Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[The Guard]

So what does everyone think IS a good fictional representation of a healthy relationship?

Aurelia and whats his face from LOVE ACTUALLY. The parents from EASY A.

I actually played one of the leads in CLOSER at state competition this past weekend. That is most certainly not a healthy relationship.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Lars and Bianca from Lars and the Real Girl.

 

[Erzengel]

Actually, many of the couples of Love Actually had realistic endings.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

i liked Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...

and Bruce Wayne's lovelife.
Dom Cobb/Mal Cobb despite their losses. The two really trusted each other to do what they did. At least on Mal's part.

Nolan should've made that RomCom with Aniston.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't want to see any romantic comedy with Aniston.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It's sad, as much as I'd like to look at Jennifer Aniston for an hour or so, her name in the credits just tells me to stay away.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

The best relationship advice? Is to go live in a hole somewhere, alone. That way you can never p**s your partner off by just being you...

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

This weekend a really hot girl got really drunk and told me she loved me, twice. Thankfully she didn't remember and we laughed about it. Still was awkward as sh**. It's funny, I know realize how awkward it feels when guys do that sh** to girls, because man, it is awkward.

 

[Frodo]

I guess it depends the context, but I've had the L word thrown at me by a few women in the context of hitting on each and being friendly. I wasn't emotionally attached to them and they weren't to me so there wasn't any pressure of hurt feelings or anything. I just told them I loved them too. Then again, I'm pretty easy so I'm boundaries may be a bit different then most people's.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I guess it depends the context, but I've had the L word thrown at me by a few women in the context of hitting on each and being friendly. I wasn't emotionally attached to them and they weren't to me so there wasn't any pressure of hurt feelings or anything. I just told them I loved them too. Then again, I'm pretty easy so I'm boundaries may be a bit different then most people's.

I was just saying "bye" and expected the obligatory "bye" back. Instead I got "you know I love you, right?". Then I think I just looked at her confused so she repeated it. Very blindsided by it. Friends were all around us. Not an appropriate time at all.

She was really drunk. I was as well.

 

[crounsa810]

I think I've figured out why people just want to "hook up"


I'm at that stage where I know who I want, and I unfortunately cannot have them at the moment. But I'm gonna wait, because I can't honestly date someone and say I love them and all when I really don't, my feelings are elsewhere.


But that being said, I also have wants and needs that I can't wait forever on.


Idk. Just one of those bad timing stupid me situations.

 

[Anita18]

I think I've figured out why people just want to "hook up"

I'm at that stage where I know who I want, and I unfortunately cannot have them at the moment. But I'm gonna wait, because I can't honestly date someone and say I love them and all when I really don't, my feelings are elsewhere.

But that being said, I also have wants and needs that I can't wait forever on.

Idk. Just one of those bad timing stupid me situations.

Hopefully you are referring to a general "who" instead of having a puppy dog crush on a specific someone who may never like you that way.

 

[Frodo]

I think I've figured out why people just want to "hook up"


I'm at that stage where I know who I want, and I unfortunately cannot have them at the moment. But I'm gonna wait, because I can't honestly date someone and say I love them and all when I really don't, my feelings are elsewhere.


But that being said, I also have wants and needs that I can't wait forever on.


Idk. Just one of those bad timing stupid me situations.

While I wouldn't recommend you waiting for a day that may or may not ever come, I can see why you wouldn't what to potentially hurt someone else if you're not emotionally available.

That said, My advice would be to move on whether that means just having a good time or whatever . While you don't have to think about getting serious with someone else, waiting for the hope that things may come your way will wreck you.

Further, you may end up kicking yourself cause you let some good opprotunities slip through your fingers. Sure, the timing could be bad with you and this person , but then again there may not end up being be a right time for you in this person anyway.

I don't know the circumstances of your particular situation but I would suggest that getting yourself out there and keeping yourself open to meeting new people is probably the best thing you can do.

It doesn't mean that your heart will suddenly belong to someone else , but at least you won't be stuck in the same emotional place waiting to try and get the person you may not get.

That would just be my advice from what i've read.

 

[crounsa810]

Basically in summation, I've been crazy about this girl for a good 2 years. I knew there was mutual attraction, but for some reason, like I always do, I didn't act on it. Finally, she said "I've been waiting for him to make up his mind for 2 years. I can't wait anymore. If he can't make a decision as simple as asking me out, how is he going to handle a situation where he has to make a big decision?" and decided to kinda give it up. Someone else asked her out, she said "Sure fine I guess" and now they're dating. Thing is, I know there's still a little something there since when she saw me, she got sad eyes and said "I'm so sorry." and rushed away.

Before, what I would do is chalk it up to a loss and move on. But with her, my gut is saying to stick it out. My gut has been 100% right so far, and I've been the one not listening to it, ending up wishing that I had. So this time, I'm going to listen to it.

Maybe she stays with this guy, maybe things go long term, maybe I'll have no choice but to give it up. Or maybe it doesn't work with them, and I can right my screw ups and have something amazing. My gut is telling me the latter. So I'll go with that.

In the meantime, casual dating and just getting out there is I think just what I need. I never stray from my comfort zone, and most days just sit around at home when I could be doing other things. I think it'd be good for me and my future to not get attached to anyone, but get to know a bunch of people in different ways and learn from them. I think my hang up with this one was that I'm in my mid 20s and haven't had a long term relationship. So not only does the numerous rejections and all weigh on me, but the fear of not knowing how to act and what to do really holds me back. I don't want to be that 24 year old boyfriend who acts like a middle schooler because he doesn't know what to do. And that has popped up in my mind many many times. That is the number 1 reason I suffer seeing the person that fits me greatly being with someone else, because I'm too afraid to break out of my comfort zone and let someone else take me places I've never been.

I think I just need to break that shell, and gain the confidence, and maybe by that time I'll have my shot again, and won't let my fears cause me to suffer again.

 

[Anita18]

Basically in summation, I've been crazy about this girl for a good 2 years. I knew there was mutual attraction, but for some reason, like I always do, I didn't act on it. Finally, she said "I've been waiting for him to make up his mind for 2 years. I can't wait anymore. If he can't make a decision as simple as asking me out, how is he going to handle a situation where he has to make a big decision?" and decided to kinda give it up. Someone else asked her out, she said "Sure fine I guess" and now they're dating. Thing is, I know there's still a little something there since when she saw me, she got sad eyes and said "I'm so sorry." and rushed away.

Before, what I would do is chalk it up to a loss and move on. But with her, my gut is saying to stick it out. My gut has been 100% right so far, and I've been the one not listening to it, ending up wishing that I had. So this time, I'm going to listen to it.

Maybe she stays with this guy, maybe things go long term, maybe I'll have no choice but to give it up. Or maybe it doesn't work with them, and I can right my screw ups and have something amazing. My gut is telling me the latter. So I'll go with that.

In the meantime, casual dating and just getting out there is I think just what I need. I never stray from my comfort zone, and most days just sit around at home when I could be doing other things. I think it'd be good for me and my future to not get attached to anyone, but get to know a bunch of people in different ways and learn from them. I think my hang up with this one was that I'm in my mid 20s and haven't had a long term relationship. So not only does the numerous rejections and all weigh on me, but the fear of not knowing how to act and what to do really holds me back. I don't want to be that 24 year old boyfriend who acts like a middle schooler because he doesn't know what to do. And that has popped up in my mind many many times. That is the number 1 reason I suffer seeing the person that fits me greatly being with someone else, because I'm too afraid to break out of my comfort zone and let someone else take me places I've never been.

I think I just need to break that shell, and gain the confidence, and maybe by that time I'll have my shot again, and won't let my fears cause me to suffer again.

Frankly, she sounds kind of immature. You do too, but extreme shyness is different from immaturity. Especially if she told you sorry to your face. I mean, what is up with that?! If you didn't ask her out, if she was interested, she could have asked you out. Instead she's dating someone she doesn't like? I'm not even 30 and I'm already too old for that kind of foolishness.

It's unclear whether she'll ever grow out of that. If you want to wait for her, you can. But IMO holding out for her while dating other people is just dumb. You won't ever be in a real serious relationship when you're waiting for her. And IMO relationship "experience" is overrated. All you need is honesty and open communication, and you won't get that if you're not committed. Every woman is different, and to think that you'll somehow magically gain the knowledge of what any random woman is thinking because you've been in a few serious relationships....that's not how it works!

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I think I've figured out why people just want to "hook up".

I'll tell you why: for fun.

Not exactly blowing anyone's mind. Usually that's what the girl is after. Believe me, very few use it as a legitimate method of finding people.

 

[Erzengel]

Basically in summation, I've been crazy about this girl for a good 2 years. I knew there was mutual attraction, but for some reason, like I always do, I didn't act on it. Finally, she said "I've been waiting for him to make up his mind for 2 years. I can't wait anymore. If he can't make a decision as simple as asking me out, how is he going to handle a situation where he has to make a big decision?" and decided to kinda give it up. Someone else asked her out, she said "Sure fine I guess" and now they're dating. Thing is, I know there's still a little something there since when she saw me, she got sad eyes and said "I'm so sorry." and rushed away.

Before, what I would do is chalk it up to a loss and move on. But with her, my gut is saying to stick it out. My gut has been 100% right so far, and I've been the one not listening to it, ending up wishing that I had. So this time, I'm going to listen to it.

Maybe she stays with this guy, maybe things go long term, maybe I'll have no choice but to give it up. Or maybe it doesn't work with them, and I can right my screw ups and have something amazing. My gut is telling me the latter. So I'll go with that.

In the meantime, casual dating and just getting out there is I think just what I need. I never stray from my comfort zone, and most days just sit around at home when I could be doing other things. I think it'd be good for me and my future to not get attached to anyone, but get to know a bunch of people in different ways and learn from them. I think my hang up with this one was that I'm in my mid 20s and haven't had a long term relationship. So not only does the numerous rejections and all weigh on me, but the fear of not knowing how to act and what to do really holds me back. I don't want to be that 24 year old boyfriend who acts like a middle schooler because he doesn't know what to do. And that has popped up in my mind many many times. That is the number 1 reason I suffer seeing the person that fits me greatly being with someone else, because I'm too afraid to break out of my comfort zone and let someone else take me places I've never been.

I think I just need to break that shell, and gain the confidence, and maybe by that time I'll have my shot again, and won't let my fears cause me to suffer again.

You might be in for a harsh lesson.

If you think you can keep "feelings on a shelf" you are kinda fooling yourself. Unless you are just going places, parties, bars, hooking up with no intention of EVER calling them back.

But it seems, you want to "casual date" which doesn't necessarily mean you won't develop feelings for someone or vice versa.

You either have to s' or get off the pot. Say goodbye to 2 year girl and move on.

 

[TheAQU4M4N]

Have anyone of you had a long distance relationship? not like Catfish-esque but more like just seperated by college or something like that.

 

[Erzengel]

I have. It's hard. I did it before skype and video chatting, but I don't think that makes it necessarily cheaper.

You still run into the problems of being 19-21 and while it may be immature, it's like you're cuffed to a relationship with someone who's hundreds/thousands of miles away and a lot of your friends are single.

 

[Frodo]

I'll tell you why: for fun.

Not exactly blowing anyone's mind. Usually that's what the girl is after. Believe me, very few use it as a legitimate method of finding people.

Its a legitimate method for finding people to sleep with but for relationships...yeah, not so much.They're exceptions to every rule of course, but yeah, its for the fun and all that implies .

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Basically in summation, I've been crazy about this girl for a good 2 years. I knew there was mutual attraction, but for some reason, like I always do, I didn't act on it. Finally, she said "I've been waiting for him to make up his mind for 2 years. I can't wait anymore. If he can't make a decision as simple as asking me out, how is he going to handle a situation where he has to make a big decision?" and decided to kinda give it up. Someone else asked her out, she said "Sure fine I guess" and now they're dating. Thing is, I know there's still a little something there since when she saw me, she got sad eyes and said "I'm so sorry." and rushed away.

Before, what I would do is chalk it up to a loss and move on. But with her, my gut is saying to stick it out. My gut has been 100% right so far, and I've been the one not listening to it, ending up wishing that I had. So this time, I'm going to listen to it.

Maybe she stays with this guy, maybe things go long term, maybe I'll have no choice but to give it up. Or maybe it doesn't work with them, and I can right my screw ups and have something amazing. My gut is telling me the latter. So I'll go with that.

In the meantime, casual dating and just getting out there is I think just what I need. I never stray from my comfort zone, and most days just sit around at home when I could be doing other things. I think it'd be good for me and my future to not get attached to anyone, but get to know a bunch of people in different ways and learn from them. I think my hang up with this one was that I'm in my mid 20s and haven't had a long term relationship. So not only does the numerous rejections and all weigh on me, but the fear of not knowing how to act and what to do really holds me back. I don't want to be that 24 year old boyfriend who acts like a middle schooler because he doesn't know what to do. And that has popped up in my mind many many times. That is the number 1 reason I suffer seeing the person that fits me greatly being with someone else, because I'm too afraid to break out of my comfort zone and let someone else take me places I've never been.

I think I just need to break that shell, and gain the confidence, and maybe by that time I'll have my shot again, and won't let my fears cause me to suffer again.

Everything in bold is all you need to know, she's gone. Even if she does break up with this guy, what makes you think this time you'll have the guts to ask her out?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I feel like the advice "just move on" is given a lot around here.

 

[The Guard]

It's good advice.

It's weird, because for as little as people seem to want to work and compromise in relationships, people sure do cling to them for much longer than they should.

I'm currently experiencing communication/intimacy issues with a girlfriend of a year. Tried talking to her about the situation, got a bunch of deflection and sarcasm. I'm to the point where I'm just kind of like "**** it, I'm done".

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I don't want to see any romantic comedy with Aniston.

Was being sarcastic. There was this joke that since Nolan was such a "serious" film-maker if he'll ever make a RomCom with Jennifer Aniston. Nolan laughed and said "not...really."

The best relationship advice? Is to go live in a hole somewhere, alone. That way you can never p**s your partner off by just being you...

No. But you'd piss your "partner" off by not being there...

Basically in summation, I've been crazy about this girl for a good 2 years. I knew there was mutual attraction, but for some reason, like I always do, I didn't act on it. Finally, she said "I've been waiting for him to make up his mind for 2 years. I can't wait anymore. If he can't make a decision as simple as asking me out, how is he going to handle a situation where he has to make a big decision?" and decided to kinda give it up. Someone else asked her out, she said "Sure fine I guess" and now they're dating. Thing is, I know there's still a little something there since when she saw me, she got sad eyes and said "I'm so sorry." and rushed away.

Before, what I would do is chalk it up to a loss and move on. But with her, my gut is saying to stick it out. My gut has been 100% right so far, and I've been the one not listening to it, ending up wishing that I had. So this time, I'm going to listen to it.

Maybe she stays with this guy, maybe things go long term, maybe I'll have no choice but to give it up. Or maybe it doesn't work with them, and I can right my screw ups and have something amazing. My gut is telling me the latter. So I'll go with that.

In the meantime, casual dating and just getting out there is I think just what I need. I never stray from my comfort zone, and most days just sit around at home when I could be doing other things. I think it'd be good for me and my future to not get attached to anyone, but get to know a bunch of people in different ways and learn from them. I think my hang up with this one was that I'm in my mid 20s and haven't had a long term relationship. So not only does the numerous rejections and all weigh on me, but the fear of not knowing how to act and what to do really holds me back. I don't want to be that 24 year old boyfriend who acts like a middle schooler because he doesn't know what to do. And that has popped up in my mind many many times. That is the number 1 reason I suffer seeing the person that fits me greatly being with someone else, because I'm too afraid to break out of my comfort zone and let someone else take me places I've never been.

I think I just need to break that shell, and gain the confidence, and maybe by that time I'll have my shot again, and won't let my fears cause me to suffer again.

Is she happy with this guy? If she is then I don't know mate. Maybe you should just move on? She made a choice. You need to respect that. As ****** as that is

If she didn't make you want to go out of your comfort zone maybe you hadn't developed your feelings strong enough for her at that point. You can always go ahead and risk asking her out again and risk being turned down because it seems as though she does sort of want to move on.

Look. You weren't in a relationship. There were feelings but it just never surfaced. You deserve better than to torture yourself over something that never happened. If you're still friends with her try and talk to her about it. Honestly everyone. TALKING HELPS. You don't have to pull the mind-game/social-**** every single time. If she says she's "sorry" then yeah she kinda means it as much as it hurts. You can move on. To someone who's crazy for you and for someone who you'd want to get out of your comfort zone from. You're 24. Honestly, if it's not her then it could still be someone else.

Give yourself some time to get past it. It's never about the timing. Honestly. It's never about circumstances. People are in charge of their own circumstances. Talk to her one more time if it makes you feel better, then drop it.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

It's good advice.

It's weird, because for as little as people seem to want to work and compromise in relationships, people sure do cling to them for much longer than they should.

I'm currently experiencing communication/intimacy issues with a girlfriend of a year. Tried talking to her about the situation, got a bunch of deflection and sarcasm. I'm to the point where I'm just kind of like "**** it, I'm done".

I think most of us here give out advise based on personal experiences and anecdotes, which are alright, but yeah sometimes people have different circumstances.

At the end of the day, at least there's someone to talk to here because we can't elsewhere.

As for you my friend, 1 year is a long time, are you sure you want to just dismiss all that?