Do You Think The "Friend Zone" Exists?

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

*Sigh*

I'm going to go through this very slowly. Do try and keep up.

If he knew that he was being used, before he ever did the favor - which is what you implied in your earlier post - and if he did not expect anything in return - stay with me now:

Why would he do the favor and then become upset?

In other words (and here's the IMPORTANT part, Nell): how do you use somebody if that person has no expectation of receiving anything in return?

Come on, Nell. Use that brain of yours. Exercise those synapses, buddy.

Exactly as he stated it happened - she knew he had feelings for her, she knew she didn't, and she used the fact that he had feelings for her to get something out of him.

How would he know he was being used before he ever did the favor?

 

[Figs]

Good question. Where does your mother live?

...if he did it knowingly, then what is the problem, exactly? See where this line of reasoning breaks down?

 

[BLACKVULCAN]

sorry I'm from the days when internet wasnt around
my fun is something quite different but i do like coming here to discuss THANOS!Thanos is COOL!

sheesh see this is why i usually never come out the comic section!this is why the freaking UN cant get along! but this is kinda fun!
hahahaha

 

[Doctor Evo]

Exactly as he stated it happened - she knew he had feelings for her, she knew she didn't, and she used the fact that he had feelings for her to get something out of him.

How would he know he was being used before he ever did the favor?

You're still missing the point. I never said she didn't use him. I'll repeat the main question:

How do you use somebody if that person has no expectation of receiving anything in return?

 

[Aesop Rocks]

This thread is so wild.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You're still missing the point. I never said she didn't use him. I'll repeat the main question:

How do you use somebody if that person has no expectation of receiving anything in return?

By taking advantage of something that you know they want or feel for your own personal gain, and possibly OFFERING what it is they want in return with no intention of actually giving it, depending on how much of an ******* you are.

 

[Doctor Evo]

By taking advantage of something that you know they want or feel for your own personal gain, and possibly OFFERING what it is they want in return with no intention of actually giving it, depending on how much of an ******* you are.

Thank you for proving my point.

Also...

The Throne of the Kingdom of Loneliness?

^ I was thinking about it, and this was waaaaay under the belt. I'm sorry.

 

[MrsKent26]

No, the friend zone does not exist.

It's just something that was probably invented by insecure frat boys who want to blame women for not wanting to have sex with them because think that if they pay any attention to or be kind to a woman, she must reward them with sex.

 

[Doctor Evo]

No, the friend zone does not exist.

It's just something that was probably invented by insecure frat boys who want to blame women for not wanting to have sex with them because think that if they pay any attention to or be kind to a woman, she must reward them with sex.

Quick question: what is your relationship status?

...and it just occurred to me that we should break this up further based on sex/gender....damn.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

Why does relationship status matter to you so ****ing much?

 

[MrsKent26]

Quick question: what is your relationship status?

...and it just occurred to me that we should break this up further based on sex/gender....damn.

My status is that I date, but am not into anything serious at the moment. Casual dating, I guess.

And I just got into this thread, so I'm not sure what that last part is in reference to, but I'm a female (as you could probably guess by my user name).

 

[Doctor Evo]

Why does relationship status matter to you so ****ing much?

I'm curious to see whether those in a relationship are more likely to dismiss/disregard the idea of the "friend zone" than those who are single.

But since I never thought to separate responses by sex/gender, and since I don't know the gender of all the respondents so far, the data I've collected so far might be less than useful in answering that question, since men are probably far more likely to buy into the idea of the friend zone than women (that would be a secondary hypothesis, however).

 

[Victarion]

I voted no, but I suppose it does exist in the minds of children and misogynists.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

I voted no, but I suppose it does exist in the minds of children and misogynists.

:

 

[Dark Raven]

I think the friend zone is different to being friends with a girl and both wanting to be that. The friend zone, although it sounds superficially similar, is more of an involuntary place where you don't want to be and want to avoid, as a kind of second best to the main prize. But if you both weren't romantically interested and just wanted to be friends, then I don't think you have been friend zoned.

 

[-Arya-]

You're still missing the point. I never said she didn't use him. I'll repeat the main question:

How do you use somebody if that person has no expectation of receiving anything in return?

Self deception perhaps?

 

[Doctor Evo]

Self deception perhaps?

You'd have to expand upon this - I'm not sure what you're getting at.

 

[Teelie]

I haven't voted and I won't vote because the question is too flawed. Clearly depending on the person's interpetation of what "friend zone" means, it connotes a different meaning.

Some say it equates to an expectation of sex. Others to a relationship. Or merely just to go out on a date. To even suggest a more romantic relationship is out of the question.

Whatever your interpetation of "friend zone" is, you're going to have wildly different responses.

 

[-Arya-]

You'd have to expand upon this - I'm not sure what you're getting at.

I may have missed some details, but he says he isn't expecting anything in return, while in reality his desire for something is evident in his behavior (how he reacted in that situation). In other words, he's only telling himself he doesn't want anything.

 

[Persistence]

I noticed friend zone seems to be a distinctly American or Westernized concept. In other countries, if a woman is not interested in a man, they're just not friends and vice versa. The real question should be, as Thundercrack pointed out, is the friendship genuine after the rejection. It's fair to question the man's resolve to be a friend after a rejection. It's also fair to question the woman's motive on maintaining the friendship.

As of right now, I'm not friends with any woman I've actively pursued and been rejected...or women I've rejected myself. There were points I tried but I realized it was pointless. In my experience, these women tend not to be great friends anyway. I have female acquaintances at work, church, school...but I'm not all that close to them and I make sure there is a barrier so not to be exploited.

To answer question, there obviously is a slang term where friend zone means you've been rejected by a friend. There seems to be an active feminist movement to villify the term because its seems to lead the man question and scrutinize the value of the friendship after rejection.

 

[Persistence]

By taking advantage of something that you know they want or feel for your own personal gain, and possibly OFFERING what it is they want in return with no intention of actually giving it, depending on how much of an ******* you are.

Well... the woman Black Vulcan pursued certainly used him, but I think its Vulcan's responsibility to lay down terms before doing any type of favors for her. You shouldn't think relationship as a reward for anything. You should think of it as indication that you have ongoing value to someone else.

The concept that a woman owes you anything for something you've done in past is clearly wrong. If you don't feel like maintaining a friendly relationship with someone because rejection hurts and you feel like you're being used in the end, then just end the relationship, respectfully...nothing wrong with it.

 

[Travesty]

My definition of "friend zone" is when you become friends with someone, and after developing a nice friendship with them, you also develop feelings for them, while they just see you as nothing more than what you already were. So you're now in the "friend zone".

I don't see it as "being rejected, and just using the term as an excuse", as it's not the same thing. If you're asking someone out that you don't really know, and get rejected, but happen to become friends later, that wouldn't be considered the "friend zone", that's just automatic rejection, with being an adult. If you were dating someone and you broke it off, and decided to stay friends, that too wouldn't be considered being put in the "friend zone". That would just be breaking up amicably.

No, the friend zone does not exist.

It's just something that was probably invented by insecure frat boys who want to blame women for not wanting to have sex with them because think that if they pay any attention to or be kind to a woman, she must reward them with sex.

The term isn't just associated towards men. I've been put in the "friend zone" before by a few girls, and I have also put a few girls in the "friend zone", as well. It can work both ways.

I just hope you're not being serious right now.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Thank you for proving my point.

Also...

^ I was thinking about it, and this was waaaaay under the belt. I'm sorry.

I didn't prove your point at all.

Unless you are trying to imply that it is impossible for someone to exploit someone's emotions for personal gains?

How about this example:

Guy and girl are friends. Guy doesn't have romantic feelings for girl, he just appreciates her friendship. Girl calls guy for favors - giving rides to job interviews, moving, etc... Guy helps girl without any expectation of anything, simply because he is her friend.

As friendship goes on, it turns out that girl only calls guy when she needs something, because she knows he'll help her out. She never calls him for hanging out or anything else. It turns out that all along, girl was talking **** about guy behind his back, and was never a friend to him. She only used him because she knew he would.

Is that not using someone? What's the difference in this situation and Black Vulcan's? Other than Vulcan had romantic feelings for the woman.

Hoping for something (I.E.: having romantic feelings for someone) does not equal expectation nor entitlement.

Finding out that person you were helping out was only exploiting your feelings - whether feelings of friendship or romance - to get what they wanted, is USING someone.

And I appreciate the apology, but it's not necessary. I was playing along with it, there was no offense taken. But I appreciate it.

No, the friend zone does not exist.

It's just something that was probably invented by insecure frat boys who want to blame women for not wanting to have sex with them because think that if they pay any attention to or be kind to a woman, she must reward them with sex.

I voted no, but I suppose it does exist in the minds of children and misogynists.

 

[MrsKent26]

Facepalm all you want. You're always going to run into people who think that term is most commonly used by people who want to blame the object of their affection for rejecting them. You'll probably find a lot of folks who find it misogynistic as well, considering it's most often used by men against women.

 

[Travesty]

Someones been reading too many feminist blogs.