I was reading this article here...
http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=2418&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1330773
...and it got me thinking, what barometer do I rely on to determine if I don't want to be friends with the ex of the man I love? Also what would I do if he still wants to be friends with her but she's sending negative vibes? I do have to admit it would depend upon who the ex is and what kind of temperament they have though in correlation to my decision on whether or not I could be amiable with an ex. I mean if they are an all around friendly person who's accepted that things just didn't work out and it was best just to be friends I wouldn't feel threatened by her, and especially if she's moved on to someone more her match. Natch if she likes Doctor Who and other geeky stuff. I could even contemplate double dating in that scenario and just having fun because it would be nice to have the love of my life and two great friends with me to share the moment. But if she's what one could call an Ice Queen that seems controlling and manipulative, kind of how I picture a person like Lady Gaga being, then I just can't manage being in her presence.
It's just as you said, pretty much.
Me and my ex are friendly, but we don't really talk and we don't really hang out. It came naturally, since we dated because we were just excited someone else liked us. We didn't really have anything else in common.
But he invited me to his wedding and I last saw him at a mutual friend's wedding and it was totally cool. I only met his wife for like, 5 seconds at his wedding, though. I hear she's really nice and "a firecracker" but I suppose she's not too interested in getting to know me. Which is fine, as we don't hang out anyways in the first place.
I've never met any of my bf's exes. He was never serious with them anyway. -shrug-
Boundaries will be REALLY important, though. One big reason my coworker and her husband have such a bad relationship is because he is incapable of setting boundaries when it comes to his ex. They have a child together, so she does have to be in their lives. But she even had a key to their place and came over
whenever she wanted. She treated their house as her house, she wasn't even a guest. At the same time, she got my coworker legally banned from her son's baseball games or whatnot. She's an absolute nightmare, and my coworker's husband refused to sit down and set concrete boundaries with her. So my coworker decided she woud escape the situation herself...by moving 300 miles away for school and take the kids with her.
I think A LOT of his resentment stems from that one decision. They've been married 10 years and they only acknowledge each other's existence now when their kids are around. They hate each other's guts.
Boundaries and a spine. That's what people need regarding their exes.