The Last Crusade of Relationships

[Daniel Thompson]

There are some things you don't force. I don't care if she knew you fought through time and space for her and saved her.

You remind me of a poster here who wanted to give flowers, candy and a gift to a girl he really liked in his class.

Problem though, he never even spoke a word to her. BUT he was already planning introducing himself, and then giving her all these gifts IN class.

You shouldn't listen to your friends. You should listen to yourself and hope this eff ups when you're young teach you how to react to similar situations in the future.

My friends spoke the truth I just did not listen. I said pages back ago, I think I did anyways that she told them at school that she told me she not interested, but the thing is she never told me that at all.

I should of listened to myself, deep down inside I knew she not gonna possibly show up, but I did not want to think that, I tried so many times to give her benefit of the doubt but things just did not seem right at all.

Also difference between me and that poster is I spoke to this female plenty of times in person at school when we went together and on the phone. So it was not like we was strangers.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Um, you can certainly go out with someone if you don't have a job. There's plenty of cheap date options, but if you're the type of guy who thinks he need to wine and dine a girl to impress her well...no helping you out there. You're only looking for a trophy partner, someone to be with but not someone to share your life with. You don't even consider that maybe a girl would be creeped out by an acquaintance telling her he wants her to be his gf. Believe me, I'm a girl, I'm very tolerant of awkward guys (I even like them for the most part), but someone telling me he wants me to be his girlfriend before even a first date is very creepy.

And um, just because you "like" her doesn't mean you should say you want to be in a relationship right away! There's a jump between a crush and a relationship, and who knows, she could be absolutely intolerable one-on-one in an intimate setting. That's what dating is for. There was one guy I met online who looked really good on paper. He even passed my chat-level test, but he was absolutely intolerable on our first date. Well if I had asked him to be my bf before even going out on that first date, I would have been screwed, wouldn't I?

She probably let her feelings for all that known to you in the clearest manner possible. And it worked, you know.

That was a messed up way of doing it. How is it creepy by the way? And I was originally gonna wait until at the end of the hang out to ask her out on a real date but I jumped the shark early, but I think even if I didn't ask her to be my girl she would of flaked out.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

So you guys think this female did nothing wrong to me? That it was all my fault? I mean yeah I did some things I should not have done but leading up to saturday outside of asking her to be my girl I did nothing wrong.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Ok I admit I did everything you said. But only cause I was upset and wanted to know why she played me. And she already knew I liked her for months so I thought I would just ask her before we went out and I did and she said to see how saturday night went. I mean she is the one who told me to call her when I got off work saturday to let her know I was getting ready to hang out, but she had the phone off for hours.

And she was texted me 2 days before saturday and that friday night, so I mean it cannot just be all me thats at fault here, sure I went overboard but I mean I had a reason too cause she flaked on me and I felt upset. But I learned from this expierence, but honestly she had to know I was gonna call and text her when she did not show up saturday night.

And I could not ask her out before because I just got a job and now financially stable to go out with women, thats why I waited to ask her to be my girl and I do not see how I creeped her out by asking her to be my girl when she knew I liked her. I mean I do not see how i'm a stalker since she agreed to these plans and had her phone turned off for hours and did not even tell me why she did not show up, like I said I had a right to call, maybe not alot but had a right to call and be like what the hell was up.

But my friends was right, I played myself at the end cause she ended up being a fraud, like I said she done this to people before, I should of listened to my friends, now I will.

You cannot learn from your mistakes unless you can take a hard critical look at them, and really make sure you realize what you did. Analyze what happened and keep the critical eye on yourself.


You do not need to learn game like a player who wants to nail 100s of women either.


You should at least learn to avoid major mistakes however.

In this case, it was the mistake I used to make. I'd get crazy about a girl.

When I was in my highschool years, I did have the fortune of having a lot of attention from girls, and while that was great, I never seemed to get the girl I always wanted. Funny how it worked out, I would emotionally invest to the extreme in a girl who I had fallen in love with, and I would get rejected. Did everything from calling a girl too many times once (this was before texting), and even wrote an undying love letter to another girl. Didn't get either one of them.

I had no idea why every girlfriend I did get were the ones I put only the minimum amount of effort into, and the ones I put all the effort into failed. The girls I was "sorta kinda" interested in would treat me like a king. The ones I was crazy about treated me like I was crazy. Then I noticed the pattern, and decided to not go crazy about any one particular girl anymore.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So you guys think this female did nothing wrong to me? That it was all my fault? I mean yeah I did some things I should not have done but leading up to saturday outside of asking her to be my girl I did nothing wrong.

Yeah, i'm sorry, I don't see what she did wrong, but hey, that's just me, and i'm sure it's hard to gage the whole situation from explanations of it online

 

[Dark Raven]

Basically, we were living together. We got really close. We hooked up one night. It was one of the most emotional sexual experiences of my life. It felt really right... and at the same time, really odd. I knew him like a brother, moaned at him like a nagging mother and it seemed wrong to start a relationship at that stage. I mean, he's seen me in some of the worst states of my life... he KNOWS the full extent of how mental I am, and i'm not sure I want a guy to know that part of me that well TBH.

Not sure if you meant it this way, but if you were having sex and moaned like a nagging mother, that would be an instant turn off for anyone.

Just imagine the scene in When Harry Met Sally. Instead of Meg Ryan moaning "yes, yes, yes!!!" she says "Have you done your homework yet? Have you done the dishes yet? Why do I need to keep reminding you?"

No-one will want to have what she's having.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

You know what my friend just told me she talked to him at school and said she was busy and was gonna chill with me, and did not understand why I was so mad. So yeah you guys are right, im an idiot and I ****ed up, she did nothing wrong, I did everything wrong. I blew it, and it really sucks now cause I really blew it.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

My roommate said he saw this girl named Karin I knew in a bar. He went up to her and said "You used to f*** my roommate" (he was drunk). Said she didn't like that he said that. She got mad (I wasn't there for this) or something. He told me later that night. I laughed so hard.

 

[Dark Raven]

I doubt you are that ugly. Can you sum up the courage to post a picture here?

Anyway, as for online dating, you're in luck, as women are far more likely to read an entire profile than to go on looks alone. Women rate a man on far more criteria than men use for women.

Do not project our very male sense standards to what women use as criteria.

Make sure your profile is easy to read. Make sure you don't ramble on too much in giving your whole life story either.

Think of it as more of a resume, than an essay.

You want to include some humor too, show that you are not taking this too seriously. Humor shows confidence.

Mention some things you like to do for fun.

Don’t ever write anything that indicates you are out of options or shows that you have resorted to online dating out of desperation.

You want to reframe things in that you are online looking for a girl because the ones you meet in person, while pretty, simply have not really impressed you with who they are as a person. You are looking for a girl who has more to offer than just pretty looks, and being online allows you to read a bit about her first.

Not going to post a photo of myself here. Sorry.

I don't have trouble writing an interesting profile. I've led a generally interesting life filled with different experiences and talents. When I've posted a photo of myself, I usually get zero responses. When I've not put a picture of myself before, I've at least had a few responses.

As an experiment before, I tried not putting a photo and putting "white" as my ethnicity on a site once a few years back, but having everything else about my details exactly the same. I managed to get more responses even from some of the same people who ignored my profile before. So I do think that women still judge by appearance. When there's no photo to immediately put them off, they will look at the profile and think it looks very interesting and give me a chance, but when there is a photo they don't seem to look beyond it.

So yes, women can judge by more criteria than just looks, but if they immediately don't like what they see, they won't allow for the other criteria and you won't even get the chance to prove yourself.

Not saying that I'm ugly per se either. But just as when people on these forums post an actor/ actress suggestion for a character and he/she doesn't fit the typical standard of beauty, people may not be able to look past that. It's only when you later see the actor/actress in something that you can see what they're like and even recognise the beauty in them, particularly if they have a great personality. On an online dating site people can't see that because it's a still picture, and it's easy for people not to photograph well but to look different in person.

 

[Erzengel]

My friends spoke the truth I just did not listen. I said pages back ago, I think I did anyways that she told them at school that she told me she not interested, but the thing is she never told me that at all.

I should of listened to myself, deep down inside I knew she not gonna possibly show up, but I did not want to think that, I tried so many times to give her benefit of the doubt but things just did not seem right at all.

Also difference between me and that poster is I spoke to this female plenty of times in person at school when we went together and on the phone. So it was not like we was strangers.

It wasn't that much better. You asked a girl you never dated before to be your girlfriend. It doesn't matter how many times you spoke at school or on the phone.

You never went on a date with her. You knew she didn't like you. Yet you still asked.

 

[steintym]

My roommate said he saw this girl named Karin I knew in a bar. He went up to her and said "You used to f*** my roommate" (he was drunk). Said she didn't like that he said that. She got mad (I wasn't there for this) or something. He told me later that night. I laughed so hard.

Was she an ex or just a sex buddy?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Not sure if you meant it this way, but if you were having sex and moaned like a nagging mother, that would be an instant turn off for anyone.

Just imagine the scene in When Harry Met Sally. Instead of Meg Ryan moaning "yes, yes, yes!!!" she says "Have you done your homework yet? Have you done the dishes yet? Why do I need to keep reminding you?"

No-one will want to have what she's having.

Nah, that's not how I meant it

I meant that because we'd be living together, i'd occasionally moaned at him previously for leaving the kitchen in a mess and stuff like that... the usual living situation things.

 

[Dark Raven]

You know what my friend just told me she talked to him at school and said she was busy and was gonna chill with me, and did not understand why I was so mad. So yeah you guys are right, im an idiot and I ****ed up, she did nothing wrong, I did everything wrong. I blew it, and it really sucks now cause I really blew it.

You'll just have to learn from this and not make the same mistake in future. Don't read too much into a girl's actions. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way.

Since she wasn't your gf and didn't owe you anything, she didn't reason that she had to account for everything. If she did plan to hang out but was genuinely busy, she might've given you a chance if you were more casual about it and she saw that you weren't too bothered, especially once she got to know you. Now, however, you've probably come across as an extremely intense, needy and possessive person and whatever chance you may have had is now lying in the dust.

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. There will be plenty of other occasions like this. The trick is to learn not to act in the same way. Who knows? Maybe this unfortunate incident might be the thing that actually helps you in future in interacting with girls and giving them space.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

You'll just have to learn from this and not make the same mistake in future. Don't read too much into a girl's actions. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way.

Since she wasn't your gf and didn't owe you anything, she didn't reason that she had to account for everything. If she did plan to hang out but was genuinely busy, she might've given you a chance if you were more casual about it and she saw that you weren't too bothered, especially once she got to know you. Now, however, you've probably come across as an extremely intense, needy and possessive person and whatever chance you may have had is now lying in the dust.

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. There will be plenty of other occasions like this. The trick is to learn not to act in the same way. Who knows? Maybe this unfortunate incident might be the thing that actually helps you in future in interacting with girls and giving them space.

I feel like a dummy though, like I listened to too many people.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I feel like a dummy though, like I listened to too many people.

Did you have a bunch of friends telling you that "you should call her", "have you texted her at least 10x today?" "You have to let her know how interested you are", "you should pin her down as your girlfriend" "have you called to tell her about your life recently, she's probably missin you" ?

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Did you have a bunch of friends telling you that "you should call her", "have you texted her at least 10x today?" "You have to let her know how interested you are", "you should pin her down as your girlfriend" "have you called to tell her about your life recently, she's probably missin you" ?

No one of my friends said she was playing head games with me and frauding, I listened to him and got too emotional and now lost a possibly cool friend. She texted me after I had said sorry saying in her quote ''its cool, you said what you had to say and I'm done''.

I take full blame now man I treated her like **** at the end man, I shouldn ot of done that, that was not cool to do at all man. I should of just been cool and not snap out.

 

[Dark Raven]

Not now, but perhaps in a few weeks or months time (probably months instead of weeks so that it will give you time to get over things too) when things have cooled down, you could always approach her at school and apologise again. You could begin by saying that you know she has every right not to listen to you but to walk away, but you just want her to know that you realise what you did was wrong and why. Tell her how you acted like a jerk, but don't try to justify any of your actions, and don't put the blame on her at all.

Just say that you'd like another chance to be just friends and ask her to forgive you, but leave it up to her and say that you'll leave her alone. If she wants to, she will, but there's no obligation on her part to do so. Don't pressure her either to take you back as a friend. Just say your piece and walk away. At least you've done your bit.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Not now, but perhaps in a few weeks or months time (probably months instead of weeks so that it will give you time to get over things too) when things have cooled down, you could always approach her at school and apologise again. You could begin by saying that you know she has every right not to listen to you but to walk away, but you just want her to know that you realise what you did was wrong and why. Tell her how you acted like a jerk, but don't try to justify any of your actions, and don't put the blame on her at all.

Just say that you'd like another chance to be just friends and ask her to forgive you, but leave it up to her and say that you'll leave her alone. If she wants to, she will, but there's no obligation on her part to do so. Don't pressure her either to take you back as a friend. Just say your piece and walk away. At least you've done your bit.

I already said sorry through text message and tried to call her but she would not pick up her phone. I told her I like to say I'm sorry not through text, but she said I said what I had to say and she was done. I cannot go back now, I mean I ****ed up and it was my fault 100%, but even months down the line I would have already moved on by then.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Not now, but perhaps in a few weeks or months time (probably months instead of weeks so that it will give you time to get over things too) when things have cooled down, you could always approach her at school and apologise again. You could begin by saying that you know she has every right not to listen to you but to walk away, but you just want her to know that you realise what you did was wrong and why. Tell her how you acted like a jerk, but don't try to justify any of your actions, and don't put the blame on her at all.

Just say that you'd like another chance to be just friends and ask her to forgive you, but leave it up to her and say that you'll leave her alone. If she wants to, she will, but there's no obligation on her part to do so. Don't pressure her either to take you back as a friend. Just say your piece and walk away. At least you've done your bit.

I think it would be better off to just move on instead of volunteering for the friend zone. Its cool for guys to have female friends, but I don't think it’s a good idea to keep a girl in your life who things didn't work out with like in that manner. I vote to move on and forget about her.

I already said sorry through text message and tried to call her but she would not pick up her phone. I told her I like to say I'm sorry not through text, but she said I said what I had to say and she was done. I cannot go back now, I mean I ****ed up and it was my fault 100%, but even months down the line I would have already moved on by then.

Yeah, all you can do is pull anchor and move to another fishing spot. You did learn an important and painful lesson, so at least you are not standing there wondering what happened.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

I think it would be better off to just move on instead of volunteering for the friend zone. Its cool for guys to have female friends, but I don't think it’s a good idea to keep a girl in your life who things didn't work out with like in that manner. I vote to move on and forget about her.




Yeah, all you can do is pull anchor and move to another fishing spot. You did learn an important and painful lesson, so at least you are not standing there wondering what happened.

Yeah but it sucks at the sametime man, I let my emotions get the best of me and did not just calm down and relax and think she was busy. I mean my friend told me she told him she was gonna chill with me but she was busy. And he said the samething you guys said, she did not owe me a reason why she did not show up. He said she has family, other friends and I know I'm not the only guy she talks to.

But I messed this one up and will never let this happen again, next time I will know. I mean he said women, not all but some are like that, but I still should not of disrespected her. And I got mixed feeling now, I'm happy I know she did not play me, but at sametime messed up I did her dirty at the end. Cause I know her last BF did her dirty cause she did not want to talk about the relationship, now even though we was just friends I acted like a dick to her.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

We all have made mistakes in the world of relationships and romance. God knows that I have.

It might suck -now-, but trust me, it won't always suck, and if you can learn from it, then all the better, you didn't suffer in vain. God knows that even with my lack of success in obtaining an actual relationship, I've learned a lot of lessons and have improved greatly in terms of how I act when I'm around women. I date more frequently, even if not as frequently as I'd like, including a new girl that I just met and just made plans with.

Learn from it. Move on. You'll be fine.

 

[Anita18]

That was a messed up way of doing it. How is it creepy by the way? And I was originally gonna wait until at the end of the hang out to ask her out on a real date but I jumped the shark early, but I think even if I didn't ask her to be my girl she would of flaked out.

"Hey I only know you as a friend at best but I really want you to be someone I sleep with, pay for, take care of, and generally be really vulnerable for."

It's a BIG jump, and for someone to say that right off the bat even before a date...well, you don't really want to shoot him down straight away, because frankly I wouldn't be sure of the fragility of his mental state nor the extent of his obsession with me.

You know what my friend just told me she talked to him at school and said she was busy and was gonna chill with me, and did not understand why I was so mad. So yeah you guys are right, im an idiot and I ****ed up, she did nothing wrong, I did everything wrong. I blew it, and it really sucks now cause I really blew it.

Unlikely. Most advice that we dole out here is quite flexible if a woman is infatuated with you from the get-go. If she didn't find you attractive to begin with, there wasn't anything you could do to change her mind anyway.

It certainly could be a factor in someone who finds you a little bit attractive, but could take it or leave it depending on your behavior. So it would definitely behoove you to learn from these experiences. But if you've known this girl for a while and she wasn't attracted to you, nothing much you could have done there.

Not going to post a photo of myself here. Sorry.

I don't have trouble writing an interesting profile. I've led a generally interesting life filled with different experiences and talents. When I've posted a photo of myself, I usually get zero responses. When I've not put a picture of myself before, I've at least had a few responses.

As an experiment before, I tried not putting a photo and putting "white" as my ethnicity on a site once a few years back, but having everything else about my details exactly the same. I managed to get more responses even from some of the same people who ignored my profile before. So I do think that women still judge by appearance. When there's no photo to immediately put them off, they will look at the profile and think it looks very interesting and give me a chance, but when there is a photo they don't seem to look beyond it.

So yes, women can judge by more criteria than just looks, but if they immediately don't like what they see, they won't allow for the other criteria and you won't even get the chance to prove yourself.

Not saying that I'm ugly per se either. But just as when people on these forums post an actor/ actress suggestion for a character and he/she doesn't fit the typical standard of beauty, people may not be able to look past that. It's only when you later see the actor/actress in something that you can see what they're like and even recognise the beauty in them, particularly if they have a great personality. On an online dating site people can't see that because it's a still picture, and it's easy for people not to photograph well but to look different in person.

LOL, I've seen Geoffrey Arend act and there isn't anything particularly intriguing about it.

So you don't get ANY responses AT ALL when you post a picture? I find that highly doubtful. Do you make an attempt to message women? There could also be something about the kind of pictures you put up. Photos where you look uncomfortable are uncomfortable to look at. Be doing something interesting. Smile a little, or at least look like you aren't at gunpoint. My bf is TERRIBLE at taking photos. I assure you, 95% of them are him grimacing uncomfortably. But even he managed to scrounge up 2-3 photos where he's looking pretty nice.

But even if it is true and you are "too ugly" to be attractive to whatever women you've come across...what are you going to do about it? Surely giving up and becoming a recluse isn't on your list of things to do.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

^ I want to know what these messages Dark Raven is sending.

Dark Raven, can you post an example of some of the messages you have sent?

Are you willing to copy and paste what your profile says here? (you can leave your picture out)

 

[Daniel Thompson]

"Hey I only know you as a friend at best but I really want you to be someone I sleep with, pay for, take care of, and generally be really vulnerable for."

It's a BIG jump, and for someone to say that right off the bat even before a date...well, you don't really want to shoot him down straight away, because frankly I wouldn't be sure of the fragility of his mental state nor the extent of his obsession with me.


Unlikely. Most advice that we dole out here is quite flexible if a woman is infatuated with you from the get-go. If she didn't find you attractive to begin with, there wasn't anything you could do to change her mind anyway.

It certainly could be a factor in someone who finds you a little bit attractive, but could take it or leave it depending on your behavior. So it would definitely behoove you to learn from these experiences. But if you've known this girl for a while and she wasn't attracted to you, nothing much you could have done there.


LOL, I've seen Geoffrey Arend act and there isn't anything particularly intriguing about it.

So you don't get ANY responses AT ALL when you post a picture? I find that highly doubtful. Do you make an attempt to message women? There could also be something about the kind of pictures you put up. Photos where you look uncomfortable are uncomfortable to look at. Be doing something interesting. Smile a little, or at least look like you aren't at gunpoint. My bf is TERRIBLE at taking photos. I assure you, 95% of them are him grimacing uncomfortably. But even he managed to scrounge up 2-3 photos where he's looking pretty nice.

But even if it is true and you are "too ugly" to be attractive to whatever women you've come across...what are you going to do about it? Surely giving up and becoming a recluse isn't on your list of things to do.

We only known each other for 4 months but she proably was attracted to me. My friend told me she was not lookingfor a relationship just people she could chill with, but again I did not listen and had to force the boyfriend/girlfriend route. Who knows maybe if woulda been cool the whole time, I proably would of eventually hit that but oh well moving on and life lesson.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

We only known each other for 4 months but she proably was attracted to me. My friend told me she was not lookingfor a relationship just people she could chill with, but again I did not listen and had to force the boyfriend/girlfriend route. Who knows maybe if woulda been cool the whole time, I proably would of eventually hit that but oh well moving on and life lesson.

Life lesson.

The lesson being - Don't tell a girl you want her to be your girlfriend when you've never even gone out on a date.

You wanna know why?

As much as you might like a girl, and want her to be your girlfriend, without spending significant time with her (and a few phone calls or text convos doesn't count) you don't know if she's someone you -really- want to be with.

I'm gonna give an example. There was a girl about a year and half ago or so, I was doing a production with her. She is incredibly attractive. Gorgeous. A 5/5. Literally, there isn't a damn thing wrong with her physically. Legs that won't quit. A good ass. **** to boot. And an incredible face.

On top of it, she was fun, flirty, playful, and overall, seemed enjoyable to be around. I had thoughts of wanting to make her my girlfriend.

That was until I went out with her, and started to spend some time with her outside of the production we were doing together, and realized that her personality was ass. She was snobby, stuck up, and just in general not a flattering personality. It turned me off so damn fast.

Not gonna lie, I let her attractiveness pull me back in a couple times, but I had enough experiences with her that I now am glad it never happened between her and I, because it probably would have been a horrible experience.

That's one example. But the fact is, it's pretty common. Just because a girl makes a good impression on you means nothing. You might think that you'd want her to be your girlfriend, but you don't. You want your -idea- of her to be your girlfriend, and that's the difference. You can't tell someone that you want to be with them before you've ever even gotten to know them, and -that- is why expressing such comes off as creepy.

It's a life lesson, you're not some horrible **** up because you made a mistake with a girl. If you -recognize- that it was a mistake, learn from it, and change going forward, and it's gonna be just fine for you. Every guy ever on the face of the planet has made a mistake with women. I guarantee you that everyone in this thread has made mistakes with women. I have, Erz has, SuperMike has, you have... Everyone has. Just like Anita has made mistakes with men, as has Angel Faerie, hopefulsuicide, or ComicChick. Making mistakes is part of life, it's not a reflection of who you are as a person.

Despite how much of a *****e my brother turned into, if there's one thing he said I totally agree with, it's that people aren't defined by the mistakes we make, but rather how we respond to those mistakes.

You'll be fine dude.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?