Lord of the Advice: Fellowship of the Relationship

[Dark Sentinel]

Heres what doesn't make sense to me...b4 u were talking about heart and emotional sacrifices, now you're talking about celibacy...seems like u may have your heart confused with your dick

Nope. I use celibacy as a way to express the fact that I have staved off the pursuit of relationships, not sex. Although they can go hand in hand.

 

[DV8]

I live in FL Anita, I'm rejected on a daily basis. It's sort of a forced celibacy

Why do u feel u r rejected?

 

[Anubis]

So not South Beach? Then that leaves retirees and trailer trash.

Have you tried fat chicks?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Why do u feel u r rejected?

Well I'm sure he won't admit that it's because of the stalking.

 

[Dark Sentinel]

Why do u feel u r rejected?

Because I don't meet the "standard" of the musclebound meatheaded *****ebag piece of arm candy the women down here want.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So not South Beach? Then that leaves retirees and trailer trash.

Have you tried fat chicks?

If physical attractiveness is something that's so shallow, and such a cause of the downfall of society, then he shouldn't have any problem porking a plumper.

 

[Dark Sentinel]

Well I'm sure he won't admit that it's because of the stalking.

Already admitted my fault on that subject ..I panicked and went off the deep end when I saw the end in sight but was afraid of facing it. I will ALWAYS admit fault, it's the kind of person I am.

 

[Dark Sentinel]

If physical attractiveness is something that's so shallow, and such a cause of the downfall of society, then he shouldn't have any problem porking a plumper.

Ha. You guys just cheered me up a little thanks but there's nothing wrong with extra cushion the only reason I wouldn't go for one is because it's not my personal preference. Not saying I never will, just haven't

 

[DV8]

Because I don't meet the "standard" of the musclebound meatheaded *****ebag piece of arm candy the women down here want.

Sounds like u r attracted to shallow women...or maybe u r a little shallow deep down inside

So r u fat? Scrawny? Why don't u try exercising some? U don't have to turn into a "beefcake" but getting in better shape will make u feel more confident...its really confidence that women r more attracted to, not so much the looks

 

[DV8]

If physical attractiveness is something that's so shallow, and such a cause of the downfall of society, then he shouldn't have any problem porking a plumper.

Mo' cushion fo' the pushin

 

[Anita18]

Because I don't meet the "standard" of the musclebound meatheaded *****ebag piece of arm candy the women down here want.

I live in Los Angeles. You'd think that'd be the ONLY kind of men women want around here (that or rich film execs). But you'd be very wrong!

It's a self-defeating attitude, is what it is. If you about life expecting that nobody will find you attractive, you'll be right. Because confidence is what attracts people, especially women to men.

For some reason there are some guys who love fragile women, I've noticed. Sometimes he's fine with having to reassure her or basically take care of her for years, but often it ends with a lot of fighting and hurt feelings.

 

[Dark Sentinel]

Sounds like u r attracted to shallow women...or maybe u r a little shallow deep down inside

So r u fat? Scrawny? Why don't u try exercising some? U don't have to turn into a "beefcake" but getting in better shape will make u feel more confident...its really confidence that women r more attracted to, not so much the looks

It's the first one that's my problem. And I'm not scrawny either, I'm actually in ok shape for someone my height. But I do have a problem with confidence. And my problem is that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And that's a line I'd prefer not to toe.

 

[Anita18]

Sounds like u r attracted to shallow women...or maybe u r a little shallow deep down inside

LOL, pretty much. If you think everyone is superficial, you're going for the superficial yourself. The faster you admit it, the happier you'll be.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You admitted fault - yet you still called her boyfriend a "*****ebag" for chewing you out, or was it a death threat, or... what happened with that anyways?? No way that could have been out of the blue.

Okay, so tell me this - if you admit fault, if you admit that you ****ed up, then why are you blaming the rest of the world for why you can't find a relationship?

You ****ed that one up. Okay, well, we all **** up. I've made my fair share of mistakes with girls, and went off the deep end plenty of times myself. Sucked. So I realized I made a mistake, and corrected myself.

Have I felt defeated in relationships? Abso-****ing-lutely. But when it's my fault - and you seem to be admitting to fault here - I don't blame the rest of the world for devolving into some cesspool of shallow morals.

You think the world is shallow for only wanting the most attractive of mates, but have you put your money where your mouth is and approached a less than attractive young lady? Or... do you acknowledge that physical attractiveness plays a part in relationships? EDIT: Actually, you do, because you just said that fatter women aren't your preference... soo... you can have a preference, but when someone else does they are "shallow"? Just wanna know what's up with that there...

And why do you feel that you aren't attractive? Because you're not some gym rat with swoll pecks, abs, and arms? Um... well... there's plenty of attractive people that don't fit that mold. Don't go for the beach babes who only want the arm candy man.

My girlfriend is gorgeous, but she certainly doesn't have a Playboy centerfold or Maxim covergirl figure, and I certainly don't have the Abercrombie look going myself... so while you are saying that you were at fault, I don't think you truly believe it. I think you're trying to blame the world for why you don't have a girlfriend, and you need to drop that woe is me act, and get your **** together. That **** is for the birds. Leave that "world is out to get me" **** for Jinogua.

 

[Anita18]

It's the first one that's my problem. And I'm not scrawny either, I'm actually in ok shape for someone my height. But I do have a problem with confidence. And my problem is that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And that's a line I'd prefer not to toe.

There's an easy way to tell. Or at least the method I use.

If you feel the need to talk about (or prove in dramatic fashion) how awesome you are, you're arrogant.

Confidence is a natural state of being. You do things because you want to do them, not to impress people.

 

[Dark Sentinel]

You admitted fault - yet you still called her boyfriend a "*****ebag" for chewing you out, or was it a death threat, or... what happened with that anyways?? No way that could have been out of the blue.

Okay, so tell me this - if you admit fault, if you admit that you ****ed up, then why are you blaming the rest of the world for why you can't find a relationship?

You ****ed that one up. Okay, well, we all **** up. I've made my fair share of mistakes with girls, and went off the deep end plenty of times myself. Sucked. So I realized I made a mistake, and corrected myself.

Have I felt defeated in relationships? Abso-****ing-lutely. But when it's my fault - and you seem to be admitting to fault here - I don't blame the rest of the world for devolving into some cesspool of shallow morals.

You think the world is shallow for only wanting the most attractive of mates, but have you put your money where your mouth is and approached a less than attractive young lady? Or... do you acknowledge that physical attractiveness plays a part in relationships?

And why do you feel that you aren't attractive? Because you're not some gym rat with swoll pecks, abs, and arms? Um... well... there's plenty of attractive people that don't fit that mold. Don't go for the beach babes who only want the arm candy man.

My girlfriend is gorgeous, but she certainly doesn't have a Playboy centerfold or Maxim covergirl figure, and I certainly don't have the Abercrombie look going myself... so while you are saying that you were at fault, I don't think you truly believe it. I think you're trying to blame the world for why you don't have a girlfriend, and you need to drop that woe is me act, and get your **** together. That **** is for the birds. Leave that "world is out to get me" **** for Jinogua.

Thanks for the harsh words Nell. Really. The fact is, I've been ok with not wanting a relationship for a while, since I'm trying to get published and throwing a girlfriend in the mix would just complicate things. But when you add the liquor of tonight and the "couples" I see, it tends to bring out this side and I get myself into a funk. So I guess I kind of walked into this one but I appreciate the upfrontness. Thanks again

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Not wanting a relationship is fine, it's healthy, and it's great that you're doing things for yourself like getting published.

I know how frustrating it can be to see all the other couples around while you have nothing. Trust me, I've only been in a relationship for a month, so I know how that **** goes. Right before I met my girlfriend, I was hitting a point of "**** the world" myself, and not even so much with relationships as people of all varieties were pissing me off.

The key is confidence - don't let that **** get to you. Finally, I just told myself that I was done wasting time investing in people that weren't going to invest back in me. I removed myself from the situations that I felt were damaging, I said "**** these people, I'm doing what I gotta do for me - not for any of them, not even the ones that count - but for me!" and that's what you gotta do too.

The result: I got a girlfriend, I removed the people from my life that only served to bring me down, I developed new, truer friendships with people who do invest back in me, and maybe even repaired some other friendships that were stuck in limbo.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I just wanted to impart some words of wisdom with you guys about love. Sometimes, due to the influence of outside forces, you can't always be with the one that loves you, but comfort comes in knowing that regardless of where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing at that moment they will always reside in our hearts. All it takes is a thought to have the one you love right there with you.

 

[Erzengel]

Ah, I love the rational when someone with limited relationship experience has to deal with the world solely on one side of the spectrum.

"Since I couldn't get this girl who was nice to me over half a decade ago, I'm becoming celibate."

Just don't think people should be so over dramatic, unnecessarily introspective and needlessly reactionary.

Speaking of which....

I just wanted to impart some words of wisdom with you guys about love. Sometimes, due to the influence of outside forces, you can't always be with the one that loves you, but comfort comes in knowing that regardless of where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing at that moment they will always reside in our hearts. All it takes is a thought to have the one you love right there with you.

Reasons you can't be with someone you love, distance, incompatibility.

Not over-romanticized Montaque and Capulet nonsense. At least not in this decade.

 

[DV8]

Ah, I love the rational when someone with limited relationship experience has to deal with the world solely on one side of the spectrum.

"Since I couldn't get this girl who was nice to me over half a decade ago, I'm becoming celibate."

Just don't think people should be so over dramatic, unnecessarily introspective and needlessly reactionary.

I can almost hear the Lionel Richie playing in the background when I read their posts

 

[The Guard]

So for years I have observed the evolution of our societal culture. And I have concluded that our society has devolved into a culture that prides the exterior above the interior, and is actively pushing this ideology into our younger generations through, among other things, media.

With the advent of the Twilight series (among others--this is NOT a Twilight-bashing post), I have observed that any "innocence" our most current generations may have had has been effectively stripped away, replaced with the mentality that only the most physically attractive or financially superior mates will do. No mind is paid to a person's heart, what they are willing to give or sacrifice emotionally to a person.

Some of this is true, and some of this isn't. And this isn't a new phenomenon, and its not limited to this or any recent generation, either. Before TWILIGHT, it was something else. Before that, it was something else. And so on and so forth on back for millenia. And all of this was just a reflection of many people's innermost and strongest desires. To be powerful, and to be desired, and to be with someone who is powerful and desirable.

And innocence is relative.

I, for example, have only ever wanted to give my heart to a woman whose inner beauty was reflected in her outward appearance. I even transferred schools because I believed that I could prove to this girl that I was a worthy mate. But she broke my heart completely, even going so far as to tell her *****ebag boyfriend to call me and give me a nice little death threat.

"Inner beauty reflected in her outward appearance". Sounds like you want a girl that is both a decent person, and gorgeous. They do exist, but here's the thing. Inner beauty isn't reflected in outward appearance. Some people have both, but one doesn't create the other. Inner beauty is reflected in outward action.

True, people who take care of themselves physically and in beauty terms often tend to have more confidence than those who don't (not self esteem, but confidence), though this is not always a rule. Outer beauty rarely has anything to do with inner beauty. Some people are just born with or grow into attractive features.

Because I don't meet the "standard" of the musclebound meatheaded *****ebag piece of arm candy the women down here want.

Ok, so if you don't like that attitude, then why would you value those girls? Wouldn't you want to be with someone who likes you for you? Or do you just want a certain type of girl? And what type is that?

Finally, you say that you don't want to risk arrogance with confidence.

I'd argue that the greatest risks reap the greatest rewards.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Because I don't meet the "standard" of the musclebound meatheaded *****ebag piece of arm candy the women down here want.

Hey.... that sounds like all the women down here too!

But no... dude, I don't think that's it. I seriously don't.

Already admitted my fault on that subject ..I panicked and went off the deep end when I saw the end in sight but was afraid of facing it. I will ALWAYS admit fault, it's the kind of person I am.

You sound a lot like me. The part of me I hate but can't get rid of because it's me. While you were panicking, did the women you're talking about saw you admitting to those faults?

Sounds like u r attracted to shallow women...or maybe u r a little shallow deep down inside

So r u fat? Scrawny? Why don't u try exercising some? U don't have to turn into a "beefcake" but getting in better shape will make u feel more confident...its really confidence that women r more attracted to, not so much the looks

This is actually a good piece of advice. You work out you get your confidence up. But then again that isn't going to guarantee anything other than you feeling good about yourself. I lost about 11 pounds over the last month by sheer BROODING. By utter DEPRESSED BROODING. What happened was I started running whenever i felt overwhelmed by the insane behaviour of the insane girl who isn't insane about me. And it turned out it worked. t:

What was that? That was pathetic of me? ***** you.

Seriously though, other than that it didn't help me much. I had to swallow the bigger stench of "she ain't the one". Because... seriously... what'd i do wrong?! Don't see anything here. Lack of confidence? Got too close to her? She seems to say that that actually helped the other dude win her heart. I saw him and he's skinnier than I am -- just as much a loser as I am. The only two difference I noticed was a) he's got an alcoholic problem, and b) he's in a heavy-metal band. The girl I know isn't shallow enough to fall for those so it's got to be something else. I'm chalking it up to timing. Or her own inability to get over him.

Which makes me doubly pathetic.

I feel like a teenager now and regretting why I didn't dabble in drugs, alcohol and superficial *******ry from the beginning. Trying to be responsible and keeping one's **** together sucks. The other guy is ME. Only a more awesome, less successful version of me. It has to be confidence.

(I know i've been boring you lot for ages on this, but like i said it's hard to move on. i lost my **** again when today she told me she's dropping out of college. i mean, i hate my college in bangladesh as it is, and now this happens).

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I just wanted to impart some words of wisdom with you guys about love. Sometimes, due to the influence of outside forces, you can't always be with the one that loves you, but comfort comes in knowing that regardless of where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing at that moment they will always reside in our hearts. All it takes is a thought to have the one you love right there with you.

*chk chk* *BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM* *click-click-click* *reloads* *BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOO---

Ah, I love the rational when someone with limited relationship experience has to deal with the world solely on one side of the spectrum.

"Since I couldn't get this girl who was nice to me over half a decade ago, I'm becoming celibate."

Just don't think people should be so over dramatic, unnecessarily introspective and needlessly reactionary.

That's true. But then again, people do respond to emotions. I always say that unrequited love isn't the real deal because it's one-sided, but I can't deny that hearts any less. You have one of those experiences and it does change and alter you even if you're an absolute stoic. Your emotions respond to it. You question yourself to the point of despair when you've unnecessarily made a connection with someone that isn't returned. It's irrational behaviour, yes, but it's also immensely normal.

You're in a position where you've grown past that initial ordeal so you can laugh at it. When I'm going through it and laughing at it, it amounts to a self-mockery that somehow triggers even more negative feelings.

It's funny though. Absurdity always is.

Not wanting a relationship is fine, it's healthy, and it's great that you're doing things for yourself like getting published.

Are you... talking to me again? that's me right now. That. is. me. Damn it.

I know how frustrating it can be to see all the other couples around while you have nothing. Trust me, I've only been in a relationship for a month, so I know how that **** goes. Right before I met my girlfriend, I was hitting a point of "**** the world" myself, and not even so much with relationships as people of all varieties were pissing me off.

The key is confidence - don't let that **** get to you. Finally, I just told myself that I was done wasting time investing in people that weren't going to invest back in me. I removed myself from the situations that I felt were damaging, I said "**** these people, I'm doing what I gotta do for me - not for any of them, not even the ones that count - but for me!" and that's what you gotta do too.

The result: I got a girlfriend, I removed the people from my life that only served to bring me down, I developed new, truer friendships with people who do invest back in me, and maybe even repaired some other friendships that were stuck in limbo.

You are talking to me.

LOL, pretty much. If you think everyone is superficial, you're going for the superficial yourself. The faster you admit it, the happier you'll be.

Well with me it's that I'm at a point where I think people are just insecure about a lot of things and they're good at hiding those insecurities while I'm not.

If you feel the need to talk about (or prove in dramatic fashion) how awesome you are, you're arrogant.

Confidence is a natural state of being. You do things because you want to do them, not to impress people.

Does it really matter in the end? You've done something that was worthwhile to you. You don't have to boast about it. Confidence in one's own abilities would vary from ability to ability. Some are able to shrug it all off and believe in themselves like a zealot. If that's arrogance I just don't see the harm in it.

"You fail. You try again. You fail again. The point is that you fail better."

 

[Erzengel]

Because... seriously... what'd i do wrong?! Don't see anything here. Lack of confidence? Got too close to her? She seems to say that that actually helped the other dude win her heart. I saw him and he's skinnier than I am -- just as much a loser as I am. The only two difference I noticed was a) he's got an alcoholic problem, and b) he's in a heavy-metal band. The girl I know isn't shallow enough to fall for those so it's got to be something else. I'm chalking it up to timing. Or her own inability to get over him.

One of the lessons you should learn here, is no matter how good you look, smart you are, funny you are, how much you have, what you drive, in the end you can't MAKE someone like you.

It's called attraction for a reason.

This is the TYPICAL stumbling block almost ALL nice guys hash and rehash in their heads. Well, I'm better than that guy, I'm better looking, I do this for her, blah blah, etc.

In the end, she's just not attracted to you. And that's not a knock against you. Again you can't force something that just isn't there.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Doesn't matter. In the end, it doesn't matter.

You're right. It's....... pure attraction, felt for someone else. Can't force people to like me.

Doesn't matter.