The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[MissMarvelous]

It would have to be such a connection that I was thinking about them 5 years later. And is it because it was such a connection or are you in place where not too much is going on that you are thinking about the what ifs?

Oh... I never stopped think about him! Lame, I know.

Of course, the "what ifs" are flying around my head like vultures! But I went for it. If it was a good move or not, we'll see.

If anything, I took the chance, and it felt good at the moment. The doubt and the anxiety came later at night and couldn't sleep. Eventually, I did, though.

A good friend of mine said that men do not read "that deep" into the situation, is that right? I mean, if someone from your past suddenly shows up with a "let's connect"... what would you think?

 

[Erzengel]

Oh... I never stopped think about him! Lame, I know.

Of course, the "what ifs" are flying around my head like vultures! But I went for it. If it was a good move or not, we'll see.

If anything, I took the chance, and it felt good at the moment. The doubt and the anxiety came later at night and couldn't sleep. Eventually, I did, though.

A good friend of mine said that men do not read "that deep" into the situation, is that right? I mean, if someone from your past suddenly shows up with a "let's connect"... what would you think?

It depends? I mean I haven't actually spoke to a ex over the phone in years. For them to call me up, would be weird even if I was single. But I do tend to overthink so I would be looking at it at different angles.

 

[Babillygunn]

A good friend of mine said that men do not read "that deep" into the situation, is that right? I mean, if someone from your past suddenly shows up with a "let's connect"... what would you think?

I wouldn’t discount the amount of thought that would be given to it. I think most guys would presume that the attempt at reconnection had some level of intent behind it.

 

[theastsunnn]

Doctor went over my numbers and said they were decent, but on the lower end and I could continue to try that way or get surgery that would increase my chances but has risk of its own if the surgery goes bad. I am going with the surgery and praying.

 

[MissMarvelous]

It depends? I mean I haven't actually spoke to a ex over the phone in years. For them to call me up, would be weird even if I was single. But I do tend to overthink so I would be looking at it at different angles.

We are not exes, just had a good connection with him (meaning, not friends, but close).

Tell me about those different angles, please.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I wouldn’t discount the amount of thought that would be given to it. I think most guys would presume that the attempt at reconnection had some level of intent behind it.

Can't deny that there's some kind of intent behind my message hahaha I'm not THAT naive or innocent.

 

[Babillygunn]

Can't deny that there's some kind of intent behind my message hahaha I'm not THAT naive or innocent.

He probably will see into that.

In my experience, whenever old connections are rekindled, one of two things will happen pretty quickly: there will either be a spark that is pretty evident right off the bat, or the two of you will be different people than you were back then and it will be immediately awkward. But I’d suspect that you’d know pretty quickly.

I don’t see anything wrong with reconnecting and just feeling out how he’s doing now with a simple “you’ve been on my mind lately. Just wondering what you’re up to.” Then see if there’s still chemistry.

But people do change so even if there isn’t a connection now, that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t one before. There are just lots of other factors that can go into it. But I think that’s not a reason to not try.

 

[MissMarvelous]

He probably will see into that.

In my experience, whenever old connections are rekindled, one of two things will happen pretty quickly: there will either be a spark that is pretty evident right off the bat, or the two of you will be different people than you were back then and it will be immediately awkward. But I’d suspect that you’d know pretty quickly.

I don’t see anything wrong with reconnecting and just feeling out how he’s doing now with a simple “you’ve been on my mind lately. Just wondering what you’re up to.” Then see if there’s still chemistry.

But people do change so even if there isn’t a connection now, that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t one before. There are just lots of other factors that can go into it. But I think that’s not a reason to not try.

When I met him, he was in a relationship, a long one BTW, so we kept our interactions PG and during business hours so not to be disrespectful (?).

After 6 months I moved, and no longer saw each other while commuting to work but we kept in touch for a week or so after that. Eventually, we lost contact. I did cross him on the street, near our works and we were both anxious.. you could tell there was something in the air. At the end of our interaction we asked if I had his cellphone which i said no (i deleted it), so he gave ir to me... that same day i sent him a message and exchanged a few lines, the next after that I sent him a message but he never replied.

After 6 years or so, on monday I added him on LinkedIn and we wrote each other a few messages, but then again: since monday he did not read my last two messages. He did mention that he has a lot of work, and has been very busy with his new position.

I believe that if he wanted to, he would have replied though. Maybe he's not interested in relinking anything, which is ok.

 

[Erzengel]

We are not exes, just had a good connection with him (meaning, not friends, but close).

Tell me about those different angles, please.

Essentially, what possible reason do they have to reach out to me. Are they just in the area, visiting someone? It is possible that they can have honorable intentions.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Do think it's important that your special someone to have hobbies and/or their own space (say: their own group of friends)? And how important?

 

[Babillygunn]

Do think it's important that your special someone to have hobbies and/or their own space (say: their own group of friends)? And how important?

I’ve been thinking on this one. I don’t know if I’d say that it is “important” so much as I’d say that it is “healthy.”

Some people’s interests are 100% aligned with their partners’, in which case they may do most, if not everything, together. Other people need other outlets.

What is unhealthy is when one person needs an outlet and their partner is too controlling or too needy and won’t allow the other person that freedom.

Of course, that can be taken to the other extreme, because there are instances where one partner’s “need” is for their partner to be present and that partner is selfish with their “me time.” That isn’t healthy either.

Bottom line is: relationships are complicated and hard.

To quote an old folk song I once heard, “relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry. But I know the guy who says goodbye to you is out of his mind.”

 

[InCali]

Suppose you guys had a connection a few years (5+ years) ago with someone, for a few months... nothing physical ever happened, just an understanding because x situation. Would you reach out to them? And what if they decide to reach out, what would you immediately think?

I'm in contact with ex's, female friends, and those who fell somewhere in between. If I was going to see one of them, I'd just tell my wife and then go see them.... Been there and done that. When my wife and daughter went on vacation, an old female friend of mine was in town so she stayed at our house and took me to the Cruel World concert in Pasadena. My wife had questions, but didn't make a big deal of it. Being a therapist, she went to a conference in Portland that a (male) college friend of hers (also a therapist) and I had no problem with it.

Maybe I see things a little differently, but I don't think you can, or should try to, control people. The bottom line is that people get to live their own lives and if you're going to be happy that has to be front and center. It basically comes down to that and trust; with trust being of lesser importance (to me anyway) because I don't really want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with me. Maybe that's because I have options in terms of my lifestyle (being single doesn't scare me) and where I can live.

To answer the question "And what if they decide to reach out, what would you immediately think?", it would depend....maybe I'd think "Hmmm.....I think I need to feed the dogs" or, maybe, I'd think "What do I want for lunch today?"......something important.

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[Lily Adler]

Watching an ad for Peacock's Laid and I'm like girl looks fresh in her 30's and has accumulated over 6 serious boyfriends in her life. I feel so lacking with my 4 serious ones.

 

[Erzengel]

I dunno. If you had 6, 1+ year relationships over the span of 12+ years, that's not really a lot.

 

[Babillygunn]

I only had two serious girlfriends in my life. Maybe two and a half. (Halfway serious, I mean. She wasn’t just a torso or anything.)

Otherwise I just dated around for fun knowing that the relationships would go nowhere so I just enjoyed the moment.

 

[GunBlade]

I only had two serious girlfriends in my life. Maybe two and a half. (Halfway serious, I mean. She wasn’t just a torso or anything.)

Otherwise I just dated around for fun knowing that the relationships would go nowhere so I just enjoyed the moment.

haha what

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[theastsunnn]

gf and I have been together almost two years and still insist we do things for stuff like Valentine’s Day. She knows I’m not a people person or like going out or wasting money I don’t have. I know I sound like no fun but it’s who I am. Instead of being dragged to events I don’t like Im going to just have to start saying no, instead of telling her I don’t like those things but going anyway

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[Lily Adler]

Guys, lying about your height just because some women on Tinder dissing shorties doesn't make it right. Be honest. If she thinks you're too short, move on. Lying about something that insignificant is just a red flag and will hurt any potential relationship.

 

[MissMarvelous]

The thing with the *Petit Prince* guys is their ego. Almost too much ego in those little dudes (don't you think so, @InCali ?).

 

[InCali]

Guys, lying about your height just because some women on Tinder dissing shorties doesn't make it right. Be honest. If she thinks you're too short, move on. Lying about something that insignificant is just a red flag and will hurt any potential relationship.

The thing with the *Petit Prince* guys is their ego. Almost too much ego in those little dudes (don't you think so, @InCali ?).

Hmmmmmm......well, I'm 5' 7 and 37/64ths of an inch tall and my ego isn't frail......really......it's not. I mean some people think it is, but they're wrong. I have nothing to prove because of a few 64ths of an inch (did that come out wrong?). People need to just stop judging me for whatever reason because it's not fair. I'm as good as anybody......

Does that answer everyone's question?

 

[MissMarvelous]

Hmmmmmm......well, I'm 5' 7 and 37/64ths of an inch tall and my ego isn't frail......really......it's not. I mean some people think it is, but they're wrong. I have nothing to prove because of a few 64ths of an inch (did that come out wrong?). People need to just stop judging me for whatever reason because it's not fair. I'm as good as anybody......

Does that answer everyone's question?

There you go.

So, yes. True.