Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Anita18]

I know this probably makes me sound like a bad son, but I've told her that there's a reason why every guy that's been in her life has walked out on her, because she behaved exactly like that the crazy-stalker girlfriend) with my brother and sister's dad and my dad, and that was part of the reason why they cheated on her and left her after she had us. She would literally chase after them in the streets while dragging us along with her. One time she even almost got hit by a bus and arrested because she was trying to catch my sibling's dad with some other girl.

No, at least you were being honest with her. It's just a matter of her seeing it for herself that's hard.

I've always said that when I do have a girlfriend, I wouldn't want to introduce her to my mom because she would do the same thing, where she'd be nice to the girl, but then complain about us afterwards when the girl leaves. Once I had a girl over that I liked and my mom just so happened to come home early that day, and me and her almost got into an argument in another room while the girl waited in my room since she was teaching me how to play the piano at the time. But it's also ironic since she keeps asking me why I don't have a girlfriend yet.

Yeah sometimes people really don't make sense. Like my aforementioned friend's mom will call her fat and then complain that she isn't eating enough at dinner. But at least the bf-now-husband was Asian and an engineer and there was nothing much to complain about on that front.

Yeah, I've never had that type of self control.

We were both virgins. I think we were scared of sex really.

 

[Godzilla2000]

You know, I'm just going to lay down one specific, uncompromiseable rule right off the bat with guys. They have to love my plus sized, healthy self or don't even bother at all. I'm sick and tired of people putting me down saying that I'm not good enough for skinny guys, dictating that I should not feel good about my body as is because I don't look like an emaciated laboratory skeleton. I don't need to be Size 0 to be healthy. If anything I'll kill myself trying to be that size. If a guy is embarrassed to be near me because of my figure than he's not the right man for me. I just can't be around a man that makes me feel like crap because "Hollywood Thin" is what he wants me to be when genetically it's not going to happen. I'm not going to make myself sickly feeling and sickly looking for anyone.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

You know, I'm just going to lay down one specific, uncompromiseable rule right off the bat with a guy. They have to love my plus sized, healthy self or don't even bother at all. I'm sick and tired of not feeling good enough for skinny guys because I don't look like an emaciated laboratory skeleton.

You should never feel compelled to lose weight if it's not something you want to do. I won't lie to you though, it might improve your chances (not knowing what you look like).

 

[Godzilla2000]

You should never feel compelled to lose weight if it's not something you want to do. I won't lie to you though, it might improve your chances (not knowing what you look like).

Well, the thing is that it's not about losing weight for me. I've never been particularly bothered by how much I weigh. What counts for me is whether or not I have the endurance to walk for miles. My figure is not indicative of my health, it's my level of activity. In terms of my physique I'm kind of similar in shape to British actress Catherine Tate, who played the Doctor Who companion Donna Noble. I've always been between sizes 12-16 since Middle School, but that has never stopped me from walking two to three miles if need be. Heck, I walk cumulatively 30 minutes to and from work 4 days a week. Really, how I am is not keeping me from being active.

What's bothering me is that I sense from some guys that they want to emotionally blackmail me with the whole "I'll only accept and love you if you look like Megan Fox." I find that whole system of emotional bartering quite depressing. I'm not a Barbie Doll that's been created from a generic mold. I'm an individual and if a guy can't handle that I'm unique then how can I love and be loved by someone that is only interested in external aesthetics?

 

[LOBO3315a]

If you do try to slim down, the first place you'll lose it is those D-D's that seem to attract so much attention.

So ignore these guys who seem to only want to tell you to slim down, or they won't be interested. Tell them not to be interested, and move on.

 

[Erzengel]

And again, you need to venture further than your job and maybe there is a possibility that Prince Charming isn't going to walk into your place of work.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

You know, I'm just going to lay down one specific, uncompromiseable rule right off the bat with guys. They have to love my plus sized, healthy self or don't even bother at all.

Again... the problem is never you it seems. They have to love your apparently healthy(?!), overweight figure.

If I'm out of shape, I don't expect girls to flock to me because of my awesome, pasty lovehandles or terrible posture. I rightly feel self-conscious about my flaws and try to fix them or at least improve them. We live in such an entitled society today, where we feel like we have to take pride in our unhealthy and unattractive lifestyles. It used to be a source of shame that would motivate us to take better care of ourselves.

I'm sick and tired of people putting me down saying that I'm not good enough for skinny guys, dictating that I should not feel good about my body as is because I don't look like an emaciated laboratory skeleton.

So the guys have to be skinny, but you don't? Seems like a double-standard. Why can't you be happy with a fellow plus-sizer?

I don't need to be Size 0 to be healthy. If anything I'll kill myself trying to be that size.

There's a big difference between being an anorexic size 0 and being a healthy normal weight, which is what you should be gunning for. Let's not justify your refusal to engage in self-improvement by playing "two extremes."


Again, if you would just engage in a minute of introspection....

 

[Godzilla2000]

And again, you need to venture further than your job and maybe there is a possibility that Prince Charming isn't going to walk into your place of work.

You know, I've been seriously thinking about this and not finding this alleged "Prince Charming" doesn't bother me all that much, hence why I'm not aggressive about going out and hunting him down. What bothers me are guys that seem to write me off without even getting familiar with me. But really, the more I think about it, ever since my dad died searching for a man to date just doesn't matter as urgently as it used to.

 

[Erzengel]

Um, these guys that seem to write you off? Where are you meeting them? At your work?

Again, maybe once time passes, you should try looking elsewhere.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I don't know, it just seems rather futile for me to expend energy on things that just don't pan out when I could be having more fun doing things I really enjoy, like playing Monster Hunter. It's too bad the Monster Hunter games weren't as popular here as they are in Japan. It's WOW level popularity where they have organized Monster Hunter events. If it was like that here in the U.S. I would have found myself a guy 2 years ago when I started playing the game.

 

[Erzengel]

Hey whatever makes you happy.

Just don't clog this thread about wanting to find a guy, what a guy needs to do, and how you should be treated by a guy.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Well, I tend to think of it as voicing what's on my mind at the current point in time in the appropriate topic. Would you like me to clog up a non-romance thread with my posts because I'm going to post them anyway. Where else should I post my introspections on where my head is at this very moment concerning guys? Please tell me and I'll move my posts elsewhere.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

The girl I'm messing around with right now weighs about 110 lbs and is about 5'2". Nice figure too, good sized boobs, smooth muscle tone. Her face looks like Angie Harmon, but younger. I'm really not ashamed of being a little superficial in the looks department.

I actually find hot women exceptionally easy to get with. The irony of hot chicks is they are most insecure about their bodies. These girls get more gratitude than the pope for minor acts of kindness or simple, idle conversation. If you demonstrate that you are intimidated by their looks and don't give them any more deference than you'd give any other human being it goes a long way with girls like that.

 

[Godzilla2000]

The girl I'm messing around with right now weighs about 110 lbs and is about 5'2". Nice figure too, good sized boobs, smooth muscle tone. Her face looks like Angie Harmon, but younger. I'm really not ashamed of being a little superficial in the looks department.

I actually find hot women exceptionally easy to get with. The irony of hot chicks is they are most insecure about their bodies. These girls get more gratitude than the pope for minor acts of kindness or simple, idle conversation. If you demonstrate that you are intimidated by their looks and don't give them any more deference than you'd give any other human being it goes a long way with girls like that.

Well, here's my conundrum. Because of the constant harassment from peers calling me fat and ugly I have a hard time thinking anyone could think I'm attractive. But yet the worse I feel about myself the more I want to fight back and prove everybody wrong, that yes, plus sized women can be just as hot as Megan Fox clones. Basically all the put downs make me angrier and more determined in my beliefs.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Well, here's my conundrum. Because of the constant harassment from peers calling me fat and ugly I have a hard time thinking anyone could think I'm attractive. But yet the worse I feel about myself the more I want to fight back and prove everybody wrong, that yes, plus sized women can be just as hot as Megan Fox clones.

Lies make us feel better. Yes, they do. Yesssss theeeeey dooooooo.

I'm sorry, but talking repeatedly about how everyone else is wrong and they just can't see your inner hotness is denial. It's good to be confident, but at some point you also have to make an attempt to see reality for what it is. If you really want to feel better about herself, stop lecturing imaginary peers on this board about how they're wrong and put some of that energy into a more healthy lifestyle that will lead to real results instead of just what you wish would happen.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Get different peers.

Or are you just talking about society in general?

 

[Erzengel]

Well, I tend to think of it as voicing what's on my mind at the current point in time in the appropriate topic. Would you like me to clog up a non-romance thread with my posts because I'm going to post them anyway. Where else should I post my introspections on where my head is at this very moment concerning guys? Please tell me and I'll move my posts elsewhere.

I'd prefer you to s' or get off the pot.

Don't complain about how you can't meet a good man, yet don't make any adjustments to your life in which puts you in a position to meet a good man.

Don't say, yeah, men need to see the real me, and then bring up how you rather play video games.

 

[Anita18]

Get different peers.

Or are you just talking about society in general?

And I'm super-skinny and have never been popular with the guys either, because I don't feel comfortable flaunting it. It's not what you look like, it's your attitude. Christina Hendricks is one smoking-hot plus-sized chica, and it's all about how she presents herself.

And nobody certainly comes up to me and tells me to my face that I need to get a boob job or else no guy will ever like me.

Seriously. Get different peers.

Don't say, yeah, men need to see the real me, and then bring up how you rather play video games.

One of my suitemates in college met her bf playing WoW. It happens sometimes.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Get different peers.

Or are you just talking about society in general?

Well, I suppose in the beginning when I was younger it started out with my peers, but as I grew older I learned that the major bulk of society in general is very averse to those that are unique, expressing their individuality who won't conform to their unhealthy, unattainable standards.

One of my suitemates in college met her bf playing WoW. It happens sometimes.

My point is that I don't want to date guys that would be like this girl:
http://www.10news.com/news/29832000/detail.html
Joke yes, but there are seriously people like this. I've hunted online on Tri and Ad Hoc with people who had mates that really would do this.

If the man I've fallen for whom has fallen for me can get into playing Monster Hunter with me that would be a very plum bonding experience. I'd find it such a turn on to participate in a hunting session with him for a few hours, especially if he's enjoying himself doing the same thing I am.

The irony of hot chicks is they are most insecure about their bodies.

I'd thought of this while I was vacuuming my carpet but the reason why these girls are insecure is that their barometer of acceptance is directly linked to their physical looks, not who they are. To me that's no way to live, constantly stressing out over maintaining your hotness. Eventually as you age it becomes harder to retain that attention from people when younger, hotter people start gaining the attention you once had.

 

[Juicy J]

In a minor conundrum...
Ex girlfriend is now dating a friend of mine...he had a bunch of people to his house the other night, I show up, they both look at me funny.
Whats the etiquette here? Is it wrong for me to show up somewhere where they are and make things awkward, or is it wrong of them to expect me to not come over to his place and hang out with my friends?

 

[SpideyVille]

It's only awkward if you guys make it awkward. But how long ago did you two break up, and did you know she was dating your friend?

 

[Juicy J]

It's only awkward if you guys make it awkward. But how long ago did you two break up, and did you know she was dating your friend?

Haha loaded question, me and her were complicated...long story short we officially broke things off this summer. Hadn't talked to her that much since then. About a month ago I get on facebook one day and it said "Laura is in a relationship with Andrew", which translates to, "Your ex girlfriend is dating the most random friend of yours you could possibly think of". Took me by complete and utter surprise.
We get back on the break, he has a bunch of people over, I go to his house, she's there, and it's weird as all get out. I tried talking to them and making it not awkward, kind of like you said, but they weren't having any of it.

 

[Anita18]

Well, I suppose in the beginning when I was younger it started out with my peers, but as I grew older I learned that the major bulk of society in general is very averse to those that are unique, expressing their individuality who won't conform to their unhealthy, unattainable standards.

Granted, you live in upstate NY. Have you lived anywhere else?

There are quite a number of communities which welcome eccentricity, as long as there's mutual respect.

I'd thought of this while I was vacuuming my carpet but the reason why these girls are insecure is that their barometer of acceptance is directly linked to their physical looks, not who they are. To me that's no way to live, constantly stressing out over maintaining your hotness. Eventually as you age it becomes harder to retain that attention from people when younger, hotter people start gaining the attention you once had.

Of course. And I agree it's no way to live, because looks are so fleeting, not just from age, but say it takes an hour to do your hair every morning. That look will probably last you 5 hours at most, with some upkeep. That's not a lot of bang for your hypothetical buck! So I never bother.

In a minor conundrum...
Ex girlfriend is now dating a friend of mine...he had a bunch of people to his house the other night, I show up, they both look at me funny.
Whats the etiquette here? Is it wrong for me to show up somewhere where they are and make things awkward, or is it wrong of them to expect me to not come over to his place and hang out with my friends?

They could just be feeling awkward, not like, telling you you aren't allowed to come.

If they don't tell you one way or another, just show up as you usually do and don't worry about it. You and that girl are the past, and yeah SpideyVille is right, it's only awkward if you make it awkward.

 

[Q45]

To be honest, that almost sounds like something my mom would say, without even meeting the girl or knowing anything about her. But then again, I've always thought she was a bit crazy and over-protective/paranoid. Growing up, it was hard to have friends because she would say I can't bring guys over to my house because they would rob us and I couldn't bring girls over because they would say I raped them or something if we were home alone.

It was worse for me because I was the youngest and was always looked at as the baby of the family, so even though my brother was actually ringing his girlfriend over and having sex while no one was home, it was more expected since he was much older. But even now that I'm older, she still says the same thing when I say I had a friend over and that it was a girl.

not unlike john Bender put it, I think your mom and my mom should go bowling

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I'd thought of this while I was vacuuming my carpet but the reason why these girls are insecure is that their barometer of acceptance is directly linked to their physical looks, not who they are. To me that's no way to live, constantly stressing out over maintaining your hotness. Eventually as you age it becomes harder to retain that attention from people when younger, hotter people start gaining the attention you once had.

Exactly. There's no man who looks at Mila Kunis is thinking anything other than a mess of hormones. Moreover, as you say, the threshold is less. The girl I was with last night as I said, was 113, and she keeps thinking she's gotten fat and I make fun of her a bit for it. I think it's hilarious. She could gain 15 more lbs before even it'd be noticeable but I'm not arguing with her. If you're average at I think you'll find you'll be rewarded by being a little more direct with people. It will display a lot of self confidence. Guys appreciate a girl they can count on more than anything. Hot chicks play a lot of wishy washy games with people because I find they don't know how to say no.