the gun you are still in all the events. [/BLACKOUT]

 

[Anita18]

I'd like to see Rocketman's explanation to his doctor as to why he needs such a prescription.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

 

[BrollySupersj]

I'd like to see Rocketman's explanation to his doctor as to why he needs such a prescription.

I'd just be honest. I'm sure the doctor would understand.t:

 

[Anubis]

Be honest, he'll probably hook you up. If he doesn't say, "Aw come on man, you used to be cool." That should work.....get me some Valium while you're at it.

 

[Lily Adler]

Can someone explain to me why we need spoiler bars for a little ménage à trois.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Probably just cuz of the subject matter.

So just a general question about sex...

I always hear about how virgins... well... don't perform well the first time. On the side of the males, they won't last very long.

So about that... how do women feel about a guy who, well, might not last long on one go, but is willing and able to go numerous times? Is that an acceptable substitute in lieu of just going at it non-stop for one continuous run?

 

[Anita18]

Guys "going" is hot so I'd pick the multiple passes, although I've never been faced with such a situation.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

So... I see her again today, and she's giving me a bunch of songs again (wouldn't really read too much into it this time). She said she had 'fun' and would love to go out again this weekend.

But... there's something not right about it. I dunno, I like her a lot and I didn't push her overboard and confess my undying love for her or anything. The other time was great but she doesn't betray anything more than a very, very casual interest in the thing. I still get the vibe that her attachment isn't as profound as mine is. I didn't tell her that though.

Fact that she's at least considering it should be enough but i dunno...

I was telling this to another friend, and she suggests that I ask someone else out. Just might do that? Should I?

EDIT: Maybe I ought to focus on focusing on building myself up more instead of going head long into a relationship or anything like that? Maybe I'm not ready for that yet? A month ago, if this happened, if we started going out I would've been the happiest person in the world. Now i'm getting second guesses every time I talk to her. (That's like... 2 different 'negative vibes' at the same time here )