The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Godzilla2000]

I give up. I just give up. I've gotten this all my life and it's getting very annoying. Here's the scenario that always happens: When a person is doing something normal that's not me no one really cares. But when I do something normal like go on a date or go shopping it's lie some weird, Earth shattering event has occurred and everyone makes a huge deal about it like I'm not allowed to engage in normal behavior. Case in point: Ages ago when I was a teenager I went to a bowling party for my big sister as a graduation shindig and there was a hot, blond male friend of hers that was really hitting on me and rubbing my shoulders. Well what should happen, instead of people just letting us be and bowling everyone kept gawking and pestering me like I'm not allowed to entertain the company of a hot guy. This kind of intrusive behavior, this chastisement of me behaving normally, has gone on for so long it really annoys me. I'm at a loss to understand why others doing the same thing I'm doing get a pass but I'm singled out and treated like a sideshow freak for showing normal human emotions. This kind if obnoxious, immature behavior is the exact reason why I keep all people out of my personal life. Seriously, I try to conduct my relations like a calm, mature adult and all these doofus man children and toddler minded girls act like being a normal person is the wrong behavior for me. You know, I just say f*** em all and leave me to have a satisfying normal, sex life with a mentally mature guy. So help me the next mentally stunted person that bothers me while I'm romancing my man is going to get shoved into a wall.

 

[Swordmaster]

mhm

 

[Erzengel]

Anyone else gonna be calling out sick from work or school when the game drops? Think I'm gonna call out of work haha

I would advice against that dude, you might miss on some good stuff at work.

The **** do you work where you're going to miss good stuff

Some girl on match.com said she lost interest in me because I mentioned that I liked reading comic books/ graphic novels in my dating bio as one of my hobbies. She said it's too childish. I am sure there are other late 20 year olds that still read graphic novels/ comic books.WHAT THE HECK?

This is her exact message from match.com

Hey,

It's been good talking to you Will. However, I don't think I can purse anything more with you at this time. I find your hobbies to be a bit childish ( comic books and video games). I feel as though you would put those things before other relationship needs.

Best,

Sarah ( not her real name)


Through my chats with her, I never gave her an reason to believe I would put my hobbies before her or other relationship needs. I am not a guy to just reading comics or play video games all day and ignore her. Maybe she had a bad experience in the past with a guy like that?

That might have been an issue with a previous boyfriend.

So apparently there are people out there who put video games over other things.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I'm really ****ing sick of Tinder. I understand girls get overwhelmed with messages. I get it. But that's not an excuse for leading someone on, making a plan to meet next week, and then unmatching out of the blue for no reason. I know guys can be skeevy and engage in a lot of 'wtf' behavior on dating sites, but girls can be equally cold on these sites too. It's pretty disheartening.

 

[PyroChamber]

I've actually thought about deleting my okcupid profile but for some reason I don't, especially since I don't go to it as much as I use to.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm kinda glad I never had to get into the Tinder scene.

I think it just fits into a lot of people's spastic lives. I use to make fun of people into the "BBD" (Bigger Better Deal) and constantly in flux dating even before Tinder. Now it's just easier for people to flake since all you have to do is just go to your phone and find a new person to swipe right.

I mean years from now, that's how people are going to tell their kids they met? Well I swiped to the right.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I think I'm just going to try to date people the old fashioned way again. The bar scene, or see if anything develops with girls I like from my grad classes or extracurricular activities. As a mildly introverted guy, I never thought the "bar scene" would seem a far more desirable alternative to online dating, but that's where things stand thanks to how cold and flakey and just fake those sites and apps seem.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I am not a big fan of the bar/ nightclub scene dating either. I don't know anyone that actually met their spouses at a bar or nightclub. But I am sure there are some out there that have. But from observing people in my life, the most the comes out of bar scene/ night club dating are flings/ random hook ups that don't last that long. I think meeting people through mutual friends or more social activities such as friends birthday parties, summer cook outs, social dinners, bowling etc or even online would be best. But everyone has their own tastes.

 

[Erzengel]

I mean years from now, that's how people are going to tell their kids they met? Well I swiped to the right.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I'm really ****ing sick of Tinder. I understand girls get overwhelmed with messages. I get it. But that's not an excuse for leading someone on, making a plan to meet next week, and then unmatching out of the blue for no reason. I know guys can be skeevy and engage in a lot of 'wtf' behavior on dating sites, but girls can be equally cold on these sites too. It's pretty disheartening.

Well, you get what you pay for when it comes to online.

 

[Anita18]

I mean, it's also Tinder, where the entire basis of your introduction is how hot you think the other person is...

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Yeah I think I'm about done with Tinder.

 

[Lord Valumart]

So apparently there are people out there who put video games over other things.

Depends what the game is and what the other thing is?

I'm sure some girls would put their hobbies before other things as well. To judge someone based on that as being unsuitable is utterly ridiculous.


I remember years ago I had an argument with an ex over make up vs video games. My argument was that I'd get hours and hours worth of enjoyment from my £40, where as she'd have literally nothing to show for hers but a smudged tissue.

This ended badly.

 

[PyroChamber]

I hadn't even heard of Tinder until recently, is that the dating site Hilary Duff is suppose to be on?

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

So yesterday I swore off Tinder. Today I decided I would give it one more chance and do the opposite Constanza thing and take 'I-don't-give-a-****' approach and just be bold and ask for a number and date as soon as non-creepily possible. And so I got both. I guess that confidence thing works.

 

[PacificBoy]

Just tell people you're a marine biologist and your turn is complete. The bar scene and nightlife can be interesting if you go to the swisher and more upmarket joints. The crowd tends to be more sophisticated and mature.

(You also tend to meet a higher class of working girls and boys.)

 

[Six]

What are good ways of "breaking the ice" without actually making it look like you're trying to "break the ice"? I used to just meet people through friends but now that I live an hour or two away from all my friends, I have no idea how to meet new people.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

What are good ways of "breaking the ice" without actually making it look like you're trying to "break the ice"? I used to just meet people through friends but now that I live an hour or two away from all my friends, I have no idea how to meet new people.

Seriously, if your conversation seems forced and artificial people will get uncomfortable because they'll sense you're uncomfortable. Hell, make a joke about breaking the ice. Just today I was talking to someone online and our conversation topic had gotten stale so I just said "What's your favorite food? Not the smoothest segue, but I'm a rule breaker" She had a laugh and then our convo picked up again. Don't make it into a big deal. Talk about what you want, joke about how it's hard to start new conversations or meet people, and just be yourself. She (he?) is probably nervous too.

 

[Six]

Seriously, if your conversation seems forced and artificial people will get uncomfortable because they'll sense you're uncomfortable. Hell, make a joke about breaking the ice. Just today I was talking to someone online and our conversation topic had gotten stale so I just said "What's your favorite food? Not the smoothest segue, but I'm a rule breaker" She had a laugh and then our convo picked up again. Don't make it into a big deal. Talk about what you want, joke about how it's hard to start new conversations or meet people, and just be yourself. She (he?) is probably nervous too.

Yeah, I suppose thats pretty much the best advice there is. I'm really not interested in using pick up lines or things like that(on the off chance that she's already in a relationship, I would still like to be her friend). I want it to feel natural, but at the same time I'm worried that if I don't brainstorm some things to potentially say that I might run out of conversation and it'll get awkward. Its pretty nerve wracking, but then again 6 months ago I would have never even considered approaching a complete stranger, I can thank my anxiety meds for that.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Pick up lines DO NOT WORK unless it's sarcastic self-parody and you're both poking fun at how cheesy they are. Never attempt them in a serious manner though. It's akin to conversational suicide.

 

[Six]

Oh I know, which is exactly why I wouldn't use one. Unless it was really really really clever and befitting of the situation.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I think I am gonna chill on actively looking for a girlfriend and just let it happen naturally. In the meantime, I can work on some personal things about myself so that I will be ready when I do met a girl and end up dating. A lot of people now a days are in such a rush to date/ get married that they settle for anyone just to say they have someone. Then they wonder why those relationships have so much drama and misery in them. Some other words of wisdom I got recently, was that some people think that being in a relationship will fix their problems (whatever those maybe). But the truth is, if you have issues and baggage before entering a relationship, those things will carry over into the relationship and that's not fair to the person your pursuing. So if you have a lot of issues and stuff, dating will only add on NEW ones and it won't fix the old ones.

 

[Erzengel]

Depends what the game is and what the other thing is?

I'm sure some girls would put their hobbies before other things as well. To judge someone based on that as being unsuitable is utterly ridiculous.


I remember years ago I had an argument with an ex over make up vs video games. My argument was that I'd get hours and hours worth of enjoyment from my £40, where as she'd have literally nothing to show for hers but a smudged tissue.

This ended badly.

Yeah, that wasn't a smart debate to get over. Not to mention, it wasn't an apt comparison. You might as well tried and to ask her why she needs more than 4 pairs of shoes?

Video games are a hobby and honestly, shouldn't overshadow your relationship. I play video games when my wife is either at work or sleeping. But, usually when I get home, we spend time together.

I think I am gonna chill on actively looking for a girlfriend and just let it happen naturally. In the meantime, I can work on some personal things about myself so that I will be ready when I do met a girl and end up dating. A lot of people now a days are in such a rush to date/ get married that they settle for anyone just to say they have someone. Then they wonder why those relationships have so much drama and misery in them. Some other words of wisdom I got recently, was that some people think that being in a relationship will fix their problems (whatever those maybe). But the truth is, if you have issues and baggage before entering a relationship, those things will carry over into the relationship and that's not fair to the person your pursuing. So if you have a lot of issues and stuff, dating will only add on NEW ones and it won't fix the old ones.

I know it's frustrating but I think most people can speak to being active in their searches. Waiting for stuff to happen to you, is almost like waiting for other people to do the work for you.

Hey, it'd be great if you're at a store and a girl bumps into you and it's like a rom-com. But it's not like that, it can be tedious, time consuming and exhausting.

If relationships are important to you, then you have to put the work into it.

 

[Six]

I'd consider myself a good looking guy, and I've taken the "chill and let it happen naturally" route for the past year or so, but I feel like its just been a massive waste of time. I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[Anita18]

We don't have to be perfect to be in a relationship. Our baggage just has to be compatible with our partner's baggage. We can help each other with it.