Confession is good for the Hype. - - Part 11

[Aesop Rocks]

My ex, who is now married, confessed to me a while back and that she still haves strong feelings for me and still likes me and offers me sex still.

 

[Victarion]

I confess I turned 28 a few hours ago, and I don't feel like I have much to say for myself thus far.

I confess the myriad plotlines and vast scope of the sci-fi series I am trying to write both excites and scares me, and sometimes I fear I'm not up to the challenge of pulling it off.

Happy Birthday.

1.) I'm feeling something similar; got my degree and am working toward something, but I still feel like I've got nothing to add to that thusfar. I've been in a perpetual state of "now what?" and "what if?" since graduation.

2.) Same for a science-fantasy I'm doing. My biggest fear is starting a new chapter and worrying that I'm not writing well enough to get the reader to see what I'm seeing.

 

[Schlosser85]

My biggest fear is starting a new chapter and worrying that I'm not writing well enough to get the reader to see what I'm seeing.

I get incredibly frustrated with this sometimes, because I see it all in my head like a movie, and then sometimes I feel like I can't convey it on the page and get bogged down in laboriously descriptive attempts at getting them to see what I have in my mind.

 

[jonathancrane]

I am really sick of the Bechdel Test.

All it has done is create an army of trolls that destroy any discussion of film. On campus, for instance, I will be talking with one of my friends about one of the films I reviewed (I write for a paper,) and and then somebody will jump into the conversation, and exclaim, "Well, (film x) did not pass the Bechdel Test!"

The discussion is officially nuked. No one wants to challenge an arbitrary system, or admit to liking a film that was just labeled cancer (even though it is not): it's political and social suicide. As a result, film is only discussed in private settings, to avoid being subjects of what is evolving into a witch hunt.

 

[Duran Man]

I confess that my Bane impression is starting to interfere with my life.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

My ex, who is now married, confessed to me a while back and that she still haves strong feelings for me and still likes me and offers me sex still.

Tell her to stay away, and make sure you keep your distance from her

 

[Piper Maru]

I confess that my Bane impression is starting to interfere with my life.

Ahhh yes! I was wondering what would break first? Your spirit or your body?"

 

[sabetoonth]

I confess that my Bane impression is starting to interfere with my life.

Stay away from sewers


I confess that I really want to open up this 6 piece IM3 heroclix package I bought yesterday but I know there's no one to play with and so this depresses me.

 

[TX85]

I confess I saw some Super-Hero Porn Parodies last night..And enjoyed them very much!

 

[enterthemadness]

I am really sick of the Bechdel Test.

All it has done is create an army of trolls that destroy any discussion of film. On campus, for instance, I will be talking with one of my friends about one of the films I reviewed (I write for a paper,) and and then somebody will jump into the conversation, and exclaim, "Well, (film x) did not pass the Bechdel Test!"

The discussion is officially nuked. No one wants to challenge an arbitrary system, or admit to liking a film that was just labeled cancer (even though it is not): it's political and social suicide. As a result, film is only discussed in private settings, to avoid being subjects of what is evolving into a witch hunt.

Who gives a crap? Political and social suicide? Is that worse than me admitting I like Alone in the Dark cause it entertains me, but Alone in the Dark 2 with it's better script bored me and I couldn't finish it.

 

[Ultimatehero]

"In your life you seem to have it all
You seem to have control
But deep within your soul
You're losing it"

Heading for a breakdown, maybe.

- Constant recent rejections, next Sunday being mother's day, and seeing two movies last week that had parental abandonment in some form = my psyche took a total bruising.

And this is right on the cusp of having completed a project that's going places and in the midst of others heading the same way -- why must every time something good happens, I get a cold punch in the face knocking me back into emo-dom? It's like Spidey said in 'Blue' "with a good, comes a bad." It's almost like I'm not meant to be happy. That I'm just meant to be a 'messenger' and take gratification from just being a voice. Which beyond flipping sucks.

 

[James]

I confess that quite often when myself and another person get onto a controversial topic and it's clear we're going disagree, I'll just keep my mouth shut to avoid a heated argument. I would rather the other person rant and rave and explain all the reasons why they're right, than try and counter them with my own perspective and end up being annoyed at each other.

Heading for a breakdown, maybe.

- Constant recent rejections, next Sunday being mother's day, and seeing two movies last week that had parental abandonment in some form = my psyche took a total bruising.

And this is right on the cusp of having completed a project that's going places and in the midst of others heading the same way -- why must every time something good happens, I get a cold punch in the face knocking me back into emo-dom? It's like Spidey said in 'Blue' "with a good, comes a bad." It's almost like I'm not meant to be happy. That I'm just meant to be a 'messenger' and take gratification from just being a voice. Which beyond flipping sucks.

Focus on the positive, and draw strength from it. Like most people, I too know a thing or two about bad times. It's not always easy, but it's that or be miserable. Whenever you start having those bad thoughts, think about something directly opposite to that, perhaps even a silver lining. Also, talk to a close friend about what's bothering you, if you don't already. If you don't have a close friend to talk to, do it anyway, they might surprise you.

 

[Ultimatehero]

Outside of my parents, and the very few friends I have, I have no one which always makes me question if I'm destined to be alone to just be forced to give everything into my career. And although it's a career I love, and one that many just dream about, without feeling like I'm grounded and belong none of it matters and it becomes harder to concentrate. Because if it's all there is, I don't find happiness in it. And my mind still goes to asking when I will be free. If I'll be free. I'm not talking suicide although the same thought patterns could be said to go into it. I'm talking something deeper than that. I mean freedom - to live among without all this baggage weighing me down. To finally feel... human and connected. And not to feel angry because there's a hole in me. I think it's that as the years went on, I had the cliche notion that I would send a signal out to the world through film loud enough that my parents would hear me, come back, and suddenly I'll be a real boy like everyone else. And the more I'll be able to connect and the pieces that were broken would get fixed. But the more I age and the closer I get - it all seems the more like some fake fairytale that will never come true. No matter what I am in life, nothing will change. Everything is just disconcerting.

 

[Anita18]

And this is right on the cusp of having completed a project that's going places and in the midst of others heading the same way -- why must every time something good happens, I get a cold punch in the face knocking me back into emo-dom? It's like Spidey said in 'Blue' "with a good, comes a bad." It's almost like I'm not meant to be happy. That I'm just meant to be a 'messenger' and take gratification from just being a voice. Which beyond flipping sucks.

What do you mean? Are you a screenwriter? You're like where everything starts!

I actually wanted to go into graphic design rather than fine art, because I feel my best when I'm helping other people. Fine art feels so self-centered nowadays, that I'd feel trapped and alone if I did that. Even if the folks in fine art like to pretend they're more important to society.

I confess that quite often when myself and another person get onto a controversial topic and it's clear we're going disagree, I'll just keep my mouth shut to avoid a heated argument. I would rather the other person rant and rave and explain all the reasons why they're right, than try and counter them with my own perspective and end up being annoyed at each other.

I think everyone does that. The only time where they don't is on internet forums.

Outside of my parents, and the very few friends I have, I have no one which always makes me question if I'm destined to be alone to just be forced to give everything into my career. And although it's a career I love, and one that many just dream about, without feeling like I'm grounded and belong none of it matters. And my mind still goes to asking when I will be free. If I'll be free. I'm not talking suicide although the same thought patterns could be said to go into it. I'm talking something deeper than that. I mean freedom - to live among.

Sorry to say, but only you are stopping yourself from doing that. If you feel alone and isolated, you will feel that way no matter where you are or what career you aim for. Your parents magically coming back is out of your hands, and you have to move on. Meeting them is something you've built up in your head, and will probably lead to disappointment once you find out they don't have the answers either. Guess what - nobody does.

I'm friends with someone who's a paid screenwriter. She's really into karate and has a close-knit group of friends from that. She doesn't define herself by her job, whereas you actually seem to want to.

My coworker feels trapped by her life. She has two kids and an unsupportive husband (she's secretly gunning for medical school and studying for the MCAT without his knowledge), and her OCD is getting worse and her stress levels are through the roof. But even if she wanted to forget everything and start over, she can't because of her kids. You're young and aren't responsible for anyone. If you need to take time off to figure things out for yourself, do it. It won't get better if you wait.

I already told my coworker that if she gets into medical school, defer it for a year so she can sort out her OCD and anxiety. It obviously isn't going to get better once she's IN medical school, ya know? It'll still be hard with the kids, but at least it'd be one huge thing out of her way and she has more time to herself.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

I placed some members randomly in my ignore list and outed them just for the fun of it, a second time

 

[Ultimatehero]

You've got part of the first part right. But, to the capacity... I basically got sling-shotted to the top five and a part of me still feels like I don't deserve them in my corner at all. Sometimes, I wonder if it was anyone else in my corner, more indie, if I'd feel that way. But, then again, usually I don't feel like I deserve anyone I do have in my life. So maybe that doesn't come out of who they are but just that they are.

I've tried psychology for years. It's just the same old pattern and routine. It goes away for a while then it comes back. It goes away for a while and then it comes back. It's like a never-ending loop I can't break out of. And what I do, I'd say it's another form of therapy that's on top of that. I don't want to define myself by what I do, but when it's practically all that I have? 98% of the people in my life are in my life because they've been stuck with me and are my family. And no matter how hard I try, I can never reduce that percentage and find people who actually do "choose" me and aren't "stuck" with me. Which only furthers the question of - was I thrown out because there's something wrong with me? Because of so many other people have a lot more people who are "choosing" them - why are so few people (to practically none at all) "choosing" me? And until I can break that, I'm always going to question if there is some defect that I just can't see. So the problem is - the thing that always starts my decline to rock bottom - is that outside of what I do, my life is non-existent despite desperately trying for years to have that not be the case.

And I know I'm not "defective" and that there was more to it than that. And the 'logical' side of my mind, or so the books and psychologists tell me, knows that. But the part of me that's the emotional side and still stuck all the way back then? Still has the classic view many who lose a parent or have their parents get divorced think - "what's wrong with me?" I just need to prove that side wrong.

 

[Manic]

I am really sick of the Bechdel Test.

All it has done is create an army of trolls that destroy any discussion of film. On campus, for instance, I will be talking with one of my friends about one of the films I reviewed (I write for a paper,) and and then somebody will jump into the conversation, and exclaim, "Well, (film x) did not pass the Bechdel Test!"

The discussion is officially nuked. No one wants to challenge an arbitrary system, or admit to liking a film that was just labeled cancer (even though it is not): it's political and social suicide. As a result, film is only discussed in private settings, to avoid being subjects of what is evolving into a witch hunt.

The thing about the Bechdel Test is that it's only good for determining how or if multiple female characters are used, but doesn't say anything about the quality of said film. Crappy movies like GI Joe Retaliation pass the Bechdel Test, but movies praised for their strong female leads like Run Lola Run fail it.

 

[The Original Bamfer]

My ex, who is now married, confessed to me a while back and that she still haves strong feelings for me and still likes me and offers me sex still.

Yeah, I'll have to hear it from her.

 

[Anita18]

You've got part of the first part right. But, to the capacity... I basically got sling-shotted to the top five and a part of me still feels like I don't deserve them in my corner at all. Sometimes, I wonder if it was anyone else in my corner, more indie, if I'd feel that way. But, then again, usually I don't feel like I deserve anyone I do have in my life. So maybe that doesn't come out of who they are but just that they are.

I've tried psychology for years. It's just the same old pattern and routine. It goes away for a while then it comes back. It goes away for a while and then it comes back. It's like a never-ending loop I can't break out of. And what I do, I'd say it's another form of therapy that's on top of that. I don't want to define myself by what I do, but when it's practically all that I have? 98% of the people in my life are in my life because they've been stuck with me and are my family. And no matter how hard I try, I can never reduce that percentage and find people who actually do "choose" me and aren't "stuck" with me. Which only furthers the question of - was I thrown out because there's something wrong with me? Because of so many other people have a lot more people who are "choosing" them - why are so few people (to practically none at all) "choosing" me? And until I can break that, I'm always going to question if there is some defect that I just can't see. So the problem is - the thing that always starts my decline to rock bottom - is that outside of what I do, my life is non-existent despite desperately trying for years to have that not be the case.

And I know I'm not "defective" and that there was more to it than that. And the 'logical' side of my mind, or so the books and psychologists tell me, knows that. But the part of me that's the emotional side and still stuck all the way back then? Still has the classic view many who lose a parent or have their parents get divorced think - "what's wrong with me?" I just need to prove that side wrong.

Being able to acknowledge that is the first step. Another is realizing that the world really doesn't revolve around you. Your parents likely gave you up for adoption because of THEIR issues, not because there was something wrong with you. THEY weren't ready or fit to raise a child. THEY decided the best route would be to give you the best opportunity at a productive and happy life, with another family. I'm not a parent, but many parents I know would rather die than part with their children. It's a tremendous sacrifice, one that requires more love than people often realize. So I guess it ultimately is all about you, but in a much different way than you've been approaching it.

And really, I think most people in anyone's given life is family. People seem to have more friends than you because you're spending way too much time on Facebook and comparing yourself to everyone's happy pictures at social gatherings. There actually was a study.

I'm only close with two people that were never "stuck" with me at any point in time: my best friend and my husband. But I have a rich network of people (former classmates, coworkers) who care about me and vice versa, even if I'm not part of their usual "posse." I'm an introvert, and I don't need a huge network of friends. It did take me a long time to acknowledge that and be okay with it, so I think it'll be a long journey for you too.

But once you find acceptance of yourself, curiously you'll actually attract MORE people to you! When you worry about how you come off to other people, you're actually more closed off. When you're comfortable with yourself, people are more comfortable around you. I'm still not part of any new posses (which will probably not ever happen because hubby and I are both extreme introverts ), but I've been able to network more and meet some pretty awesome people.

Also, defining yourself by what you do, as in your job, is very limiting. When I was in the downs and outs in college, feeling alone and rejected by everyone (cause everybody goes through that phase), I convinced myself than I was worthy of existence because, "Well, at least I can draw." Which is kind of stupid, considering all the amazing artists out there. If I really believed that, I'd give up on life completely if I met Drew Struzan. But in reality, we are a very unique combination of abilities and personalities, that make us ourselves.

And I also estimate my OCD, anxious coworker will have a long journey ahead of her to treat her issues. She's been treating them for years. She even said it wasn't that bad until a few months ago. (Well, she's always been OCD, but it's the combination of kids' growing pains, MCAT studying, husband at the end of his rope, that's really been adding up.) But you can't stop trying just because it's a cycle. It's been a cycle for her too, and she will probably never get to my level of calm and optimism, because it's not in her innate personality. But it will help her get over the worst of it, and she is (and you are) worth that.

The thing about the Bechdel Test is that it's only good for determining how or if multiple female characters are used, but doesn't say anything about the quality of said film. Crappy movies like GI Joe Retaliation pass the Bechdel Test, but movies praised for their strong female leads like Run Lola Run fail it.

Yup. I have a somewhat more lax test: are the two female characters in question talking about a man but NOT talking about their romantic relationship with said man? Then it's ok.

 

[Heliflyer]

It sounds patronizing, but being alive is an incredible gift. Most things in this universe are not alive, let alone human to appreciate the experience that we do. So IMO, suicide is a tragedy, because the people who did it were not able to perceive how miraculous being alive actually is.

But yeah, if you feel like crap, life sure can seem sucky. That's why Roger Ebert is one of my heroes. Even when the man couldn't speak, eat, OR drink anymore, he had a zest for life that few people on this earth have.

Even if that is true, it does not support the notion that human life is special/sacred or hunky-dory. That is just human arrogance and hubris.

No, having control of one's death is not cowardice or "wasting potential". What is wasting potential is eating sacks of fatty foods; never pushing limits or taking chances; never living up to one's full potential; never saying 'this may be my only shot, succeed or fail, I have to try'.

It is only in fully understanding one's personal drive, one's internal mechanisms for achievement and happiness that life becomes fulfilled.

I am a writer - been making a living at it for almost eight years now, and I look at the Hemingway model - and I use this because my first career was steeped in adventure and risk - and I understand where Papa was coming from. When he could no longer live life on his terms, when his body no longer responded the way he wanted, he simply said, "okay, I have had a great run but it is time".

I have tremendous respect for that.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

Your body and soul are a trusteeship, you don't take care of it and allow your demise, you lose
It's a duty, a responsibility, never shirk it

 

[Ultimatehero]

I wanted to post when I had a solid thing to say. But, I guess my brain is so out of whack right now that I don't have anything concrete to say other than thank you for your post, a lot of it hit home, and you've given me a lot to think about. So, thanks again.

 

[jonathancrane]

I had another attempt at trying to form a relationship fall through: the person I was involved with has stopped talking to me, and I do not know why. This incident parallels the other three pre-relationships I was in: the first two months are vibrant, and then after the third month, communication ceases. It starts with a delay in responses - three days for a text, none for Facebook Private Messages-and then no communication at all. The worst part is, I have no idea what I am doing wrong. I avoid disclosing my political and religious views, in addition to my comic book fandom (it's nearly closeted.) And I avoid emotionally smothering people and try to not overwhelm them with communication (in the case of the last one, she was working on a thesis, so we'd try to talk Friday nights, after she was done with work and returning from a party.
I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I can get over my failures, but they do hurt, especially with the woman in question.

 

[Erzengel]

Are these online relationships?

 

[jonathancrane]

No, they are in person, but primarily relayed through Facebook and instant messaging. Every time I came home, I made sure I spent time with her: grabbing coffee or something to eat (it's a small town, and grabbing a meal was what worked with her schedule.)