Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[Erzengel]

Or jeez, make a mistake. Sometimes those are the best lesson teachers.

 

[Anita18]

Or jeez, make a mistake. Sometimes those are the best lesson teachers.

Something tells me that Nave would bail the minute he felt he made a mistake, without waiting around to work it out.

Nave, you want things to be easy, for everything to fall into place at exactly the right time, exactly how you want it. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way, because life involves other people.

 

[Anubis]

Which is why life pretty much sucks.

And that, is the meaning of life.

 

[Anita18]

Pfft, then life would be boring.

Also, your own body can do things you don't want it to either. I was supposed to drive the 6 hours home today, but came down suddenly this morning with a stomach bug that made me lightheaded and obviously unable to drive. So life's unpredictabilities don't even have to involve other people!

 

[Anubis]

I got food poisoning on Christmas Eve. Spent all Christmas poopin' and barfin' cuz some *****e didn't bother to wash his hands before he made my Italian Beef.

 

[Erzengel]

Also....is it weird that we are wearing this or only if we are intimate?

 

[Anubis]

Only if you DON'T say Wonder Twin Powers...Activate! during orgasm.

 

[Anita18]

I got food poisoning on Christmas Eve. Spent all Christmas poopin' and barfin' cuz some *****e didn't bother to wash his hands before he made my Italian Beef.

*gross poopy hug*

 

[Godzilla2000]

Or jeez, make a mistake. Sometimes those are the best lesson teachers.

Oy! Lesson teachers mistakes are of course. My thing is that fairly recently I don't know if I made a mistake or if it was the guy interested in me that miscalculated, but some wires between me and a guy got crossed one way or the other but mostly because there's been little to no direct communication between us for whatever reasons. I'm still confused about what happened and what to do because I'm just not used to guys using covert tactics of secrecy when telling me they have a crush on me. I'm used to guys either just walking right up to me and asking me out or flat out ignoring me completely if they're not interested. I'm not quite used to the whole cloak and dagger method of telling someone you love them. I'm still having difficulties sorting things out because I just don't have enough data to go on. Anyways, despite the misjudgments between us I think the solution is that the guy just needs to come right out and tell me what's going on because I'm not very good at guessing games. I mean I'm not an unreasonable person, just extremely introverted and I don't mean to be hurtful to people but when I don't understand what's going on I tend to get very nervous and feel threatened especially under great times of stress, like when I was very very sick and was hospitalized for 1 week because of a viral infection of my pericardial membrane (The apathetic or inexperienced nurses who were charged with my care when I could barely stand from the infection and lack of food or liquids who were rather lax in that duty weren't helping my mood either. I really don't want to go back to that hospital at all and would rather go to the other one instead if this happens again.) and also because I've been hurt and betrayed many times before by guys who were secretive about things. As an introvert trust is something that is a bit more difficult to foster than with extroverts. It's like Anita said that it's better to have an understanding extrovert who won't make you feel unsure about everything.

Also....is it weird that we are wearing this or only if we are intimate?

Oh my God!!! I find that totally awesome!! I would do something like that as well!! I'd of course be Jayna.

 

[Anita18]

Oy! Lesson teachers mistakes are of course. My thing is that fairly recently I don't know if I made a mistake or if it was the guy interested in me that miscalculated, but some wires between me and a guy got crossed one way or the other but mostly because there's been little to no direct communication between us for whatever reasons. I'm still confused about what happened and what to do because I'm just not used to guys using covert tactics of secrecy when telling me they have a crush on me. I'm used to guys either just walking right up to me and asking me out or flat out ignoring me completely if they're not interested. I'm not quite used to the whole cloak and dagger method of telling someone you love them. I'm still having difficulties sorting things out because I just don't have enough data to go on. Anyways, despite the misjudgments between us I think the solution is that the guy just needs to come right out and tell me what's going on because I'm not very good at guessing games. I mean I'm not an unreasonable person, just extremely introverted and I don't mean to be hurtful to people but when I don't understand what's going on I tend to get very nervous and feel threatened especially under great times of stress, like when I was very very sick and was hospitalized for 1 week because of a viral infection of my pericardial membrane (The apathetic or inexperienced nurses who were charged with my care when I could barely stand from the infection and lack of food or liquids who were rather lax in that duty weren't helping my mood either. I really don't want to go back to that hospital at all and would rather go to the other one instead if this happens again.) and also because I've been hurt and betrayed many times before by guys who were secretive about things. As an introvert trust is something that is a bit more difficult to foster than with extroverts. It's like Anita said that it's better to have an understanding extrovert who won't make you feel unsure about everything.

Or...you could ask him yourself and be done with it. That way you can never be "hurt" or "betrayed" by miscommunication if you take the bull by the horns. I really don't consider miscommunication from both parties to be a real source of hurt or betrayal. Hurt or betrayal comes from one party aiming to deceive the other person or cause them pain, but when both sides simply don't talk or aren't honest, that's both your faults!

I hope you're feeling better. The hospital really is not a fun place to be in general, even if you have good nurses and doctors.

 

[WillardNation]

So my girlfriend broke up with me today. Is it bad that my first reaction was a smile? (Don't worry, we weren't face to face. We talked earlier, I proposed we just give each other some space for a while and then she text me later saying maybe we should just take it a step farther and break up.)

Honestly, spending the last few months in a relationship, I feel, has validated every reason I've ever used for avoiding relationships. They're just not something I'm interested in having. I had fun, sure, but ultimately it didn't improve my life at all. If anything, the contrary. I put so much focus on my girlfriend that I really slacked off in my training.

I am very relieved that it's over. And I'm very relieved that she's the one that broke it off and said, "I still want to be friends and have you in my life." She's a cool girl and very beautiful but I think there was just too much of an age difference. Not a whole lot of years (5), but despite the not large gap in years, there was a huge generational gap. She had no idea what most of my pop culture references were. But even that aside, she's at an age where she still likes to go out and party, whereas I'm totally over that.

Oh and by the way, Hey guys! Long time no see. Good to talk to you again!

 

[Anubis]

This ain't the one that you had the long distance relationship with right? Cuz I thought that ended already.

 

[WillardNation]

Yeah, I ended that one in September and this one started, like, a week later. She saw an opportunity and didn't waste any time.

 

[GoldCrest]

I got food poisoning on Christmas Eve. Spent all Christmas poopin' and barfin' cuz some *****e didn't bother to wash his hands before he made my Italian Beef.

Pfff...that's flavoring.

 

[GoldCrest]

So my girlfriend broke up with me today. Is it bad that my first reaction was a smile? (Don't worry, we weren't face to face. We talked earlier, I proposed we just give each other some space for a while and then she text me later saying maybe we should just take it a step farther and break up.)

Honestly, spending the last few months in a relationship, I feel, has validated every reason I've ever used for avoiding relationships. They're just not something I'm interested in having. I had fun, sure, but ultimately it didn't improve my life at all. If anything, the contrary. I put so much focus on my girlfriend that I really slacked off in my training.

I am very relieved that it's over. And I'm very relieved that she's the one that broke it off and said, "I still want to be friends and have you in my life." She's a cool girl and very beautiful but I think there was just too much of an age difference. Not a whole lot of years (5), but despite the not large gap in years, there was a huge generational gap. She had no idea what most of my pop culture references were. But even that aside, she's at an age where she still likes to go out and party, whereas I'm totally over that.

Oh and by the way, Hey guys! Long time no see. Good to talk to you again!

At least you recognize a relationship isn't for you. Can't say the same for a friend of mine.

 

[Anita18]

So my girlfriend broke up with me today. Is it bad that my first reaction was a smile? (Don't worry, we weren't face to face. We talked earlier, I proposed we just give each other some space for a while and then she text me later saying maybe we should just take it a step farther and break up.)

Honestly, spending the last few months in a relationship, I feel, has validated every reason I've ever used for avoiding relationships. They're just not something I'm interested in having. I had fun, sure, but ultimately it didn't improve my life at all. If anything, the contrary. I put so much focus on my girlfriend that I really slacked off in my training.

I am very relieved that it's over. And I'm very relieved that she's the one that broke it off and said, "I still want to be friends and have you in my life." She's a cool girl and very beautiful but I think there was just too much of an age difference. Not a whole lot of years (5), but despite the not large gap in years, there was a huge generational gap. She had no idea what most of my pop culture references were. But even that aside, she's at an age where she still likes to go out and party, whereas I'm totally over that.

Oh and by the way, Hey guys! Long time no see. Good to talk to you again!

Didn't you even meet her at your gym? I've actually been going to the gym more after being in a relationship, because he encourages me. I'm not "training" though. That's definitely more hardcore.

I think a good relationship is where you encourage each other instead of hold each other back. I mean, there will always be compromises, especially when you live together, but generally speaking, you should encourage (and be encouraged) instead of stifle.

 

[Anubis]

Relationships would be sooo much easier if it weren't for that other person with their damn thoughts and opinions.

 

[Anita18]

Relationships would be sooo much easier if it weren't for that other person with their damn thoughts and opinions.

You could always be that guy who treats his Real Doll as an actual girlfriend if that's the case.

I think part of it is guys feeling proud that you bagged a real live girl (with thoughts and opinions and stuff) with your charms.

 

[Anubis]

Pffft, as if I could afford a real doll.

I make due with prostitutes and bar skanks thank you very much.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

How is it going resolving those issues? What have you done to help with your insecurities?

I mean, sometimes it's best just to do a sink or swim.

Well the way I deal with mistakes is look at where I went wrong instead of blaming anyone else -- it doesn't really help me to know that someone else is at fault there's nothing to be gained from that.

I've made mistakes, I might be making one right now by pushing her away. To resolve those issues and end those insecurities I've done more than what I would've believed I did before, for one thing I hosted two conferences recently (one of them is where I met this girl), then last night I finally agreed to go to a costume party (again with her) and these are things I never thought I'd ever do before. So yeah it's not like I'm sitting around in my own cave and saying I can't go out even when there's nothing blocking my way.

To carry your metaphor further. I've sunk too deep and want to take the time to climb back up. I can't be in a serious relationship right now because I can't be there for her.

But anyway, she pretty much said the same thing you did about her being able to help with my introversion, about how she understands why I distrust others and just keep to myself and can relate to that. Yeah. ... then she suggested I try meth because that really helps with depression.

She's a really nice girl and I get that she likes me and wants it to be more than just a few dates. But at least right now I'm saying that I need to change myself and not even going into the part where drug-use really ****ing bothers me.

My best friend had the best advice - getting rid of any insecurities isn't a requirement before getting into a relationship. The trick is to find someone understanding enough to help you deal with them.

If she doesn't understand the concept of introversion, or isn't open to learning about it, it will be difficult. My first bf was an extrovert who was socially awkward, and thus had introvert tendencies because of his insecurities. It wasn't because he was actually introverted like I am. The confusion of that made me insecure myself, and it wasn't a fun place to be.

Being an introvert doesn't mean you're not interesting. My fiance and I still go out to do interesting stuff out in the world - it's just few and far between. And there's the whole inner world thing.

Just because she doesn't understand right now doesn't mean that you have to give up on it totally. If you explain the whole introverted thing and she still thinks there's something wrong with you, then yes it's time to bail. But there are many introvert/extrovert relationships that work. You just have to be super-honest in your communication and needs.

I still think you're extrapolating this needlessly. Take it one day at a time, one conversation at a time, one issue at a time. Otherwise you won't be satisfied until you find the perfect girl and the perfect relationship, and that really is never going to happen.

Thanks again for the insight. It helps knowing that you don't need to resolve all of your issues to be "compatible" with someone and I agree with that. But what I'm talking about are things that I really do need to work on and grow up to before committing myself to anyone. I'm sure I can... eventually... and yeah if she's there to help me through it then it's fine but I don't think anyone can help me unless I try to do it on my own. She seems caring at least. Thing is, even with her she isn't exactly the "perfect" girl and I'm not looking for "the perfect relationship" that's a bit too idealistic even for me. People are flawed. I told myself that the first criteria to look for is if she cares about me or not, otherwise I'd have kept my distance knowing that she's someone who relies on drugs to have fun. I told her to try stopping and I think she really listened, though it's still way to early to know how long she would.

People aren't perfect and I'm not, and we don't have to be. It isn't a normal world anyway.

Nave, you want things to be easy, for everything to fall into place at exactly the right time, exactly how you want it. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way, because life involves other people.

No I kinda love a challenge if we're talking ideals then what I want is for me to do things exactly the way I want to. With this girl I just don't want to be in a place where I want her to change herself completely for me to like her. I remember how that was the case with another pot-head girl I was attracted to and I was straight enough to not pursue it further.

I got food poisoning on Christmas Eve. Spent all Christmas poopin' and barfin' cuz some *****e didn't bother to wash his hands before he made my Italian Beef.

This is exactly what I mean about the world being a ****** place: ya gotta make yer own damn Italian Beef! People be unreliable.

Also....is it weird that we are wearing this or only if we are intimate?

Only if you DON'T say Wonder Twin Powers...Activate! during orgasm.

this.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

You could always be that guy who treats his Real Doll as an actual girlfriend if that's the case.

I think part of it is guys feeling proud that you bagged a real live girl (with thoughts and opinions and stuff) with your charms.

Nahh, you'd have to imagine up all those delicious psychological issues with a doll. How am I supposed to get turned on with that?

And are you sure it's any different from girls thinking they seduced a guy with their personality?

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Oy! Lesson teachers mistakes are of course. My thing is that fairly recently I don't know if I made a mistake or if it was the guy interested in me that miscalculated, but some wires between me and a guy got crossed one way or the other but mostly because there's been little to no direct communication between us for whatever reasons. I'm still confused about what happened and what to do because I'm just not used to guys using covert tactics of secrecy when telling me they have a crush on me. I'm used to guys either just walking right up to me and asking me out or flat out ignoring me completely if they're not interested. I'm not quite used to the whole cloak and dagger method of telling someone you love them. I'm still having difficulties sorting things out because I just don't have enough data to go on. Anyways, despite the misjudgments between us I think the solution is that the guy just needs to come right out and tell me what's going on because I'm not very good at guessing games. I mean I'm not an unreasonable person, just extremely introverted and I don't mean to be hurtful to people but when I don't understand what's going on I tend to get very nervous and feel threatened especially under great times of stress, like when I was very very sick and was hospitalized for 1 week because of a viral infection of my pericardial membrane (The apathetic or inexperienced nurses who were charged with my care when I could barely stand from the infection and lack of food or liquids who were rather lax in that duty weren't helping my mood either. I really don't want to go back to that hospital at all and would rather go to the other one instead if this happens again.) and also because I've been hurt and betrayed many times before by guys who were secretive about things. As an introvert trust is something that is a bit more difficult to foster than with extroverts. It's like Anita said that it's better to have an understanding extrovert who won't make you feel unsure about everything.

Okay so you do understand why people keep to themselves, as you said you're an introvert yourself. Thing is, yeah maybe this guy you just described is really shy about it and really feels that he doesn't have a chance at you so he's trying to minimize the embarrassment he might get if you potentially turn him down? The more important question is now that you do have some doubts about him, would you relent if he asked you out?

As for the part in bold: hope you're doing better than before and that it doesn't happen again but there's no need to feel as anxious about whether or not someone likes you as when you're worried whether or not your doctors are doing a sufficient job with your health. If you like him drop a hint or two, maybe that'd be enough. No one's asking you to put your complete emotional trust on someone you haven't gotten the chance to know better yet.

 

[Anita18]

Nahh, you'd have to imagine up all those delicious psychological issues with a doll. How am I supposed to get turned on with that?

And are you sure it's any different from girls thinking they seduced a guy with their personality?

Of course not! But there doesn't seem to be the market for Real Guy Dolls as there seem to be with Real Girl Dolls.

And the guys who put up with bad behavior because a girl is hot might as well cut to the chase regarding their superficial tastes and get a Real Doll. You can even choose your optimal breast size!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So my girlfriend broke up with me today. Is it bad that my first reaction was a smile? (Don't worry, we weren't face to face. We talked earlier, I proposed we just give each other some space for a while and then she text me later saying maybe we should just take it a step farther and break up.)

Honestly, spending the last few months in a relationship, I feel, has validated every reason I've ever used for avoiding relationships. They're just not something I'm interested in having. I had fun, sure, but ultimately it didn't improve my life at all. If anything, the contrary. I put so much focus on my girlfriend that I really slacked off in my training.

I am very relieved that it's over. And I'm very relieved that she's the one that broke it off and said, "I still want to be friends and have you in my life." She's a cool girl and very beautiful but I think there was just too much of an age difference. Not a whole lot of years (5), but despite the not large gap in years, there was a huge generational gap. She had no idea what most of my pop culture references were. But even that aside, she's at an age where she still likes to go out and party, whereas I'm totally over that.

Oh and by the way, Hey guys! Long time no see. Good to talk to you again!

I hope, for all of our sakes, that when it's the 'right one' it'll be different, and it won't feel like a chore or an inconvenience or a burden on your life.

But then... that's the eternal optimist in me

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Of course not! But there doesn't seem to be the market for Real Guy Dolls as there seem to be with Real Girl Dolls.

And the guys who put up with bad behavior because a girl is hot might as well cut to the chase regarding their superficial tastes and get a Real Doll. You can even choose your optimal breast size!

True... but I guess since it's birds of a feather... why pay for a Real Doll when you can get a moving one for free?