Lord of the Advice: Fellowship of the Relationship

[hopefuldreamer]

I wouldn't throw something away specifically for a partner because they demanded it. No one has the right to be that controlling.

But if said partner is merely suggesting it might be time to let go of that sort of thing... Well maybe it's worth considering.

I've had a lot of insane sentimental attachments. Obvious things like soft toys and weirder things like old tv remotes. I even kept a chocolate bear in it's box that I got when I was 16, for 7 years (it was NOT pretty by the end).

I threw out a LOT of stuff in my latest move. My fave posters, simpsons and buffy bed sheets, clothes I grew out of years ago, old paint sets, kids books etc. And I have to admit, I do feel better for it. I don't miss things once their gone.

My only hold out is the life size tiger soft toy I was given by a random guy in a pub about 4 years ago. Which is mostly just fun to spin people out with when they are wasted. I've had some great laughs with him

But I'd probably consider someone's point if they said it might be time to move on.

If you really like the thing tho, sell it on ebay. Then you can at least know someone else will get pleasure out of it rather than just dumping it.

 

[Anita18]

^LMAO...Hoarding receipts of groceries? Never heard that one before.

Weird thing is it's the only thing he hoards. This guy went to Europe for 2 weeks with nothing but a laptop bag and 2-3 changes of clothing IN the bag. He got questioned multiple times about that.

His shopping at Whole Foods voluntarily already made me raise an eyebrow before the mention of receipts.

When I met him, he was a super health freak who worshipped Whole Foods. His record was going there 6 times in a 24-hr span. He could always afford it, at any rate.

Lately he told me he's been realizing how expensive it is and how the whole "organic" label doesn't always mean what it means. I was like, "Welcome to the rest of the world." We live in CA, there's plenty of farmer's markets with cheaper AND better-quality produce.

I wouldn't throw something away specifically for a partner because they demanded it. No one has the right to be that controlling.

But if said partner is merely suggesting it might be time to let go of that sort of thing... Well maybe it's worth considering.

I've had a lot of insane sentimental attachments. Obvious things like soft toys and weirder things like old tv remotes. I even kept a chocolate bear in it's box that I got when I was 16, for 7 years (it was NOT pretty by the end).

I threw out a LOT of stuff in my latest move. My fave posters, simpsons and buffy bed sheets, clothes I grew out of years ago, old paint sets, kids books etc. And I have to admit, I do feel better for it. I don't miss things once their gone.

My only hold out is the life size tiger soft toy I was given by a random guy in a pub about 4 years ago. Which is mostly just fun to spin people out with when they are wasted. I've had some great laughs with him

But I'd probably consider someone's point if they said it might be time to move on.

If you really like the thing tho, sell it on ebay. Then you can at least know someone else will get pleasure out of it rather than just dumping it.

I hoard art supplies. Some of them I haven't used in over 5 years, but am using now because of my classes. So I'm managing to save money now because of my hoarding. But I also gave a huge amount of it to an artist friend of mine, whom I knew would appreciate it.

And I always donate my old stuff if it's in good shape. You never know who else might want it. I bought my wedding dress (and veil, and undergarments) on ebay for $70 including shipping. The seller's wife had kept it for a few years and I guess they were moving, so it had to go. Steal of the century!

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I wouldn't throw something away specifically for a partner because they demanded it. No one has the right to be that controlling.

But if said partner is merely suggesting it might be time to let go of that sort of thing... Well maybe it's worth considering.

I've had a lot of insane sentimental attachments. Obvious things like soft toys and weirder things like old tv remotes. I even kept a chocolate bear in it's box that I got when I was 16, for 7 years (it was NOT pretty by the end).

I threw out a LOT of stuff in my latest move. My fave posters, simpsons and buffy bed sheets, clothes I grew out of years ago, old paint sets, kids books etc. And I have to admit, I do feel better for it. I don't miss things once their gone.

My only hold out is the life size tiger soft toy I was given by a random guy in a pub about 4 years ago. Which is mostly just fun to spin people out with when they are wasted. I've had some great laughs with him

But I'd probably consider someone's point if they said it might be time to move on.

If you really like the thing tho, sell it on ebay. Then you can at least know someone else will get pleasure out of it rather than just dumping it.

I usually use moves to get rid of a lot of unwanted/needed stuff. I do however have a couple boxes worth of sentimental stuff I'll never get rid of though, it just sits in the closet. Actually a couple months ago my fiancee and I were talking and for some reason we started talking about the WWF Wrestling Buddies from the early '90s, I said I still had mine, she couldn't/didn't believe it and I went and grabbed them from the closet in our apartment. She was shocked that I still kept them "tucked away" somewhere in the closet, they were right in the front, took 5 seconds to find them. They're still there, but might need to be "tucked away" to make it through the next move. A lot of the stuff are gifts my mom was really excited to give me and when she passed away I made sure that I'd always bring them to the next place I moved, they'd never go to the unwanted/needed pile.

 

[Anita18]

I was gonna say hopefulsuicide, be careful about saving edible things. I saved a really cute Stitch cookie my friends bought me from Disneyland, and stored it away in a plastic bin in my closet.

The last time I took it out, I had to throw the entire bin into the bathtub with the water on full blast because a nest of ants had somehow gotten into it and my closet was covered in ants. It was so bad I just broke out the vacuum and sucked them all up.

Fun times.

 

[steintym]

The talk about saving things, particularly food, made me curious ...

Any of you married folks save your cake top? Did you eat it on your 1st anniversary?



Did it taste like **** like mine?

 

[L.A.]

Anybody know any good interventions for someone who is bulimic? The girl I'm dating is a former model and she constantly says she's fat and ugly...

 

[Erzengel]

Did she ever receive professional help for her bulimia?

 

[L.A.]

Did she ever receive professional help for her bulimia?

No she hasn't

 

[Anita18]

No she hasn't

Is she open to it? How do you know she's bulimic and not anorexic or has something less serious like disordered eating?

Sadly, this isn't something you can help her with unless she decides to help herself. It's a very personal issue. But many deep-seated bulimics hide it from everyone. My friend who was bulimic, nobody knew. She hid her behavior from everyone, even her own family. She only got over her self-hatred over her body when she started to USE it physically. You can't do anything athletic if your body is weak, and you appreciate what it does instead of focusing on what it looks like.

If she's talking about it specifically with you, it's actually a good sign. Maybe she's ready to get help if she's talking about it. But only she can decide if she's ready to.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Anybody know any good interventions for someone who is bulimic? The girl I'm dating is a former model and she constantly says she's fat and ugly...

LA, haven't you only gone on one or two dates with this girl? You're already thinking about staging an intervention? This might sound cruel, but stop seeing this girl, you've already got two red flags, controlling parents and a possible eating disorder. If you see these two things now, during what should be the honeymoon phase, in other words, you see no flaws, just think of what's hiding, the things she waits to reveal to guys. This is bad news, especially for a guy just getting out of a relationship.

 

[Hawkingbird]

Anybody know any good interventions for someone who is bulimic? The girl I'm dating is a former model and she constantly says she's fat and ugly...

I've part recovered from anorexia and occasionaly go through bulimia. What do you want to ask?

 

[Anita18]

LA, haven't you only gone on one or two dates with this girl? You're already thinking about staging an intervention? This might sound cruel, but stop seeing this girl, you've already got two red flags, controlling parents and a possible eating disorder. If you see these two things now, during what should be the honeymoon phase, in other words, you see no flaws, just think of what's hiding, the things she waits to reveal to guys. This is bad news, especially for a guy just getting out of a relationship.

To be fair, we haven't gotten any details. Sadly, MANY girls think they're fat and ugly. Most won't say it on the first or second date, but you'd be surprised how many girls count calories and obsess about food in secret. I think I'm the one of the few in my group of friends (who are all intelligent non-ditzy women) who don't have a single sign of it, and I just don't give a fig because I can't gain weight.

But just saying they're fat and ugly does not mean they're bulimic. Bulimia is certainly more serious than disordered eating (when you obsessively count calories and avoid certain foods because they're "bad"), and anorexia is even more serious because they're actively starving themselves. We don't know which one it really is yet - L.A. just said she's bulimic but usually, bulimics hide their behavior. They usually don't talk about it to non-bulimics. And girls saying they're fat and ugly doesn't automatically mean eating disorder. That's sadly a lot more common than you think it is.

L.A. can decide what he wants to do, though. I had a classmate in college who was bulimic, and my college bf's friend was in love with her. He stuck by her even though she got kicked out of school to get treatment, and after college they got married and they have a kid now. I'm not sure if she's 100% better (outwardly she always looked normal - most bulimics are actually of normal weight, or they're even overweight sometimes), but I think they're happy.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

To be fair, we haven't gotten any details. Sadly, MANY girls think they're fat and ugly. Most won't say it on the first or second date, but you'd be surprised how many girls count calories and obsess about food in secret. I think I'm the one of the few in my group of friends (who are all intelligent non-ditzy women) who don't have a single sign of it, and I just don't give a fig because I can't gain weight.

But just saying they're fat and ugly does not mean they're bulimic. Bulimia is certainly more serious than disordered eating (when you obsessively count calories and avoid certain foods because they're "bad"), and anorexia is even more serious because they're actively starving themselves. We don't know which one it really is yet - L.A. just said she's bulimic but usually, bulimics hide their behavior. They usually don't talk about it to non-bulimics. And girls saying they're fat and ugly doesn't automatically mean eating disorder. That's sadly a lot more common than you think it is.

L.A. can decide what he wants to do, though. I had a classmate in college who was bulimic, and my college bf's friend was in love with her. He stuck by her even though she got kicked out of school to get treatment, and after college they got married and they have a kid now. I'm not sure if she's 100% better (outwardly she always looked normal - most bulimics are actually of normal weight, or they're even overweight sometimes), but I think they're happy.

There's a difference between saying you're fat and ugly and a serious eating disorder, that, after what can't be more than a couple dates, has a guy thinking about staging an intervention. I'm not saying what's going on with the girl isn't or couldn't be serious, but to just leave a relationship where you're cheated on, to get into another with someone that could need serious help is not what I'd consider a good idea.

 

[Erzengel]

A lot of guys get the idea that they can help the situation but this instance, he really can't other than being supportive.

I understand where AF is coming from. A girl with low self esteem and a former eating disorder with an overbearing family isn't an ideal situation.

Then again L.A. is still relatively young, date her a while longer and see where it goes.

 

[enterthemadness]

Soooooo...just had a akward coffee date with a woman from POF. But something maybe clicked, cause we agreed to dinner next weekend and hugged. And she hugged me. So nervous. In anycase, I try not to overthink it. Just let things happen.

 

[Schlosser85]

What's POF?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What's POF?

Plenty of Fish.

Dating website.

 

[Schlosser85]

The name sounds like it should be for lesbian hookups.

 

[Erzengel]

Soooooo...just had a akward coffee date with a woman from POF. But something maybe clicked, cause we agreed to dinner next weekend and hugged. And she hugged me. So nervous. In anycase, I try not to overthink it. Just let things happen.

Where's "dinner"?

 

[enterthemadness]

Where's "dinner"?

Chinese Buffet. My fav in town and she's a fan of the place. Again, I'm keeping my hopes at low here. Hopefully I don't run into people I know...

 

[L.A.]

A buffet for a first date? Really dude?

 

[Lobo]

Best success I've had with dating sites is the AreYouInterested app on Facebook

 

[Anita18]

The name sounds like it should be for lesbian hookups.

I met my fiance there, so it can't be all bad.

A buffet for a first date? Really dude?

Depends on the couple, I guess? I have a friend from high school who gets excited when her husband takes her to Fresh Choice, which is a salad/soup buffet. Really.

 

[enterthemadness]

A buffet for a first date? Really dude?

She asked if I knew when their seafood special night was. I was like "Dunno".

 

[LOBO3315a]

Buffet is just fine for a first date.

Its about the person you are with, not the place you take them.