Lord of the Advice: Fellowship of the Relationship

[lixdexia]

.......The hooks not on my hand.....

BOOM!

taffy

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

McDaniel: "You're not what I'm looking for right now, but I hope we can still be friends..."

Samuel: It's because I'm too fat, isn't it...


Terrell Owens: "Why is Randy Moss with Vince Wilfork... I'm prettier!"

t: Hilarious. I had the Football thread open on my iPhone, but accidentally posted that in the wrong window.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

If you read women's magazines, a lot of adult women think really do think the same thing. "Why is he with HER? I'm PRETTIER!"

So it's definitely not a teenage guy thing.

A lot of times it's true though.

I swear, the prettier the girl is, the *****ier the guy looks.

That's all a wash. It's presumptuous to assume your standard for how a guy [or girl] looks is the same as everyone else's. Also if you find someone pretty or attractive your natural inclination is to tear down the person he/she is with.

I find it amusing, frankly, that guys who get attractive women are "*****es" because very little that guy actually does warrants that label. I remember back when Kainedamo was complaining about his amore's boyfriend not washing his hands. Minor indiscretion really, but are we to also believe Kainedamo has some spotless hand washing record? Not likely. So while they've probably both been guilty of the exact same flaw one is painted as *****ey while the other brushes it aside as if he never does it.

Just thinking about myself: I'm a rowdy Football fan, I like to pepper in some swear words, I've done drugs, gone to raves, f*****ed a girl in public, I come from money, I work out a lot, I'm a neat freak...any number of those things could be construed as awesome to *****ey. "He makes her keep his place spotless", "All he does is work out", "He blew her off to go do drugs!!!!", "He wears 'blah blah' shirts!"

 

[Anita18]

That's all a wash. It's presumptuous to assume your standard for how a guy [or girl] looks is the same as everyone else's. Also if you find someone pretty or attractive your natural inclination is to tear down the person he/she is with.

I find it amusing, frankly, that guys who get attractive women are "*****es" because very little that guy actually does warrants that label. I remember back when Kainedamo was complaining about his amore's boyfriend not washing his hands. Minor indiscretion really, but are we to also believe Kainedamo has some spotless hand washing record? Not likely. So while they've probably both been guilty of the exact same flaw one is painted as *****ey while the other brushes it aside as if he never does it.

To be fair, CConn was observing how *****ey the guy LOOKS.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

To be fair, CConn was observing how *****ey the guy LOOKS.

That's a fluid concept though. Amish people think you and I dress like Harlots.

 

[SuperFerret]

You do.

 

[Erzengel]

Just thinking about myself: I'm a rowdy Football fan, I like to pepper in some swear words, I've done drugs, gone to raves, f*****ed a girl in public, I come from money, I work out a lot, I'm a neat freak...any number of those things could be construed as awesome to *****ey. "He makes her keep his place spotless", "All he does is work out", "He blew her off to go do drugs!!!!", "He wears 'blah blah' shirts!"

I know this all too well.

All I do is have perfect hair.

All I do is know how to make love like a machine.

All I do is be funny, smart and charming.

It's a heavy burden that I carry by myself.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Once you've decided you hate someone based on essentially nothing everything they do naturally becomes *****ey. Like they don't have a single redeeming quality. Frankly if you're compartmentalizing behavior like that and trying to label others then you probably missed the entire point of why she liked him in the first place.

(not a response to Erz)

 

[amazingfantasy15]

So for years I have observed the evolution of our societal culture. And I have concluded that our society has devolved into a culture that prides the exterior above the interior, and is actively pushing this ideology into our younger generations through, among other things, media.

With the advent of the Twilight series (among others--this is NOT a Twilight-bashing post), I have observed that any "innocence" our most current generations may have had has been effectively stripped away, replaced with the mentality that only the most physically attractive or financially superior mates will do. No mind is paid to a person's heart, what they are willing to give or sacrifice emotionally to a person.

Yes, not until Twilight have looks been part of the equation of attraction. Also, you'll find if you ever do get into a good relationship, a great deal is paid to the person's heart, that someone will give and sacrifice for the right person. However, to expect that before even a first date is ridiculous, you are a stranger at that point, do you give and sacrifice emotionally to every stranger you meet on the street?

I, for example, have only ever wanted to give my heart to a woman whose inner beauty was reflected in her outward appearance. I even transferred schools because I believed that I could prove to this girl that I was a worthy mate. But she broke my heart completely, even going so far as to tell her *****ebag boyfriend to call me and give me a nice little death threat.

Ok, that was a high school crush and she had a boyfriend, so you had no chance whatsoever with her. Although too much time has already been given to this story, so I'll leave it at that.

And even today, I cannot find a girl who cares about anything beyond the physical. Our society has fallen, and I have been led to believe that I am truly cursed, to live a life with a heart to give but no one to give it to because I am not allowed.

You simply haven't met the right person and through your later posts, it sounds like you're not even trying. I met the right girl for me, when I stopped making excuses for myself and set and went after goals. Those goals didn't include getting a girlfriend, I was looking at the time though, working at it, but it was more about improving myself. If I found someone great, if not, no big deal, I'd go on dates, have a good time. Hope they did to, but if they didn't who cares, it only cost me a couple hours and less than $30.

I just wanted to impart some words of wisdom with you guys about love. Sometimes, due to the influence of outside forces, you can't always be with the one that loves you, but comfort comes in knowing that regardless of where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing at that moment they will always reside in our hearts. All it takes is a thought to have the one you love right there with you.

Hey Jinouga, if the person actually loved you, they'd be with you. Outside forces wouldn't stop them. This is probably more a case of "He's just not that into you"

This is actually a good piece of advice. You work out you get your confidence up. But then again that isn't going to guarantee anything other than you feeling good about yourself. I lost about 11 pounds over the last month by sheer BROODING. By utter DEPRESSED BROODING. What happened was I started running whenever i felt overwhelmed by the insane behaviour of the insane girl who isn't insane about me. And it turned out it worked. t:

What's wrong with that. Maybe other girls will see the confidence building. Did you think this would win the girl back. Don't stop running/working out. Set some goals for yourself outside of just using it to deal with pain. Register for a race or something, join a running club. Who knows maybe you'll meet someone there.

What was that? That was pathetic of me? ***** you.

Seriously though, other than that it didn't help me much. I had to swallow the bigger stench of "she ain't the one". Because... seriously... what'd i do wrong?! Don't see anything here. Lack of confidence? Got too close to her? She seems to say that that actually helped the other dude win her heart. I saw him and he's skinnier than I am -- just as much a loser as I am. The only two difference I noticed was a) he's got an alcoholic problem, and b) he's in a heavy-metal band. The girl I know isn't shallow enough to fall for those so it's got to be something else. I'm chalking it up to timing. Or her own inability to get over him.

It is something else, something called "She's just not that into you", you can't make her like you, he's the bad boy, the rebel, she's young and immature, so she's probably into that right now.

Which makes me doubly pathetic.

I feel like a teenager now and regretting why I didn't dabble in drugs, alcohol and superficial *******ry from the beginning. Trying to be responsible and keeping one's **** together sucks. The other guy is ME. Only a more awesome, less successful version of me. It has to be confidence.

Well, why don't you start now, I'm sure if you start doing drugs and drinking this girl will come back. Or you'll just get yourself off track and screw up the rest of your life. Not that I'm saying drinking or doing drugs (occasionally) will result in that. You're thinking too much in black and white, start thinking more in shades of gray in terms of that type of stuff.

(I know i've been boring you lot for ages on this, but like i said it's hard to move on. i lost my **** again when today she told me she's dropping out of college. i mean, i hate my college in bangladesh as it is, and now this happens).

Okay, so this girl seems to want to throw away her future, let her. Does her not going to school make you going to school unbearable, was the only reason you were going to school because of her? You really need to get a grip man. Cut this girl out of your life.

 

[CConn]

That's a fluid concept though. Amish people think you and I dress like Harlots.

It's only a valid concept under the assumption that I was speaking purely subjectively.

Which I wasn't.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It's only a valid concept under the assumption that I was speaking purely subjectively.

Which I wasn't.

There is no 'objective' concept of a *****ebag. *****ebags are invented in the minds of insecure people to justify they're relative positions in life. It deflects any form of self criticism.

You never hear "man hot girls hate *****ebags" but guess what. It's true, they hate *****ebags. They just like confident guys who have it together and don't care what others think about them. Sure there are hot girls who go for money and go for 'bad guys' but they've got problems, not just the guys they date. You don't want them anyways. Most confident people come off as *****ebags to people because they're willing to be more frank, more expressive, and more pushy to some who sees that assertiveness as a bad thing. Also don't judge by looks. A lot of those guys dress THAT way because the GIRLS! like that . It's not as those they wear that just sitting on their couch. The ones that do, can't break from character, they never get girls even though they talk and act like they do. That's the other mistake people make. The big showoffs get the least tail. You think every guy who grinds up on a girl takes her home??? Hahaha. Most of the time her boyfriend is in there. He doesn't care. She's just having fun. She's getting some poor sap to buy her and her friends drinks while her real boy is elsewhere with his bros. So yeah, in the case he's a real *****ebag don't always assume he's 'hittin' it. He could be but a lot of them are trying and failing.

Also a lot of the club scene *****ebag vibe is honestly a put on. You go to see and be see and elbow with important people. So it's really like a masquerade where people dress in gaudy outfits that get put on the clubs website. So that's the thing about that Ed Hardy manner of dress you're getting at. It's kind of a joke to them too. They can just comfortably play along. I don't quite dress that way. Mine plays up my athleticism and I dress down kind of.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

I am going to wholeheartedly disagree with you there; women are mostly attracted to the essence of a man; the "swag", not the "looks"; you can be the best looking guy in the world but your personality will instantly dry a woman up if she's not feeling you

you should be well groomed and own your look; have good hygiene and that's all you really need to rope in good looking females; the rest is just extra credit

I will just have to take your word for it champ.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

I think I'm just genetically predisposed to be forever alone...

Just like my parents...

 

[L.A.]

Lost 5lbs since the breakup....

 

[DV8]

I will just have to take your word for it champ.

did you listen to the stuff I sent you?

 

[DV8]

I think I'm just genetically predisposed to be forever alone...

Just like my parents...

why, are they divorced?

 

[DV8]

Lost 5lbs since the breakup....

are you out very of shape? are you eating healthy and exercising?

 

[Anubis]

He's sad.

 

[L.A.]

are you out very of shape? are you eating healthy and exercising?

Well the first couple of days I had no appetite so I didn't eat as much. Than it started building up again but I chose to eat more healthy foods unlike before. Last two days in the morning I jog for two miles. Went from 225 to 220. Next week goal to drop to 215. I'm 6ft btw.

 

[DV8]

Well the first couple of days I had no appetite so I didn't eat as much. Than it started building up again but I chose to eat more healthy foods unlike before. Last two days in the morning I jog for two miles. Went from 225 to 220. Next week goal to drop to 215. I'm 6ft btw.

oh ok . . . that's awesome . . . just keep hittin that cardio then bro

 

[Anita18]

I think I'm just genetically predisposed to be forever alone...

Just like my parents...

Not true. My bf's parents are divorced (his dad never remarried) and he has no problems with trust or commitment. In fact he even managed to find a girl who isn't a nag like his mother.

But yes, I also have friends whose relationships mirror their parents' dysfunctional relationship. In that case it can be a cycle if you never break out of it.

The trick is to be able to tell why you gravitate toward certain people, and whether you want to change.

Well the first couple of days I had no appetite so I didn't eat as much. Than it started building up again but I chose to eat more healthy foods unlike before. Last two days in the morning I jog for two miles. Went from 225 to 220. Next week goal to drop to 215. I'm 6ft btw.

Sounds good then.

Yeah for some of us (*cough*) losing 5lbs is a decidedly Bad Thing.

 

[Hound55]

Got engaged. It's topical.

 

[Hound55]

I think I'm just genetically predisposed to be forever alone...

Just like my parents...

Not true. My bf's parents are divorced (his dad never remarried) and he has no problems with trust or commitment. In fact he even managed to find a girl who isn't a nag like his mother.

Ditto my parents.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I think I'm just genetically predisposed to be forever alone...

Just like my parents...

I don't know about genetically, but I feel like that at the moment too.

My mum has never been married. She had various sexual relationships in the past (she was a flower girl lol) and had people she had strong feelings for. But even at the age of 36 when she had me, she still hadn't committed to anyone seriously. My Dad had just been a charmer she'd been 'seeing' and he certainly didn't want to have a kid with her.

She raised me on her own, she never had a boyfriend, not even a date, until I was 15. That guy she did settle down with, for the last 10 years. They bought a house together 3 years ago and moved in together after 7 years of a little bit of long distance.

Now it's all falling apart. But as sad as she is about it, she's kind of relieved. She's looking forward to having her independance back. To not having to look after anyone else. To just being quiet, and alone and free to do as she pleases. The idea of being alone again, at the age of 60, does not frighten her in to staying put and being miserable. And she doesn't even think she'll bother with another relationship now. She has enough friends and companions around her not to need it.

This is the woman who raised me. This is the woman I take after to a 'T'. I am like her in so many ways, and I look up to her so much. She's not some cold, hard woman either. She's the most affectionate, kind and compassionate person I know. She just doesn't need a man to make her happy.

I have never understood the need some people seem to have to find a partner as though that is the priority of life and the only way you can feel complete.

My mum feels complete when she is independant.

And as I'm growing up, I'm finding this is true of me as well.

I want to experience love, connections, have fun with people, date and have fleeting romances. But I don't know if I'll ever be one of those people who finds a partner that I'd want to share a life with, or settle down with.

It'd have to be someone really special

But now they are

 

[Nave 'Torment']

^ What you just described is something every rational adult should try to accomplish first: be content with one's own self. Instead of pursuing happiness with others. That really, I believe, should come second.

It's something I need to work on right now.