A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[twylight]

Friends kiss each other on the cheek, romantic partners kiss each other on the lips.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah but preferably the cheek for the first time.

My female friends kiss me on the cheek, it's a friend kiss.

Totally true, and one of the other big problems with guys who are 'too nice'... No one is that nice... So they are usually faking it.

I don't want a guy being careful around me or pretending he's for things he's actually against because he thinks it'll score him brownie points. I just want him to be himself, and have a laugh with me.

I actually tend to think most 'Nice Guys' (and Girls too) are, in a sense, sincerely nice. In other words it's not just some strategy to get in your pants. They assume that eventually these nice deeds will 'win her/him over'. Really what they want is not a bad desire to have. They want sex and or a relationship, but somehow feel that the world frowns upon their animalistic desires and so they opt to use flowers, cards and cutesy little texts rather than just saying "hey, I want to f*** you, let's go for it" (I'm using that as hyperbole - although it's probably better than the former).

One of my 'Nice Guy' friends once went on and on about how girls "like guys who can dance", and that they equate [subconsciously] dancing to sex, so if you want to hook up you have to dance. He's wired that way about a lot of things. When girls come by he says the place has GOT to be cleaned or else girls will, I dunno, run away or something (for the record, the place is generally very clean). He does all this prep work for girls which usually results in nothing. What I try explaining to him is cleanliness and dance skills are enviable things in and of themselves, but he's missing the big picture.

'Nice Guys' frequently attempt to control their environment to appease women. This is dumb. Change the environment all you like, it doesn't change the animal. Even upper class women will have some story about some loser who they dated, and f***ed in his rat infested apartment. That guy sure was fun and exciting for the week they made the mistake of hooking up with him.

Nice people should be with nice people.

^This

Nice people definitely tend to be iffy around not nice things.

That doesn't mean I don't think I deserve a nice guy, it means I don't WANT a nice guy. I need MORE than a guy whose just nice.

Yeah, this is the other, other, other problem. Nice is definitely a bare minimum. Nice is a character you play in front of relatives and co-workers. If the 'nice' is going to extend to casual settings, and is going to mute any and all sexual energy I ain't interested.

 

[Hound55]

I can remember back when I used to be nice...

Before the weight of the world's bulls*** turned me into the cynical, shrivelled husk of a man that you people know today.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

angel your homework assignment for the week is to kiss him on the lips or at the very least, kiss him on the cheek.

get some lip action somehow

Hopefully I don't chicken out like I always seem to do. No matter how determined I am, my nerves always manage to find some reason to not make a move.

 

[Erzengel]

Angel if he pulls away from your kiss, you really have a much bigger problem then you would if you just chickened out.

Angel, this would be what your 7 or 8th time you hung out? It's the point that I'm wondering what's wrong him.

 

[bullets]

@ optimis. I was referring to the af situation. I think it might be easier to go with that first

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Angel if he pulls away from your kiss, you really have a much bigger problem then you would if you just chickened out.

Angel, this would be what, the 7 or 8th time you've hung out? It's getting to the point that I'm wondering what's wrong with him.

I know that. But tell that to my nerves. They come up with the most outlandish excuses and every single time I listen and chicken out.


Here are a few examples of me chickening out. Keep in mind these are from several different dates:

1. The Taco Bell thing.

2. He was drunk and I wanted him to actually remember kissing me the next day

3. His parents had just pulled into his grandparents' driveway, didn't want to kiss him in front of his parents, especially the first kiss

4. He was super tired (practically falling asleep in my car) and I didn't want to take up any more time that could have been spent sleeping

5. He had just spoken about how nice it was that I hadn't been pressuring him into taking things further like other girls would and how impressed he was that I continued to date him even though he said he didn't want anything serious when we started dating (though he did say he is second-guessing himself on that), which made me feel guilty for even thinking about it

 

[steintym]

The "parents in the driveway" seems like the only legit roadblock to me. I think it's past time to make a move. I'm telling you ... you will be so happy with yourself for getting past the nerves.

 

[Anita18]

5. He had just spoken about how nice it was that I hadn't been pressuring him into taking things further like other girls would and how impressed he was that I continued to date him even though he said he didn't want anything serious when we started dating (though he did say he is second-guessing himself on that), which made me feel guilty for even thinking about it

Ah ha, now I also believe he's not as much of an experienced playboy as he thinks he is. And yet he also says he likes it when a girl takes the initiative? Still one of the more confusing guys I've heard of....

Still, if you've been hanging out and not pressuring him for a few months, I'm sure a kiss would be a pleasant surprise. There's a WHOLE lot more that you guys still have to go through before sex. It isn't like kiss --> sex.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Ah ha, now I also believe he's not as much of an experienced playboy as he thinks he is. And yet he also says he likes it when a girl takes the initiative? Still one of the more confusing guys I've heard of....

Still, if you've been hanging out and not pressuring him for a few months, I'm sure a kiss would be a pleasant surprise. There's a WHOLE lot more that you guys still have to go through before sex. It isn't like kiss --> sex.

I know, right? It's confusing. It's times like this I wish I was a mind reader.

But to elaborate, he meant that few girls would continue to date him after being told that he wasn't looking for anything serious, and even fewer would respect his wishes (I guess he thinks other girls would try and force him into something serious? I don't know). I both continued to date him and respected his wishes. And he was admiring that.

I know it isn't like kiss ---> sex, but knowing my hormones I admit I'm a little concerned it could go that way

 

[amazingfantasy15]

5. He had just spoken about how nice it was that I hadn't been pressuring him into taking things further like other girls would and how impressed he was that I continued to date him even though he said he didn't want anything serious when we started dating (though he did say he is second-guessing himself on that), which made me feel guilty for even thinking about it

When did he say this? Was it a very recent date or a while ago. If it was a recent date, you're in trouble.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

It was recent. But keep in mind he said he's starting to wear down on the whole "nothing serious" issue, and I also expanded on it a little more in my post after that one.

 

[twylight]

Yeah, that's... Dude's got some hang-ups and issues he's not fully disclosing to you.

You're putting a lot of effort into him. At this point just, go for it because you're losing if you don't and maybe even losing if you do. So just take a chance. Roll that dice. Swing that bat. Kill that bird.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Yeah, that's... Dude's got some hang-ups and issues he's not fully disclosing to you.

You're putting a lot of effort into him. At this point just, go for it because you're losing if you don't and maybe even losing if you do. So just take a chance. Roll that dice. Swing that bat. Kill that bird.

To be fair I have some hang-ups and issues I'm not fully disclosing to him either.

I want to take that chance, but my nerves keep getting in the way.

And I don't want to kill a bird! I'm named after a bird!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

@ Angel - I know I haven't been following all the posts you've made about this on the thread and i'm sorry... but I kind of think rather than readin through your old post i'm just going to give you a general opinion.

Kissing is not supposed to be this much of a worry. It's not supposed to cause this much stress. It's something that just happens naturally, unless there is a REASON why the guy is being weird about it. And if it's been a while now and it's not happened... it's just going to continue getting harder until it happens.

Basically, get it out of the way. Because once you've kissed (or at least tried), you'll know.

My female friends kiss me on the cheek, it's a friend kiss.

I actually tend to think most 'Nice Guys' (and Girls too) are, in a sense, sincerely nice. In other words it's not just some strategy to get in your pants. They assume that eventually these nice deeds will 'win her/him over'. Really what they want is not a bad desire to have. They want sex and or a relationship, but somehow feel that the world frowns upon their animalistic desires and so they opt to use flowers, cards and cutesy little texts rather than just saying "hey, I want to f*** you, let's go for it" (I'm using that as hyperbole - although it's probably better than the former).

One of my 'Nice Guy' friends once went on and on about how girls "like guys who can dance", and that they equate [subconsciously] dancing to sex, so if you want to hook up you have to dance. He's wired that way about a lot of things. When girls come by he says the place has GOT to be cleaned or else girls will, I dunno, run away or something (for the record, the place is generally very clean). He does all this prep work for girls which usually results in nothing. What I try explaining to him is cleanliness and dance skills are enviable things in and of themselves, but he's missing the big picture.

'Nice Guys' frequently attempt to control their environment to appease women. This is dumb. Change the environment all you like, it doesn't change the animal. Even upper class women will have some story about some loser who they dated, and f***ed in his rat infested apartment. That guy sure was fun and exciting for the week they made the mistake of hooking up with him.

^This

Nice people definitely tend to be iffy around not nice things.

Yeah, this is the other, other, other problem. Nice is definitely a bare minimum. Nice is a character you play in front of relatives and co-workers. If the 'nice' is going to extend to casual settings, and is going to mute any and all sexual energy I ain't interested.

I'm not saying all guys who act nice are lying. Just my experience of guys who are overly 'nice' are usually the ones who are trying too hard and actually have something too hide.

But then my ex, who was especially nice a lot of the time, was cheating on me with men... so I have my own issues

 

[Anita18]

I'm not saying all guys who act nice are lying. Just my experience of guys who are overly 'nice' are usually the ones who are trying too hard and actually have something too hide.

But then my ex, who was especially nice a lot of the time, was cheating on me with men... so I have my own issues

...were they hot? I would have gone in for a threesome!

 

[Spider-Who?]

Iused to be a "nice guy". Then I realized what is wrong with that, and now I'm just a nice guy, if you get my meaning.


Most "nice guys" are legitimately nice, and its not that they're lying. The only thing they're trying to hide is their fear and lack of self esteem. They tend to be overly nice because its the only thing they're comfertable doing.

I used to be like that. It took me a while to realize that being outspoken, flirting, acting as if you have the self esteem you may lack and "going for it" doesn't mean you're not a nice guy. It just means you're not a "nice guy". It's having your cake and eating it too.

 

[DV8]

she STILL hasn't kissed this dude?? wtf?

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I'm a chicken****!

 

[ComicChick]

great, now i'm paranoid that my kissing game is terrible since it's been a long time since i've kissed any guys

 

[The Squirrel]

Same here, only with women.

 

[Spider-Who?]

I'll gladly help any ladies get their game back.














....Where'd you all go?

 

[Anubis]

My female friends wont kiss me on the cheek cuz they know where my cheeks have been.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Transylvania will do that to ya.

 

[AndThePickles]

Yeah, that's... Dude's got some hang-ups and issues he's not fully disclosing to you.

You're putting a lot of effort into him. At this point just, go for it because you're losing if you don't and maybe even losing if you do. So just take a chance. Roll that dice. Swing that bat. Kill that bird.

I agree that she's putting in a lot of effort, which leads me to ask - Angel, what are you ultimately wanting from this man? Are you content to never be his girlfriend? Because frankly, if he doesn't want a relationship but you do, you're wasting your time. And you can't count on him to change his mind.