X3: Rewrite-A-Scene

[DarknessOfDeath]

what do u think of my dialogue? I can write better...

 

[flavio_lebeau]

what do u think of my dialogue? I can write better...

well, i do like the "i did make a choice. It was you all along" line.
i dont like judging too much, but i think the best scene would approach to the one in the film, less dialogue. Because Jean isnt capable of holding the Phoenix for a whole philosophical/love big exchange of words...
IF Scott was there, i would indeed say that he would just arrive to her ( i have no idea how), the dialogue would be the same of the film (just Scott over Logan's place) and in the end, when Jean was about to die (after she says "Save me" and Scott blasts her), i surely would throw your line, and let her die with a subtle smile on her face

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

"Scott...save me..."
tears form in Jean's eyes. she holds back phoenix long enough for her to remove scott's visor. "Open them"
"No...I can't do it..."
"If you really love me, Scott, open your eyes."
"Jean...I love you."


Hows that?

 

[The Original Bamfer]

comment on my dialogue... this had ought to be interesting...

 

[flavio_lebeau]

"Scott...save me..."
tears form in Jean's eyes. she holds back phoenix long enough for her to remove scott's visor. "Open them"
"No...I can't do it..."
"If you really love me, Scott, open your eyes."
"Jean...I love you."


Hows that?

thats wonderful

in my point of view though, it would be more a self will of Scott...
"Scott...Save me"
"Jean..." *he cries*
"i did make a choice. it was you all along"
BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM

(would her body desintegrate? )

i think there's no need for him to say i love you... She knows it. But your dialogue is good

 

[flavio_lebeau]

comment on my dialogue... this had ought to be interesting...

except for the "i'll do it, i will" (sounds kinda childish to me), i think its one of the best i've read so far, close to what i would like to happen.

Jesus im judging too much, im afraid that anyone judges mine now

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

I think the mind-link is more effective "I did make a choice...it was you all along." ....and no I don't want her body to destintegrate...I'd rather have Scott hold her in his arms as she dies and then he shoots another optic blast at the night sky...

and it'll be their last mind link that they share until she rises again

 

[flavio_lebeau]

I think the mind-link is more effective "I did make a choice...it was you all along." ....and no I don't want her body to destintegrate...I'd rather have Scott hold her in his arms as she dies and then he shoots another optic blast at the night sky...

and it'll be their last mind link that they share until she rises again

i didnt want her body to desintegrate too. I was asking if physically it would happen i wanted her to say that "choice" line after the blast, and then die with a subtle smile...but this would be cheesy too
anyway i'm still in love with your "choice" line.

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

im writing some scenes for X3... where Scott isn't really dead...but he's different... he comes back to the mansion, confused and just after Jean blows the doors away and walks out of the infirmary - down the hall, Scott grabs her...

 

[flavio_lebeau]

i thought of writing the Jean/Scott at Alkali, making he still die (call me crazy, i luv Cyclops but i liked his mini-arc in X3).
But i think i'll stick to the Rogue scenes...i still read and like 'em...

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

haha...ha... Scott turns bad...so we've got two former x-men on the loose

 

[The Original Bamfer]

except for the "i'll do it, i will" (sounds kinda childish to me), i think its one of the best i've read so far, close to what i would like to happen.

Jesus im judging too much, im afraid that anyone judges mine now

Thanks! That quote, is, well kinda different, yes. But whats happening there, Scott is very upset - so much, he's willing to die to see her again. He tries by weakening himself, using all his energy. He's yelling to Jean that he will, he will do it... just to see her. But it doesn't quite work out.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

Thanks! That quote, is, well kinda different, yes. But whats happening there, Scott is very upset - so much, he's willing to die to see her again. He tries by weakening himself, using all his energy. He's yelling to Jean that he will, he will do it... just to see her. But it doesn't quite work out.

i love how you make him releasing his powers until he gets weak. That would be like whole 12 seconds of seeing the amazing effect of Cyclops's powers (i think its one of the most beautiful effects of the films). And it still would work very well dramatically, not only effects-wise.

 

[MoviesKickAss]

Juggernaut - "I'm the Juggernaut *****"

Wall cracks open

Colosus - "I'm the Colossus *****"

Fight happens Kitty continues to leech

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

I would write where scott comes back and sees Logan on top of Jean in the infirmary and he and Logan duke it out and yeah Dark Cykes gets on top of Jean and they start kissing... then they take off on the motor bike...heh to Jean's house... dun dun dun...

 

[MoviesKickAss]

I would write where scott comes back and sees Logan on top of Jean in the infirmary and he and Logan duke it out and yeah Dark Cykes gets on top of Jean and they start kissing... then they take off on the motor bike...heh to Jean's house... dun dun dun...

My Juggernaut VS Colossus set up sounds better

 

[flavio_lebeau]

I would write where scott comes back and sees Logan on top of Jean in the infirmary and he and Logan duke it out and yeah Dark Cykes gets on top of Jean and they start kissing... then they take off on the motor bike...heh to Jean's house... dun dun dun...

whoa. I just pictured James kissing Hugh. And Famke taking off their... disturbing
blah this is a PG13 forum, right?

 

[The Original Bamfer]

i love how you make him releasing his powers until he gets weak. That would be like whole 12 seconds of seeing the amazing effect of Cyclops's powers (i think its one of the most beautiful effects of the films). And it still would work very well dramatically, not only effects-wise.

Thanks a lot!

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

erm Scott wins and he and jean get it on... ^^ lol and Logan is left on the floor unconcious. LOL... imagine that...haha Logan gets owned by Scott's optic blast... and scott gets his woman back.

 

[flavio_lebeau]

erm Scott wins and he and jean get it on... ^^ lol and Logan is left on the floor unconcious. LOL... imagine that...haha Logan gets owned by Scott's optic blast... and scott gets his woman back.

we can always dream...

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

not really...

 

[The Original Bamfer]

Xavier enters the Greys' house, strolling past Magneto's guardsmen; Callisto, Avalanche, Marrow, Gambit and Juggernaut. Magneto continues until he reaches Juggernaut.

MAGNETO​

Don't let anyone in.

Juggernaut nods, returning his view to the X-men. Scott stands, arms crossed, keeping close watch. Storm and Logan behind.

-CUE Int. House Scene

-CUE back to Ext. Scene

Storm is alarmed as Jean's house begins to rattle. An intense atmosphere sweeps over the mutants outside. Something disturbing is happening inside.

CYCLOPS​

I'm going in

STORM​

Scott, the Professor said -

CYCLOPS​

I don't care what the Professor said. Look what happened to Jean. Believe it or not, Storm, Xavier makes mistakes. He'll be making an even bigger one by leaving us out here.

Cyclops runs toward Jean's house. Logan extends his claws and follows close behind. Juggernaut begins to run, putting on his helmet. Logan pushes Scott out of the way of Juggernaut's path. He keeps going. Logan runs after, finally reaching him.

WOLVERINE​

You're not gettin' away, bub.

Wolverine hits Juggernauts helmet, flinging his claws off in a violent counter. The adamantium blades have no effect on Juggernaut.

WOLVERINE​

Damn!

Scott runs toward Gambit, placing his right index finger in position. Behind him, Storm hovers into the air, arms outsetretched. A funnel forms around her. A card, the ace of spades, falls in front of Scott.

GAMBIT​

Care to Tango, Mon Ami?

The card explodes as it hits the ground. Scott's thrown back, but at the same time he releases an optic beam in Gambit's direction. Storm flies down from the sky, in a spiral of wind. Storm dodges the pillars Avalanche shoots up from the earth, sending rocks in all directions. A couple hit Wolverine in the head - he simply heals as he continues with Juggernaut who is unaffected. Marrow projects multiple bones from her amrs toward Storm. The wind around her deflects them into the house, breaking a window and impaling the siding. Storm barges through the closed fence, knocking both Avalanche and Marrow away. Two single lightning bolts descend from the sky, striking both before they hit the ground. Gambit retrieves a long staff from within his jacket, winding it around, trying to hit Scott. Everytime it hits the gorund, an intense explosion follows. Scott waits for another hit, when it comes, he shoots it out of Gambit's hand. Gambit is struck down by a single hit of Scott's optic blast. Scot continues to help Logan, who has been thrown into Jean's house, with Juggernaut. Storm stikes the door open, sendinding Callisto flying back.

 

[The Original Bamfer]

That one may not be my best

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

...

-Scott meets up with Jean outside the infirmary
-they take off on Scott's bike to Jean's old house
-Scott tells Jean to stay at the house. "Theres something I gotta take care of back at the mansion." Jean is still very confused and upset...
-At the mansion, Scott is in his room gathering his and Jean's stuff. Logan stops by and he's like wtf...then Scott's memory clicked meaning Jean told him what happened in the infirmary...well probably not told him but she implanted the memory in his head and he growls at Logan. so they fight... scott wins and leaves the mansion...

now im not sure... how these scenes would flow... either Scott vs Logan takes place after Jean vs Xavier and he arrives to Jean's broken home. "Wtf!?!" ...

-shrugs- I dunno...

-in the beginning of the scene in the woods between Jean and Magneto, Jean looks out of it or looks to be deep in thought...so she must be thinking to herself about Scott. "Scott...where are you?"

-cut to Scott on the bike...

-at one point, he and Jean meet up again...they share a tender moment, and then Jean tells him what has happened to her and says she killed the professor. Scott doesn't believe her...she tries to get him to understand...but she gets kinda pissed and she knocks him out, but doesn't kill him. she implants the images of her killing Professor x in his mind and she leaves...

-Scott arrives at the end and saves the day...er night...

don't take these ideas. thanx. lol

okay another thing... Jean thinks Scott is just an image the Phoenix is projecting from her mind... -shrugs- so she's kinda confused and.... -shrugs- i dunno. -sighs-

 

[taintedFB]

Good job. As a general note, I'm not big on characters talking when nobody else is around.

Jimmy did a phenomenal job "selling it" at the lake with his "Stop it!" lines...

But overall, I think when a character is alone they shouldn't think aloud.