The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 20

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[Anita18]

Do I get a sticker?

 

[Anita18]

Damn, I was the thread breaker.

 

[knowsbleed]

Do I get a sticker?

I read that as "Do I get to stick her? " and I got excited... then I read it correctly and wondered why got excited.

 

[Erzengel]

I just feel really bad and awkward now because I feel like everytime I go to the front to put something in the mailbox or to tell someone to fix something for me that is work related, I feel like she's looking at me as though I'm just using that as an excuse to see her. But I've gotten to the point with her where I don't really have the same romantic feelings for her and if I do want to talk to her, it would be simply as a friend or a coworker, but she still seems to think that I might be trying to do more. A friend of hers actually told me that a while ago, that she didn't even want to be friends with me because she was afraid that it would lead to more. So clearly she doesn't know anything about me, because I friend zone myself all the time before even talking to girls.

You just have to be aware of perception. People thought me and a coworker were banging cause we went to lunch all the time together.

If my coworkers came back from lunch and saw me outside near the benches taking a picture of another coworker, there'd be gossip.

Personally, I like to keep my work stuff and away from work stuff separate. I know you're just trying to connect with people and hone your social skills but even if is not someone who you're "interested" in, you have to establish a base level of social interaction. I mean how long have you been talking to her a few weeks? Yeah, taking her picture seems pretty innocent when we know the meaning behind it. But people see a guy taking a picture of the new girl.

My advice is to establish a little deeper relationship with some of these people before you request personal stuff from them. And it's the same as dating, you can't force friendships either.

 

[SpideyVille]

What kind of camera is it? If it's a good prosumer DSLR, just put it on auto or portrait mode in raw and be done with it. Nobody can be expected to take good pictures in a crowd of people on the fly, fiddling with settings and lenses, unless you make your living as a wedding photographer.

I'm telling you this SpideyVille, because you always put so much pressure on yourself, for everything. Are you being paid a lot to take pics at NYCC? If not, go have fun and take pictures as you can. Don't guilt yourself for not being a pro photographer, because it takes years of practice to be good at photographing groups of people on the fly. And in large groups of people, timing trumps everything. Just put on auto in raw and have fun.

If you shoot in raw, you can fix bad exposure in Photoshop. And if you don't have Photoshop, you shouldn't be worrying about taking bad photos, because every pro photographer processes their stuff in Photoshop and it's useless to compare yourself to them.

Yeah, I finally upgraded from a Manual Point and Shoot to a DSLR, and I guess the issue comes a little from my perfectionist tendencies where if I don't think I can do as well as I would like to do something, then I wouldn't even bother to start. Like this will be my third straight year of going to NYCC and while I liked the photos I took at the time, I look at them now and think that I can do and want to do so much better, especially when I look at some of the stuff in the 'Real People as Superheroes' thread here.

And I've been using photoshop to correct my stuff for a while now, but I also have the habit of trying to take the best picture possible before even going to Photoshop just as part of how I was taught to approach a shoot.

You just have to be aware of perception. People thought me and a coworker were banging cause we went to lunch all the time together.

If my coworkers came back from lunch and saw me outside near the benches taking a picture of another coworker, there'd be gossip.

Personally, I like to keep my work stuff and away from work stuff separate. I know you're just trying to connect with people and hone your social skills but even if is not someone who you're "interested" in, you have to establish a base level of social interaction. I mean how long have you been talking to her a few weeks? Yeah, taking her picture seems pretty innocent when we know the meaning behind it. But people see a guy taking a picture of the new girl.

My advice is to establish a little deeper relationship with some of these people before you request personal stuff from them. And it's the same as dating, you can't force friendships either.

Yeah I dealt with something similar earlier on when I would go out to lunch with a friend of mine and knew that people thought something was going on between us. But this is why I tried to keep the whole thing quiet, because even I felt like it was a bit weird to be asking and I wasn't seriously planning to ask until the last minute when I finally decided to go through with it. It's just weird because whenever I want to do something, people say I need to stop overthinking, but then when I finally do something on the spot, people say I should have thought about it more carefully.

Ironically, there was another girl who was in my office yesterday and while she was waiting for something, she asked if I was a photographer since she had seen me with the camera. I hesitated for a moment because I wasn't sure if she was actually curious or if she was asking because she heard about what I wanted to do with this other girl. I've seen first hand how fast news travels there, especially since its a small office, so now I just feel really awkward because I don't want to have the reputation of being a creepy guy.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah I dealt with something similar earlier on when I would go out to lunch with a friend of mine and knew that people thought something was going on between us. But this is why I tried to keep the whole thing quiet, because even I felt like it was a bit weird to be asking and I wasn't seriously planning to ask until the last minute when I finally decided to go through with it. It's just weird because whenever I want to do something, people say I need to stop overthinking, but then when I finally do something on the spot, people say I should have thought about it more carefully.

Ironically, there was another girl who was in my office yesterday and while she was waiting for something, she asked if I was a photographer since she had seen me with the camera. I hesitated for a moment because I wasn't sure if she was actually curious or if she was asking because she heard about what I wanted to do with this other girl. I've seen first hand how fast news travels there, especially since its a small office, so now I just feel really awkward because I don't want to have the reputation of being a creepy guy.

But you have to know when to pick your spots.

You're with a girl, she's shown you interest, she broke the physical barrier between you two, it's late, you've had a couple of drinks. Don't think, do something.

You work with a girl and you exchange pleasantries, you haven't really hung out outside of work (correct me if I'm wrong), you ask to take her picture. Again, I know it's harmless, other people don't and assume the worse.

As much as people here encourage you to stop overthinking, you also have to realize you can't force things either and some things have their own natural progression.

 

[webhead9707]

I don't have anything to contribute, but I'm just glad that I haven't had any relationship issues since last Friday with the terrible date.

 

[Boy Scout]

Your time will come.

 

[Warhammer]

Oh yeah, they will be waiting.

 

[webhead9707]

Your time will come.

Oh yeah, they will be waiting.

I'm just savoring the calm before the storm.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, I finally upgraded from a Manual Point and Shoot to a DSLR, and I guess the issue comes a little from my perfectionist tendencies where if I don't think I can do as well as I would like to do something, then I wouldn't even bother to start. Like this will be my third straight year of going to NYCC and while I liked the photos I took at the time, I look at them now and think that I can do and want to do so much better, especially when I look at some of the stuff in the 'Real People as Superheroes' thread here.

And I've been using photoshop to correct my stuff for a while now, but I also have the habit of trying to take the best picture possible before even going to Photoshop just as part of how I was taught to approach a shoot.

There are things you can and can't control. Lighting is one of them, not unless you own a studio setup. (Never, ever use flash. Ever.) You can't fix lighting, but you can fix where you stand relative to your subject. No amount of Photoshop is going to fix crazy backlighting, for example. Also, get lower. Shooting from head-height often results in some weird perspective. When I've seen people take good photos, they usually get down to chest or waist-height and shoot from there. Using a non-wide angle lens will also help with the distortion.

Auto mode in most DSLRs is intelligent enough for Photoshop to fix more or less, especially if you shoot in raw. Like, I was trying to photograph inside a tunnel without my flash (because I never use flash since it's icky), and my Nikon DSLR was like, "What, you crazy, lady, I'm not going to let you do that!" Same with trying to photograph underwater with a telephoto lens. If it can't get focused, it won't take the shot. It's kind of idiot-proof that way.

For a DSLR and shooting by the seat of your pants, all you can really control is timing and framing. Photoshop can't help you get the moment you missed, it can't fix a bad angle or crazy backlighting, but I suppose you COULD crop in everything, although any photographer worth his salt tries to get the entire picture in the frame to save pixels.

I did bring my DSLR to my honeymoon in Hawaii, but since my camera basically lived in a waterproof case (no changing lenses or focal length once it was in) and I was on some kind of water craft half the time, all I could do was put it on auto, point it at things, and hope I got a good shot. Sometimes you gotta make do.

Yeah I dealt with something similar earlier on when I would go out to lunch with a friend of mine and knew that people thought something was going on between us. But this is why I tried to keep the whole thing quiet, because even I felt like it was a bit weird to be asking and I wasn't seriously planning to ask until the last minute when I finally decided to go through with it. It's just weird because whenever I want to do something, people say I need to stop overthinking, but then when I finally do something on the spot, people say I should have thought about it more carefully.

Well, usually when you do something on the spot, it's after you've overthought it for days and then you do something inadvertently creepy because that's what your mind immediately and unconsciously thinks up.

 

[webhead9707]

Well, usually when you do something on the spot, it's after you've overthought it for days and then you do something inadvertently creepy because that's what your mind immediately and unconsciously thinks up.

I think you just described me.

 

[Warhammer]

I'm just savoring the calm before the storm.

Yes, please savor it. Love leads to irrationality. Irrationality leads to fear. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

 

[webhead9707]

Yes, please savor it. Love leads to irrationality. Irrationality leads to fear. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Are you implying that love will make me become a Sith lord?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

People ask me why I'm in such a rush to fall in love.

Well, the promise of becoming a Sith Lord is a pretty strong calling.

 

[Anita18]

I think you just described me.

You're in high school. Awkward bordering on inadvertently creepy is the name of the game.

People ask me why I'm in such a rush to fall in love.

Well, the promise of becoming a Sith Lord is a pretty strong calling.

Except it's not quite true.

Infatuation leads to irrationality. Not love. Love is actually pretty sane. The best partners call each other out on their BS.

Although I suppose some people could argue that parents saving their children's lives at the expense of their own is irrational, but most people would call that sane.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

[YT]f68VXKMZT1Q[/YT]

 

[Erzengel]

Don't want to do a generalization, but there's a reason why the groom on my cake has a blue lightsaber.

 

[webhead9707]

People ask me why I'm in such a rush to fall in love.

Well, the promise of becoming a Sith Lord is a pretty strong calling.

You're in high school. Awkward bordering on inadvertently creepy is the name of the game.

Fair point. I think the jocks say dumb and creepy stuff too, they just get away with it because they can tackle other large boys.

[YT]f68VXKMZT1Q[/YT]

Don't want to do a generalization, but there's a reason why the groom on my cake has a blue lightsaber.

Wise man.

 

[Anita18]

Fair point. I think the jocks say dumb and creepy stuff too, they just get away with it because they can tackle other large boys.

Depends on the girl.

I would be MUCH more fearful of a big strong jock saying creepy things, than a shy skinny dude saying them. I was raised by some paranoid parents, who told me to watch out for myself and not depend on men for protection. Au contraire, it was the men who were going to hurt me.

It's not a surprise that I can probably take on my husband in a fight....and win. I can already squat his body weight.

It isn't a problem if there are small-framed guys as well as big strong guys out in the world, is there? The short skinny ones need some love too!

 

[webhead9707]

Depends on the girl.

I would be MUCH more fearful of a big strong jock saying creepy things, than a shy skinny dude saying them. I was raised by some paranoid parents, who told me to watch out for myself and not depend on men for protection. Au contraire, it was the men who were going to hurt me.

It's not a surprise that I can probably take on my husband in a fight....and win. I can already squat his body weight.

It isn't a problem if there are small-framed guys as well as big strong guys out in the world, is there? The short skinny ones need some love too!

I'm tall and skinny...But I can lift both of my best friends without much issue. Now granted, they're both 93 pounds and 110 pounds, but even so.

 

[Anita18]

I'm tall and skinny...But I can lift both of my best friends without much issue. Now granted, they're both 93 pounds and 110 pounds, but even so.

But can they lift you? The hubs only has 15 lbs on me.

 

[webhead9707]

But can they lift you? The hubs only has 15 lbs on me.

The one that weighs 110 (Summer) can put her arms around me and pull back and lift me off my feet, but she can't really pick me up. And your hubs sounds like me and Summer. I barely have 15 on her.