Raiders of the Official Relationship Thread

[Anita18]

I would say no, its definitely not that. Ive mentioned how I've been in love with the idea of falling in love, and how it was always some form of escape for me. And I'm pretty convinced that once I get out there on my own and have my own family that I'm not going to look back. As much as I hate to admit it, I'd probably leave my mom on her own without a real care of what happens. That's why I guess I'm almost waiting for something to open up hat I would love to doing on a daily basis. But I've very dependent on having that "Me" time where I can just do what I want.

I think its more of a fear of not having the same amount of time to do things that I would love like I do now. Like I've had this fear for the past few years that I'm wasting time and not being as productive in terms of what I like to do in my free time. And I fear that work would consume me and my time, if it was something that I don't want to do. Like I would hate to feel like I was stuck doing something that made me unhappy just because I'm dependent on the job and the money.

Plus, I also think it has a lot to do with how when I'm home, I never want to leave. Until I'm out, then I never want to come back. It's like the longer I stay home, the harder it is for me to want to get out.

Ah, that old inertia problem, I like to call it! I have the same thing. Some days I won't even leave my apartment and other days, I'm out doing stuff all day. It's hard for me to get going, but when I do, it's hard to stop.

Also, that fear of a job taking over your life can be very much unfounded. It very much depends on the job AND it depends on your boss. If you aren't working overtime every week, the typical work schedule can be pretty manageable. Even with a 9-hr shift, that's still 15 entire hours left in your day to do what you want. Or heck, if you sleep 7 of those hours, there's still 8 other hours to do what you want. That's like a whole other workday!

I'm notoriously bad at time management but I still found the time to work on the WSSR site (in my sig ) for the better part of a year. If you really want to do something, you WILL find the time to do it. The only reason you can't is if you're being worked by a slavedriver to put in 100-hr weeks, but the probability of that is really quite low.

 

[Anita18]

And I guess the really big fear is just change. I don't like change and having to readjust my life. So as much as I know I'm missing out on in life, I'm too scared to try to change anything because I'm comfortable where I am, even though I know change is definitely needed.

Yeah I don't know what you could do about that, aside from being dumped into an entirely new situation and figuring out what to do.

Well, I guess we could think through this. What would take readjusting? I think it actually takes less work than you think, unless your mom did EVERYTHING for you. Even cooking doesn't take that long (slow cooker is a lifesaver!), and frankly doing laundry isn't nearly as hard as people make it out to be.

The only thing that would be hard and take some adjustment for someone who isn't used to it is....making and staying within a budget. I don't think you've mentioned if you pay your mom to stay with her, but if you don't have a job and want to move out, of course you'll really have to find a job. Because you can't stay on your own with no money.

 

[AndThePickles]

I think for a lot of people ATP, myself and others who were shy at one time and we just reach a point in our lives where we gain confidence in ourselves which allows us to be more outgoing and willing to take chances and risks.

I know in this thread we try to make generalizations on how to deal with certain situations and more often times than not, it's usually the most common solution. But it's not always the only solution. We know how to deal with things our way because of experiences or personalities but we can't expect every person to react similarly.

Expecting someone like Anita if she was single to just go out in the real world and just meet guys is not as easy for other people. As long as what Anita's doing works for her and makes her happy, I don't think she has to adopt different characteristics to achieve it.

That being said. I'm not saying that someone like her shouldn't try something new but if it's not their cup of tea, it's not their cup of tea.

Very true. I may not be able to relate to it, but this thread has certainly taught me a lot about introversion.

I think that some people here are just shy and need to come out of their shell a bit for their own sake, but others like Anita are living happy lives and are clearly content.

 

[Anita18]

Very true. I may not be able to relate to it, but this thread has certainly taught me a lot about introversion.

I think that some people here are just shy and need to come out of their shell a bit for their own sake, but others like Anita are living happy lives and are clearly content.

I'm actually surprised that more people haven't come forward about their introvertedness. It's an internet forum where you're not seeing people face-to-face, so one would think it'd be a bona fide mecca for introverts and that the REAL extroverts would be out having spirited discussions at least at their local comic book store or something. At the figure skating forum I post at, practically everyone there is a self-described introvert. It's been generally accepted as because it's an internet forum where we can socialize and then leave at our own pleasure, which is a socializing method that introverts definitely prefer.

Or maybe y'alls here are too shy to come forward, even online.

 

[Hound55]

You can leave..?!?

 

[AndThePickles]

I also h-a-t-e the "29 dimensions of compatibility" nonsense. Like you and Spoons. I'm sure their "calculators" would've missed that pairing. The biggest fun of it is getting away from you're value system and interests. Yeah, girls killed my love of comics, but I'm glad they did. The whole purpose of it is taking a risk, and if you take out all the risk what's the point? I almost don't want a relationship because I'd be tied down. It would conflict with my fun. That is why I don't get it.

I can't make an educated judgment of the compatibility tests because I've never taken one. Spoons and I have a lot in common, so we could have been "matched" on that sort of thing, depending on what the questions focused on. That sort of thing does appear to assume that you will only be compatible with a labelled range of people, but when it comes to BIG issues that people won't budge on, I would assume that is helpful.

I will say that I personally would be scared to do online dating. Perhaps message boards have jaded me, but I would worry about being able to trust people who could literally create a different person and intention online if they wanted to. Seems like a really easy way to lie about yourself and take advantage of others.

 

[AndThePickles]

I'm actually surprised that more people haven't come forward about their introvertedness. It's an internet forum where you're not seeing people face-to-face, so one would think it'd be a bona fide mecca for introverts and that the REAL extroverts would be out having spirited discussions at least at their local comic book store or something. At the figure skating forum I post at, practically everyone there is a self-described introvert. It's been generally accepted as because it's an internet forum where we can socialize and then leave at our own pleasure, which is a socializing method that introverts definitely prefer.

Or maybe y'alls here are too shy to come forward, even online.

Haha, I post when I'm at work or when I'm really bored. I would never describe my posting as "coming here to socialize." it's something to kill time. It was an unexpected perk to find a few people that I genuinely enjoy talking to, but I much prefer real life interaction.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I really don't know which one I am! Any psychologists in the house?

I'm an only child, raised by just my mum, lived in a little seaside town entertaining myself in my room.

I very much like my own company and my own space, and enjoy spending whole days in my room alone, watching films or reading. I do feel very much like an introvert sometimes. I go for contemplative walks on the beach, write poetry and fantasy stories, and have been single the majority of my life.

And yet, most people would call me a very open and sociable person.

I've been working as a barmaid for 6 years in various pubs, as well as Advertisement sales. Both of those jobs require a 'gift of the gab' and a level of 'performance' if you know what I mean.

Also, I go out drinking with friends 3, sometimes 4 nights a week, and have absolutely no qualms about talking to strangers. I'm quite a well known person in town.

So which one am I?

 

[Anita18]

I will say that I personally would be scared to do online dating. Perhaps message boards have jaded me, but I would worry about being able to trust people who could literally create a different person and intention online if they wanted to. Seems like a really easy way to lie about yourself and take advantage of others.

Well I dunno, I think it would actually be quite easy to pick out the ones that were lying, as long as you aren't extremely gullible. You can sense through the writing whether someone's being genuine or trying to take advantage of you. I dunno, I'm no psychologist, but I seemed to be pretty good at it. I only slipped once where I went out on a date with someone who seemed to have anger management issues that didn't show while chatting.

I really don't know which one I am! Any psychologists in the house?

I'm an only child, raised by just my mum, lived in a little seaside town entertaining myself in my room.

I very much like my own company and my own space, and enjoy spending whole days in my room alone, watching films or reading. I do feel very much like an introvert sometimes. I go for contemplative walks on the beach, write poetry and fantasy stories, and have been single the majority of my life.

And yet, most people would call me a very open and sociable person.

I've been working as a barmaid for 6 years in various pubs, as well as Advertisement sales. Both of those jobs require a 'gift of the gab' and a level of 'performance' if you know what I mean.

Also, I go out drinking with friends 3, sometimes 4 nights a week, and have absolutely no qualms about talking to strangers. I'm quite a well known person in town.

So which one am I?

You sound a lot like my sister, who certainly doesn't mind doing things by herself, but thrives on social interaction. I'd quantify her, and you, as an extrovert.

Remember, there is a scale to such things. There are extroverts who craaaves other people so much they literaly cannot be left alone, and there are extroverts like you who don't mind a bit of alone time. Meanwhile, I'd describe myself as a pretty extreme introvert but I actually don't mind being around large crowds of people. My bf is about an extreme an introvert as me (probably even more so) and HATES being in a large crowd, and I know introverts who aren't as extreme as I am who couldn't handle a single day of being at Comic Con. I did all four days when I was there and that was about my limit....

The main dividing line is whether you find social interaction to be generally tiring or invigorating. If you find social interaction tiring, you're an introvert. if you find them invigorating, you're an extrovert.

 

[Erzengel]

Haha, I post when I'm at work or when I'm really bored. I would never describe my posting as "coming here to socialize." it's something to kill time. It was an unexpected perk to find a few people that I genuinely enjoy talking to, but I much prefer real life interaction.

When I first started posting on messageboards, I remember one time I was on vacation, I was playing SHH Survivor and I went to a nearby player to participate in a challenge.

Now when I'm vacation, it's usually the last thing on my mind. It is a way to kill time during work or on my laptop when I'm relaxing at home.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

It sort of depends on my mood.

Sometimes I'll go out, realise 5 minutes in that I'm not in the mood and just want to go home, so I do.

Whereas other times I'll come home intending to have a nice night in, realise I'm not in the mood and madly start getting ready and texting people to see if anyones out

I must admit, alcohol is usually assosiated with my extraverted behaviour though.

I think, if I didn't have a social lubricant I'd never have developed that side of my personality. I used to be really shy and quiet around people, nose in a book kind of person, always paranoid around new situations, afraid of talking on the telephone.

Now look at me, I'm in telephone sales!

I know a lot of people knock alcohol, and hey I knock it myself based on a few over the top experiences I've had, but I wouldn't have anywhere near as many friends as I do if it weren't for the effects it has on my confidence.

 

[AndThePickles]

Well I dunno, I think it would actually be quite easy to pick out the ones that were lying, as long as you aren't extremely gullible. You can sense through the writing whether someone's being genuine or trying to take advantage of you. I dunno, I'm no psychologist, but I seemed to be pretty good at it. I only slipped once where I went out on a date with someone who seemed to have anger management issues that didn't show while chatting.

I don't know, there are some VERY proficient liars out there. And some downright awful people who take pleasure manipulating others. I've had some horrible things done to me online from people that I'd never guess could be so sneaky. I just can't see myself enjoying dating websites because I'd be too worried.

 

[Erzengel]

It seems like a really rational method or meeting people and that's pretty much the problem I have with it.

But it's not always rational for everyone.

Obviously, you don't have a problem meeting people or talking to them. You found something that works for you and I'm sure lots of people have adopted similar methods and it works for them.

But there's always going to be a percentage of people who can't do it that way.

I think you brought up some socially awkward roommate? Maybe he can't just be like you. And what's so easy for you maybe almost difficult for him.

To use your football analogy, just because Aaron Rogers tells you exactly how to throw a pass doesn't mean you can go in and step in for him.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't know, there are some VERY proficient liars out there. And some downright awful people who take pleasure manipulating others. I've had some horrible things done to me online from people that I'd never guess could be so sneaky. I just can't see myself enjoying dating websites because I'd be too worried.

I think it's easier for people who don't have time to date. I mean ATP, you're in your early 20s, and have a lot of friends close to your age and you go out. Add 7-8 years to that, now add a job that takes up a good 40 hours of your week, now add that your friends are already shacked up and married and not always keen on going out.

I'm not saying everyone should try online dating but sometimes it's just convenient.

 

[AndThePickles]

I think it's easier for people who don't have time to date. I mean ATP, you're in your early 20s, and have a lot of friends close to your age and you go out. Add 7-8 years to that, now add a job that takes up a good 40 hours of your week, now add that your friends are already shacked up and married and not always keen on going out.

I'm not saying everyone should try online dating but sometimes it's just convenient.

Haha, at 25, I've already got the hectic job and many friends who are shacked up and have kids, I'm definitely not doubting the good parts about online dating. Hell, I have friends who love it and have a current engaged friend who met her fiancé through a dating site. I just also see negative parts of it...but that's any form of dating, really. Pros and cons to most things in life.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Same.

I'm 24 and so is my best friend, who has been married for two years now, and she met him online.

But personally, I can't fall in love that logically. There are plenty of people out there that are very 'right' for me on paper, but I don't tend to like someone because my brain thinks we'd be good together.

It's usually just based on animal instinct. The kind of chemistry that's inexplicable and never goes away even when your not seeing each other anymore.

But I think it depends on what your looking for, and everyone in this thread is so different.

If your looking for a companion, with similar interests to you who you can be intimate with and just spend time together doing the things you enjoy, then internet dating is probably perfect. Especially if your an introvert and unlikely to meet someone in any other environment.

But personally i'd rather just have myself 'out there' in my job, in social situations etc, and have love come find me if it's going to. Seems more spontaneous, more exciting, unpredictable and sort of more natural.

I have this notion of love that some people might say is silly, or is going to mean 'I'll be alone forever' because my standards are unrealistic or something.

But that's fine. I'll just be alone then. I'm not going to search through dating websites to find a guy who might be 'okay', because not being alone just isn't that much of a priority to me.

 

[Erzengel]

I think priorities and interests can change when you get older. I mean right now HS, if you plan on moving do you even want to get involved with anyone serious?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well, I'm moving to a city and very aware that my choices of male suitors will have greatly improved.

I have a few friends there, and who knows who I'll meet through them as well as other avenues.

Basically, I'm about to build a new life. If I met a guy and really liked him in the first week, then that will just be part of the new life I'm building

If I don't I'm sure one will come along eventually. I'm just perfectly willing to wait right now.

This is gonna sound really weird, but I don't see myself properly feeling 'lonely' until I've failed to achieve any career success, or have reached the best level I can. Once I'm finished with that, I'll probably start looking around and thinking 'hmmm, maybe it's time to find someone to share my little corner of the world'.

But that doesn't mean no one can join me along the way. I'll say yes to dates, go to parties etc. Just means I'm not active in looking for it.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Same.

I'm 24 and so is my best friend, who has been married for two years now, and she met him online.

But personally, I can't fall in love that logically. There are plenty of people out there that are very 'right' for me on paper, but I don't tend to like someone because my brain thinks we'd be good together.

It's usually just based on animal instinct. The kind of chemistry that's inexplicable and never goes away even when your not seeing each other anymore.

But I think it depends on what your looking for, and everyone in this thread is so different.

If your looking for a companion, with similar interests to you who you can be intimate with and just spend time together doing the things you enjoy, then internet dating is probably perfect. Especially if your an introvert and unlikely to meet someone in any other environment.

But personally i'd rather just have myself 'out there' in my job, in social situations etc, and have love come find me if it's going to. Seems more spontaneous, more exciting, unpredictable and sort of more natural.

I have this notion of love that some people might say is silly, or is going to mean 'I'll be alone forever' because my standards are unrealistic or something.

But that's fine. I'll just be alone then. I'm not going to search through dating websites to find a guy who might be 'okay', because not being alone just isn't that much of a priority to me.

I think chemistry is dependent on animal instincts, passion, eye contact, body language, history, and just a whole host of other things I can't replicate online. Like you I'd rather be alone than simply find someone that just shares my interests. In fact I find my biggest failures all came when I tried to start something with "smart matches". My interests are my interests, not necessarily a list of things my friends and lovers have to enjoy. They can enjoy none of it, they just simply have to enjoy me. In some instances I'd prefer they have their own thing, I enjoy my quiet time.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I think chemistry is dependent on animal instincts, passion, eye contact, body language, history, and just a whole host of other things I can't replicate online. Like you I'd rather be alone than simply find someone that just shares my interests. In fact I find my biggest failures all came when I tried to start something with "smart matches". My interests are my interests, not necessarily a list of things my friends and lovers have to enjoy. They can enjoy none of it, they just simply have to enjoy me. In some instances I'd prefer they have their own thing, I enjoy my quiet time.

Exactly. I don't even want them suffocating me like that by having us do EVERYTHING together because we both like the same things.

Most of my 'relationships' (usually non commital) have been with guys who I had chemistry with. We'd flirt, laugh, we'd stay up all night talking (but not agreeing on everything). I'd smile mischeiviously the minute I saw them and they'd smile right back at me, cause they'd know that meant I was in a playful mood.

But their lives would be completely seperate to mine. I mean, not a single one of them was ever a comic book fan, a big movie goer, a writer etc.

That's how I prefer it.

And I don't see how you can find a guy that way online.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Well, I'm moving to a city and very aware that my choices of male suitors will have greatly improved.

I have a few friends there, and who knows who I'll meet through them as well as other avenues.

Basically, I'm about to build a new life. If I met a guy and really liked him in the first week, then that will just be part of the new life I'm building

If I don't I'm sure one will come along eventually. I'm just perfectly willing to wait right now.

This is gonna sound really weird, but I don't see myself properly feeling 'lonely' until I've failed to achieve any career success, or have reached the best level I can. Once I'm finished with that, I'll probably start looking around and thinking 'hmmm, maybe it's time to find someone to share my little corner of the world'.

But that doesn't mean no one can join me along the way. I'll say yes to dates, go to parties etc. Just means I'm not active in looking for it.

Getting into shape is the other obvious suggestion. Often one we don’t like to hear, but it can make a difference for everyone. That is sort of vague, so I can give a few tips there, but anything more should go in the fitness thread.

1. You absolutely need to start working out on a consistent basis, learn a bit about balanced nutrition. That means getting a gym membership somewhere close to where you will be living. The closer the better as if it is more convenient the more likely you will be to stick with it and not skip workouts.

2. You don’t need to starve yourself, or do anything drastic risky or unhealthy, but simply get into shape, so when you look in the mirror naked you are more happy with what you see.

3. If you do have issues with unhealthy cravings, that is junk food, soda or other high sugar drinks, one good step is to not even allow it in your house/apartment. We can not cheat on our nutrition plan if the temptation is not there.

4. Don’t even worry about a scale either, numbers are not who you are when people see you, just progress in the mirror, and you will know as you make progress. There is no guarantee that a specific number will look right on your frame, so there is no reason to worry or obsess over a scale. Don’t fall into that trap.

Right now you are essentially in your prime attractiveness, age wise, so you want to do everything you can to capitalize on that, and getting into shape is a big step in that direction.

The amount that it will do for your self esteem is immeasurable, and will do well to get you more options to catch Mr.Right.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

The converse of this is I tend to attract people who are not really like me. I feel we have commonalities, just not superficial ones like "we both like...", it's deeper than that. Something that I don't truly understand. Yeah I'm generally uncertain about, well, just about everyone. I feel like I'd lose something if that uncertainty was gone.

To me love is uncertain. Love is fear and love is chaos. It's also madness too. Yeah, sure I could play it safe, but it's fun to gamble.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Agree with all of that SuperMike, and very much already in the process.

Started a new 'diet' as soon as the new year hit. Simple things like cutting out bread, pastry, starchy foods and junk food. And only drinking vodka and soda when I go out instead of lager, guiness, cider etc.

We have a nice gym down here which I'm going to on monday to start me off, and as soon as I've moved I'll find a good one in the city near where I live so that I can keep it up.

Also, things like trying to combat my sleep problems so that I have more energy, and putting more effort into my appearance (I often just roll out of bed and go to work looking half dead ).

But yeah, basically what your saying is true. If I'm hoping to catch someone's eye, I need to be a) the most attractive I can be and b) be happy with my own image.

The converse of this is I tend to attract people who are not really like me. I feel we have commonalities, just not superficial ones like "we both like...", it's deeper than that. Something that I don't truly understand. Yeah I'm generally uncertain about, well, just about everyone. I feel like I'd lose something if that uncertainty was gone.

To me love is uncertain. Love is fear and love is chaos. It's also madness too. Yeah, sure I could play it safe, but it's fun to gamble.

I'm exactly the same. I mean, my other best friend is a gay ex heroin addict who didn't finish high school and still lives with his parents because he's developed a lot of mental issues.

We have some commonalities, but we're close because of something inexplicable, and have been since the first day we met when we were 14, and couldn't stop laughing.

Been through a heck of a ride with him, and most people simply cannot understand why we are still in each others lives at all, let alone as close as we are.

But that's the thing. You just can't determine who your going to connect with based on how things look on paper.

 

[SpideyVille]

Ah, that old inertia problem, I like to call it! I have the same thing. Some days I won't even leave my apartment and other days, I'm out doing stuff all day. It's hard for me to get going, but when I do, it's hard to stop.

Also, that fear of a job taking over your life can be very much unfounded. It very much depends on the job AND it depends on your boss. If you aren't working overtime every week, the typical work schedule can be pretty manageable. Even with a 9-hr shift, that's still 15 entire hours left in your day to do what you want. Or heck, if you sleep 7 of those hours, there's still 8 other hours to do what you want. That's like a whole other workday!

I'm notoriously bad at time management but I still found the time to work on the WSSR site (in my sig ) for the better part of a year. If you really want to do something, you WILL find the time to do it. The only reason you can't is if you're being worked by a slavedriver to put in 100-hr weeks, but the probability of that is really quite low.

Yeah, right now I'm in a play and we haven't had rehearsals since the semester ended last month because of all the holidays and breaks. At the time I was very excited and I got very involved with the theater at my school for a few weeks where most of my time was spent there and I loved it. I want to be there, but I'm not as excited as I was a month ago. With the long break, I've gotten so used to being home that I haven't really wanted to leave my house, especially since the rehearsals are at night. I'm the kind of person that needs to know ahead of time that I need to go out, because if I don't, its hard for me to just get up and leave on the spot. And its worse when I have to go out at night because then I spend the whole thinking about it and I never seem to be as productive as I would be if I knew I had the whole day free.

Yeah I don't know what you could do about that, aside from being dumped into an entirely new situation and figuring out what to do.

Well, I guess we could think through this. What would take readjusting? I think it actually takes less work than you think, unless your mom did EVERYTHING for you. Even cooking doesn't take that long (slow cooker is a lifesaver!), and frankly doing laundry isn't nearly as hard as people make it out to be.

The only thing that would be hard and take some adjustment for someone who isn't used to it is....making and staying within a budget. I don't think you've mentioned if you pay your mom to stay with her, but if you don't have a job and want to move out, of course you'll really have to find a job. Because you can't stay on your own with no money.

Well in the past few years, I have made an effort to do as much as I could on my own. Like I do my own laundry, I buy and make my own food, and I never ask to borrow money or anything. The only thing my mom does for me is let me live at home for free. I don't pay her for anything, partially because I don't make money, and also because I don't ask for anything. Like I've told her to cut the cable, or our phone plan and stuff, but she doesn't because she wants it. But at the end of the day, she has all these things that she can't afford, but she puts the blame on me because I'm home most of the time and because I'm not bringing any money in. But honestly, I get mad because she's not really supporting me like she claims. She occasionally buys stuff for me when she goes shopping, but its not much, and the majority of the things used are by my niece and nephew

And I guess that's another thing that worries me. My mom is very bad with money and her idea of paying off a debt is to borrow from someone else instead of cutting back where she can. She doesn't prioritize wants and needs and I know that if I make money, as little as it may be for someone just starting out, I know she will expect me to give whatever I have to her for her bills because she's done it before whenever I had money, and she does it constantly to my brother who has his own family to support.

Right now my sister-in-law called and my mom wanted me to speak to her about a job opening at her job. She offered me a position as her assistant in New Jersey a while ago, which I declined because I wanted to finish my last semester. But now she offered me the opportunity to apply for an internship over there, which I would consider, but I still have rehearsals until next month and I would hate to drop out of the play this late, especially since I really want to be in it and that opportunity doesn't come very often. But even if I were to do that, I wouldn't be getting paid and it seems pointless to make that long trip everyday when I'm being pressured to make money now.

My mom is also talking about leaving everything behind here and escaping to California to live with my sister, which would mean that I'd have to live with my brother, which I know he and his wife wouldn't appreciate. I'd rather be out trying to find my own place than live with them.

 

[Anita18]

I don't know, there are some VERY proficient liars out there. And some downright awful people who take pleasure manipulating others. I've had some horrible things done to me online from people that I'd never guess could be so sneaky. I just can't see myself enjoying dating websites because I'd be too worried.

I think it's harder to do that online dating because you usually do meet the person face-to-face a few weeks after meeting them online at the very latest. That's not nearly enough time to concoct some of the more elaborate lies that are rampant in online forums.

Well in the past few years, I have made an effort to do as much as I could on my own. Like I do my own laundry, I buy and make my own food, and I never ask to borrow money or anything. The only thing my mom does for me is let me live at home for free. I don't pay her for anything, partially because I don't make money, and also because I don't ask for anything. Like I've told her to cut the cable, or our phone plan and stuff, but she doesn't because she wants it. But at the end of the day, she has all these things that she can't afford, but she puts the blame on me because I'm home most of the time and because I'm not bringing any money in. But honestly, I get mad because she's not really supporting me like she claims. She occasionally buys stuff for me when she goes shopping, but its not much, and the majority of the things used are by my niece and nephew

And I guess that's another thing that worries me. My mom is very bad with money and her idea of paying off a debt is to borrow from someone else instead of cutting back where she can. She doesn't prioritize wants and needs and I know that if I make money, as little as it may be for someone just starting out, I know she will expect me to give whatever I have to her for her bills because she's done it before whenever I had money, and she does it constantly to my brother who has his own family to support.

My mom is also talking about leaving everything behind here and escaping to California to live with my sister, which would mean that I'd have to live with my brother, which I know he and his wife wouldn't appreciate. I'd rather be out trying to find my own place than live with them.

Right, but you need to have a lot of money saved up to try and be able to do that. Even if you live with roommates, they still expect you to chip in to part of the security deposit and first month's rent. Usually that's 3-months' rent up front even before you move in. Depending on your area, that can be A LOT of money.

Even if you just work part-time, that's a little money that could be used toward that.

The converse of this is I tend to attract people who are not really like me. I feel we have commonalities, just not superficial ones like "we both like...", it's deeper than that. Something that I don't truly understand. Yeah I'm generally uncertain about, well, just about everyone. I feel like I'd lose something if that uncertainty was gone.

To me love is uncertain. Love is fear and love is chaos. It's also madness too. Yeah, sure I could play it safe, but it's fun to gamble.

Eh, I've never come across a successful marriage that was based on fear and chaos and madness. But people usually settle down before then, and it sometimes doesn't happen for a long while. But as long as you're happy.