Harry Here. How stupid are the changes in this utterly retarded remake of THE OMEN? Here
Judge for yourself:
1. Robert Thorn (Liev Schreiber) starts off the film as the number 2 man to the Ambassador to Italy. So once his child is born and this guy has been appointed to be the Ambassador to the U.K. which means its time for this guy to die, so that Robert Thorn will become the Ambassador to the U.K. WAIT A SECOND
That isnt how that works. If an Ambassador dies, that Ambassadors second in charge of the Embassy doesnt take over his job in any permanent way
Ambassadors are APPOINTED and Liev as a first time Ambassador would not be given that appointment. PLUS when the Ambassador was killed they show an insert shot of his watch
his L.E.D. digital watch
which theres no ****ing way in Hell that an Ambassador to Italy would be classless enough to be wearing a Digital watch
but anyway he dies at 06:06:06
and the film is filled with that type of cute self-referential bull****.
2. Julia Stiles is taking a bath and has a waking nightmarish vision
which includes visions of her slit wrists
dried, btw. A vision of the autistic pouty gelfling named Damien in this incredibly crappy wooden mask, that I swear to God looked exactly like the mask from THE MASK just standing by the tub looking at her with his pouty autistic eyes. And random demonic imagery from the worst music video of choice. All these edits were met with terrible atonal loud punches
for additional scare value.
3. However, that was not the only Visions the demon from TIME BANDITS shows up at random points in a brightly colored robe also accompanied by loud SCARE music.
In fact, most of the scares were audio increases on the soundtrack which many in the audience greeted with hands over their ears.
4. Remember the Baboon Attack on the car? Well now, theyre on a school fieldtrip to the London Zoo
in the Primate area where guys in ****ty gorilla costumes began attacking and cracking the glass
while tiny monkeys hide behind branches.
5. Evil German Shepard. It just looked absolutely ******ed.
God just trying to remember this movie makes my head hurt. Marco Beltramis score was absolute ****. Very straight to video hack ****. The costume design
Terrible. Always using the brightest color of Red to underline that something evil is up.
The worst thing
That ****ing kid. His school of acting comes from doing impersonations of Gary Colemans Whatchu tawkin bout, Willis? face. You know, The one where he tucks his chin and looks out the top of his forehead with that pouty, Huh? look? Yeah, thats it. About 98% of this movie, youre wanting to just get to Megiddo and get the knives and stab this brat to death. Not Damien Thorn, but the imposter playing Damien Thorn. This is either the worst child actor of all time or Jake Lloyd in disguise.
Im reminded of the time when I saw that first long trailer for this movie, where I wrote that I felt that Fox had terribly miscast this child. Cuz, theres not a single moment of genuine Kid in this film. Hes evil. If you remember the original
the child playing Damien in the car ride to the church ceremony where
in front of the church he begins bugging out. Well in that version the kid had this unease about him. Like maybe his tummy was hurting. There was just something
off, about the child. In this film
Hes just doing the Whatchu tawkin bout, Willis? face. Seriously. Its like
KILL THE BOY NOW!
It doesnt help that Liev Schreiber is about as statesmanlike as Jerry Lewis. At one point, I wondered why on Earth they had cast him in this role, then I realized that his first name could be rearranged to spell EVIL, and I thought maybe the director thought that was a sign. He's just awful in everyway in this role. One he has terrible hair. Two he doesnt dress like someone in his job. That his primary face is
CONFUSION and CONCERN even when theres nothing to be confused or concerned about is just terrible. Theres no sense of command or confidence or charm to him. Maybe that its just seeing him in shot for shots where Gregory Peck once was
But I remember a scene in the original where Gregory Peck and his wife are in the new house and she calls him the next President of the United States
and while Schreiber and Stiles were in their big oversized house
that scene popped into my head and I just thought
This loser could never be President. And that concept just stuck.
I think the main problem with this bland, tasteless affair is that the studio decided to remake an A picture and cast it with C actors in the lead roles. Schreiber and Stiles have zero weight in these roles. Maybe in a remake of ROSEMARYS BABY when you have a newlywed couple in an apartment in the wrong tenement
. But in OMEN Schreiber is supposed to be a THORN. And theyre supposed to build up the sense of importance that the THORN family has in the world and in the West. At Damiens birthday party it just comes across as Nuevo-riche trash celebrating. Theres no sense of weight. In fact, the photographers and the house and the carnival setting all feels out of place because you dont buy the importance of Schreiber and Stiles. Cuz they dont belong in these surroundings.
This film just takes the lesser road at every turn. From casting to scares to effects to music and definitely in terms of Direction. This is just a flat obvious sub-standard paint by numbers affair.
Literally there is only a single moment worth seeing in this film. The decapitation. Its clever and glorious
but everything else is just ****ing dreck.
At the end of the film, I looked at the folks that saw the film with me. Yoko, Roro, Father Geek and my nephew Kublakhan
and we all shared a look of just tired, let me out of here faces. And Kublakhan, before any of us could say a thing, says out loud. I hate that movie, it gave me a headache, I never want to come to this theater again, and ordinarily wed all laugh at this critique of THE OMEN by a 5 year old boy
but we all agreed with that statement.
Its a boring, loud piece of trash that even a child can see the flaws with. And before you ask me why we took a 5 year old to THE OMEN the reason is quite simple. Its about a boy exactly his age that is EVIL and has to be killed. Excellent fodder for showing why he should be a good boy. Well, the next two days will be kind to him. Hes seeing MONSTER HOUSE and CARS next.
Im warning you horror lovers this is a steaming boring turd of indistinction. Move along, but when it plays on cable
tune in about an hour in sit through about twenty minutes of pain and then see a great decapitation. Thats all this ****er has going for it.
