Strange question for ladies (But men can answer too-just in reverse)

[Logan's Runt]

It's crazy to allow oneself to get that wrapped up in 'reputations.' But I suppose if your 'reputation' is more important than the actual events of living your life, then that is a reasonable way to live.

 

[Majic Walrus]

It's not that my reputation is more important than my life however my reputation is worth enough to protect it. Is there really enough gain from hanging out alone with a female friend to risk my reputation?

It's the same reason I wear a tie to work. It's the same reason that I don't get silly drunk with subordinates. What people think of you is important, it's important to everyone. You shouldn't run the risk of jeopardizing your "good name" by putting yourself in a bad position.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Crazy? How is it crazy to want to keep your reputation clean? I've got people that work with me and people that see me. How would it look if I were "out" with someone of the opposite sex even if it was a plutonic meeting it wouldn't always seem that way to everyone else.

My point is that people should have no reason to suspect me of anything unbecoming because I never put myself in a position to be accused.

If I have to terminate someone's employment I make sure that there is another female manager present to account for the happenings. If I am out with a female friend my wife comes with us. If my wife is out with a male friend i come along too.

Now I do want to clarify this by emphasizing the "out" part. If friends are hanging out and they're not in public there's no need to worry about a misunderstanding. Also I'm not saying that this is my rule and I wouldn't say... Offer a female friend a ride home or attend a business meeting with just a female present. But I try to avoid it and try to limit those times.

I don't think that's crazy, do you really think that it's crazy?

I'm alot older than I though i guess.

There's a difference between keeping a clean reputation and seemingly being extremely scared to be seen with a woman that isn't your wife. Also you don't seem to trust yourself or your wife to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, which is what this thread is about. Also, there's body language, I don't think I'd come off as if I'm on a date with a friend when I'm out with them because I treat them as a friend, not a girlfriend, sitting further apart, not real contact or touching, things like that.

Also, I'm guessing you meant you're a lot older than me in that post. Age has nothing to do with it, I feel it's more knowing yourself and knowing that just hanging out with female friend doesn't mean I'm sleeping with them. I know I can trust myself and my friend to not jeoparodize either of our relationships, but still enjoy spending time together because we are friends, nothing else.

 

[Logan's Runt]

There's a difference between keeping a clean reputation and seemingly being extremely scared to be seen with a woman that isn't your wife. Also you don't seem to trust yourself or your wife to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, which is what this thread is about. Also, there's body language, I don't think I'd come off as if I'm on a date with a friend when I'm out with them because I treat them as a friend, not a girlfriend, sitting further apart, not real contact or touching, things like that.

Also, I'm guessing you meant you're a lot older than me in that post. Age has nothing to do with it, I feel it's more knowing yourself and knowing that just hanging out with female friend doesn't mean I'm sleeping with them. I know I can trust myself and my friend to not jeopardize either of our relationships, but still enjoy spending time together because we are friends, nothing else.

Exactly.

 

[Moviefan2k4]

There's a difference between keeping a clean reputation and seemingly being extremely scared to be seen with a woman that isn't your wife.

Agreed, although I think caution should be used in either situation, whether you're seen in public with them or not. In such a scenario, there's more at stake than either party's reputation; the integrity and trust of the marriage must be taken into account.

Also you don't seem to trust yourself or your wife to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, which is what this thread is about.

Just as respect follows a similar path, trust is also earned, rather than given away. Many different things can happen with a couple, that can potentially harm the trust between them. That's why marriages need to be handled with a lot of care and reservation.

I don't think I'd come off as if I'm on a date with a friend when I'm out with them because I treat them as a friend, not a girlfriend, sitting further apart, not real contact or touching, things like that.

Maybe not, but you never know. I wouldn't suggest "walking on eggshells" by any means, but being just a little more careful than usual wouldn't be a bad thing to practice, IMO.

Age has nothing to do with it...

More often than not, you're right, although a person's maturity can sometimes be related to their age. All the more reason to tread carefully in these types of situations.

...I feel it's more knowing yourself and knowing that just hanging out with female friend doesn't mean I'm sleeping with them. I know I can trust myself and my friend to not jeoparodize either of our relationships, but still enjoy spending time together because we are friends, nothing else.

So long as all the parties involved are sure of the trust that's between them, I'd agree.

 

[Majic Walrus]

There's a difference between keeping a clean reputation and seemingly being extremely scared to be seen with a woman that isn't your wife. Also you don't seem to trust yourself or your wife to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, which is what this thread is about. Also, there's body language, I don't think I'd come off as if I'm on a date with a friend when I'm out with them because I treat them as a friend, not a girlfriend, sitting further apart, not real contact or touching, things like that.

What I am talking about has nothing to do with trust. And it's not an extreme fear of being seen with a woman that isn't my wife. I didn't mean to come off as sounding paranoid.

Body language does wonders for someone casually observing you, but not for someone who simply glances at you in passing.

Also, I'm guessing you meant you're a lot older than me in that post. Age has nothing to do with it, I feel it's more knowing yourself and knowing that just hanging out with female friend doesn't mean I'm sleeping with them. I know I can trust myself and my friend to not jeoparodize either of our relationships, but still enjoy spending time together because we are friends, nothing else.

Actually I just meant I felt old. Seems like I'm taking a pretty "old school" stance about "courting".

And I know that just because I hang out with a female friend I'm not sleeping with them, and they know that, but that doesn't mean that people don't know that.

My point has little to do with trust and sex and more to do with perceptions. I know that at work I spent time with a co-worker who was on the same team as me who I had to work closely with and rumors about the nature of our relationship still circulated. People still thought I was screwing her and they had NO real reason for it.

My goal is to limit the possibility of someone misconstruing my actions as something that they are not.

Apply this principle to teachers. If you're a teacher and you have a student who you are friends with. In order to protect their reputation and yours you might not take them out to the movies alone. I'm saying the exact same thing except I'm apply a broader approach because I know more women.

Honestly I really thought that this was something that would be pretty easy to communicate.

 

[Addendum]

Things must have changed since I was in school, since teachers never took students to movies.

As for the perceptions of other people, no matter what you do someone will always think of something off the wall. Using Nell's example, he and his friend are being completely honest with the friend's spouse. That speaks far louder than the thoughts of "random dumbass observer who is more interested in the activities of others rather than their own"

 

[Chris Wallace]

I'd just go to bed, I trust my guy, and i trust my friends.

It's sad how many people don't agree with you, though.