The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

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[Erzengel]

Anyone here remember their first BF or GF?

Yes. Still look back fondly even though it didn't work out. I kept tabs, married 2 kids. I would try and message but even though we were MySpace friends years ago and I would say hey happy birthday, never responded or reciprocated. So I'm not looking to reach out on Facebook.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

My first bf I was 15. He was a weird pot head then, and he's a weird pot head now

He said some odd things to me. Like 'if you put bread up your ****, would you get a yeast infection?'

Our first kiss, he dribbled all down my chin.

I actually got so sick of him kissing him revolted me.

I'd thought he was so sweet at first

I see.. Well she occasionally shows glimmers of interest. It's like she has feelings for me and just hasn't realized it yet.

From my experience, glimmers of interest don't come from some secret place where they are hiding their real feelings for you.

If a girl really likes you, and she seemingly has no issues with committment, then there is no reason why she wouldn't have just gone for you.

Sure, there are the odd occasions were someone's mind will change. But those are really rare. I'd say 80% of the time, if a girl wasn't interested in the beginning, she's not going to change her mind because you were really nice and loyal to her.

So where do those 'sparks' come from? The little moments you think you saw a flicker of feelings?

They just come from the moments the other person lets themselves just enjoy how much you care about them and want them.

It's an indulgence. You flirt with the idea. You can't resist stoking the fire to feel the warmth coming off it.

It doesn't make them a bad person. All human beings enjoy being loved. It's really hard, especially if you've remained really close friends and the other person is still interested and you know it - to be really hard and cold so you don't ever slip into that indulging.

I think the best thing you can possibly do is try and date other women.

There are so many potentially beautiful, interesting people to get to know, who you might find you enjoy having in your life too.

And who knows... Might even spark a bit of jealousy!

 

[webhead9707]

My first bf I was 15. He was a weird pot head then, and he's a weird pot head now

He said some odd things to me. Like 'if you put bread up your ****, would you get a yeast infection?'

Our first kiss, he dribbled all down my chin.

I actually got so sick of him kissing him revolted me.

I'd thought he was so sweet at first



From my experience, glimmers of interest don't come from some secret place where they are hiding their real feelings for you.

If a girl really likes you, and she seemingly has no issues with committment, then there is no reason why she wouldn't have just gone for you.

Sure, there are the odd occasions were someone's mind will change. But those are really rare. I'd say 80% of the time, if a girl wasn't interested in the beginning, she's not going to change her mind because you were really nice and loyal to her.

So where do those 'sparks' come from? The little moments you think you saw a flicker of feelings?

They just come from the moments the other person lets themselves just enjoy how much you care about them and want them.

It's an indulgence. You flirt with the idea. You can't resist stoking the fire to feel the warmth coming off it.

It doesn't make them a bad person. All human beings enjoy being loved. It's really hard, especially if you've remained really close friends and the other person is still interested and you know it - to be really hard and cold so you don't ever slip into that indulging.

I think the best thing you can possibly do is try and date other women.

There are so many potentially beautiful, interesting people to get to know, who you might find you enjoy having in your life too.

And who knows... Might even spark a bit of jealousy!

I would like to, but, I don't know many girls I'm interested in. I'm picky, and I've only been extremely interested in three girls ever. Those three all turned me down.
And I don't think she's going to change her mind because I was loyal and sweet, I think her mind could change because I've grown up. I'm not an immature A-hole anymore.
Oh and she does have issues with commitment, she's told me that before. She runs people off before they can hurt her. Maybe she just didn't wanna lose me as a friend by running me off if we were in a relationship, so she didn't allow herself to think of me that way. I think she's just finally reached the point where she's not so scared of being hurt.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I would like to, but, I don't know many girls I'm interested in. I'm picky, and I've only been extremely interested in three girls ever. Those three all turned me down.
.

I was exactly the same as you at that age. I fell for 2 guys pretty heavily in high school, and neither ever reciprocated. I wrote poems about it, cried while looking at pictures of us etc, while also trying to spend as much time with them as 'friends' and be as cool and confident as I could be, so I could undo the awkwardness after I expressed my interest and make it look like I wasn't desperate.

And I was pretty picky too. I still am in terms of love. Because I always tried to do things the wrong way round... I would fall in love with someone because I'd gotten to know them really well and loved who they were completely, and THEN I'd go for it... When they had already friend zoned me.

But what I'm beginning to understand (and it's about time) is this:

You don't have to have strong feelings for someone before you start dating them... That's the point of dates... To see if there is any spark, and to let feelings develop as you get to know each other - but with romantic cards already in play.

If you can find a girl who you find at least semi attractive, who shares some of your interests, and who is actually willing to date you as well - try it out. And keep on trying stuff like that.

I'm 26. I'm just figuring this out in the last year or so. I've been single the last 6 years.

Trust me. Waiting until you feel strongly about someone before putting yourself out there does NOT work very well

And I don't think she's going to change her mind because I was loyal and sweet, I think her mind will change because I've grown up. I'm not an immature a hole anymore.

How do you know you being an immature a hole was the reason she wasn't interested?

And even if it was, I still think it's unlikely she'll see you as anything but a friend.

Especially if your literally being a third wheel and going out with both of them.

I've done that too. It SUCKS.

And the fact the guy allows it, says a heck of a lot for how unthreatened he is by you.

And why do you think that is?

Is it possible they talked about it, he asked her if there was anything between you too, and she told him that couldn't be further from the truth in a way that made him feel confident he had nothing to worry about?

 

[webhead9707]

I was exactly the same as you at that age. I fell for 2 guys pretty heavily in high school, and neither ever reciprocated. I wrote poems about it, cried while looking at pictures of us etc, while also trying to spend as much time with them as 'friends' and be as cool and confident as I could be, so I could undo the awkwardness after I expressed my interest and make it look like I wasn't desperate.

And I was pretty picky too. I still am in terms of love. Because I always tried to do things the wrong way round... I would fall in love with someone because I'd gotten to know them really well and loved who they were completely, and THEN I'd go for it... When they had already friend zoned me.

But what I'm beginning to understand (and it's about time) is this:

You don't have to have strong feelings for someone before you start dating them... That's the point of dates... To see if there is any spark, and to let feelings develop as you get to know each other - but with romantic cards already in play.

If you can find a girl who you find at least semi attractive, who shares some of your interests, and who is actually willing to date you as well - try it out. And keep on trying stuff like that.

I'm 26. I'm just figuring this out in the last year or so. I've been single the last 6 years.

Trust me. Waiting until you feel strongly about someone before putting yourself out there does NOT work very well



How do you know you being an immature a hole was the reason she wasn't interested?

And even if it was, I still think it's unlikely she'll see you as anything but a friend.

Especially if your literally being a third wheel and going out with both of them.

I've done that too. It SUCKS.

And the fact the guy allows it, says a heck of a lot for how unthreatened he is by you.

And why do you think that is?

Is it possible they talked about it, he asked her if there was anything between you too, and she told him that couldn't be further from the truth in a way that made him feel confident he had nothing to worry about?

That's true.. I might try that. Actually he's extremely threatened. He spent the whole day looking jealous and upset. My friend's girlfriend noticed it too. And I have a good feeling that's why because just three nights ago she told me she thought I was finally in a good place to be in a relationship with someone. Plus, who *would want to be in a relationship with an immature A-hole?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

That's true.. I might try that.

Actually he's extremely threatened. He spent the whole day looking jealous and upset. My friend's girlfriend noticed it too. And I have a good feeling that's why because just three nights ago she told me she thought I was finally in a good place to be in a relationship with someone.

That must have been fun, in a wicked way

Meh, who knows. I don't think it's impossible. Just don't be so set on one destination that you never look out the window or take any scenic routes

Plus, who *would want to be in a relationship with an immature A-hole?

A lot of women

I mean, they don't SAY it, but many women are attracted to idiots.

 

[webhead9707]

That must have been fun, in a wicked way

Meh, who knows. I don't think it's impossible. Just don't be so set on one destination that you never look out the window or take any scenic routes



A lot of women

I mean, they don't SAY it, but many women are attracted to idiots.

Oh it was.. I'm a Christian and don't treat others badly or delight in pain but dang, that was seriously good for me to see that I'm actually someone to get jealous over. It was also good to see that I'm not a third wheel. I always thought I would be but I've grown up. Yes, I was with two people that are in a relationship, but I friggin KILLED it! And didn't act like a third wheel at all. It was great. My mom texted saying she was worried it was going to be hard on me to see that, at which point I sent her this image:

And yeah I keep myself in check to make sure I don't get tunnel vision with her. That's the road to nowhere because it isn't going to help my case, cause I'll seem needy and clingy, and it might lead to me missing out on the person I should be with if it doesn't end up to be her.

And yeah.. Most girls go after idiots in highschool around here now that I think about it.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Oh it was.. I'm a Christian and don't treat others badly or delight in pain but dang, that was seriously good for me to see that I'm actually someone to get jealous over. It was also good to see that I'm not a third wheel. I always thought I would be but I've grown up. Yes, I was with two people that are in a relationship, but I friggin KILLED it! And didn't act like a third wheel at all. It was great. My mom texted saying she was worried it was going to be hard on me to see that, at which point I sent her this image:

And yeah I keep myself in check to make sure I don't get tunnel vision with her. That's the road to nowhere because it isn't going to help my case, cause I'll seem needy and clingy, and it might lead to me missing out on the person I should be with if it doesn't end up to be her.

And yeah.. Most girls go after idiots in highschool around here now that I think about it.

I feel kind of bad for the guy. Is he nice?

 

[webhead9707]

I feel kind of bad for the guy. Is he nice?

He's fine, nice, but he's not really a man..That sounds silly coming from a 16 year old guy, but, he just has this thing. He's a bit feminine and insecure. He needs learning experience. I would treat her better than he does.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

He's fine, nice, but he's not really a man..That sounds silly coming from a 16 year old guy, but, he just has this thing. He's a bit feminine and insecure. He needs learning experience. I would treat her better than he does.

 

[webhead9707]

Idk. Dude isn't gay by any means(Although that would certainly make things easier...), and he's not physically feminine, but. I can't put my finger on it. It's just the way he does things. For instance me and her were hanging out at a pool one day and there were some guys we didn't even know there, right? So we're just chillin in the hot tub like people do, and her mom puts a picture on facebook. He FREAKS, OUT. Texts her and is all "Glad to see you're having fun with all those other guys.:/" It's not like there was a guy with his arm draped around her or anything, they were on the opposite side of the hot tub from her just casually talking. I just wanna tell him to calm the heck down. She's a good girl. She's not gonna cheat. Yeah she might eventually break up with him and end up with me hopefull but I can step outside of myself and just say she's a good girl. It ticks me off when he doesn't trust her and treat her how she deserves to be treated.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Idk. Dude isn't gay by any means(Although that would certainly make things easier...), and he's not physically feminine, but. I can't put my finger on it. It's just the way he does things. For instance me and her were hanging out at a pool one day and there were some guys we didn't even know there, right? So we're just chillin in the hot tub like people do, and her mom puts a picture on facebook. He FREAKS, OUT. Texts her and is all "Glad to see you're having fun with all those other guys.:/" It's not like there was a guy with his arm draped around her or anything, they were on the opposite side of the hot tub from her just casually talking. I just wanna tell him to calm the heck down. She's a good girl. She's not gonna cheat. Yeah she might eventually break up with him and end up with me hopefull but I can step outside of myself and just say she's a good girl. It ticks me off when he doesn't trust her and treat her how she deserves to be treated.

I understand what you mean. But I can't really blame him for being jealous (like when the 3 of you went out) considering you did say that you think she has feelings for you deep down, maybe he's afraid of that. Everytime I hear of situations like this I tend to take into account the feelings of everybody involved which is why I'm asking about him.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Oh it was.. I'm a Christian and don't treat others badly or delight in pain but dang, that was seriously good for me to see that I'm actually someone to get jealous over. It was also good to see that I'm not a third wheel. I always thought I would be but I've grown up. Yes, I was with two people that are in a relationship, but I friggin KILLED it! And didn't act like a third wheel at all. It was great. My mom texted saying she was worried it was going to be hard on me to see that, at which point I sent her this image:

And yeah I keep myself in check to make sure I don't get tunnel vision with her. That's the road to nowhere because it isn't going to help my case, cause I'll seem needy and clingy, and it might lead to me missing out on the person I should be with if it doesn't end up to be her.

And yeah.. Most girls go after idiots in highschool around here now that I think about it.

Well i'm glad that you're not just moping about feeling sorry for yourself.

I can't talk, I hung around a guy for years. And I got hurt a fair amount of times and spent all my time with him just focusing on being a certain way so that I could continue to be around him and have him think it was all cool.

He took comfort in me once and I nearly lost my virginity to him in this haze of 'dream come true' passion... but I stopped him, asked him where this was going... and he just said 'good point'. After that, he took it badly and asked if I could sleep in the other room cause he felt so weird about it, and then tried to tell me to keep it a secret the next day... what a knob

He came back for more in the end a few years later, but by that time I was completely over him and found him kind of unattractive, so the whole experiance was just odd!

Like we were kissing and I literally stopped and said 'I'm sorry, no, this just isn't doing anything for me'.

Drove him crazy

We eventually did sleep together a couple of times, but without the feelings, it was just totally empty. Whereas when i'd had those feelings, his very touch on my skin was electricity.

Idk. Dude isn't gay by any means(Although that would certainly make things easier...), and he's not physically feminine, but. I can't put my finger on it. It's just the way he does things. For instance me and her were hanging out at a pool one day and there were some guys we didn't even know there, right? So we're just chillin in the hot tub like people do, and her mom puts a picture on facebook. He FREAKS, OUT. Texts her and is all "Glad to see you're having fun with all those other guys.:/" It's not like there was a guy with his arm draped around her or anything, they were on the opposite side of the hot tub from her just casually talking. I just wanna tell him to calm the heck down. She's a good girl. She's not gonna cheat. Yeah she might eventually break up with him and end up with me hopefull but I can step outside of myself and just say she's a good girl. It ticks me off when he doesn't trust her and treat her how she deserves to be treated.

It wouldn't matter who she was dating, there would be a reason not to like them

 

[webhead9707]

I understand what you mean. But I can't really blame him for being jealous (like when the 3 of you went out) considering you did say that you think she has feelings for you deep down, maybe he's afraid of that. Everytime I hear of situations like this I tend to take into account the feelings of everybody involved which is why I'm asking about him.

Oh no absolutely, I'm with you. He seems like a decent guy and one of my mottos is that everyone deserves happiness. I just think they would both be better off with someone else. He would be better off with someone who needs clinginess, or is clingy herself. Some guys never get to the point where they can happily go a day without being told they're needed. She thinks he's like that, but I can tell based on meeting him and what she tells me, it's not that he can happily go a day without being told he's needed, it's just that he's too scared to say anything. I just realized how awkward it would be if he was on these forums..Sorry ADD.. but yeah I getcha. I completely understand what you're saying. Like I said I'm happy for her because he *does make her happy. I'm just hoping her mind changes regarding me because I would treat her better and do more for her to make her happier. If not though, I've learned to step outside of myself. I love her unconditionally, I don't need anything in return, I just would *like to see things turn out in my favor. If they don't, I'm me. I can be happy for her and ignore my own humanity. I've grown up wanting to be a superhero, most of us here did. I think in a way, learning to do things for the happiness of others and ignore my humanity makes me at least somewhat of a superhero, in a way.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

P.S. Charlie Hunnam is Christian Grey?!

Yeah, I think i'm gonna be alright without a sexual partner for a while...

 

[webhead9707]

Well i'm glad that you're not just moping about feeling sorry for yourself.

I can't talk, I hung around a guy for years. And I got hurt a fair amount of times and spent all my time with him just focusing on being a certain way so that I could continue to be around him and have him think it was all cool.

He took comfort in me once and I nearly lost my virginity to him in this haze of 'dream come true' passion... but I stopped him, asked him where this was going... and he just said 'good point'. After that, he took it badly and asked if I could sleep in the other room cause he felt so weird about it, and then tried to tell me to keep it a secret the next day... what a knob

He came back for more in the end a few years later, but by that time I was completely over him and found him kind of unattractive, so the whole experiance was just odd!

Like we were kissing and I literally stopped and said 'I'm sorry, no, this just isn't doing anything for me'.

Drove him crazy

We eventually did sleep together a couple of times, but without the feelings, it was just totally empty. Whereas when i'd had those feelings, his very touch on my skin was electricity.



It wouldn't matter who she was dating, there would be a reason not to like them

Psh, moping around? That's what my underclassman years were for.

That's kinda cool though that you ended up with the last laugh btw.. If you can't make them love you, you can at least become awesome enough to make them regret not loving you.

And yes, yes there would definitely be a reason to not like them no matter who it was. Unless it was that guy that lives in my mirror. He's really cool.

 

[CapedCrusader14]

A very close friend of mine has agreed with me that we should try and take thing further together and start a relationship, take things slow. We're both really positive and serious about it, determined to make it work
I'm definitely the happiest I've felt in a long time

 

[webhead9707]

P.S. Charlie Hunnam is Christian Grey?!

Yeah, I think i'm gonna be alright without a sexual partner for a while...

I'm never gonna be able to look at Jax on Sons of Anarchy the same way..

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I'm just happy that it isn't Henry Cavill.

 

[webhead9707]

A very close friend of mine has agreed with me that we should try and take thing further together and start a relationship, take things slow. We're both really positive and serious about it, determined to make it work
I'm definitely the happiest I've felt in a long time

That's great! I don't even know you but I'm elated for you! Seriously!

 

[CapedCrusader14]

That's great! I don't even know you but I'm elated for you! Seriously!

Hehe thank you very much friend! I am quite excited. We've been talking about all the things we'd like to do together and trying out new experiences and places. We both feel incredibly mutual about it

 

[hopefuldreamer]

That's awesome

Such a rare catch when that happens, hope it works out

 

[CapedCrusader14]

That's awesome

Such a rare catch when that happens, hope it works out

Thank you

Indeed it is, and I'm putting everything I can into it to make it work, and so will she of course, we're starting off slow, but that's the best way for us to do it