Don't Hate The Hater, Hate The Hate! - - - - Part 16

[Matt Mortem]

I hate my ****ing Jeep. I have to replace a blown fuse, and the ****ing fuse box is under the steering column. I have huge ****ing hands and it's a teeny tiny space. I cannot physically change my fuses.

 

[E-Man]

I hate how dramatic my mother is about some things. My brother and I went to help my uncle out with his computer, and he's an annoyance because he calls about 10 times within 5 minutes after he's we left his house. I feel for the guy, but he's got to have more consideration for that. But my mother of course makes it a generation thing because I tell her all the time about how age isn't an excuse for not knowing how to use a computer. Now she says she'd rather pay someone to go help him since it bothers us so much, but no one even went that far besides some minor complaining about it.

 

[Ultimatehero]

I hate that .... I hate that... I hate that I had to erase underlined passages in a 600 paged book... HULK ANGRY AT BOOK AND TEAR BOOK APART!

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

I hate the fact that I actually liked this year of High School and I'm sad to see it end in three weeks.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

I hate the fact that I actually liked this year of High School and I'm sad to see it end in three weeks.

I hate that I really miss High School

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I hate when I lose confidence in myself.

 

[Duke]

I hate my ****ing Jeep. I have to replace a blown fuse, and the ****ing fuse box is under the steering column. I have huge ****ing hands and it's a teeny tiny space. I cannot physically change my fuses.

If it's still under warranty, perhaps you can take it to the dealership.

 

[doobie]

I'm buying just the occasional trade at the moment. Here in the UK, for the past few years trades have gone up ridiculously in price to the point where I only want to but 2nd hand ones online. I would miss the comic book store atmosphere though, and it feels like it would be sucky long term to still hang out in my favourite stores, chat to the staff about what's out, then just go out without buying anything and order it online.

 

[Matt Mortem]

If it's still under warranty, perhaps you can take it to the dealership.

It's not at all under warranty. It's a 2002 I bought off of Craigslist.

 

[Duke]

It's not at all under warranty. It's a 2002 I bought off of Craigslist.

Ask one of your friends for assistance.

 

[Ultimatehero]

I hate that people have mythologized orphans. I'm guilty of using the same themes in my work, but that's the pain and struggles I know best. It just, while it's inspiring, makes me feel even more different and alone from everyone else around me who weren't orphaned in any way and in an odd way puts an even greater burden on my shoulders because of what people expect an orphan to be able to do from said myths. I did it/doing it, but there is a pressure to live up to the fictional.

 

[Anubis]

What do you THINK people expect an orphan to be able to do from said myths?

In other words, WTF U Talkin' bout Willis?

 

[Ultimatehero]

Most heroes, going back long before superheroes to the time of Hercules, have been orphans in some form or another. They've either lost their parents, been sent away from their parents, or some variation therein. In literature there are very few examples where orphans are just seen as regular characters, there's always something special or ordained about them typically. That to be an orphan means overcoming great odds on one's way to greatness. And while inspiring, it can also get a little daunting and triggersome at times too.

Yeah, losing my parents has pushed me to achieve all that I can. You could say I'm a lot like Jackson from Teen Wolf in those regards. But, it's not always mentally healthy pushing and shoving myself to make people who I've never met proud. It always has to be more and more and more and higher and higher and higher. And granted it's gotten me far, sometimes I'm afraid nothing will be enough and I'll always need to go to the next level due to these "great expectations" from my bios, adoptive, and what society at large has proposed since the days of Hercules - that we need to hit Mount Olympus or it's not good enough.

 

[Anubis]

Annnd you're saying that people think that that's the way you should be and that you are in fact, just some other random nobody on this spinning ball of meh just trying to get by?

Also, who are these people? Towns people? Police Commissioners? An old man with a dog named Brandon?

 

[Ultimatehero]

You see, that's the thing. All that matters is what is inside of my own mind.

I see dozens of stories, going all the way back through history, saying there's something "special" about us that I feel like if I don't live up to it - I'll be letting everyone down.

It's just like my bio mom. I've never met her. Yet, I feel like if I fall short of greatness her sacrifice will all be for naught and I shouldn't have been - so I need to prove that I have a reason to be here. Without her telling me. It's just what I put on her.

I know it doesn't make sense. Neither is thinking that I have any chance to meet my parents, but that doesn't prevent me from thinking it.

It's hard to explain, but when 90% of adoptees/orphans being presented in media are at the top of something -- that is unconsciously sending a message that I wouldn't necessarily expect someone who isn't to truly see or understand since characters who aren't orphaned have a far greater range in how they've been presented throughout history. As said, while it inspires me, and while part of it is true to the extent that it can push some people to push further than they would have otherwise, it can also add to the weight of expectations which is what I basically hate. These "great expectations" whether real or imagined, psychologically put there.

 

[wiegeabo]

That 90% is probably far less than 1%.

So **** 'em.

 

[Ultimatehero]

The thing is just hating "great expectations" from all sides. From living up to my adoptive parents so that I can feel like they've got the right kid, to living up to my biological mom so that I can feel that her sacrifice isn't for vain, to living up to my biological dad to either make him proud of me or to spit in his face and say that I'm not trash, to living up to the mythic orphan which is actually the only time the media makes a character one typically. Just the pressure from all sides is what I hate, whether real or imagined or both. And somewhere along the way this turned into a confession...

 

[Anubis]

But you are aware that 99.9% of orphans end up to be regular jerk offs who aren't doing too bad or too good? Media be damned. I'm black. Going by the Media I'm a great dancer, a fantastic athlete, and an armed robber. Granted only one of these things is true, but I don't feel obligated to conform to what is essentially a tiny spotlight on something that is actually far larger and complicated than mere stereotypes.

But, as you said, it's there. In your brain. Pushing you to do better. To live up to an impossible ideal. I think maybe you should look into talking with a professional about that. It's good to put pressure on yourself sometimes. It's good motivation. But it can lead to burnouts. Best to nip that s**t in the bud right now.

 

[Ultimatehero]

But, as you said, it's there. In your brain. Pushing you to do better. To live up to an impossible ideal. I think maybe you should look into talking with a professional about that. It's good to put pressure on yourself sometimes. It's good motivation. But it can lead to burnouts. Best to nip that s**t in the bud right now.

I've tried that for two to three years now. Other than knowing I have two sides of my brain. One that functions off of raw emotions that don't make sense. And one that's logical that enables me to know that doesn't make sense but doesn't take away from the feelings and weight that it brings. Nothing's going to change or at least any time soon. I just hate that the way my brain is wired is to prove I'm here for a reason, because the alternative is much scarier which is heightened due to being tossed away. It's gotten me far, but I do worry that there isn't a ceiling anywhere in sight.

To quote Spidey, it's a gift and it's a curse. Gift in that it's gotten me far, but a curse in that I don't think I'll ever reach the point where I'm okay and don't need more. Need to prove myself more, need more success, need more people, which I know won't be healthy.

 

[Anubis]

Oh, maybe you misunderstand. By professional, I meant a sex worker.


.....I'm thinking S&M might be good for you.


But for serious, that ain't healthy.

 

[Ultimatehero]

But for serious, that ain't healthy.

Can't change it. Went to three therapists. For two to three years. Gaps in between. When I leave, I feel fine and like nothing's on my back. Months go by and suddenly I'm slugged hard in the face again and it all comes pouring back. In other words, while I'm broken - I don't think I can be fixed. The only thing that can fix me maybe is meeting them, but it's closed and overseas - so in order to do that, I need a lot of money to get someone who can get into their files and even then the place behind this is known for forging documents around the time I was born. That's kind of my only hope of becoming "a real boy." Otherwise, just live with being broken and hope it doesn't come crashing down. (And yes, that was a Pinocchio reference there).

 

[Spider-Aziz]

I hate when I lose confidence in myself.

I feel you bro

 

[Piper Maru]

I hate when I lose confidence in myself.

I hate when that happens.

 

[Duke]

I hate that UPS totally wasted my day today because of a package that had a scheduled delivery for today has been changed for tomorrow, also the tracking didn't bother to have the data updated!! Total waste of time & day!!

 

[Manic]

I hate that UPS totally wasted my day today because of a package that had a scheduled delivery for today has been changed for tomorrow, also the tracking didn't bother to have the data updated!! Total waste of time & day!!

http://www.ups.com/mychoice/index.html

Delivery scheduling so you don't have to plan a whole day around waiting for a package to arrive.