Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[AndThePickles]

He and I had a very in-depth conversation last night about where things stand with us, and he revealed two issues he's having preventing him from getting more serious when it comes to the two of us.

1. Apparently his ex is trying to weasel her way back into his life. He's trying to decide whether or not to get back with her or to stick with me and get more serious. He said that while there are reasons they were together for over a year, there are also reasons they broke up that might still be there were they to reconcile. He isn't going to rush into a decision either way, and we're going to continue to date while he thinks it over, but I do admit insecurity is creeping in and I'm worried he'll pick her.

2. He's had quite a bit of experience with women (which I already knew). But what he revealed is that he's worried that due to my inexperience if we get more serious and have certain experiences (kissing, sex, etc) that he'd be taking away my chance to have those firsts with someone with the same experience level as me.

I'm not really sure what I should tell him when it comes to all this.

The first part is definitely up to you to decide on in terms of whether or not this guy is worth your time. Don't let yourself feel insecure, though, about whether he'll pick her over you. If he does get back with this other girl, don't let your self-esteem take a hit...it would be his loss and he'd be the ass for getting back together with an ex. I just don't want YOU to waste your time.

As for the second part, I think that it's nice to be with someone who has more experience when it's your first time. And I don't think that there's any harm in voicing that to him. Two inexperienced people = awkward. One inexperienced = fun learning experience.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I haven't really felt like I'm wasting my time thus far. We always have a great time together. We make one another laugh a lot. Like last night, for instance. We were watching Role Models together at my house and we just randomly got into a pillow/tickle fight

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah, don't be a poop, give that b***h the boot.

If they're hot though it's so hard. I'm weak .

 

[Erzengel]

1. Apparently his ex is trying to weasel her way back into his life. He's trying to decide whether or not to get back with her or to stick with me and get more serious. He said that while there are reasons they were together for over a year, there are also reasons they broke up that might still be there were they to reconcile. He isn't going to rush into a decision either way, and we're going to continue to date while he thinks it over, but I do admit insecurity is creeping in and I'm worried he'll pick her.

The first part is definitely up to you to decide on in terms of whether or not this guy is worth your time. Don't let yourself feel insecure, though, about whether he'll pick her over you. If he does get back with this other girl, don't let your self-esteem take a hit...it would be his loss and he'd be the ass for getting back together with an ex. I just don't want YOU to waste your time.

It's nice he's not the type of guy who is trying to have his cake and eat it too and respecting that you aren't overly experienced. However, even if you have been dating a month, he's eventually going to have to pull the trigger on either you or his ex. You can give him some time to sort things out but he's gotta s' or get off the pot. I don't know that many girls who would still hang around after a month.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I don't intend on waiting forever, but I will give him some time. Not the kind of girl that demands things from other people usually.

 

[Clerk]

I don't get this whole thing of keeping any sort of relationship going with your ex....you broke up for a reason, pick up your s*** and get the hell on


I don't talk or even socialize with any of my exes....

This. It's to where if a girl even brings up her ex within the first date, I make my phone go off as if I have work or something to get out of there.

 

[Clerk]

Also, Ez I see you. We gay or what?

 

[Erzengel]

You weren't suppose to see me see you.

And depends, how much you got?

 

[Clerk]

10 inches.

 

[Anita18]

He and I had a very in-depth conversation last night about where things stand with us, and he revealed two issues he's having preventing him from getting more serious when it comes to the two of us.

1. Apparently his ex is trying to weasel her way back into his life. He's trying to decide whether or not to get back with her or to stick with me and get more serious. He said that while there are reasons they were together for over a year, there are also reasons they broke up that might still be there were they to reconcile. He isn't going to rush into a decision either way, and we're going to continue to date while he thinks it over, but I do admit insecurity is creeping in and I'm worried he'll pick her.

2. He's had quite a bit of experience with women (which I already knew). But what he revealed is that he's worried that due to my inexperience if we get more serious and have certain experiences (kissing, sex, etc) that he'd be taking away my chance to have those firsts with someone with the same experience level as me.

I'm not really sure what I should tell him when it comes to all this.

Don't feel insecure about it - he's the one being wishy-washy. Guys should pick you for you, not some version of you that you think is better.

I don't get this whole thing of keeping any sort of relationship going with your ex....you broke up for a reason, pick up your s*** and get the hell on

Seriously. It's comforting knowing that you had something with someone, but really - if they broke up because of certain issues, it's very likely that those issues are still there, ESPECIALLY if they broke up recently.

The first part is definitely up to you to decide on in terms of whether or not this guy is worth your time. Don't let yourself feel insecure, though, about whether he'll pick her over you. If he does get back with this other girl, don't let your self-esteem take a hit...it would be his loss and he'd be the ass for getting back together with an ex. I just don't want YOU to waste your time.

As for the second part, I think that it's nice to be with someone who has more experience when it's your first time. And I don't think that there's any harm in voicing that to him. Two inexperienced people = awkward. One inexperienced = fun learning experience.

I agree with the first point.

As for the second point, my bf wasn't a virgin when I started dating him, but he's inherently awkward so it was still awkward for our first times anyway. What I got with him was that my first times wasn't a big deal, which made things more comfortable for me I believe.

And I don't think both people having a first-time experience really changes anything...even if it wasn't "their first" full-stop, it's still their first time with you!

 

[Hound55]

This. It's to where if a girl even brings up her ex within the first date, I make my phone go off as if I have work or something to get out of there.

Wow... That could be the most insecure thing I've eve heard.

As with everything, I believe it's all about context. Just because an ex gets mentioned doesn't automatically mean "Crazy! Crazy! Alert! Bail!" or that she's more trouble than she's worth.

 

[SpideyVille]

I can understand why some people would still talk to their ex and get back together. I mean sometimes you need a break from someone to realize how important they are. It doesn't necessarily mean that the person was the worst or anything.

But with that said, if I'm talking to a girl I like and she mentions her ex for whatever reason, I'm going to want her to stop. From recent experiences, whenever a girl has mentioned an ex, whether it be in a negative or positive way, its because she's still thinking about him and she probably still wants to be with him. I mean its one thing to say you went to the same restaurant before with some guy you dated and another to constantly mention the last guy you dated and how little things remind you of your time with him.

 

[Erzengel]

I think most people are going to have an ex in some capacity especially the older one gets. You'll also going to have experiences and memories that are just going to be part of you. It's just how you relay those stories.

Say:

I love Arizona. Unfortunately, I've only been there a couple times. Once to the Grand Canyon and once to Hoover Dam.

Not:

I went to Arizona a few times with my ex. We went to the Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I can understand why some people would still talk to their ex and get back together. I mean sometimes you need a break from someone to realize how important they are. It doesn't necessarily mean that the person was the worst or anything.

But with that said, if I'm talking to a girl I like and she mentions her ex for whatever reason, I'm going to want her to stop. From recent experiences, whenever a girl has mentioned an ex, whether it be in a negative or positive way, its because she's still thinking about him and she probably still wants to be with him. I mean its one thing to say you went to the same restaurant before with some guy you dated and another to constantly mention the last guy you dated and how little things remind you of your time with him.

It all depends on the context because a lot of things can be mentioned off-hand. Mentioning your ex, or talking about another male/female can and is appropriate in certain discussions.

 

[AndThePickles]

I don't intend on waiting forever, but I will give him some time. Not the kind of girl that demands things from other people usually.

It's not a demand to want someone to make up their mind, though. I agree that it's early on in your dating life with this guy, but eventually, he's going to need to make a solid decision. I've dated guys who weren't over their ex's in the past...things never ended well because they couldn't make up their damn minds. Just don't want you to end up as a rebound.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It also depends on how seriously you take this person. If this is fun for you and you yourself have no long term investment then I wouldn't push him to make up his mind. I'd have fun until you feel it's time to bail or move to the next step.

If you do take him seriously I'd push him to make a decision and or move on. I was in a similar situation a month ago. Met a girl and liked her, she seemed like she liked me, but obviously still wanted to be with her ex. I wanted to show her I wasn't going to wait around while she figured out her situation, because honestly it's none of my business anyways, so I started hunting for someone else. I ended up hooking up with this new girl, and things are going well so far.

Point being, don't necessarily lay it on this guy. Throwing someone else into the mix, perhaps someone with less baggage, will be a win-win for you. At this stage it's really important to not limit your options. Plus you'll be taking control of your personal situation, which is important. If he likes you, and knows by stringing you along that you'll walk away to someone else, he'll try to make concessions.

I'm not sure what you look like Angel, but I'm sure it's not hard for you to attract some guys attention. If you don't want to be his rebound girl you need to act like that's not an appropriate role for yourself. If you fence sit on this I assure you he'll go back to his ex. Try to look at it from his perspective: "Okay, I'm the guy and you're going to let me keep this other girl in my life while I'm with you, so essentially this is license for me to be with two chicks". If I were him I'd be doing the same thing. This is a solid bargain for him, even though it's a bad bargain for you.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

It all depends on the context because a lot of things can be mentioned off-hand. Mentioning your ex, or talking about another male/female can and is appropriate in certain discussions.

This is true.

I find there are correct replies to be given depending on the context a girl brings up her ex in.

99.9% (yes I actually kept records and did the math) of the time I chose to defend the guy. This is atypical. Most guys will say how bad that was, and how he could treat her better than that a-hole. I like to show that I am a bigger a-hole.

If she is complaining about his needy behavior, such as calling her non stop, I will defend him saying "hey he just had no experience with girls out of his league and got really attached, you were likely the most attractive girl he ever got close to, so I won’t blame him".

If she complains about any a-hole behavior, I defend him and up the ante, for example "that’s impressive, he slept with your best friend and sister? I wouldn’t have stopped there, you have cousins right?" – the important thing is the inflection. She should be left wondering if you’re kidding or not.

Another one is if it was a guy who she bought things for. I was on a date with one girl who had bought her ex BF a car, that he never paid her back for. Me: "you bought him a car? I might keep you around, I like presents too".

Ohh, and these should don't come up over dinner as I never bring a girl out to dinner on a first date.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

He and I had a very in-depth conversation last night about where things stand with us, and he revealed two issues he's having preventing him from getting more serious when it comes to the two of us.

1. Apparently his ex is trying to weasel her way back into his life. He's trying to decide whether or not to get back with her or to stick with me and get more serious. He said that while there are reasons they were together for over a year, there are also reasons they broke up that might still be there were they to reconcile. He isn't going to rush into a decision either way, and we're going to continue to date while he thinks it over, but I do admit insecurity is creeping in and I'm worried he'll pick her.

2. He's had quite a bit of experience with women (which I already knew). But what he revealed is that he's worried that due to my inexperience if we get more serious and have certain experiences (kissing, sex, etc) that he'd be taking away my chance to have those firsts with someone with the same experience level as me.

I'm not really sure what I should tell him when it comes to all this.

You're in a tough situation right now. I'd like to say to just kick this guy to the curb until he's made up his mind. That kind of forcefulness might be just what makes you the winner between you and his ex. However, when you mention your inexperience and say kissing as part of it, have you two had your first kiss yet? If not, have you stopped the first kiss from happening? If you've been dating a month and a first kiss hasn't happened then it's time to make a move, he could be missing the physical relationship he had with his ex. I'm not saying hop into bed, but at least a good old fashion make out session could really help him make up his mind.

 

[Anita18]

You're in a tough situation right now. I'd like to say to just kick this guy to the curb until he's made up his mind. That kind of forcefulness might be just what makes you the winner between you and his ex. However, when you mention your inexperience and say kissing as part of it, have you two had your first kiss yet? If not, have you stopped the first kiss from happening? If you've been dating a month and a first kiss hasn't happened then it's time to make a move, he could be missing the physical relationship he had with his ex. I'm not saying hop into bed, but at least a good old fashion make out session could really help him make up his mind.

Frankly, if this guy wants to reconcile with his ex just because she's a physically-willing girl and overlook the personality issues that led to them breaking up, I'd say good riddance on Angel_Faerie's part!

If a guy wants you, he'll be patient. Being coerced into something you're not comfortable with JUST to bag a guy is a serious no-no for my feminist self. There are other guys out there, good guys who aren't wishy-washy and who'll be patient for inexperienced girls. There's no need to stoop down and grovel for this one.

I agree that if you're starting to feel insecure, it's time to cut ties and move on. Feeling insecure at the beginning of a relationship as to whether a guy wants you doesn't bode well for the future, IMO. That's how it was for my first relationship. It wasn't good for my self-esteem, and it never got better throughout the relationship. For my current relationship, he was incredibly patient and there was absolutely no question that he wanted me and only me. Because of that, I'm able to trust him 100% and there's no insecurity at all.

My sister's bf at the beginning was wishy-washy and was dating other girls even though he told her he wanted to be exclusive with her. When she found out, she was torn about dumping him, but eventually elected to put her foot down and say, "I'll give you another chance, but if you want to date around, I'm out of the picture" and he fell into line pretty quickly after that.

 

[Erzengel]

2. He's had quite a bit of experience with women (which I already knew). But what he revealed is that he's worried that due to my inexperience if we get more serious and have certain experiences (kissing, sex, etc) that he'd be taking away my chance to have those firsts with someone with the same experience level as me.

I kinda missed this the first go round but just because he's been with a few women, doesn't mean he's Don Juan in the sack.

Secondly, like ATP said being with someone experienced can be fun and having too inexperienced people can be very awkward.

And I wouldn't put too much stock in firsts. My first kiss wasn't with a childhood sweetheart or a very long standing relationship. I don't think about it and sigh bittersweetly.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

This is true.

I find there are correct replies to be given depending on the context a girl brings up her ex in.

99.9% (yes I actually kept records and did the math) of the time I chose to defend the guy. This is atypical. Most guys will say how bad that was, and how he could treat her better than that a-hole. I like to show that I am a bigger a-hole.

If she is complaining about his needy behavior, such as calling her non stop, I will defend him saying "hey he just had no experience with girls out of his league and got really attached, you were likely the most attractive girl he ever got close to, so I won’t blame him".

If she complains about any a-hole behavior, I defend him and up the ante, for example "that’s impressive, he slept with your best friend and sister? I wouldn’t have stopped there, you have cousins right?" – the important thing is the inflection. She should be left wondering if you’re kidding or not.

Another one is if it was a guy who she bought things for. I was on a date with one girl who had bought her ex BF a car, that he never paid her back for. Me: "you bought him a car? I might keep you around, I like presents too".

Ohh, and these should don't come up over dinner as I never bring a girl out to dinner on a first date.

I don't put as much thought into this I guess. Usually my rule of thumb is "establish boundaries quickly". I don't have an overly cynical view of women, but I believe like anyone else they'll at least take as much slack as you're willing to give them.

I'm not sure I've ever done what you just said, so no comment there, but you are [saying] doing something. A lot of these posts I'm reading seem to be "oh, noes, shez talking about her x!" as if the person writing it just idly sat there pretending to not be offended while playing second fiddle to whomever.

You're responses bring the conversation back to you, which is essentially the heart of what you're trying to do with a person. You want to keep them focused on you. Really, that's what is going on when she brings up her ex or he brings up his ex. It's an acknowledgement that the person in question simply is not taking any lead in a conversation.

You hear 'nice guys' say this all the time: "I can talk to her about anything". Anything but you and where you want this going. The 'nice guy' tactic of immediately defecting to small talk whenever the pressure is on is what allows these kinds of topics to come up. (In fact, to an extent, I feel talking is a lot more meaningless than people think - I say more dumb sh** now than I ever did, but my actions are a lot more pronounced).

Ex(es) are a touchy subject because talking about them is a double edged sword. I want to know that you've had them because it's an important part of the vetting process for me. If someone talks about a bunch of week and month long relationships that's a major red flag. That person could be so insufferable after two weeks that no guy could stand to be within 100 feet of them. Also there's the whole STD thing if that person has had a lot of partners, which is very important to me personally. As a general rule though, it's not something to discuss right away.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Frankly, if this guy wants to reconcile with his ex just because she's a physically-willing girl and overlook the personality issues that led to them breaking up, I'd say good riddance on Angel_Faerie's part!

If a guy wants you, he'll be patient. Being coerced into something you're not comfortable with JUST to bag a guy is a serious no-no for my feminist self. There are other guys out there, good guys who aren't wishy-washy and who'll be patient for inexperienced girls. There's no need to stoop down and grovel for this one.

I agree that if you're starting to feel insecure, it's time to cut ties and move on. Feeling insecure at the beginning of a relationship as to whether a guy wants you doesn't bode well for the future, IMO. That's how it was for my first relationship. It wasn't good for my self-esteem, and it never got better throughout the relationship. For my current relationship, he was incredibly patient and there was absolutely no question that he wanted me and only me. Because of that, I'm able to trust him 100% and there's no insecurity at all.

My sister's bf at the beginning was wishy-washy and was dating other girls even though he told her he wanted to be exclusive with her. When she found out, she was torn about dumping him, but eventually elected to put her foot down and say, "I'll give you another chance, but if you want to date around, I'm out of the picture" and he fell into line pretty quickly after that.

I'm not for a guy coercing a girl into any kind of physical act, however, Angel's already mentioned having some dirty dreams about the guy, so I don't think she's against it, which is really why I mentioned it. Just maybe a little shy about initiating it and maybe the guy is a little shy about it as well, knowing the inexperience. The physical is an important part and needs to be introduced naturally, when both parties are ready, a month of dating though without even a kiss seems odd to me.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

As for the second part, I think that it's nice to be with someone who has more experience when it's your first time. And I don't think that there's any harm in voicing that to him. Two inexperienced people = awkward. One inexperienced = fun learning experience.

Yeah, co-sign this, and I think I said this before as well.

Also, just curious, how has he qualified his "experience"? Sounds pretty f***ing stupid to me. If he's worth spit in bed, he's gonna want to show you just to show off. I mean seriously? If someone fed me that, and people have, I'm always like "okay, prove it?".

Let's assume for a minute I'm him, and it's true, I'm like some porn star level prowess. The whole package, and I know it. What do I have to lose being with an "inexperienced" person. Nothing. That's like being Tom Brady, and forfeiting every game to a sub .500 team because they are beneath you. I'm sufficiently skeptical of people who talk like that.

I'd be playful with him on this "experience" thing. Don't be mean about it, just playfully call him on his sh**. It might make him attempt to "prove it" rather than just yap about it.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

It's not a demand to want someone to make up their mind, though. I agree that it's early on in your dating life with this guy, but eventually, he's going to need to make a solid decision. I've dated guys who weren't over their ex's in the past...things never ended well because they couldn't make up their damn minds. Just don't want you to end up as a rebound.

I know what you mean. I'll give him a couple weeks and if the situation is the same I'll talk to him about it and tell him that he needs to make a decision.

You're in a tough situation right now. I'd like to say to just kick this guy to the curb until he's made up his mind. That kind of forcefulness might be just what makes you the winner between you and his ex. However, when you mention your inexperience and say kissing as part of it, have you two had your first kiss yet? If not, have you stopped the first kiss from happening? If you've been dating a month and a first kiss hasn't happened then it's time to make a move, he could be missing the physical relationship he had with his ex. I'm not saying hop into bed, but at least a good old fashion make out session could really help him make up his mind.

No, we haven't kissed yet. There have been a few moments where it could have happened had I made a move but I chickened out for a couple reasons.

A. Nerves. I've never kissed, and he has (quite a bit according to his reputation). Don't want to disappoint him and end up ruining everything.

B. I didn't want to come off as too aggressive and forward and try and do something he isn't comfortable with. I don't know when would be too soon or when isn't soon enough. Funnily enough he mentioned something similar the other night. He said he didn't know how fast to go because of my inexperience and he doesn't want to try and do something when I don't feel ready.

Frankly, if this guy wants to reconcile with his ex just because she's a physically-willing girl and overlook the personality issues that led to them breaking up, I'd say good riddance on Angel_Faerie's part!

If a guy wants you, he'll be patient. Being coerced into something you're not comfortable with JUST to bag a guy is a serious no-no for my feminist self. There are other guys out there, good guys who aren't wishy-washy and who'll be patient for inexperienced girls. There's no need to stoop down and grovel for this one.

I agree that if you're starting to feel insecure, it's time to cut ties and move on. Feeling insecure at the beginning of a relationship as to whether a guy wants you doesn't bode well for the future, IMO. That's how it was for my first relationship. It wasn't good for my self-esteem, and it never got better throughout the relationship. For my current relationship, he was incredibly patient and there was absolutely no question that he wanted me and only me. Because of that, I'm able to trust him 100% and there's no insecurity at all.

My sister's bf at the beginning was wishy-washy and was dating other girls even though he told her he wanted to be exclusive with her. When she found out, she was torn about dumping him, but eventually elected to put her foot down and say, "I'll give you another chance, but if you want to date around, I'm out of the picture" and he fell into line pretty quickly after that.

I don't even know what the situation is with his ex, so I can't say what his reasons are for considering a reconciliation. But he doesn't seem like the type of guy that would go for a girl just because she's willing to go further than another. I'm not saying I know everything about him, but I think I have enough knowledge of him to say that.

I kinda missed this the first go round but just because he's been with a few women, doesn't mean he's Don Juan in the sack.

Secondly, like ATP said being with someone experienced can be fun and having too inexperienced people can be very awkward.

And I wouldn't put too much stock in firsts. My first kiss wasn't with a childhood sweetheart or a very long standing relationship. I don't think about it and sigh bittersweetly.

He never said he's some sort of Don Juan in bed. He just said that he's been with a few women. Didn't mention quality.

Firsts are important for me, because you never get a chance to have that very first again. Sure it can be the first with a specific person, but you only get one shot to have a very first kiss or very first time having sex. Kissing isn't a massive, huge deal for me (though I do consider it important), but sex is. When I finally do have sex with someone, I want to be 100% sure I'm making the right choice and 100% ready for it. I don't want to look back on it with regret saying "I wish I had saved my first time for so-and-so". I want to look back fondly. I want it to be special. Not perfect, of course, but I want it to be a good experience at least.

I'm not for a guy coercing a girl into any kind of physical act, however, Angel's already mentioned having some dirty dreams about the guy, so I don't think she's against it, which is really why I mentioned it. Just maybe a little shy about initiating it and maybe the guy is a little shy about it as well, knowing the inexperience. The physical is an important part and needs to be introduced naturally, when both parties are ready, a month of dating though without even a kiss seems odd to me.

The dream wasn't that dirty. Just pretty hardcore kissing.

You pretty much nailed the main crux as to why we haven't kissed yet, I think.

Yeah, co-sign this, and I think I said this before as well.

Also, just curious, how has he qualified his "experience"? Sounds pretty f***ing stupid to me. If he's worth spit in bed, he's gonna want to show you just to show off. I mean seriously? If someone fed me that, and people have, I'm always like "okay, prove it?".

Let's assume for a minute I'm him, and it's true, I'm like some porn star level prowess. The whole package, and I know it. What do I have to lose being with an "inexperienced" person. Nothing. That's like being Tom Brady, and forfeiting every game to a sub .500 team because they are beneath you. I'm sufficiently skeptical of people who talk like that.

I'd be playful with him on this "experience" thing. Don't be mean about it, just playfully call him on his sh**. It might make him attempt to "prove it" rather than just yap about it.

He didn't say it in like a braggy way, he just said it like like stating a fact. In high school (he was a couple class levels above me) he had quite a reputation as a ladies man and a player. He was seen with a different girl every few weeks. Thankfully he seems to have outgrown that. If he hadn't I think he would try to push certain issues rather than taking a slower pace. He says that his most recent breakup (the one he's thinking of getting back with) really woke him up and made him realize he needed to make a change. And it seems like he has. I'm no mind reader, so I can't tell if I'm right, but that's the feeling I get.

 

[Erzengel]

Firsts are important for me, because you never get a chance to have that very first again. Sure it can be the first with a specific person, but you only get one shot to have a very first kiss or very first time having sex. Kissing isn't a massive, huge deal for me (though I do consider it important), but sex is. When I finally do have sex with someone, I want to be 100% sure I'm making the right choice and 100% ready for it. I don't want to look back on it with regret saying "I wish I had saved my first time for so-and-so". I want to look back fondly. I want it to be special. Not perfect, of course, but I want it to be a good experience at least.

I think you are putting the cart before the horse there. I mean worry about sex when you are actually ready for it.

You also have to be careful not to overly romanticize every intimate act you may have.

I'm just saying it's not always going to be in front of a waterfall as the sun sets.

And no matter how in love you can be with someone, sometimes, sex can just be awkward and bad.

And lastly, it's hard to regret something that at the time you really wanted. (i.e., if you did have sex been together for a year, and then have a bad break up) I guess my point is, even if everything is rosy in the beginning, the end could sour how you look back on it.