Lord of the Advice: Fellowship of the Relationship

[Erzengel]

I have to say that this has been nothing but unendless frustration, but imagine being in love with a single man, but for reasons unknown there's a wall between you and him preventing you from being together, and especially living happily together. It's the worst thing for two people to be in love but not be able to act upon their feelings. I guess even so someone can keep two people apart, but they can't stop the two people from being madly in love with each other. You can't force people to stop being in love.

I can't imagine that.

I don't live in Narnia.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yes, telling a man you like his dick would shockingly keep his interest.

If the chick is hot it's kept mine...

 

[Anita18]

I have to say that this has been nothing but unendless frustration, but imagine being in love with a single man, but for reasons unknown there's a wall between you and him preventing you from being together, and especially living happily together. It's the worst thing for two people to be in love but not be able to act upon their feelings. I guess even so someone can keep two people apart, but they can't stop the two people from being madly in love with each other. You can't force people to stop being in love.

No, but you can choose to move on or not.

You can fall in love again. I don't believe in a Single Soulmate or The One where another person can never compare EVER. I believe we can be perfectly happy being in a long-term relationship with a number of possible partners. My life would be different if I wasn't with my fiance, but I can still see myself being happy if he had a different personality, basically.

On the flip side, would it be too forward for a woman like me to admire the male endowment of my boyfriend as well as his intelligence, if I had one? I mean attraction is about the whole package intangibly and physically isn't it?

It's pretty much a requirement. Otherwise you would just be friends, no?

 

[WillardNation]

"OMG, I love your ****" is one of my favorite things to hear during sex. Or really anytime, for that matter.

 

[terry78]

I have also heard, and I swear I am not making this up as a gag, "you have the blackest balls I've ever seen." I promise you the chick said this to me.

 

[Godzilla2000]

No, but you can choose to move on or not.

You can fall in love again. I don't believe in a Single Soulmate or The One where another person can never compare EVER. I believe we can be perfectly happy being in a long-term relationship with a number of possible partners. My life would be different if I wasn't with my fiance, but I can still see myself being happy if he had a different personality, basically.

I don't know, I just feel like I'd be losing a part of myself if I just gave up on a guy without a fight. You know, it's just funny to me that after all this time I'd find one person I connect with on a deep, intangible basis, more so than anyone else I've ever known, but there are obstacles in the way from me, from him and everyone else in between. It really just makes me hurt inside to just give up too.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I'm going to be perfectly honest with you...

Everytime you post, it sounds like you met some brand new guy, and after talking to him once (or even at all) you've fallen completely, madly in love with him, but because he doesn't have the same irrational love for you, there are instead supernatural forces, or "obstacles", that are keeping you and him from having your movie romance where he sweeps you off your feet, and absolutely, 100% cares for you and pampers you, while you just sit back taking in the relationship and not giving much back.

Accurate or not, that's what these over the top, melodramatic posts sound like.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Well no, it's a same guy I've been obsessing over for a year now. It's frustrating for me to be going through what I've been going through and still try to live my life as I normally have been doing. I'm just a bit confused because no one is being frank with me. I just feel certain things and I have been getting hints at reciprocation but nothing is happening other than my being pestered by people for having feelings for this guy. Some one on one clarification would be nice from him. If things are at a point where it would be best that we not pursue anything really deep, I wish he'd tell me in person. Yes, it would hurt me to not be able to do anything with the feelings that I feel, I can't lie, but I just need to know which way to turn here.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well, problem #1 is that you're "obsessing" over him. By "obsessing", you are raising his value in your eyes, at the expense of your own.

Problem #2 is that you've been "obsessing" over him for a year now. If it is causing you this much drama, then you need to move on, because it's obvious, after a year, that it's not going to work out. These are obviously some pretty beefy obstacles if they've "kept you apart" for a year now. Because one way or another, these "obstacles", whatever they may be, are stronger than the mutual feelings for each other, because either you guys aren't willing to work through these obstacles, or these obstacles are so great that you can't work through them.

So save yourself some heartache, let it go, and move on. I know it's easier said than done, but "obsessing" over someone you can't and won't have is not healthy for anyone involved.

Replying to your edit:

He's just not that in to you. If in over a year's time, all you've gotten are "hints", but he won't just out and tell you, then he's not that in to you.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Trust me, there's a lot more to this than I can tell you here. It's more complicated a thing than you realize. I'm just confused right now, not knowing what to do and who I can trust because of all the possessive mind games that have been going on for awhile.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

"Possessive mind games"

Another reason for you to remove yourself from the situation...

 

[Anita18]

I don't know, I just feel like I'd be losing a part of myself if I just gave up on a guy without a fight. You know, it's just funny to me that after all this time I'd find one person I connect with on a deep, intangible basis, more so than anyone else I've ever known, but there are obstacles in the way from me, from him and everyone else in between. It really just makes me hurt inside to just give up too.

You lose parts of yourself if you "give up" on a potential relationship, but you grow other parts once you meet new people, and branch out in different ways. That's what life is about - you can't take every fork in the road because you're only one person.

Then again, giving up means you actually tried for a relationship in the first place. I'm not sure if that's even the case here. Have you two actually gone out on a date, or has it just been you staring at him with puppy dog eyes?

Well no, it's a same guy I've been obsessing over for a year now. It's frustrating for me to be going through what I've been going through and still try to live my life as I normally have been doing. I'm just a bit confused because no one is being frank with me. I just feel certain things and I have been getting hints at reciprocation but nothing is happening other than my being pestered by people for having feelings for this guy. Some one on one clarification would be nice from him. If things are at a point where it would be best that we not pursue anything really deep, I wish he'd tell me in person. Yes, it would hurt me to not be able to do anything with the feelings that I feel, I can't lie, but I just need to know which way to turn here.

So you've been obsessing over him for a year and he's only sorta kinda hinted at maybe liking you back?

If he knows how obsessed you are and actually feels nothing in return, it would be a piece of cake for him to take advantage of you emotionally. Or if he were an upstanding guy, he might cut things off with you instead of stringing you along.

Or he's so dense that he doesn't realize you have such strong feelings for him, and meets someone else while you wait for him to show any signs of affection for you without making your own feelings known.

You could ask him outright. Or move on, if there really are such strong obstacles in you being with him. Those are two choices at your disposal, no matter the details.

One thing is clear though: You don't have a relationship if it's one-sided. It's what you said it is - an obsession.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Well no, it's a same guy I've been obsessing over for a year now. It's frustrating for me to be going through what I've been going through and still try to live my life as I normally have been doing. I'm just a bit confused because no one is being frank with me. I just feel certain things and I have been getting hints at reciprocation but nothing is happening other than my being pestered by people for having feelings for this guy. Some one on one clarification would be nice from him. If things are at a point where it would be best that we not pursue anything really deep, I wish he'd tell me in person. Yes, it would hurt me to not be able to do anything with the feelings that I feel, I can't lie, but I just need to know which way to turn here.

Have you actually been on a date with this guy? It really sounds like you've never actually gone out with him. If that's the case, he's just not that into you. If he was, he'd have asked you out by now or you can be a modern woman and ask him out. Don't wait for him to come to you.

Trust me, there's a lot more to this than I can tell you here. It's more complicated a thing than you realize. I'm just confused right now, not knowing what to do and who I can trust because of all the possessive mind games that have been going on for awhile.

Really, that just sounds like excuses. The were obstacles in the early days of my fiancee and I's relationship between vacations and various other plans we'd already made, we felt very strongly about each other though, so we worked around them. Our first month of dating we'd maybe see each other once a week, during the middle of the week, which actually we turned into our special date night. We've faced quite a few challenges since then, hell, I moved across the country with her for her career. If the feelings were mutual and as strong as you say, you'd be together, you wouldn't let other things stand in your way.

 

[LOBO3315a]

 

[Hound55]

"OMG, I love your ****" is one of my favorite things to hear during sex. Or really anytime, for that matter.

 

[enterthemadness]

So.....me again.

Once again I asked this woman out on Facebook and we are gonna probably meet for coffee tomorrow at 5. But...what does it mean when she says she's bringing her youngest? Not to clarify...

I said I dunno if I can make it. May be still watching nephew then. She says I can bring him, she's bringing youngest with her. Then I say it okay, he usually home by then. Or my parents can watch him.

What's does this all mean? I think it means I won't be getting my first kiss, but honestly I just wanna talk to to woman, then go from there. But she just got out of a relationship not long ago. But I've like her since middle school. Yes ladies and gentlemen. ^_^ I'm having coffee date with a girl I went to middle school and high school with.

 

[Erzengel]

You know, you can talk to her on the phone if you want to get those insecure initial small talk getting to know you, out of the way.

 

[enterthemadness]

You know, you can talk to her on the phone if you want to get those insecure initial small talk getting to know you, out of the way.

Actually, she told me to call her beforehand round the time we go out to make sure the date is happening.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah, that's not the same. I mean, why not call her tonight and just talk?

 

[enterthemadness]

Yeah, that's not the same. I mean, why not call her tonight and just talk?

She works nights for one.

 

[Anita18]

She works nights for one.

Surely you have some overlapping free time, otherwise how are you actually going to date?

 

[terry78]

^Now that she got a ring on it, her advice actually has even more merit.

 

[enterthemadness]

Surely you have some overlapping free time, otherwise how are you actually going to date?

Oh Goodness, I'm nervous and hate talking on phone. I'll call her round 1 or 2 pm. I dunno if she's even serious. Just let me do my thing. I got this. Maybe I'll call or send a text in a few if she's up. I don't wanna come off desperate. Or moving too fast.

 

[Anita18]

^Now that she got a ring on it, her advice actually has even more merit.

Or rather, I find I'm not as afraid to ask the stupid, obvious questions.

Oh Goodness, I'm nervous and hate talking on phone. I'll call her round 1 or 2 pm. I dunno if she's even serious. Just let me do my thing. I got this. Maybe I'll call or send a text in a few if she's up. I don't wanna come off desperate. Or moving too fast.

Don't worry, the bf and I are also pretty terrible on the phone. He's even bad with email. We communicate best in person, but that would require getting comfortable with spending time with them first.

You said you met this woman on Facebook, but how? Through mutual friends or through a network? Or were you just checking out cute chicks in your area?

Maybe it's just me, but I find it a lot less stressful if you know SOMETHING about their personality before going out on a date with them. Especially if you're going to bring a kid.

 

[Erzengel]

I think my point was, you are going from communicating on the computer to just meeting up.

You don't think you're going to be nervous just talking to her outright?

Not to mention, you both are going to bring children on this get together? How old is her youngest and how old is your nephew?