Lord of the Advice: Fellowship of the Relationship

[Anita18]

I know this. It's part of why I'm hesitating. Not a big fan of pain.

Why do you think it took us weeks until we could actually do the deed? You have to start small, go about this like a scientist.

Also, it hurts more if you're nervous. It still hurts for me now if I'm not properly warmed up.

But anyway, taking the time to do the necessary steps toward intercourse (at least in my case) definitely lessens the "it's something I can't undo" worrying. Because it's almost become a project at that point. I had already made up my mind that I was going to sleep with my bf, it was just a question of when. And by the end it was mostly a question of when both our bodies would learn to cooperate.

 

[Erzengel]

Listen.

Jokes aside.

You shouldn't do something you aren't ready for. But it just seems you are ready BUT since you worry about every little thing, you worry if it's a mistake.

But no risk, no reward. We all have had things not go our way especially in relationships, but that's the part of being in a relationship.

There are no assurances. You could stay together for a while, you could break up next week.

 

[DV8]

Angel, if you guys aren't boning yet you should at least be working your way up to it; i.e. outercourse; you can have a lot of fun doing that until you feel comfortable going all the way . . .

 

[jaymes_e06]

I wanna have sex but I've put so much pressure on myself to elevate this event to some sort of unreachable pedestal?

I feel you. That's why there's ******io.

 

[DV8]

^yeah ******io . . . do that Angel . . . can we talk about ******io in here? I didn't wanna get too specific so I said "outercourse"; neither of which of those terms sound very fun

 

[The Squirrel]

you've been in a committed relationship for 5 months . . . that is CRAZY to me that you haven't had sex yet;

So I guess I shouldn't mention the 12 month relationship I was in with no sex?

 

[DV8]

So I guess I shouldn't mention the 12 month relationship I was in with no sex?

well at my age, that is crazy . . . but a lot of posters on here are in high school and stuff, which isn't so weird but once you get to the early to mid-20's it is very rare to see . . .

 

[Anubis]

So I guess I shouldn't mention the 12 month relationship I was in with no sex?

Only if she cheated on you with some dude she only knew for 2 weeks.

 

[Erzengel]

So I guess I shouldn't mention the 12 month relationship I was in with no sex?

Where you 15?

 

[The Squirrel]

Where you 15?

20.

 

[DV8]

you still have time to delete that original post Squirrel

 

[Anita18]

I feel you. That's why there's ******io.

Just speaking as a woman - no.

Then again I have a very sensitive gag reflex.


My first relationship was lasted 1.5 years and we were both 19-20 and didn't have sex. Then again we were both virgins...

 

[DV8]

Just speaking as a woman - no.

Then again I have a very sensitive gag reflex.


My first relationship was lasted 1.5 years and we were both 19-20 and didn't have sex. Then again we were both virgins...

soooooo . . . you've never eaten a popsicle?

 

[The Squirrel]

you still have time to delete that original post Squirrel

I ain't hiding.

 

[Anita18]

soooooo . . . you've never eaten a popsicle?

Not in years. And it tastes like fruit, besides.

 

[The Squirrel]

And it tastes like fruit, besides.

They have condoms for that.

 

[Dragon]

So, he and I didn't really get to see much of one another last weekend, so to make up for it I vowed to make this weekend awesome and for us to spend a good amount of time together. I absentmindedly mentioned the idea of going out of town and getting a hotel for an evening or two, basically thinking out loud. He liked the idea. The only problem is, I'm flip-flopping on the issue because I know what it implies. One minute I'm all for it, the next I'm berating myself for even thinking about it. We've been dating for almost 5 months and I keep worrying that I'm not being fair to him, keeping him waiting like I have been. I can tell he's a little frustrated, though he'd never say so because he doesn't want me to ever feel pressured by him into doing anything. I have a bag packed in my car in case I decide to go through with this (since we'd leave tonight if I do), but I don't know. My anxiety is through the roof because I honestly don't know what I should do. It doesn't help that we're going on a camping trip with a few of his friends within the next few weeks too and I'm feeling anxious about it for the same reasons. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I'm not sure if it'd be the right choice or not. Or if I'd be making a mistake. I guess fear/nerves would be the right words to use to describe how I feel?

Okay.. You've been getting alot of input from various perspectives- so I'm going to play Devil's advocate- Are you sure you're not hesitant because you don't completely trust the guy? Because in contrast to popular opinion- 5months ain't **** in terms of getting to know someone. I know folks who were together for many, many years and still didn't have a handle on each other.

 

[Dragon]

Just speaking as a woman - no.

Then again I have a very sensitive gag reflex.


My first relationship was lasted 1.5 years and we were both 19-20 and didn't have sex. Then again we were both virgins...

The gag-reflex is mental- when you think the thing is going to be unpleasant..

 

[Hound55]

I don't think I ever want to see DV8 eating a popsicle...

 

[Anita18]

They have condoms for that.

I think my bf would rather forego ******io, rather than feeling like there's a dwarf strangling his junk. (Yes, that's what he's described it as feeling like.)

Okay.. You've been getting alot of input from various perspectives- so I'm going to play Devil's advocate- Are you sure you're not hesitant because you don't completely trust the guy? Because in contrast to popular opinion- 5months ain't **** in terms of getting to know someone. I know folks who were together for many, many years and still didn't have a handle on each other.

Knowing the other person isn't the same as trusting them.

As a virgin, you need to be sure that the guy won't just wail on you like a jackhammer without your say-so, or that he's willing to stop if/when it hurts too much. That's the basis for wanting someone you can trust. It doesn't really matter what they do at work or whatever.

The gag-reflex is mental- when you think the thing is going to be unpleasant..

I don't like the taste of alcohol and there's no incentive for me to acquire a taste for it.

If that part of the male anatomy tasted like chocolate, you bet I'd be all up on it. But it doesn't. It really doesn't, and pretending it does doesn't change that fact. At any rate, I'm a sugar fiend instead of a salt fiend, and if there's sugar in there, it's probably not the greatest symptom to have health-wise...

My bf hasn't threatened to break up with me over the lack of mouth lovin'. Now, if I denied him other parts of myself, it might be an issue.

 

[DV8]

I think my bf would rather forego ******io, rather than feeling like there's a dwarf strangling his junk. (Yes, that's what he's described it as feeling like.)

I think you're doing it wrong Lol ummmmm they make gels and syrups . . . chocolate syrup . . . stuff like that but I will let this subject die now . . . unless you insist otherwise

 

[Anita18]

I think you're doing it wrong Lol ummmmm they make gels and syrups . . . chocolate syrup . . . stuff like that but I will let this subject die now . . . unless you insist otherwise

My bf doesn't like condoms, period. (I don't particularly like them either, so we rejoiced when I finally got on BC. ) I'm not sure why you're listing various condom flavors trying to get me to convince him to like them.

OH I see that you thought I was making it feel like a dwarf was strangling his junk. No, that's the condoms. That's why he doesn't like them - he says it feels like he's being strangled down there by a dwarf when he's using them.

 

[DV8]

My bf doesn't like condoms, period. (I don't particularly like them either, so we rejoiced when I finally got on BC. ) I'm not sure why you're listing various condom flavors trying to get me to convince him to like them.

OH I see that you thought I was making it feel like a dwarf was strangling his junk. No, that's the condoms. That's why he doesn't like them - he says it feels like he's being strangled down there by a dwarf when he's using them.

I actually didn't bring up the condoms, someone else did; that's why I brought up the gels and syrups LMAO . . . and yes that's what I did think; and PS I hate them too!! MANNNNN do I hate them . . . I feel exactly the same way as the dwarf choking analogy . . . give it some air mannnn jeez!!

 

[Anita18]

I actually didn't bring up the condoms, someone else did; that's why I brought up the gels and syrups LMAO . . . and yes that's what I did think; and PS I hate them too!! MANNNNN do I hate them . . . I feel exactly the same way as the dwarf choking analogy . . . give it some air mannnn jeez!!

And this is why being in a monogamous relationship is great - once you get yourselves checked out by the doc and get on BC, you can hit it bareback without worrying.

My friend that sleeps around, she never ever does it without a condom. You just don't know where people have been, especially if you might not remember who they are next week.

 

[Dragon]

I think my bf would rather forego ******io, rather than feeling like there's a dwarf strangling his junk. (Yes, that's what he's described it as feeling like.)

Uhh.. I'm not going to ask how he'd use that as a reference point.. I'm really not..

Knowing the other person isn't the same as trusting them.

But you have to know them (Or as I prefer to say- understand them) before you can trust them. I know of a woman who spent a lifetime with a man- had kids the whole nine- But she was blind to who he really was and she wound up paying a big price for it.

As a virgin, you need to be sure that the guy won't just wail on you like a jackhammer without your say-so, or that he's willing to stop if/when it hurts too much. That's the basis for wanting someone you can trust. It doesn't really matter what they do at work or whatever.

It's also about knowing what you're doing. Both in terms of the technique and your feelings about the person. It's funny to me that as much as we focus on sex we often really know very little about how it works.

I don't like the taste of alcohol and there's no incentive for me to acquire a taste for it.

I can think of a few

If that part of the male anatomy tasted like chocolate, you bet I'd be all up on it. But it doesn't. It really doesn't, and pretending it does doesn't change that fact. At any rate, I'm a sugar fiend instead of a salt fiend, and if there's sugar in there, it's probably not the greatest symptom to have health-wise...

It's not about the taste- cause believe me- women don't taste like strawberries.. It's about relating to that person on a deeper level and sharing something special with them.

My bf hasn't threatened to break up with me over the lack of mouth lovin'. Now, if I denied him other parts of myself, it might be an issue.

That's nice, but you're early in your relationship yet. Two or three years down the road and that could change.

But I do wish you the best in that regard.