Lord of the Advice: Fellowship of the Relationship

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

We all know this is Erz's thread.

I thought this was SuperMike's thread... you know, when he pissed in the corner and did his mating dance and proclaimed this thread as his territory?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

My ex just text me she misses me with all of our old pics. Man this is tough

My sister recently broke up with her boyfriend and he calls her at least once a week trying to convince her to go on a date with him. He thinks they can repair the relationship, some people just can't take a hint. Just ignore her texts and calls.

This chick I went to the bar with last night really was acting a fool. She got drunk off 2 teleports and tried to convince men that she was not a dude cause she got a raspy voice. She got teased as a kid for her raspy voice and think that people think she a dude. She not a dude and she is a women, but with a raspy voice.

She stepped on two guys foot, argued with the secruity guard to let her back in but he would not cause she was drunk and I had to walk her home with her trying to kiss me and convince me to have sex with her. So I took her home and went to my house.

Now I can never show my face at that bar again cause people there think that I'm aclown now for going to the bar with her, even though we was just friends. I cannot even tell you the other horror crap that she did. I feel like will smith from his song girls in the world aint nothing but trouble, bad luck with females continues.

Really? You can't go to the bar again because someone you went there with acted like a fool? I've acted like a total fool at bars before then came back the next weekend. It's really not something you need to worry about.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Historically, yes. Lately? Arguable. I see a lot more people offering solutions and discussing issues than I've seen of people mentioning their personal problems here lately.

True.

I've gone from constantly running around like "OMG OMG OMG we went on a date SHE LOVES MEH!!!!!" or "She turned me down, I'll never find anyonezzz!!!one " to actually being a thread success story, developing a bit of self confidence, getting a girlfriend of my own, and offering feedback on other people's problems.

Regular longtime advice givers like Erz and Anita have been joined by people like hopefulsuicide, amazingfantasy, and even guys like DV8 and SuperMike (even if I hardly ever agree with their advice, they are still at least offering -solutions- that surely are applicable in certain situations), **** and even myself, in offering solutions.

A lot of the relationship discussion in here has gone from hopeless "omg she'll never like me!" to a more conversational tone of "well this is a situation I once went through" or "here's what's going on with me"

Again, it's not that I would or wouldn't recommend this thread to someone seeking advice, I treat it the same way I would treat any advice - I read it / listen to it, and consider it against the situation that I am in, the objective that I am looking to accomplish, and the person that I am dealing with, and decide if that advice is applicable or not. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not, but you can't take the advice in this thread, or the advice from anywhere for that matter as the be all end all of how you should deal with your romantic situations.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

We all know this is Erz's thread.

I thought this was SuperMike's thread... you know, when he pissed in the corner and did his mating dance and proclaimed this thread as his territory?

Well i'm planting my flag on a little corner of this island too!

True.

I've gone from constantly running around like "OMG OMG OMG we went on a date SHE LOVES MEH!!!!!" or "She turned me down, I'll never find anyonezzz!!!one " to actually being a thread success story, developing a bit of self confidence, getting a girlfriend of my own, and offering feedback on other people's problems.

Regular longtime advice givers like Erz and Anita have been joined by people like hopefulsuicide, amazingfantasy, and even guys like DV8 and SuperMike (even if I hardly ever agree with their advice, they are still at least offering -solutions- that surely are applicable in certain situations), **** and even myself, in offering solutions.

A lot of the relationship discussion in here has gone from hopeless "omg she'll never like me!" to a more conversational tone of "well this is a situation I once went through" or "here's what's going on with me"

Again, it's not that I would or wouldn't recommend this thread to someone seeking advice, I treat it the same way I would treat any advice - I read it / listen to it, and consider it against the situation that I am in, the objective that I am looking to accomplish, and the person that I am dealing with, and decide if that advice is applicable or not. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not, but you can't take the advice in this thread, or the advice from anywhere for that matter as the be all end all of how you should deal with your romantic situations.

Totally agreed.

I've found this thread very helpful at times, but i'd never just do what people on here said, just like i'd never just do what my 'face to face' friends say. You do what your heart says.

It's just nice sometimes to get some perspective, and in some cases a bit of back up in the hard heart breaking decisions you're making.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

^ Yup. Sometimes it's as simple as "I think I already know what I want to do, but maybe if I run it by someone, I can get a different perspective or I can get confirmation that I'm making the right decision"

Sometimes, you're completely stumped. Sometimes, you get great advice that makes the situation better, or sometimes you get advice that is based on an assumption of the situation, but not fully understanding -everything- at hand.

In the end, you have to do what's best for you, sometimes you just need a little nudging to realize it.

Also: I'm pretty sure I have a claim to this thread too! There was once a time when this thread was ultimately the misadventures of Nell2ThaIzzay, haha

 

[obin_gam]

So last night I hosted a Game of Thrones premier evening together with my friends. Along one of them came another girl I didnt know, she apperantly lives in the same dorm as my friend who took her there. Thinking of asking this girl out. Thing is there are several ways to do this and I cant make up my mind as to what is the best way.

It stands between what is easiest for me, and what might "look" better. I either contact her on facebook and do it that way - thus eliminating possible embarrassment if she declines, or, I go to the dorm and do it that way... as I said, might look better but it's very much more difficult for me to do such a thing face to face and definitely if she declines I'll look like a fool :/

Definately overthinking this hahaha I know :P

 

[Anubis]

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So last night I hosted a Game of Thrones premier evening together with my friends. Along one of them came another girl I didnt know, she apperantly lives in the same dorm as my friend who took her there. Thinking of asking this girl out. Thing is there are several ways to do this and I cant make up my mind as to what is the best way.

It stands between what is easiest for me, and what might "look" better. I either contact her on facebook and do it that way - thus eliminating possible embarrassment if she declines, or, I go to the dorm and do it that way... as I said, might look better but it's very much more difficult for me to do such a thing face to face and definitely if she declines I'll look like a fool :/

Definately overthinking this hahaha I know :P

Are you ever going to naturally run into her again? At another gathering or a party or something?

Personally I just think asking someone out goes better if it comes 'spontaneously' (or at least looks like it). It's actually a shame you didn't go for her number last night before she left.

Did you make any indication that you liked her? Did you get to talk to her at all, test the water, see if there is any chemistry.

Or are you just going for it because she's single and your attracted to her, without thinking about the fact she's not expecting it and may not reciprocate at all?

If someone actually knocked on my door for the purpose of asking me out, it'd feel incredibly weird unless we'd had some amazing night where we'd connected and he was all I could think about, and I was wishing he'd come and find me. But hey, that's just me

And only losers have ever tried to ask me out on facebook... Usually because I didn't reply to their numerous texts and calls and they couldn't take a hint

 

[Paroxysm]

How can you tell if a girl likes you?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

In the moment: Lots of smiling (and I mean real smiling where eyes sparkle, not an 'I'm humouring you' smile ), listening to what your saying with interest and asking questions, body facing towards you, laughing at your jokes, keeping eye contact, dissapointment when you or she have to leave, perhaps a bit of light arm stroking or the occasional subtle compliment. Light teasing.

Before you've asked for her number: Does she approach you with enthusiasm when she sees you? Does she ask after you when your not around?

After the fact: If she picks up the phone and agrees to go on a date, she likes you. If she doesn't pick up the phone on numerous occasions and avoids setting up a real date, she doesn't like you.

 

[Paroxysm]

She's blind though.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

She's blind though.

Huh?

Are we talking literally blind, or metaphorically?

 

[obin_gam]

In the moment: Lots of smiling (and I mean real smiling where eyes sparkle, not an 'I'm humouring you' smile ), listening to what your saying with interest and asking questions, body facing towards you, laughing at your jokes, keeping eye contact, dissapointment when you or she have to leave, perhaps a bit of light arm stroking or the occasional subtle compliment. Light teasing.

Well you should add this kind of acting does not always tells the truth. Girls can do this and then when you ask them out BAM! "i-only-like-you-as-friend"

Are you ever going to naturally run into her again? At another gathering or a party or something?

Personally I just think asking someone out goes better if it comes 'spontaneously' (or at least looks like it). It's actually a shame you didn't go for her number last night before she left.

Did you make any indication that you liked her? Did you get to talk to her at all, test the water, see if there is any chemistry.

Or are you just going for it because she's single and your attracted to her, without thinking about the fact she's not expecting it and may not reciprocate at all?

If someone actually knocked on my door for the purpose of asking me out, it'd feel incredibly weird unless we'd had some amazing night where we'd connected and he was all I could think about, and I was wishing he'd come and find me. But hey, that's just me

And only losers have ever tried to ask me out on facebook... Usually because I didn't reply to their numerous texts and calls and they couldn't take a hint

Unless my friend who lives in the same dorm will have a party I doubt any natural "runins" will occur... annoyingly enough (which means i actually have to do something myself ).

To get the number right then and there would mean one have to be quick-witted during the occasion which I certanly am not haha, it was actually only today when I woke up I started thinking about it. I wasnt starsturck when I first saw her, but she wasnt bad looking and definately sounded interesting and worth knowing more about.

The get-together was only a few hours, basically watch the show, then talk about it and then talk about other bs, so I didnt really get the chance to talk to her that much, but from my point of view we got along fine and shared same interest. (Reading girls signal tho is something I am very apprehensive about. I've been burnt that way before so I'v stopped trying to do that )

Is going through my friend, asking her if this girl is available an acceptable approach? It would generate this girl knowing about my interest for sure, but it seems somewhat primary-school:ish.

 

[Paroxysm]

Huh?

Are we talking literally blind, or metaphorically?

She's visually impaired.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

She's visually impaired.

Okay. I don't see how that negates my initial advice

Visually imparied women and women with perfect visuals still express how they like you in pretty much exactly the same way.

Look at what I wrote. Sure, her eyes might be harder to read, but everything else still applies.

Unless my friend who lives in the same dorm will have a party I doubt any natural "runins" will occur... annoyingly enough (which means i actually have to do something myself ).

To get the number right then and there would mean one have to be quick-witted during the occasion which I certanly am not haha, it was actually only today when I woke up I started thinking about it. I wasnt starsturck when I first saw her, but she wasnt bad looking and definately sounded interesting and worth knowing more about.

The get-together was only a few hours, basically watch the show, then talk about it and then talk about other bs, so I didnt really get the chance to talk to her that much, but from my point of view we got along fine and shared same interest. (Reading girls signal tho is something I am very apprehensive about. I've been burnt that way before so I'v stopped trying to do that )

Is going through my friend, asking her if this girl is available an acceptable approach? It would generate this girl knowing about my interest for sure, but it seems somewhat primary-school:ish.

Weirdly, I still think it's the better option.

I'm just trying to put myself in her shoes.

Would I rather a) have some guy I've met once knock on my door and ask me on a date, b) have some guy I've met once message me on facebook and ask me on a date or c) hear from my friend that a guy I met once quite fancies me

Personally, it's option C.

Or throw a party, invite her and then get her number

Though if you've seen How I Met Your Mother, you'll know that can go badly wrong

 

[Erzengel]

So last night I hosted a Game of Thrones premier evening together with my friends. Along one of them came another girl I didnt know, she apperantly lives in the same dorm as my friend who took her there. Thinking of asking this girl out. Thing is there are several ways to do this and I cant make up my mind as to what is the best way.

It stands between what is easiest for me, and what might "look" better. I either contact her on facebook and do it that way - thus eliminating possible embarrassment if she declines, or, I go to the dorm and do it that way... as I said, might look better but it's very much more difficult for me to do such a thing face to face and definitely if she declines I'll look like a fool :/

Definately overthinking this hahaha I know :P

Who cares if she declines?

Would that really be the end all be all?

If she says no? Move on to the next person.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Nor is she likely to, unless she gets desperate, at which point she will use it as a manipulation tactic. People rarely accept being the bad guy.

'People rarely accept being the bad guy', aye, I have been thinking about this since you quoted it, I guess some people in my life will level that at me, and it can apply to some things i have done, but I think it can also be applied to some other people who like to do everything they can to avoid suspicion, and culpability, for their wrongful actions.
Like, in my place of work, there has been a massive campaign by my co-workers to lead me astray in a certain way, like they are trying to turn me into something real bad by putting bad ideas into my head day in and day out, brainwashing if you will, and when I voiced this concern, the boss dismissed it by saying 'That's silly.'

Now it's pretty much apparent to some people that this is what has been going on, and it's pretty much accepted that the boss was aware of this going on, so why was he denying it and saying my accusation was 'silly', if he was not in on it? or at the very least, aware of it, and dismissing my claims, because he was quite happy with them following that course of action.
As far as i am concerned, he was not only aware of it, but was part of it, if not the one who instigated the plan in the first place.
Fill my head with bad ideas and notions and take advantage of the fact I am physically sick, weak and suffering from brain damaging headaches, therby making my mind weak and far more culpable to suggestion, and if any of the bad ideas stick in my head, the boss and his minions can just claim, eh, his mind must have been open to the notions if they are so easily implanted, while completely ignoring the fact my mind was weakened by a brain damaging illness.

Thankfully, implanting the worst of the notions did not work, even though I was braindamaged, but I am not going to ever forget what they were trying to do, and who the real bad guys here were.
and i'm not going to shut up through fear, with running boy minions trying to scare me into silence by informing me that I'll me a minor cog in the organisation.
these people are in for one very big surprise when I am fit.

I don't mind being tested, I'm not talking about that aspect, these constant campaigns went beyond that, they were just flat out trying to take advantage of my weakened mind, and it did not work.
I am going to remember who these people are, and find out who they are in the organisation.

 

[Erzengel]

Um...question? What sort of bad ideas and notions are they trying to implant in your head?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Well you should add this kind of acting does not always tells the truth. Girls can do this and then when you ask them out BAM! "i-only-like-you-as-friend"

Unless my friend who lives in the same dorm will have a party I doubt any natural "runins" will occur... annoyingly enough (which means i actually have to do something myself ).

To get the number right then and there would mean one have to be quick-witted during the occasion which I certanly am not haha, it was actually only today when I woke up I started thinking about it. I wasnt starsturck when I first saw her, but she wasnt bad looking and definately sounded interesting and worth knowing more about.

The get-together was only a few hours, basically watch the show, then talk about it and then talk about other bs, so I didnt really get the chance to talk to her that much, but from my point of view we got along fine and shared same interest. (Reading girls signal tho is something I am very apprehensive about. I've been burnt that way before so I'v stopped trying to do that )

Is going through my friend, asking her if this girl is available an acceptable approach? It would generate this girl knowing about my interest for sure, but it seems somewhat primary-school:ish.

I think you need to find out more information first, like is she single? Here's a plan invite everyone over to watch Game of Thrones again. If the girl comes back try to chat her up some more. Don't worry about rejecion, you already said you don't see this girl often, if at all. You take your shot, you miss, no big deal. Definitely don't go the Facebook route and yeah, going to her dorm room could definitely trigger creepy alarms.

'People rarely accept being the bad guy', aye, I have been thinking about this since you quoted it, I guess some people in my life will level that at me, and it can apply to some things i have done, but I think it can also be applied to some other people who like to do everything they can to avoid suspicion, and culpability, for their wrongful actions.
Like, in my place of work, there has been a massive campaign by my co-workers to lead me astray in a certain way, like they are trying to turn me into something real bad by putting bad ideas into my head day in and day out, brainwashing if you will, and when I voiced this concern, the boss dismissed it by saying 'That's silly.'

Now it's pretty much apparent to some people that this is what has been going on, and it's pretty much accepted that the boss was aware of this going on, so why was he denying it and saying my accusation was 'silly', if he was not in on it? or at the very least, aware of it, and dismissing my claims, because he was quite happy with them following that course of action.
As far as i am concerned, he was not only aware of it, but was part of it, if not the one who instigated the plan in the first place.
Fill my head with bad ideas and notions and take advantage of the fact I am physically sick, weak and suffering from brain damaging headaches, therby making my mind weak and far more culpable to suggestion, and if any of the bad ideas stick in my head, the boss and his minions can just claim, eh, his mind must have been open to the notions if they are so easily implanted, while completely ignoring the fact my mind was weakened by a brain damaging illness.

Thankfully, implanting the worst of the notions did not work, even though I was braindamaged, but I am not going to ever forget what they were trying to do, and who the real bad guys here were.
and i'm not going to shut up through fear, with running boy minions trying to scare me into silence by informing me that I'll me a minor cog in the organisation.
these people are in for one very big surprise when I am fit.

I don't mind being tested, I'm not talking about that aspect, these constant campaigns went beyond that, they were just flat out trying to take advantage of my weakened mind, and it did not work.
I am going to remember who these people are, and find out who they are in the organisation.

You should talk to Jinuoga, this seems like her realm of expertise.

 

[obin_gam]

It actually went well, told her we didnt get to talk that much during the thing and that we should do something together sometime. She agreed

Now it's just the stupid easter in the way where I'm away for the rest of the week. Just to get some confirmation on my strategy - a weekend-date now is a no-no and it's better to set something up on a weekday, right?

 

[Erzengel]

A date's a date no matter when it is. But if you're worried about classes and what not, a weekend would presumably be better.

 

[Anita18]

It actually went well, told her we didnt get to talk that much during the thing and that we should do something together sometime. She agreed

Now it's just the stupid easter in the way where I'm away for the rest of the week. Just to get some confirmation on my strategy - a weekend-date now is a no-no and it's better to set something up on a weekday, right?

I've seen people often try to plan things during the weekday in college, because people often have long-term plans for the weekend. Long-awaited parties or concerts or whatnot. It's really up to you and when you're free.

 

[obin_gam]

haha, its the ever lasting annoyance and at the same time "wonderfullness" of college :P I'm working on my thesis during this spring which means I have (naturally) 100% free time during the entire time So it's gonna be up to her I guess. Shes studying too and from what I remember hers is a really tough course, so a day downtown on a weekend sounds like the plan!

 

[DV8]

We all know this is Erz's thread.

Erz RUNS this **** *****es!!

he is the unofficial moderator of this thread . . . and ****

you will now pay him 10% or I start breaking ankles/kneecaps

 

[Erzengel]

Also, DV8, have them send me pictures of their sisters.