Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[Darthphere]

True. I've also realized though that I think the last girlfriend had to happen in order for this girlfriend to happen. Like, I worked through a lot of my own issues about relationships and **** with that girl and even though it didn't work out, going through that made it possible for me to form a relationship with this girl. If I didn't go through that with the last one, I wouldn't have been prepared for this one and would have ****ed it up before it became what it is now.

And, honestly, what it is now is pretty awesome. We're both really into each other and I definitely want to see a potential future together. Where as when I think back to the last one, it was more of a "she's really cool and I like spending time with her" kind of thing rather than a "wanting to see where this leads" kind of thing and I, perhaps, maybe just got too carried away with it....

But I don't really believe in accidents or coincidences.

I also realize that I'm probably putting too much thought into this when it doesn't really matter at all. What happened in the past doesn't matter and I should just be focusing on what's happening now. Which is what I'm going to do.

In closing, pimpin' ain't easy.

 

[Kane52630]

The more I think about it, the more I think my current girlfriend actually played a bigger part in my breaking up with my last girlfriend than I wanted to admit at the time. Subconsciously.

 

[Darthphere]

You know, I didn't want to be a dick but I kind of saw it coming....

 

[WillardNation]

You know, I didn't want to be a dick but I kind of saw it coming....

To be fair... so did I.

I mean, I was having doubts the whole time. That's never gonna end well. Now? No doubts whatsoever.

 

[ComicChick]

I had a ganglion cyst when I was a kid, in my left inner wrist. It's harmless, although in the old days they used to smash them with a heavy book. It went away on its own.

harmless? mine is painful sometimes. i don't know if its due to its location or what but sometimes i can't bend my wrist in certain ways cuz it hurts too much

 

[ComicChick]

i mentioned in an old thread that a friend of my cousin was into me and we lived in separate states. he's texted/drunk text me on a couple of occassions, told me he wanted to come up and see me etc but i was never attracted to him or interested in anything other than friends and i told him as much.

well i went out of town for the weekend and hung out with my cousins and that friend. when i got back home a friend of mine who had went out of town with me creeped the guy's facebook page and it turns out he's been engaged and has been with the girl like 2 years.

i wasn't interested in him at all but is it wrong i'm a bit mad about this? i feel like if my cousin knew, he should've told me.

apparently i can only attract guys who are already attached heh

 

[Anita18]

harmless? mine is painful sometimes. i don't know if its due to its location or what but sometimes i can't bend my wrist in certain ways cuz it hurts too much

Harmless isn't the exact same thing as painless. I can definitely see how it could hurt depending on its location. I think mine was mostly painless, but this was like, 20 years ago...

i mentioned in an old thread that a friend of my cousin was into me and we lived in separate states. he's texted/drunk text me on a couple of occassions, told me he wanted to come up and see me etc but i was never attracted to him or interested in anything other than friends and i told him as much.

well i went out of town for the weekend and hung out with my cousins and that friend. when i got back home a friend of mine who had went out of town with me creeped the guy's facebook page and it turns out he's been engaged and has been with the girl like 2 years.

i wasn't interested in him at all but is it wrong i'm a bit mad about this? i feel like if my cousin knew, he should've told me.

apparently i can only attract guys who are already attached heh

Or maybe you're just fun to flirt with. Not sure if it's better or worse than straight-up friendzoning.


Speaking of relationship problems, the extremely muscular, older, slightly-creepy guy at the gym who talks the entire time I'm there (and today I was there for a damn long time! 3 minute rest periods ), was complaining really loudly to another guy at the gym about his lady woes. Staring at my ass the whole time. I have no idea.

 

[knowsbleed]

Yeah... Sorry about that. Sometimes I can't help where I look.

 

[GoldCrest]

Speaking of relationship problems, the extremely muscular, older, slightly-creepy guy at the gym who talks the entire time I'm there (and today I was there for a damn long time! 3 minute rest periods ), was complaining really loudly to another guy at the gym about his lady woes. Staring at my ass the whole time. I have no idea.

Well, how much of an ass do you have? Because some are just hard to avoid.

 

[Anita18]

Well, how much of an ass do you have? Because some are just hard to avoid.

Not much total assness, frankly. But considering nothing else sticks out anywhere, it's pretty noticeable.

My point is that they could have chosen another spot, or...I have no idea, is the gym the usual place for guys to air their relationship problems? Do they think it makes them more attractive to the ladies there?

 

[GoldCrest]

I'm not a guy nor do I go to gym, so, I don't quite know if guys air out their relationship problems in the gym.

However, I suppose it does make sense the gym is the venue for them to air their relationship problems because they are giving each other tips to improve their work-out and hey, might as well dispense some relationship advice as well.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Just had an awkward moment today where I accidentally texted this girl I'm talking to something intended for someone else... and I was talking about her...



Smooth move exlax.

 

[Charlie Boy]

What'd you say?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It wasn't anything bad, fortunately, I was attempting to tell my friend about this conversation this girl and I were having... and I sent the details to the girl instead of to my friend.

 

[WillardNation]

EVERY time I send someone a text about someone else, I double check the recipient box like 5 times to make sure that never happens.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I always do that too... I say the girl's name as soon as I sent it... I tried big time to find the "unsend" button, but learned quickly that one doesn't exist...

Luckily the girl wasn't mad.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

If Nave was really into her, he'd make the time. It's just that he isn't and feels bad about it, so he's making excuses.

That just might be it, but the bigger reason, at least what I'm telling myself, is that her idea of fun rests on the other side of the spectrum. Also I'm probably wussing it out more than making excuses But "feeling bad about it" is a definite "yes."

Why are you not ready at this moment for a relationship?

Truth? It's hard to trust people. I know the minute I start opening up she, or they, will bolt out the door. It's happened too many times before for me to just take it out on faith again. Maybe after I'm done with all those little things that's been eating away at my self-esteem for the better part of the past 2 years, maybe then I'll be ready again. So for me right now the most important thing (other than my deteriorating health, and of course, work) is to be comfortable in my own skin; it's something that I'm convinced that will not happen unless I finish my work.

Might seem a bit dramatic but I know I'll be better off if I put everything aside and just finish up with my work. Call it an obsession or a compulsion. Anyway that's just one side of it. The other, especially regarding this girl, as I've said before, is the fact that while it's nice to see her giving me all this attention, at the end of the week she prefers to go out and celebrate and indulge herself in everything while I'm insisting on staying inside and finishing up writing the next issue of my comic-book.

Not much total assness, frankly. But considering nothing else sticks out anywhere, it's pretty noticeable.

My point is that they could have chosen another spot, or...I have no idea, is the gym the usual place for guys to air their relationship problems? Do they think it makes them more attractive to the ladies there?

I go to the gym and maybe it's just me but that's sort of the time when I don't talk about women. But hell, someone just as easily might once in a while, to be honest I never got that. Not here anyways.

Just had an awkward moment today where I accidentally texted this girl I'm talking to something intended for someone else... and I was talking about her...



Smooth move exlax.

What's her reaction to it? Did you at least get a blush out of her?

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Actually, I want to talk about this a little more so I'm going to quote these again.

If Nave was really into her, he'd make the time. It's just that he isn't and feels bad about it, so he's making excuses.

Well let's just go a bit deeper into that... I think that love, like all other emotions, and like everything else, is not something that is automatic. You do have to nurture it in order for it to grow and becoming something as meaningful as what two people share in a functioning relationship. That isn't as easy as just being into her or not. What is automatic, or instant, would be attraction. Physical or even psychological. That's how I see it at least

So am I attracted to this girl? Absolutely, she's even got that cropped-hair Black Widow thing going but am I into her on an emotional level? No, and I think that's progress on my part to try and keep my distance?

Why are you not ready at this moment for a relationship?

I think this does go back to trying and finding more excuses for myself, but if I'm going to be honest with myself it's the fact that I still have a pathetically immature idea about relationships. I am terrible at reading people. And this has, time and again, resulted in my wanting something too intimate and failing to read the utter indifference on the other person's face. The only thing that came out of it is me feeling betrayed and stupid and abandoned. I suppose its a bit idealistic? Because if I still have that idea that if in a relationship it should be serious and meaningful. In other words. Love. Not a fling.

And to expect that from someone when I don't even know her that well? That's pointless. And only until I can be better with talking with people, and be matured enough emotionally to not let someone else's indifference get to me, can I even expect to get into a relationship.

Hell maybe it is being too crazy.

 

[The Guard]

I think this does go back to trying and finding more excuses for myself, but if I'm going to be honest with myself it's the fact that I still have a pathetically immature idea about relationships. I am terrible at reading people. And this has, time and again, resulted in my wanting something too intimate and failing to read the utter indifference on the other person's face. The only thing that came out of it is me feeling betrayed and stupid and abandoned. I suppose its a bit idealistic? Because if I still have that idea that if in a relationship it should be serious and meaningful. In other words. Love. Not a fling.

And to expect that from someone when I don't even know her that well? That's pointless. And only until I can be better with talking with people, and be matured enough emotionally to not let someone else's indifference get to me, can I even expect to get into a relationship.

Hell maybe it is being too crazy.

Not sure what you mean by letting someone's indifference get to you...

But much of the time, physical attraction comes first. Emotional intimacy and love tend to develop later. You won't likely know if it's love unless you start to get to know people that you're attracted to.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What's her reaction to it? Did you at least get a blush out of her?

She wasn't mad. She thought it was funny. We joked about it... and flirted about it lol.

 

[Erzengel]

I think this does go back to trying and finding more excuses for myself, but if I'm going to be honest with myself it's the fact that I still have a pathetically immature idea about relationships. I am terrible at reading people. And this has, time and again, resulted in my wanting something too intimate and failing to read the utter indifference on the other person's face. The only thing that came out of it is me feeling betrayed and stupid and abandoned. I suppose its a bit idealistic? Because if I still have that idea that if in a relationship it should be serious and meaningful. In other words. Love. Not a fling.

And to expect that from someone when I don't even know her that well? That's pointless. And only until I can be better with talking with people, and be matured enough emotionally to not let someone else's indifference get to me, can I even expect to get into a relationship.

Well the only way to get over this is to put yourself in situations like this until you improve. Not dealing it with it, is just going to make you older and still not being able to know from experience.

 

[Erzengel]

She wasn't mad. She thought it was funny. We joked about it... and flirted about it lol.

Do you have an internal clock/time set that you kinda rely on to make decisions?

For example, I'm talking to this girl for at least a week, after that I will ask her out.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Not sure what you mean by letting someone's indifference get to you...

I mean that otherwise very normal feeling of disappointment that comes when you're not accepted by someone. Doesn't have to be romantic.

But much of the time, physical attraction comes first. Emotional intimacy and love tend to develop later. You won't likely know if it's love unless you start to get to know people that you're attracted to.

That's exactly what I'm saying. There isn't anything emotionally instantaneous, that only comes with effort, no matter what they say. My point is that it is possible to not fall for someone and to go against that despite being attracted to her.

She wasn't mad. She thought it was funny. We joked about it... and flirted about it lol.

Damage averted I'd say also now you're open to flirtation. All for a good cause. The girl I'm talking about gave me her number about a week ago and said to call up if I ever wanted to get together and do something. I ... ignored it, initially. A week later she sends one of your "unintended" texts that talk about how bored she is of life and a book I'm not aware of. Then with a prompt "whoops lol not for you" afterwards. I took that as a deliberate test. Today she starts sending texts again, this time intentional.

The thing is, your girl is most probably thinking (at least at the back of her mind) that you did it on purpose despite what she says. Fact that she's okay with it should be taken as an encouragement on your end

Well the only way to get over this is to put yourself in situations like this until you improve. Not dealing it with it, is just going to make you older and still not being able to know from experience.

I know. I will, just not right now. Maybe a while later. That doesn't sound so bad does it?

 

[Erzengel]

Here's some advice I can give you.

If you are talking to a woman, and you and her are enjoying some nice back and forth, ask for her number or ask her out.

If you go on a date with a woman, and are enjoying some flirting, at an opportune time of the night, kiss her.

It's all stuff you can learn through experience, the one thing you have to realize is that opportunities rarely fall in your lap. Sometimes, you have to be the aggressor so to speak.

And if you meet a woman who's wishy washy or sending you mixed messages, give them the 2 strike rule. They blow you off once, twice, wipe your hands of them.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I mean that otherwise very normal feeling of disappointment that comes when you're not accepted by someone. Doesn't have to be romantic.

That's exactly what I'm saying. There isn't anything emotionally instantaneous, that only comes with effort, no matter what they say. My point is that it is possible to not fall for someone and to go against that despite being attracted to her.

There doesn't need to be a whole lot of effort involved in becoming emotionally invested in someone, if you like them, not just physically, but as a person you'll build that pretty quickly. When I first started dating my wife, she went on a volunteer trip to Mexico bringing medical supplies to a village, I asked her to call me when she was on her way back so I knew she was safe. I was emotionally invested already and we'd only been out a few times at that point, but I cared about her, there was no real effort on my part to make that happen, it's just how I felt.

Damage averted I'd say also now you're open to flirtation. All for a good cause. The girl I'm talking about gave me her number about a week ago and said to call up if I ever wanted to get together and do something. I ... ignored it, initially. A week later she sends one of your "unintended" texts that talk about how bored she is of life and a book I'm not aware of. Then with a prompt "whoops lol not for you" afterwards. I took that as a deliberate test. Today she starts sending texts again, this time intentional.

The thing is, your girl is most probably thinking (at least at the back of her mind) that you did it on purpose despite what she says. Fact that she's okay with it should be taken as an encouragement on your end

The big problem here is you're seeing thesee things as "tests" and wondering what the appropriate response is. Stop trying to figure things out, just let instinct take over. I'm starting to think you really do like this girl, but you're too afraid to put yourself out there, so you're just making excuses to keep from getting hurt.

I know. I will, just not right now. Maybe a while later. That doesn't sound so bad does it?

Losers always whine about their best, winners go home a f the prom queen!