The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Anita18]

I also thought he was in just in bad situations.

I mean he had trouble in high school finding dates. So did I. So did a lot of people.

Fast forward to him re-entering college in a college town. He stated most of the people his age were already in relationships. So he was a late 20 something year old trying to meet girls almost 10 years younger than him. Not that I don't think hook ups or even relationships are possible but it was for the most part 2 different stages of life. And outside that one tryst, he was looking for a relationship.

And he seemed to be manipulated by female friends that it seemed at times would fill his head with conflicting and sometimes incorrect things.

I'm glad he's found someone and hope he has built up his confidence in the case it doesn't work out. I do laugh that he's into Asians and wonder if it's because more because of looks or he thinks they are more demure.

He knows full well I'm Asian, and he lets me kick his a**.

From what I've seen lots of guys like Asian girls because they're small. It's a weird protector thing. (My natural thinness is going to waste on someone who honestly doesn't care how small I am - and he supports my weightlifting to get bigger. ) Unfortunately, not all Asian girls who ARE small are naturally that way. It can be a harmful stereotype...

The "demure" thing doesn't come into play much, unless they specifically have a fetish for women from the mainland. The Asian-American women I know (and I'm friends with/am related to plenty!) are completely the opposite! We are smart, loud, and proud.

Nell was a misogynist. He was however still one bad date away from going full Adam Baldwin.

There are scales to these things. He's one of those people who have black friends but still have disparaging stereotypes about black people they don't know. (Most people have some of this inside them, actually...) He just got REALLY dramatic when he got rejected...

From what he's told me, he doesn't subscribe to gender roles in relationships and certainly isn't telling his gf what to do. Cause I would have kicked his a** if he did.

I'm set up I'd say fairly often? Especially once I hit my 30s, usually by friends, colleagues and associates who want to pair me up with another 30-something busy professional. I guess it's an Asian thing. Dates are normally coffeeshop meetings or a double date.

Doesn't surprise me.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

My thing about Asian women is that I simply find them beautiful...

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

If we're being honest, I have a thing for Asian women too. But I think most people who live and work in Asia (as I did in Korea) kind of develop that. It's got nothing to do with being "demure"; I just think they're hella sexy and cool. My ex-fiancee is Korean (definitely not reserved and shy; she was probably more assertive than me), so there's emotional baggage there too.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

If I could just find a woman like this...

Ming-Na Wen

 

[Anita18]

If I could just find a woman like this...

Ming-Na Wen

Can't believe she's over 50. Dem Asian genes.

Also, I think some guys like Asian women because we age well, and don't go downhill the day after we graduate college. I think I'm more attractive now at 31 than I was in my teens.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Can't believe she's over 50. Dem Asian genes.

Also, I think some guys like Asian women because we age well, and don't go downhill the day after we graduate college. I think I'm more attractive now at 31 than I was in my teens.

For me, that's definitely a huge part of it. My ex-fiancée used to tease me about aging so quickly. From 30-50 they keep it together a lot more. Although once they reach about 55 the laws of nature catch up with a vengeance.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

If I could just find a woman like this...

Ming-Na Wen

Okay, you take her. Let me have Fan Bingbing please.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_Bingbing

 

[Anita18]

For me, that's definitely a huge part of it. My ex-fiancée used to tease me about aging so quickly. From 30-50 they keep it together a lot more. Although once they reach about 55 the laws of nature catch up with a vengeance.

55? I thought it was 60.

Not many people look all that great after 60 anyway.



This is why it's funny my white husband looks younger than me, even though he's older than me by 2 years. It's mostly because he's still got the build of a teenager and has a pretty face, which most Caucasian dudes lose past their teens.. I was hoping he'd fill out after hitting 30 kinda like JGL did, but he's following the Jay Baruchel maturity track....

 

[Erzengel]

He knows full well I'm Asian, and he lets me kick his a**.

From what I've seen lots of guys like Asian girls because they're small. It's a weird protector thing. (My natural thinness is going to waste on someone who honestly doesn't care how small I am - and he supports my weightlifting to get bigger. ) Unfortunately, not all Asian girls who ARE small are naturally that way. It can be a harmful stereotype...

The "demure" thing doesn't come into play much, unless they specifically have a fetish for women from the mainland. The Asian-American women I know (and I'm friends with/am related to plenty!) are completely the opposite! We are smart, loud, and proud.

I obviously don't know Nell personally, it's just an assumption based on our discussions here and what's he's stated in the past. If he's found a woman who has strong sense of self and has her own opinions more power to him.

But I was always under the assumption that he dated white girls through college and he didn't really start to date Asians until he moved back to California. With how dramatic he got over being rejected, it's not that far off based to make that assumption.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Okay, you take her. Let me have Fan Bingbing please.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_Bingbing

You have done well for yourself...

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I'm wondering if I might have some Asian genes, a lot of my friends say I am holding together fairly well... t:

 

[Erzengel]

I've never dated anyone Asian and usually were only interested in mixed Asians. As I've gotten older, I'm all now equal opportunity. But my wife, looks down on me dating.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I've dated and hooked up with Asians, whites and blacks. I've always wanted to date a full-on freckled redhead. But I guess that will have to remain a dream for now.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I felt like with every message I sent to a woman on a dating site, it was like I was sending a CV for a job interview!

Because in most profiles, they would say something like "Don't just say 'Hi, how are you?' because I won't respond." I get that ladies there get a lot of messages, but really?

So I already felt under stress to make the wittiest, funniest introduction in the history of Mankind... t:
But seriously, wouldn't your opener, be something along the lines of a "hello" type of introduction? Does your opener have to be "War and Peace" worthy?

Yeah, but when you say hi to a random stranger at a bar or on the street, you don't have an online profile you can read about them. When you're saying "hi" to someone on a dating site, you've already got some information on the person, their interests or passions, their job. I remember one time emailing a girl for the first time, in their profile they mentioned wanting someone who knew the difference between there, they're and their or two, too and too. So I wrote a quick email, making sure to use each word appropriately and closed my email with a little comment about it. It definitely got me a response, only one date, but still a response. Later on a girl emailed me just a "hi, how are you", I responded, but felt very put off by the girl, went on a date and just didn't feel it at all. Finally the girl who I would marry emailed me, the message had a bunch of stuff from my profile and info about herself. From the first message I knew there was something different about this girl and knew we'd really hit it off and I was right. You've gotta put time into that first message because the person put time into writing their profile, so you have something to talk to them about right away.

 

[moviedoors]

Yeah, but when you say hi to a random stranger at a bar or on the street, you don't have an online profile you can read about them. When you're saying "hi" to someone on a dating site, you've already got some information on the person, their interests or passions, their job. I remember one time emailing a girl for the first time, in their profile they mentioned wanting someone who knew the difference between there, they're and their or two, too and too. So I wrote a quick email, making sure to use each word appropriately and closed my email with a little comment about it. It definitely got me a response, only one date, but still a response. Later on a girl emailed me just a "hi, how are you", I responded, but felt very put off by the girl, went on a date and just didn't feel it at all. Finally the girl who I would marry emailed me, the message had a bunch of stuff from my profile and info about herself. From the first message I knew there was something different about this girl and knew we'd really hit it off and I was right. You've gotta put time into that first message because the person put time into writing their profile, so you have something to talk to them about right away.

Ditto my experience. Specificity is key, both in crafting a profile and in sending a message. It shows that you're both paying attention and at least a little bit thoughtful. The fiance' and I still make joke references to our Match profiles. I think that says something about how we hit it off almost immediately before even meeting in person. Online interactions count.

 

[PyroChamber]

Here's a question I guess would go under relationships, why does a guy tend to get flack for not just settling for anyone, or being picky, more so than a woman does? It's almost like if you're a man you should just take anything that comes your way.

 

[Erzengel]

Do you know a female equivalent?

I think if someone is single for a while, I think the question of how picky they are comes into play. I know a woman who turned down a guy because she didn't like his hands.

 

[PacificBoy]

I've yet to find anyone, man or woman, who isn't picky.

 

[zeroapoc]

I'm in the dog house for discussing my "free pass list" on social media.

Was that bad?

 

[PyroChamber]

I'm in the dog house for discussing my "free pass list" on social media.

Was that bad?

Hmmm, was it meant to be private?

 

[zeroapoc]

No I was talking about it for the world to see.

Edit - If you meant private as in just between us. I never asked. But now I'm gonna have to go with yes.

 

[PacificBoy]

Yep, though I'd say at the same time she's probably overreacting a tad. It's usually a cutesy thing between a couple. Thus fairly personal. If I wanted to share the list with my friends/randos for some reason, I'd have asked my SO, not so much to seek permission but out of courtesy.

 

[Anita18]

Here's a question I guess would go under relationships, why does a guy tend to get flack for not just settling for anyone, or being picky, more so than a woman does? It's almost like if you're a man you should just take anything that comes your way.

Cause guys are "supposed" to just take anything that comes their way? Sowing their wild oats and stuff! It's the flip side of not having as many consequences for sleeping around...

But from what I've seen, Erz is right. If someone's been single for a while, their pickiness does come into question, man or woman. Moreso if they've been complaining about their singleness.

I'm in the dog house for discussing my "free pass list" on social media.

Was that bad?

Did you think you would get a free pass from your SO when discussing your celebrity free pass list?

Depends on the person. My husband doesn't seem to be bothered by my for Tom Hardy, but it's not like I'm crass enough to talk about that in the context of a "free pass list." I just like to look at him.

The hubs DOES seem to be bothered when I mention him on Facebook in a cutesy couple context, because his friends (who are Facebook friends with me) make fun of him for it. So I just put his friends on a special list and don't share any cutesy stories with them. I'm also very careful about what I talk about re: him on Twitter, because his mother reads my Twitter feed...

 

[Erzengel]

My wife is aware of whom I have celebrity crushes on. It doesn't bother her.

I remember a friend of mine and his gf at the time use to get jealous when he watched Attack of the Show because he liked Olivia Munn.

Some people can be insecure.

 

[Anita18]

My wife is aware of whom I have celebrity crushes on. It doesn't bother her.

I remember a friend of mine and his gf at the time use to get jealous when he watched Attack of the Show because he liked Olivia Munn.

Some people can be insecure.

They can be, but some people can also be bothered by the sharing on social media. It depends on the person.