Confession is good for the Hype. - - - - - - Part 15

Bless you bro, thanks, that means a lot.

 

2021 represents the year I have seen less 'new films' and 'released that year' films in my personal history. Covid & lack of cinema is a MAJOR part of that but still......

 

I just got back from the veterinarian. My dog had surgery earlier and I got his stitches removed. He’s doing fine. On the way back, I got coffee for my wife and daughter and picked up a bagel with cream cheese, lox and veggies. My wife and I usually split the bagel. I was trying to multitask and dropped my half of the bagel on the kitchen floor. I confess that I considered swapping it with the half that I didn’t drop. Lol.

I ate the bagel I dropped.

Edit: does that make me a bad person or human?

 

Twins!!

 

I only saw Knives Out in 2020. This year I saw Black Widow and Eternals. So I doubled my movie going from last year.

 

aye, 2020 was poor for me equally.

 

I was wrong. Triplets!!

 

Human, Def.

 

Well, I’ll have to consider the source.

 

A trusty one. And that's it.

 

I confess I don't want to bring a child into this world knowing how awful a place it is. I'll do my best as a mother to help them and protect them when I can, but they're going to see atrocities in their lifetime that I can only imagine right now.

 

I’ve been thinking the same thing. But as long as you raise them right and show them that there’s beauty in this world but also prepare them for the ugliest things in this world (when their old enough of course) they’ll be all right. I don’t know you but you seem like good people and the fact that your worried about things like that tells you’ll be a good parent.

 

I confess I always hated that DC tried to add Cyborg as a founding member of the Justice League. I think part of it is they keep replacing J'onn.

 

Morrison's JL run from the 90s with Superman, Batman, WW, Aquaman, MM, GL (Kyle) and Flash (Wally) will always be my favorite iteration of the JL.

 

That was a great lineup. Starro being wasted on SS hurts.

 

Not really a confession...or maybe it is? I don't know.

Either way, I don't really see a point to anything anymore as it pertains to me. Seems like the harder I work, the more I do to improve as a person, the more hopeless it all gets.

The last 3 years have been rough. The first half of 2021 was probably one of the best periods of my life ever. It's been downhill ever since. I know the general consensus would be to "talk to" someone, whether close or a professional. I've done that regularly for the last year.

I'm tired of talking...tired of feeling invisible or people thinking my mental health issues are something for me to get "attention". Which isn't true because for the majority of my 28 years I've enjoyed solidarity and being able to just enjoy the company of those that matter to me.

But, in those 28 years I've had to suffer a lot. I won't compare my experiences to anyone else because I know there are worse and that'd be selfish of me.

Just tired of getting told I don't matter, going the extra mile to work hard just for people to discredit me or for people to find reasons to dislike me without even taking the time to know me as a person. And honestly? I don't feel bad for myself...just for people like my parents. My mom and dad (God rest his beautiful soul) deserve so much better than me.

I told my dad I'd make him proud no matter what and I feel like I failed him just like I feel like I've failed everyone else. I don't even know why I decided to write this. I'm just tired, hurt and disconnected at this point.

 

Maybe you aren't talking to the right professional? Maybe you try someone new who might give you a different perspective? I'm sorry that your life isn't going where you want it to but I think you are being harder on yourself than others might be.

 

Listen to me closely: you matter. You have value. And there are people in this world who do, or will, think you are precious to them.
I’ve known the hopelessness of depression. My adrenal gland was damaged after getting mono when my second child was born. At that time my dad got sick and eventually died and my work passed over me and generally treated me like garbage. But despite all of that, there was still goodness. There was still hope. I just didn’t see it at the time. The depression drowns out everything else and is like a nasty turd of a person whispering lies into your ear. You can’t hear anything else besides “you will be unhappy forever” or “no one cares for you.” But those are all lies and life can change on a dime.
Therapists and counselors are great. But maybe consider talking to your medical doctor or a provider who understands and believes in dietary supplements. It’s amazing how much physical health impacts mental health.
Hang in there buddy. Things change. There will be days ahead where you will be better.

 

A thought I've had before. But when you've heard everything from "you don't matter" to "you deserve to die and I hope you die" it's a little harder to think that way. Even when things are mended and I choose not to hold those words against people, it still stings and the words play out in my head almost every single day.

I appreciate the kind things. I keep trying to tell myself these things but like you said, it all gets drowned out inevitably. Deep down I want to believe there will be better days, it's just 10 months of feeling worse and worse.

Just doesn't feel like I'd be considered that way to anyone. I fully believe people matter & I try to do my best to make sure others don't reach the point I'm at. A year ago it seemed like everything would be perfect. And that was two years after going through basically the same thing as you (father getting sick, dying, people generally treating me like crap). Now I'm back in that same zone, but without the person that helped me through it & that's what I guess can't hurt the most. Even through all the drama, I still help out wherever I can financially, but that appears to be all I'm worth these days.

Often times, I just feel invisible. So, really, aside from these posts, I've stopped even acknowledging how bad I feel or really talking to people about it.

 

For what it’s worth, don’t hesitate to post on here. We are here to listen and to care.

 

Thank you, sincerely. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I very much appreciate your responses and it is nice to be reminded that decent people still exist.

 

total respect for being honest about what you're feeling and going through. i've been having a rough go of late as well and sometimes it does get really dark. don't give up

 

I hope you keep that in mind too. You've always struck me as an awesome individual (like many, many others here) and I hope that things improve very soon for you. You all deserve nothing but the best & I don't care how repetitive it sounds, I am eternally grateful for these posts and the support. <3

 

that compliment means so much. thank you

 

Yep, much love to ya @Wildcard!

for my confession:

I firmly believe there are two types of people in this world: those who pee in the shower; and those who lie and say that they don’t.