The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[NickNitro]

It would really be quite an accomplishment if you were able to one day walk up to a couple in the street that just so happened to be fighting, sit them down and start giving them advice. When they look at you puzzled you reach in your suit pocket and give them a business card that says "Sexpert".

 

[knowsbleed]

But... they weren't having sex. If they were having sex in the street and were doing it wrong... then it would apply. Please ensure your next post makes sense so I don't have to correct you again.

 

[Anita18]

This happened with my best friend.

When we still lived in California, he left to Indiana to go to college. A big part of choosing Indiana was that it was the closest college he applied to to his girlfriend who lived in Ohio at the time (yes, a successful long distance relationship).

I moved to Tennessee shortly after - less than a year. We visited a few times, before he went to Boston for college to be with his girlfriend who was now going to school herself in Boston. They get married, move to Atlanta which is so close to where I was in Tennessee, and the hangouts become more frequent, a few times a year.

Then comes my talk of wanting to move back to California. And my best friend saying things like "Well if you move back to California, we won't be able to hang out. The friendship is gonna take a hit cuz you'll be so far away".

My response is "Dude, you're married. One day I hope to be married. You just graduated college and are starting a career. I will be finishing college soon and starting a career of my own. We live 3 hours away and only see each other a couple few times a year anyways. Life changes. We grow up. We move on. We'll always be friends, but it's never going to be the same."

He didn't wanna hear it. He wanted to insist that me leaving to California, and that alone, was going to be the sole factor on our frequency on talking and hanging out.

And yet... I'd wanna make plans to come see him in Atlanta, or have him come see me in Tennessee - "Can't, busy with the wife"

I'd wanna make plans to hook up on X-Box Live or some MMO on the computer - "Can't, busy with the wife"

Invited him to come up to my college graduation - "Can't, me and the wife have plans"

And I don't begrudge him for any of it. I get it. I just think it's funny that even then, he pits me moving back to California as the sole factor effecting our friendship, and doesn't realize that his marriage is just as much, if not moreso, of a factor keeping us from hanging out like we used to.

And that's okay... that's life. We'll always be friends, and we'll see each other. I just think it's funny.

Sounds like the wife has him whipped. Seriously, most couples I know aren't joined at the hip like that. They have date nights once a week where it's absolutely off limits for anything else (none have kids though, I suppose that changes things), but if someone wants to go to a work conference or hang out with some friends they haven't seen in a while, the spouse/partner doesn't pitch a fit.

I have barely seen my husband in more than a week, since I went to conferences upstate for a week and then participated in a weekend-long hackathon. Last night was the first time we were able to take some time for ourselves, and "date night" involved going to In-n-Out and talking.

I guess me and my relatives/friends don't count though, since I mostly know folks who are secure in themselves and their relationships.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You sure it wasn't out of spite? It sounds like it was out of spite.

Nah, it's not spite. It might sound like it due to how I worded it, but that was just for simplicity sake.

Sounds like the wife has him whipped. Seriously, most couples I know aren't joined at the hip like that. They have date nights once a week where it's absolutely off limits for anything else (none have kids though, I suppose that changes things), but if someone wants to go to a work conference or hang out with some friends they haven't seen in a while, the spouse/partner doesn't pitch a fit.

I have barely seen my husband in more than a week, since I went to conferences upstate for a week and then participated in a weekend-long hackathon. Last night was the first time we were able to take some time for ourselves, and "date night" involved going to In-n-Out and talking.

I guess me and my relatives/friends don't count though, since I mostly know folks who are secure in themselves and their relationships.

If he is whipped, I think he's self whipped.

She's really freaking awesome. I think it's more along the lines of he doesn't realize that career and married life actually has an impact on relationships with friends, and doesn't realize that his obligations have contributed to it just as much as my moving.

 

[NickNitro]

But... they weren't having sex. If they were having sex in the street and were doing it wrong... then it would apply. Please ensure your next post makes sense so I don't have to correct you again.

Maybe they were fighting about how bad she claims he is in bed. The act of having sex doesn't need to be happening to see a sex therapist knowsbleed! Please ensure your next post is a valid argument before I have to correct you again

 

[knowsbleed]

They need to be having sex!!

 

[Anita18]

If he is whipped, I think he's self whipped.

She's really freaking awesome. I think it's more along the lines of he doesn't realize that career and married life actually has an impact on relationships with friends, and doesn't realize that his obligations have contributed to it just as much as my moving.

Well, that and you've got to stop choosing get-together times in which he is "busy with the wife." If you were going to visit him, surely he'd have ONE day in a given week free in which he wasn't "busy with the wife."

 

[NickNitro]

They need to be having sex!!

Jeeze alright alright, you're like a 5 yr old throwing a tantrum....or anyone on the Bat boards

If so, then that truly would be an amazing job.

 

[Warhammer]

I have a friend who is joined to the hip to her boyfriend. It isn't all the time, but it does seem like she only wants to hang out when her boyfriend is at work. I'm all for being with your significant other and all, but I don't remember the last time I or any of our mutual friends hung out with both of them at the same time.

One thing that kills me about my friend is that when a bunch of us want to go see a movie, her excuse is "I don't see new movies without my boyfriend because I have attachment issues." Mind you, this could be a movie that her boyfriend had no intention of ever seeing. We're all like "Did you seriously just say that?" Geez. I love her to death, but I pray to the Lord that I never become that whipped when I'm in the next serious relationship.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I have a friend who is joined to the hip to her boyfriend. It isn't all the time, but it does seem like she only wants to hang out when her boyfriend is at work. I'm all for being with your significant other and all, but I don't remember the last time I or any of our mutual friends hung out with both of them at the same time.

One thing that kills me about my friend is that when a bunch of us want to go see a movie, her excuse is "I don't see new movies without my boyfriend because I have attachment issues." Mind you, this could be a movie that her boyfriend had no intention of ever seeing. We're all like "Did you seriously just say that?" Geez. I love her to death, but I pray to the Lord that I never become that whipped when I'm in the next serious relationship.

What?

 

[webhead9707]

I have a friend who is joined to the hip to her boyfriend. It isn't all the time, but it does seem like she only wants to hang out when her boyfriend is at work. I'm all for being with your significant other and all, but I don't remember the last time I or any of our mutual friends hung out with both of them at the same time.

One thing that kills me about my friend is that when a bunch of us want to go see a movie, her excuse is "I don't see new movies without my boyfriend because I have attachment issues." Mind you, this could be a movie that her boyfriend had no intention of ever seeing. We're all like "Did you seriously just say that?" Geez. I love her to death, but I pray to the Lord that I never become that whipped when I'm in the next serious relationship.

What?

What she said.^

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well, that and you've got to stop choosing get-together times in which he is "busy with the wife." If you were going to visit him, surely he'd have ONE day in a given week free in which he wasn't "busy with the wife."

I didn't go down there when he said he couldn't!

 

[Warhammer]

What?

What she said.^

That s*** blows my mind. If she is even attempting at trying to sound cute, it's not working. And this was multiple times where she has said this.

 

[Anubis]

He musta put that thang on her.

 

[Erzengel]

I have a friend who is joined to the hip to her boyfriend. It isn't all the time, but it does seem like she only wants to hang out when her boyfriend is at work. I'm all for being with your significant other and all, but I don't remember the last time I or any of our mutual friends hung out with both of them at the same time.

One thing that kills me about my friend is that when a bunch of us want to go see a movie, her excuse is "I don't see new movies without my boyfriend because I have attachment issues." Mind you, this could be a movie that her boyfriend had no intention of ever seeing. We're all like "Did you seriously just say that?" Geez. I love her to death, but I pray to the Lord that I never become that whipped when I'm in the next serious relationship.

Maybe he doesn't like you and your friends.

 

[Anubis]

That's what I was thinking.

 

[Warhammer]

Maybe he doesn't like you and your friends.

Actually, I do take something back. We used to be coworkers a few months back, but after I quit, I still see him once in a while. We and the boys go out drinking or bowling. Maybe it's everyone else (the females).

 

[SpideyVille]

Okay I need some opinions on something. It's not exactly relationship related, but it is related to something I talked about here before. So basically, there was this one girl that I was pretty much obsessed with at my job, and after a lot of people here convinced me that I was creeping her out, I decided to leave her alone and not even try to be friends with her. In the past couple of months, there have been some new girls to show up, and while I'm not interested in them romantically, I have tried to make attempts to just go and talk to them as a way of building up confidence and comfort around girls. There's this one girl who works in the front who has the opposite personality of the girl I liked, meaning she was very approachable and talkative, making it a lot easier to talk to. The metaphor I keep using to describe it is that its like throwing a ball at a wall and having the ball bounce back, as opposed to the the first girl, where it was more like throw the ball at a wall and not having it come back. Conversations with her have been pretty much impossible. But now, here's where things got interesting/weird.

A few weeks ago, the girl I liked changed her position and now she works with this other girl, and I have a better chance at having to deal with her for work related issues. Now I've been trying to talk to this second girl as a way of hopefully starting a conversation with the other girl since they're usually talking and stuff when I see them. Now I wouldn't say that me and this new girl are friends exactly, but she is approachable and tries to be helpful, which is where things got weird. I finally got a new camera last week and have been bringing it to work all week so that I could get some practice with it during my lunch break since I don't have any other free time during the week, and the big reason why I got it was so I could use it at Comic Con this week. The problem is that my friend who I normally go take pictures with couldn't help me and the only things I would photograph was plants and trees, since that's all that is around my job. But what I really needed practice with was shooting people, so I asked this second girl if she could help me out with that sometime this week so I can be ready by the Con. I told her I just need someone to photograph outside and that I would buy her lunch as a thank you, and she sorted agreed to help me out. But now, my friend told my sister in law, who told me that the first girl heard me talking to this girl and went to her and started talking about how creepy it was that I was asking to take pics of this girl, and now this whole thing has realy made me feel even more awkward around this girl because even though I've tried to leave her alone, I still somehow managed to make myself look really bad.

But now my question is, should I try to fix this image that she has of me now and try to explain why I wanted some help, or do I just have to accept the fact that I just might be some mega creep on the low? And is the girl that I liked just some stuck up chick, since I think its become pretty obvious that she just doesn't want to talk to me and almost goes out of her way to avoid me. I mean I know its awkward when you know someone is in to you and you don't feel the same, but its not like I've been bothering her either, so now I feel like she's the one making things awkward between us.

 

[Anita18]

You can't fix your image with everybody. Unless she's actually someone you consider a friend, I wouldn't bother.

Some people think I'm totally weird and awkward, and of course I have a stutter, but I've long decided that people are gonna be okay with it, or they aren't. I don't bother explaining my stutter unless I'm actually interacting with them and it's clear right then that my stutter is making them uncomfortable. For some reason, people go, "Oh, okay" and relax when I tell them I have a stutter, even though it was really obvious a few seconds ago that I have a speech impediment. I dunno whether they assume I have some kind of neurological problem first or...something.

Anyway, I wouldn't go out of my way to explain it unless you consider her a friend. If you'd joked, "I just want to practice with my camera!" just as someone looked at you funny or made a comment, that would work. But since she didn't even do that, she's just being just as creepy as she thinks you're being.

 

[Anubis]

Why do you need to take a picture of a person? Couldn't you like, take a picture of a mailbox?

 

[Boy Scout]

I wouldn't waste my time explaining anything to her. You and the girl you're taking pictures of are both aware of what's going on and know that what you're doing isn't creepy, then what that other chick thinks isn't important.

 

[SpideyVille]

You can't fix your image with everybody. Unless she's actually someone you consider a friend, I wouldn't bother.

Some people think I'm totally weird and awkward, and of course I have a stutter, but I've long decided that people are gonna be okay with it, or they aren't. I don't bother explaining my stutter unless I'm actually interacting with them and it's clear right then that my stutter is making them uncomfortable. For some reason, people go, "Oh, okay" and relax when I tell them I have a stutter, even though it was really obvious a few seconds ago that I have a speech impediment. I dunno whether they assume I have some kind of neurological problem first or...something.

Anyway, I wouldn't go out of my way to explain it unless you consider her a friend. If you'd joked, "I just want to practice with my camera!" just as someone looked at you funny or made a comment, that would work. But since she didn't even do that, she's just being just as creepy as she thinks you're being.

I just feel really bad and awkward now because I feel like everytime I go to the front to put something in the mailbox or to tell someone to fix something for me that is work related, I feel like she's looking at me as though I'm just using that as an excuse to see her. But I've gotten to the point with her where I don't really have the same romantic feelings for her and if I do want to talk to her, it would be simply as a friend or a coworker, but she still seems to think that I might be trying to do more. A friend of hers actually told me that a while ago, that she didn't even want to be friends with me because she was afraid that it would lead to more. So clearly she doesn't know anything about me, because I friend zone myself all the time before even talking to girls.

Why do you need to take a picture of a person? Couldn't you like, take a picture of a mailbox?

I have been doing that too, but just like I'm shy and hold back when it comes to talking to people, I'm the same way with photography. Like I've gone to NYCC for the past two years and I go mostly just to take pics there and it usually takes me a day or two to get comfortable around the people there and learning what settings are best for my camera and stuff like that. I figured that if I had some more practice right before, I would feel more prepared when I finally got there and I wouldn't waste time. Plus, shooting things like a mailbox or a tree is a lot different than a person because those are inanimate objects and I can take as much time as I want to prepare shooting. But with a person, they're living, breathing and constantly in motion, especially in a place like comic con where there's a lot going on and most people can only stand to pose for a few seconds. So the window of opportunity is a lot smaller when it comes to getting a good shot and good exposure. Not to mention, with this new camera, I'm trying to learn which lens works best so that I don't have to worry about switching too much.

I wouldn't waste my time explaining anything to her. You and the girl you're taking pictures of are both aware of what's going on and know that what you're doing isn't creepy, then what that other chick thinks isn't important.

I guess what bothers me the most is that it just seems like I always have a way of ending up in a bad or awkward position. Like this girl seemed like she was willing to help, but because this other girl didn't understand the situation fully, she sort of made things awkward for me by planting the idea in this girl's head that I'm being creepy. It just feels like no matter what I do, I can't win and its more frustrating than anything because I already have enough fears and insecurities about how girls look at me. Not to mention, my sister in law is more concerned about me doing anything that might land me in trouble with HR, so I've been trying to be really careful.

 

[knowsbleed]

I didn't go down there when he said he couldn't!

I'm hoping that I read this WAAAY out of context... but if I didn't, it's hilarious.

 

[Anita18]

What kind of camera is it? If it's a good prosumer DSLR, just put it on auto or portrait mode in raw and be done with it. Nobody can be expected to take good pictures in a crowd of people on the fly, fiddling with settings and lenses, unless you make your living as a wedding photographer.

I'm telling you this SpideyVille, because you always put so much pressure on yourself, for everything. Are you being paid a lot to take pics at NYCC? If not, go have fun and take pictures as you can. Don't guilt yourself for not being a pro photographer, because it takes years of practice to be good at photographing groups of people on the fly. And in large groups of people, timing trumps everything. Just put on auto in raw and have fun.

If you shoot in raw, you can fix bad exposure in Photoshop. And if you don't have Photoshop, you shouldn't be worrying about taking bad photos, because every pro photographer processes their stuff in Photoshop and it's useless to compare yourself to them.

 

[Anita18]

And that seemingly unrelated advice about cameras should be extended to your love life too. If you don't have a lot riding on it, don't worry about it.

Even if that one girl complains about you to HR, I'd think they'd need the opinions of more than one person with one complaint about one incident to do anything. HR hates doing paperwork just like the rest of us....