The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

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[Anita18]

You're so right. I'm tired of having to bite my tongue.

That makes a lot of sense. The phrase I've used several times is "I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you." I'm sick of that. I wanna just put my foot down, not always bring it down softly out of fear, or not even take the damn step.

I do wonder how this would've gone without Rose. Would I have tried so hard to get thru, to convince her to change if there wasn't a family on the line? I honestly don't know anymore. I know for a fact that I was madly in love with her, but who I thought she was and who she actually is don't match up. Maybe if there wasn't a baby making us feel like we had to go faster than we would have otherwise...

At least I'm growing a lot from this. I know what mistakes to not make again.

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around someone, that person isn't compatible with you. Period. If there's anything you can take from this experience, I hope it's that!

 

[moviedoors]

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around someone, that person isn't compatible with you. Period. If there's anything you can take from this experience, I hope it's that!

Yeah, lesson learned. I'm an agreeable person whose willing to give up a lot to make someone happy, but there's a fine line between that and being a doormat, and I think I've been on the wrong side of that line too frequently, and not just with this latest relationship, but the previous one too.

I'm not guilt free in this either. I have a tendency to clam up when presented with confrontation. I'm getting better with that though. Still working on it, but I at least accept it as an issues I have to fix. Wow. Is it any wonder we fell apart? Someone that's prone to emotional outbursts and meltdowns paired with someone that doesn't like confrontation. Gee, I wonder.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, lesson learned. I'm an agreeable person whose willing to give up a lot to make someone happy, but there's a fine line between that and being a doormat, and I think I've been on the wrong side of that line too frequently, and not just with this latest relationship, but the previous one too.

I'm not guilt free in this either. I have a tendency to clam up when presented with confrontation. I'm getting better with that though. Still working on it, but I at least accept it as an issues I have to fix. Wow. Is it any wonder we fell apart? Someone that's prone to emotional outbursts and meltdowns paired with someone that doesn't like confrontation. Gee, I wonder.

Yeah, I'm an agreeable, patient person too. (Not everyone would be so forgiving of a spouse who quit a job we relocated for in a week and a half! Fun story there... ) But IMO the doormat label applies when you compromise for someone who doesn't/can't even acknowledge your efforts.

When I've been mad at my husband, I let him know what about his behavior is causing my emotional reaction. I don't think of it as a confrontation, I don't draw a line in the sand. I just explain my side and I trust that he'll care enough about my feelings to try and change his behavior. And I do the same for him, if he has an issue with what I'm doing.

Tonight is such a night, and it's unrelated to the job thing - when he vehemently disagrees with someone, he mansplains using "logic" in a really condescending way, which is decidedly NOT the way to go for a wife who's a STEM major herself and whose sensitive spot is being treated as stupid. I think it happens so rarely because normally we're so chill, but tonight he had to pick something stupid to be petty about.

I'm still mad at him, but at least he knows what he can change. And I know that it's not his responsibility to make me feel better by sweet-talking me or giving me flowers/chocolates/whatcrap. It's up to me to sort out this anger that I have. (Reading through WIRED's "Absurd Creature of the Week" archives is helping. )

It's not your responsibility to make sure someone else is happy, especially when that someone is a full-grown adult. (I've had to say that to my sister several times re: her ex.) But it's honestly the only way my marriage has survived, because my husband can be pretty moody depending on how work has gone and/or how bad traffic is. None of that is my responsibility. I can show him that I still love him with his moodiness and emotional outbursts, but it isn't my job to make sure he is happy with his life at all times. People have got to take responsibility for their own feelings.

 

[jaganar]

Tonight is such a night, and it's unrelated to the job thing - when he vehemently disagrees with someone, he mansplains using "logic" in a really condescending way, which is decidedly NOT the way to go for a wife who's a STEM major herself and whose sensitive spot is being treated as stupid. I think it happens so rarely because normally we're so chill, but tonight he had to pick something stupid to be petty about.

*well thats cus he is your kidnap victim.....er...hubby* sometimes a little drama is what is needed ; but but buttttttttt you do the drama just as a diversion t: before you drop the hammer *like a fake tantrum before the anniversary date when you know the gift is here and it will make them happy*


I'm still mad at him, but at least he knows what he can change. And I know that it's not his responsibility to make me feel better by sweet-talking me or giving me flowers/chocolates/whatcrap. It's up to me to sort out this anger that I have. (Reading through WIRED's "Absurd Creature of the Week" archives is helping. )

You cant fault him for doing stuff like that ; its how we are wired; unless you ended up with a doosh ; thats how real men are supposed to act rather than be a doosh and ignore you (just saying)

Well the Darwin awards and Florida news helps too t:t:t:

It's not your responsibility to make sure someone else is happy, especially when that someone is a full-grown adult. (I've had to say that to my sister several times re: her ex.)

clearly THIS GENERATION has forgotten the standard set by TISH AND GOMEZ . a relationship is half half , dang it cus im dumb enough /nieve (??) enough to believe this.

PS anita any suggestions for my problem at work ( part 29)

 

[Anita18]

*well thats cus he is your kidnap victim.....er...hubby* sometimes a little drama is what is needed ; but but buttttttttt you do the drama just as a diversion before you drop the hammer *like a fake tantrum before the anniversary date when you know the gift is here and it will make them happy*

He's not THAT socially savvy. And he doesn't play games. He doesn't like drama at all, in any form.

You cant fault him for doing stuff like that ; its how we are wired; unless you ended up with a doosh ; thats how real men are supposed to act rather than be a doosh and ignore you (just saying)

That's the hilarious thing - he doesn't. He's super clueless when it comes to gifts in general, let alone apology gifts.

It's not how "men are wired," it's how they are raised. Men are taught that to make their woman happy when they feel upset, they have to give the woman gifts. (Very often, the gift is something mindless like flowers or jewelry.) And that gives them the relationship capital to continue doing exactly what they were doing, not changing their behavior at all.

It's not how we function. I don't want gifts. I don't even want a default, mindless apology. I want assurance that he cares enough about my feelings to try and change his behavior. That's all. I MUCH prefer that to my friend whose husband emotionally lashes out at her on the regular and then "makes up for it" by sending flowers to her workplace. Repeat ad nauseum, while the relationship itself is still broken. No thanks.

Maybe it's my modern feminist showing, but I have exactly zero female friends in happy relationships whose partners follow a gifting routine after drama. That way's going out with the dinosaurs.

PS anita any suggestions for my problem at work ( part 29)

Since you're both staff at a community college, I see nothing really untoward about dating her. Might as well see where it goes. I'd clarify with your friend if he really did let her know that you were crushing on her. Since his expression seemed to be positive (a wink instead of an apologetic look, if she had reacted badly), I think that actually gives you an excuse to ask her out directly.

 

[BrollySupersj]

So I gave my number to a girl yesterday, at the dr's office I go to. Seen her once before and had a nice chat, have quite a few things in common. Was too chicken to give her my number, told myself if I saw her again, I'd give my number to her. Low and behold I saw her again, chatted a little, then gave her my number just as I was being called back. She said she would text me, haven't heard from her yet.

But the thing I'm holding onto here is that I did it, I took a chance and did it. That's what I'm really happy about.

 

[jaganar]

bruh that was me in THE PREVIOUS POST /29 ....where i was crushing on th secretary instead. its only been a day , so dont stress it

ps congrats on striking up the convo ^__^


will edit later ...

So I gave my number to a girl yesterday, at the dr's office I go to. Seen her once before and had a nice chat, have quite a few things in common. Was too chicken to give her my number, told myself if I saw her again, I'd give my number to her. Low and behold I saw her again, chatted a little, then gave her my number just as I was being called back. She said she would text me, haven't heard from her yet.

But the thing I'm holding onto here is that I did it, I took a chance and did it. That's what I'm really happy about.

 

[warhorse78]

Warhorse Wrote:Have you ever had someone you've know for a few years, you got along pretty well. Fairly good friends, had no problem letting your guard down around them, when one day, BAM, you start having feelings for that person? Well, I'm in a slight situation now. It's a guy at work, and we all got invited to another co-worker's birthday party, and while there, we had some great fun with the drinking games, and it was just a feeling that sprung up on me so suddenly. So, when we are back at work, I decided to try a few things, first, I just go up from behind him and hug him, and he hugs back. He gets right in my face asking how things are. This was going on for about a couple of weeks, when it's just subtle flirting, when another co-worker came around and saw us, told us to knock it off, and then that's when he started to get a little less huggy with me. I decided then, screw it, let me ask him out to a movie, and when I did, he was a bit surprised, but he said sure. He asked me for his number, and he texted me first, but it's like all of a sudden, he seems cautious around me. We do have some differences, I'm a white country girl, and he's an American born Haitian, and maybe he's afraid of what other people in his circle might think, but it's just hard to register.

Last night, the work crew decided to have some beers outside in the parking lot, he had to go and drop someone off, but then he came back, and he rushes up behind me and hugs me around my waste and whispers are we still going to see that movie, and I was like, yeah, if you want to. We were all hanging, when all of a sudden he asked one of the other girls if she wants to go to the movie too. Now, with this girl, she's a lesbian, and an African American, so I wonder if he wants her to come along so as to keep the night out friendly, or is something else going on in his mind? I like this guy, but I don't want to be toyed with, and if he's too chicken ***** to stand up for what he likes, that could be a problem too. Now, so far, I can run right up to him, hug him, brush his cheek, go into his pockets and get his wallet, tease him all I want, and he's come up and hugged me, played with my hair, and I have caught him staring at me alot, either be it at work, the party or the hangouts. So, to all you guys, is he interested in me, or does he just feel that comfortable around me (I won't lie, once people get to know me, they know I am a big hugger and will let me give them the biggest bear hugs) or is he playing with my heart? When hanging out, he and the guys like talking about how they go to strip clubs, which I guess is supposed to get a reaction out of me, but I'm like, hey, I worked at a strip joint in my early 20's and I love to go to Chippendales all of the time, and I really love it when the guy has a cowboy hat on, and only that. Then he's like, "so, all I need is a cowboy hat, huh!" I don't know if it's a hint, or he's just being a guy.

Erzengel Wrote:This guy is either not interested or oblivious, and I'm leaning more towards the former then latter. Having a "date" with you and him asking someone else is what sticks out with me. He may be one of those guys that you need to be direct with. There are people who just don't get it. Of course, you risk the point of making the relationship uncomfortable or worse if he doesn't feel the same way.

hopefuldreamer Wrote: My gut says he likes flirting with you, but it's more because it strokes his ego. It sounds like he's trying to get you on his hook.

OK. These were my original questions and responses, and since then, there has been some serious development between this guy I like and me.

August was a weird month. We went to the movies, had a good time, and then the next day, I get a text from a fellow worker who tells me that the girl that went with us is not a lesbian, but bisexual and that she and this guy are secretly an item, so to back off. I was curious, so I just asked that girl outright, and she tells me not to say anything, but that they were once seeing eachother way back, but now they are just good friends, and that he's single and she don't care who he dates, but she does have feelings for him. I told her I did like him, and that I plan on testing the waters with him. She again says she doesn't care, but then starts to ask him for rides home because she don't drive. At the same time though, this guy seemed to be hinting that he knows I like him, and then started to ask me to hang out with him and the gang after work, and I would, for almost every night for the first week. One weekend, we got pretty drunk, and we all drove home, and about 1:30 in the morning, he texts me to ask if I got home all right. Of course I did. Now, for the next few weeks, he would just randomly text me, asking if I'm going to be at work, let me know he's going to be there, ask if I want to hang out and when we leave, he would call or text to make sure I got home ok. All along, the other girl would keep asking him for rides.

Now, the first week in September, on a day he was not supposed to work, the other guys aksed if I wanted to hang, and I was like, might as well. So here we were, just chilling, when all of a sudden the guy I like shows up. The others were shocked, to see he drove all the way out to the afterwork hangout from home, just for a couple of beers. He sits next to me, and we have some good conversation, and we even split the last beer between eachother. The party was finally to break up, and he and I were the last ones there. We hugged goodbye, and I went to my truck, but was kind of drunk so I just rested for a minute, and that's when he backs his truck up and asks if I'm ok. I told him no, I drunk too much. He was like, turn off your truck, come over and have some water, and I did. I was scared, but he knew something was on my mind, and he asked me. So, I told him, ever since that one party, I've had a big crush on him, and I just don't know how to reaact around him anymore. He had the shYYYtiest grin on his face, and looked me right in the eyes. I asked him if he knew, and he said he didn't, and then he comes over to me and kisses me. He asks, want to continue, and i was like, yeah. So we drove to the nearest gas station to get some condoms, come back to the hang out and we had the most awesome sex for the next 3 hours. We agreed to keep this a secret, since A, we are co-workers, B-half his family works at the place, and C-he admits that I am the first white girl he's ever had and it's going to take some time to figure things out with his family and friends.

Now, a week goes by, and throughout the whole week, he is now always around me, he has now stopped giving the other girl rides home, he's always texting me into the wee hours of the night. But, he doesn't seem to want to go beyond the afterwork hangout. Now, I know he has a busy schedule, he goes to college in the day, and will often work 2 shifts (he's a major workaholic) and I've heard others make fun of him because he never seems to have time for a girlfriend. I start to wonder if maybe it was a one night stand, when a week later, he calls me up around 11, and asks if he can come to my house, and he does and spends the night. That night, he was a completely different person. We had sex, but then after that, he just wanted me to lay my head on his chest and we talked all night long about our dreams, lives and whatnot until we fell asleep. That would be the last time we hooked up, which was about a week ago, but still, things got me confused.

At work now, before he knew I liked him, he would talk about all the chicks he liked, now he doesn't. I've seen some of the other co-workers bring pretty girls by to see if he's interested, and he turns them down. And then heres the other big thing. Whenever one of the male co-workers comes by me, he is always there, almost like he'e keeping and eye on me. He still texts me how I am doing, and I keep asking him when are we going to get together, and he's like soon, I just have lots of homework. I asked him when will I get invited to his house, and he admits he's a bit embarrassed because it's small and he roomates with his sister. But right now, he seems to get jealous if another guy comes around, he's shutting down any woman that comes near him, he texts and calls me all the time, and will come out to the afterwork hangout, even on his nights off because he says he likes to be with me, but once the party breaks up, he goes home and doesn't seem to want to be with me. But once he's home, he's calling or texting me until one of us falls asleep.

Can someone tell me what is the deal with this guy? I don't want to push him because we have been "seeing" eachother for now barely 2 1/2 weeks, but is he taking his time because he doesn't want to mess it up? People around us have noticed that he's been changing the past week, and surprised to see him show up on his nights off. But again, he doesn't seem to have the time to stay at my house and hasn't gotten the courage yet to let his sister know that he might be bringing a white girl to the house. Do you think it might be the race differences that is holding him back? Like I said, he's admitted that I am the first white girl he's ever had. Should I just roll with it for about a month and feel this thing out? I also know he's been working double shifts for a week, and people are saying he seems to be wanting to save up for something. Someone noted it sounds like he's tired of living with his sister and wants to save money so he can move out. Could he be doing that because of me? Oh yeah, I also asked him about the other girl and him dating, and he says that he knows she likes him, but he never dated her or was even a bit interested in her because she was just too helpless and needy. Girl can't drive, live on her own, cook and is high maintenance.

Sorry for the long rant.

 

[jaganar]

Since you're both staff at a community college, I see nothing really untoward about dating her. Might as well see where it goes. I'd clarify with your friend if he really did let her know that you were crushing on her. Since his expression seemed to be positive (a wink instead of an apologetic look, if she had reacted badly), I think that actually gives you an excuse to ask her out directly.

well the thing is he is a english teacher XD and so is she n im trying sooo hard not to lose the crush since im not a teacher in any shape or form XD and wont be there educationally on her level *if that makes any sense*

i just started in the building and lately i feel like my job performance has been beyond inadequate which kinda has me depressed since i am feelings drivin ; i cant function efficiently in a stressful enviroment is what i mean . on thurs i gave said cougar some memory game cards my 4 yr old nephew never used and it was kina to break the ice which she was kina happy for * and jaggy wipes forhead from soooo much stress* i really am trying not to crash n burn here .



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
holy poop shoot WARHORSE

ok being the newbie here , i was reading the last message and i was following YOU as being a

Spoiler

gay male

but that totally threw me off when i read the situation .

and i humbly apologize for assuming you were a SPOILER .

no clue either what to say aside from i was only in a simmilar predicament with a co-worker who needed to get picked up every day and dropped off since she was crushing on me ( not my choice , she was stationed in the cubicle next to me in the old job and her buddy totally FRAKKED me over by asking me to contstantly pick her up) ; it ended up being the WHOLE SECTION we worked in assumed we were together and i was like i just pick her up as a courtesy .... cus im a sucker and a shiverlous like that

 

[warhorse78]

holy poop shoot WARHORSE

ok being the newbie here , i was reading the last message and i was following YOU as being a

Spoiler

gay male

but that totally threw me off when i read the situation .

and i humbly apologize for assuming you were a SPOILER .

no clue either what to say aside from i was only in a simmilar predicament with a co-worker who needed to get picked up every day and dropped off since she was crushing on me ( not my choice , she was stationed in the cubicle next to me in the old job and her buddy totally FRAKKED me over by asking me to contstantly pick her up) ; it ended up being the WHOLE SECTION we worked in assumed we were together and i was like i just pick her up as a courtesy .... cus im a sucker and a shiverlous like that

LOL! Nah, I'm a straight chick. My little Haitian boy though, is giving me a serious mind fudge. Can't tell if he might be a player, or is just being cautious.

 

[jaganar]

noth for nothing tho XD
but he may be afraid that if it got out you marking your teritory some people may put him on a lot of mental stress .

but then again he is an islan boy so he should step up and not step aside .
( sorry i put people from the caribean on a higher standard due to the whole background i have XD ) like this spoiler

Spoiler

i had a few pals who ran a X RATED FB page and 96 percent of the followers were from the middle east i know cus the owner ,she showed me they all had those names

 

[Anita18]

Can someone tell me what is the deal with this guy? I don't want to push him because we have been "seeing" eachother for now barely 2 1/2 weeks, but is he taking his time because he doesn't want to mess it up? People around us have noticed that he's been changing the past week, and surprised to see him show up on his nights off. But again, he doesn't seem to have the time to stay at my house and hasn't gotten the courage yet to let his sister know that he might be bringing a white girl to the house. Do you think it might be the race differences that is holding him back? Like I said, he's admitted that I am the first white girl he's ever had. Should I just roll with it for about a month and feel this thing out? I also know he's been working double shifts for a week, and people are saying he seems to be wanting to save up for something. Someone noted it sounds like he's tired of living with his sister and wants to save money so he can move out. Could he be doing that because of me? Oh yeah, I also asked him about the other girl and him dating, and he says that he knows she likes him, but he never dated her or was even a bit interested in her because she was just too helpless and needy. Girl can't drive, live on her own, cook and is high maintenance.

Sorry for the long rant.

If he's changing his behavior around you to be "nicer," I don't think he's a player. Guys who are players don't change their behavior for one woman. They just move onto the next, instead of taking so much effort for one. Unless he just wanted to have sex with you and brag about it after dumping you, but he definitely doesn't seem to be doing that either, as you detailed in your post.

Hell, a lot of guys in relationships have trouble changing their behavior for the woman they're already with! So the fact that he seems to make an effort for you is pretty important.

Honestly, it seems like he's into you, but is just very hesitant for various reasons. You already laid one out - the race thing. It can be a big deal for some. I know I would have needed a long-term strategy for bringing home a black guy.



It's up to you to decide if being slow for months is worth it for you. Some people want to know right away if something's serious, while others are more lackadaisical about it. While some guys are just scared of commitment, even if they do like a chick a lot.

It's really up to you.

well the thing is he is a english teacher XD and so is she n im trying sooo hard not to lose the crush since im not a teacher in any shape or form XD and wont be there educationally on her level *if that makes any sense*

i just started in the building and lately i feel like my job performance has been beyond inadequate which kinda has me depressed since i am feelings drivin ; i cant function efficiently in a stressful enviroment is what i mean . on thurs i gave said cougar some memory game cards my 4 yr old nephew never used and it was kina to break the ice which she was kina happy for * and jaggy wipes forhead from soooo much stress* i really am trying not to crash n burn here .

Yeah, I have some female friends who wouldn't go for a guy less-educated than them. BUT if your buddy had talked to her and gave you the thumbs up, chances are she didn't recoil in disgust or anything.

Okay well, if your job performance has been lacking, freaking out about the crush isn't going to help. First things first, get a handle on your job stress. I mean, it's your job so you're going to need it. And women like competence.

 

[jaganar]

Honestly, it seems like he's into you, but is just very hesitant for various reasons. You already laid one out - the race thing. It can be a big deal for some. I know I would have needed a long-term strategy for bringing home a black guy.

totally depends on her upbringing t: unless she is in the upstate part of where she lives then he does have a right to be cautious ( with all dem dang NIMRODS driving dere pickuptrux ) if she was in like say ... THE BRONX/BROOKLYN/ MANHATTAN they would be fine . but in BUMtUCK towns upstate we got idiots in their pickups who feel different.

if she is in a civilized city ( miami/new orleans/new york) id say go for it HORSE t:



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~````

Yeah, I have some female friends who wouldn't go for a guy less-educated than them. BUT if your buddy had talked to her and gave you the thumbs up, chances are she didn't recoil in disgust or anything.

Okay well, if your job performance has been lacking, freaking out about the crush isn't going to help. First things first, get a handle on your job stress. I mean, it's your job so you're going to need it. And women like competence.

funny thing is in the COLLEGE uniform i have this pinned on our logo and so far only 5 people have noticed it XD

my supervisor finally asked about it after a month lol....
so i dont know what , maybe i should behave like a agent of HYDRA and not talk about my plans or my crush ? ( only 3 ppl , male teacher , my buddy who works my beat and the lunch lady know about this )

 

[warhorse78]

I'm from West Palm Beach, he was born in Miami to Haitian parents, then they moved up to WPB. I've know this guy for like 3 years, we always got along. Had a pretty good friendship. He really went to the top of my list one time when I was supposed to go into one of the storage freezers, and I'm a bit claustrophobic, and started to have a slight panic attack, and he came behind me and asked if I was alright. He could see something was wrong, so he pulled me back out of the freezer and put away the stuff I was supposed to. He then went and got some water and stayed with me till the panic attack wore off. He's just a really great guy like that.

Now, that we got the fact that I like him out of the way, we are finding out we have lots in common. Too much. We agree on the same subjects, like the same hobbies, are both laid back and prefer the outdoors compared to the night clubs. It's just right now, he doesn't want to hang out where it's just him and me. Not yet. I want him to let me into his world, but he's holding back at the moment. Something big is coming up in November, and I'll stick it out until then, see where this is going.

 

[Anita18]

totally depends on her upbringing t: unless she is in the upstate part of where she lives then he does have a right to be cautious ( with all dem dang NIMRODS driving dere pickuptrux ) if she was in like say ... THE BRONX/BROOKLYN/ MANHATTAN they would be fine . but in BUMtUCK towns upstate we got idiots in their pickups who feel different.

if she is in a civilized city ( miami/new orleans/new york) id say go for it HORSE t:

Well, even for parents who are pretty liberal, it can take some getting used to. My parents are REALLY liberal for Asian parents, but if my sister or I had taken home a black guy, there would be an adjustment period! (My cousin dated a black guy for a while and never told her parents.)

Interracial marriage was made legal in the US in the 60s. It's not that long ago, we still have a ways.

so i dont know what , maybe i should behave like a agent of HYDRA and not talk about my plans or my crush ? ( only 3 ppl , male teacher , my buddy who works my beat and the lunch lady know about this )

It's better to just act on your plans instead of telling people and making a big deal out of it. It's just a date, it's not a big commitment.

I'm from West Palm Beach, he was born in Miami to Haitian parents, then they moved up to WPB. I've know this guy for like 3 years, we always got along. Had a pretty good friendship. He really went to the top of my list one time when I was supposed to go into one of the storage freezers, and I'm a bit claustrophobic, and started to have a slight panic attack, and he came behind me and asked if I was alright. He could see something was wrong, so he pulled me back out of the freezer and put away the stuff I was supposed to. He then went and got some water and stayed with me till the panic attack wore off. He's just a really great guy like that.

Now, that we got the fact that I like him out of the way, we are finding out we have lots in common. Too much. We agree on the same subjects, like the same hobbies, are both laid back and prefer the outdoors compared to the night clubs. It's just right now, he doesn't want to hang out where it's just him and me. Not yet. I want him to let me into his world, but he's holding back at the moment. Something big is coming up in November, and I'll stick it out until then, see where this is going.

Yeah, it's important to really understand what the issue at hand is so everyone's on the same page as you wait things out. But seeing where things are going, especially early on, is a good plan.

 

[jaganar]

well i think WAR is fine
if he is taking his time , then more power to them both ( like you said it shows interest rather than he just wants to get down when he can )

so war when it comes down to it ,just bring a couple of bags of popcorn or doritos and just chill under the sky so its like this

Spoiler

and anita IR may have a long way to go but DONT FORGET

Spoiler

I R pRon sells the most products in those racist states

so how racist can they be .

ill take my time and i aint saying nothing tomorrow , i want to see if she says anything O____________________o or our buddy does

 

[jaganar]

ok i totally FRAKKED UP ..

one of the midgets in her first class called me out on it ( like i wanted to be knee deep in it ) so i flat out said to the student i am not , its a professional relationship

this girl was all in my business ( like you keep lyin to me mister O___________o with an attitude ) she said i told her i had a gf and i had a son ( wich is true, i have a fur baby ) ; the girl friend part was top secret and basicly i was playing TELEPHONE to see how long it would take to get back.


then at 400 i basicly confessed to the 5 people on my staff that i do have a mad crush on the hotty teacher XD.

so im FRAKKED either way .

 

[warhorse78]

OK. Some more interesting bits. All of last week was quite an adventure. All last week, we have been all hanging out with the crew. I've also noticed now, even on his days off, he comes by to chill with us, and he'll sit right next to me and lean his shoulder against me. The others have been commenting on how he never comes by on his days off like this, and so it got me wondering, is he coming by because of me? And on last Saturday, he had off and I worked, but he actually came by the place to hang out during working hours for a bit. He kept on just walking by my area, staring me in the eye with this crappy grin. Then he went away. Later on, I was chilling with the crew when again he shows up later on that night. And we all sit and have fun. But again, once we start to break off, he just wants to go home by himself.

Now last Sunday was interesting. He had the day off, and I texted him with what he was doing, and he bragged about how he was going to this big sports party, and I was like, "and you didn't even invite me?" He was like, he didn't because he knew I had work the next morning. I texted him off and on throughout the night with small talk, knowing how he said he was going to be there till 4 in the morning. I eventually drifted to sleep, when he texted at about 1:30 in the morning. Finds out, he felt guilty and actually left the party early and came to my house. He spent the night.

Now this past week was weird. The one girl I know who likes him, follows him around the store like a damn dog. And, I got the feeling that my supervisor and her are good friends, and she let the woman know about the dealings with this guy and me. Reason being, she would not let me go around the building to do random chores (these are the times I find to meet up with my crush and we hug for a second) and whenever he came to my area, she would chase him away. When closing time came, she told me my duties were done and to leave, and said I couldn't loiter around the building like we usually do. My bud heard this too, and he look PO. We both left, and I got worried because he never texted me in the night like he always did.

Tuesday comes, he's off, I'm not, but because the *****es are't there, it made the night go alot smoother. I got asked by some of the other clerks if I wanted to chill, and I was like, yeah, I could use a cold beer. As I was going towards the hang out, my crush drives up, runs up and hugs me for a long time. He kept on hugging me all night long, sitting next to me, making me feel real special. We all eventually went our separate ways.

Wednesday, we both worked, and the one girl who likes him kept on begging for a ride home. To show that I trust him completely, (really, this chick has been after him for 3 years now, if she hadn't gotten him by now, she never will) and I was like, go ahead, take her home. He agreed reluctantly, though he did look peeved. Later on, him and the crew go to the hangout, and I was late getting there. They all were sitting on the benches, and as I walked up, she quickly sat in the seat next to him, trying to get close. He would get up, and pace back and forth, and go hang out at the othe end with the guys. He would then come back and sit by her, while I stood in front of him. Staring at eachother. Finally the one guy who was sitting next to him had his ride pull up and he left. I took the chance to sit next to him, where he was now sandwiched between me and the other girl. He locks eyes with me, then gets up, comes to my other side and asks me to move over so he was sitting on my other side, away from the girl. He even leaned back onto my shoulder, and kept on gently nudging me with his arms. Finally we parted ways, and hugged me a long time in front of the other girl.

I know I shouldn't have told him to take her home, but was it good on my part to show trust? I know he's getting frustrated with her, but why can't this chick get the hint? And now, I find out my supervisor put my working days when he doesn't work "even though she don't realize he still stops by on his days off". Why are these full grown women acting like highschool girls? I know they know this guy and I like eachother, but do you think they realize how far we went already?

And oh, the Monday after our hook-up, at about 11am, he sent me a very naughty sexting text that had me hot all day. I really didn't know how to respond. I wanted to say something naughty back, but my friend at my other job told me to not do it, always act like a lady. Well, should I engage in the sexting or not? I will admit it, it was a major turn on.

 

[Six]

Tinder just screwed me. They introduced a "superlike" button that's supposed to let people know you liked them, but you can only use 1 a day. Well, I used it because why not, but couple hours later I saw someone on there that I met 2 months ago that I regretted not asking her out, because she seemed interested in me. While I was waiting for another superlike it refreshed... Technology ruins everything.

 

[Anita18]

I know I shouldn't have told him to take her home, but was it good on my part to show trust? I know he's getting frustrated with her, but why can't this chick get the hint? And now, I find out my supervisor put my working days when he doesn't work "even though she don't realize he still stops by on his days off". Why are these full grown women acting like highschool girls? I know they know this guy and I like eachother, but do you think they realize how far we went already?

And oh, the Monday after our hook-up, at about 11am, he sent me a very naughty sexting text that had me hot all day. I really didn't know how to respond. I wanted to say something naughty back, but my friend at my other job told me to not do it, always act like a lady. Well, should I engage in the sexting or not? I will admit it, it was a major turn on.

It's always good to show trust. But honestly, if he's peeved about this other chick, he needs to be the one to put his foot down. IMO, he's no longer "your crush." Sure he wants to go slow, but it doesn't mean he's unattainable and your feelings are unrequited. I think it's obvious that you're both on the same page about having romantic feelings, you're just together on the down-low.

He doesn't need to say to the other chick that he's with you, if you're keeping it quiet for the time being. But he at least needs to say, "Sorry, not interested" if it isn't "Sorry I'm already dating someone." Nobody's obligated to date someone just because they're single, or spill all the beans about who they're dating if they don't want to. That's such an immature way of thinking. Y'alls need a backbone.

Also, "always act like a lady" is going out with the times. You've already had sex with him, the stereotypical "lady" thing is out the window, honestly.

 

[warhorse78]

Also, "always act like a lady" is going out with the times. You've already had sex with him, the stereotypical "lady" thing is out the window, honestly.

True that, true that. I'm also pretty sure his biggest obstacle is the fact that he's black and I'm white, so it's one of the big reasons why he's keeping it between us and the down low. I think most of his family won't care, but he don't talk much about his father. I know he's still in school, and he has two more years of study, and it's probably his father footing the bill, so that may be another hornets nest he doesn't want to disturb. Yet.

 

[jaganar]

anita is completely right on all her points.

I think it's obvious that you're both on the same page about having romantic feelings, you're just together on the down-low.

Also, "always act like a lady" is going out with the times. You've already had sex with him, the stereotypical "lady" thing is out the window, honestly.

1000 percent on this one * its NO ONE ELSES FRAKKIN BUSINESS , but as long as he / she is aware that the ground rules are in play ( no one else is having playtime) they are on point =3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

went out with the crew last night , and had my eyes open with the cougar ... found out my boss called me out on my background *totally not something i was expecting ,and im still speechless XD* spent two hours with the crew and when cougar was on her way out she had an issue with her creditcard (couldnt find it) and left her purse with me / thank god my buddy had my back and helped me guard it XD. but before she left i asked for the number *SMUGFACE* so said good night ( got a amazing view and my brain was mush till this morning *swoon* ) then asked for her number ....

she handed me her cell and i dialed my # since i got home last night i have been texting every couple of hours ( giving time for her to reply ... as to not seem pushy XD )

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Sorry i've been away for a while again. Always feel a bit guilty when I come back just for me and I haven't been helping you lot out for ages!

I could really use some help though. I keep finding myself crying at night cause I just don't know what to do. And it's the kind of topic that the people in my life are tired of hearing about... so I feel like I have no one left to talk too.

I keep trying to be a grown up about love.

I live with a boyfriend who wants to be with me (which is a first for me). I have a man who treats me well, is never aggressive or mean. Who makes effort to pull his fair share with house work and cooking. Who is consistently affectionate and gentle. Who took me to his home in another country and showed me off like he was proud to call me his. Who has told me he thinks I look just as good with no make up. Who has told me he thinks i'm really strong for all the things I went through in my past, and sometimes looks at me like he knows his life is better with me in it.

And I love him. I really do.

I'm just not in love with him.

So the thing I can't seem to land on, in my heart, is whether that matters.

Why am I not in love with him?

Well it could be a few things. It could be that he's a stoner and so a lot of the time I wonder if that will be a problem going forward (I don't think he'd stop even if we had kids). It could be that he doesn't get a long with a lot of my friends, and so they are constantly making me wonder why I like him (because they think I could do better).

But I think mostly it boils down the fact i'm becoming more and more sure that he will NEVER be in love with me. Or anyone for that matter. And it makes it impossible for me to really fall into the emotion myself.

He said from the beginning, that he's never even said I love you to anyone but his sister and his mum. He finds it really difficult.

And I've dealt with that in my own way. I told him I loved him about half a year ago, and since then the thoughts have swum around and around in my head. I make a decision to be okay with it. That as long as I FELT loved, the words didn't need to be said.

I do feel loved... I do feel wanted...

But I guess i'm just starting to yearn more and more for the part that's missing.

And that's because he just doesn't FEEL things the way I do, and never will. It's not that he's a heartless person. He is kind and generous and open and friendly and non judgemental. He just... doesn't feel big feelings like that I guess.

I feel like for the past year, all i've been trying to do is push that part of myself away so that I might have a chance at having a nice boyfriend for once. That maybe that part of me is the stupid part that would see me be alone for the rest of my life waiting for a fairytale.

But then... I look at so many of my friends who are in happy relationships. And I see the way they look at each other. I see the way HE looks at her. And then way when he's out, he just can't stop himself from going on and on about how much he loves her and he and can't believe he found her.

And I can't help but feel like I could stay with this guy for the rest of my life (cause I don't think he'd ever be dissatisfied enough to dump me... he's just too easy going and we spend most of our time content). And I could keep telling myself every day 'Oh he does love you, he just can't say it' and seeing more into the 'little things' to try and make myself feel better.

But i'd be missing out on the chance of having something... real? Real love. True love maybe? I don't know...

So I guess my question is... in my position, what would you do?

Do you walk away from something that is logically a pretty sweet deal, and from a guy that you do love... because there MIGHT be something so much better out there?

Or do you accept that not everyone gets that kind of passion of emotion from their partner, and just be grateful for all the parts of the relationship that do work, knowing that it'll never be more?