Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[Erzengel]

Are you sure?

It was a while ago...

About a year. You mean between relationships and not hooking up right?

 

[knowsbleed]

I'm not counting hooking up.

... maybe I should.

Let's say that for now, those don't count.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

You said on Fb you'd get help if you couldn't sort it out yourself...and you fell off that wagon pretty quickly. Are you still planning to get help? Are there support groups where you are? I'm betting that there are people in the exact same boat as you. You just need to find them, and lift yourselves up together. It's as you said - if your f***ed up world is all you know, it's impossible to get out. You need to have oases in your life.

I did that night yeah. Both my parents and my older sister are in AA/NA and I asked them if they thought it was worth me going along and if they knew where the good meetings were and stuff.

I am not entirely sure that I am an addict. But I know that it would be really helpful for me to listen to people's stories, get the perspective that would enable me to decide that, and discover how much better life can be when you get out of that world and get your life back into control.

And I need that at the moment. Last night I found out my best friend of 11 years who I thought was doing really well giving up H after smoking it for a while, is now injecting it

 

[Erzengel]

I did that night yeah. Both my parents and my older sister are in AA/NA and I asked them if they thought it was worth me going along and if they knew where the good meetings were and stuff.

I am not entirely sure that I am an addict. But I know that it would be really helpful for me to listen to people's stories, get the perspective that would enable me to decide that, and discover how much better life can be when you get out of that world and get your life back into control.

And I need that at the moment. Last night I found out my best friend of 11 years who I thought was doing really well giving up H after smoking it for a while, is now injecting it

Do you really drink into excess?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Do you really drink into excess?

Yes

The problem is, it's such a huge part of English culture. I've been working as a barmaid since I was 18. I went to university, and there it was like a competative sport, with all you can drink nights and drinking games and stuff. The majority of people that I speak to, even now about my own concerns are like 'Yeah, I do that all the time too, I wouldn't worry about it.' There are so many of my friends with much worse stories than I have...

It's harder at the moment because I have no job and nothing to do... so i'm going stir crazy, and it's making me wanna do something like drink/take stuff just to escape the boredom.

But i'm in a new town, and i'm meeting all these new people, and i've already screwed up first impressions with a lot of people.

Right, i'm gonna be totally blunt, and you're all gonna think i'm crazy after this, but this is how the first few months of being in a new city have gone in terms of men.

On the first weekend I was here, I was introduced to a friends roomate. We took some md, and we ended up kissing. Thought maybe there might be something there. Then the next weekend I was drunk and dancing with him and went in for a kiss again, and he rejected me. My response to that? Go off on my own to another pub, and end up so drunk that I somehow ended up in hospital (which I only know through the sticky things I found on my body in the morn and some vague blurry images) and lost my expensive phone.

I went drinking with my friends husband one night, and we ended up playing pool with these two guys we met. One of them bought me a few drinks, and even though I didn't fancy him at first, by the end of the night I was so flattered by his interest and compliments I ended up kissing him. He text me the next day but I didn't wanna lead him on any further, so I havent seen him since.

I went on one internet date, where I was almost immediately sure I didn't fancy him. But during the course of the night, after every pint I was being a little bit more friendly and open and a little bit more flirty. Near the end of the night, I was being so flirty he went in for a kiss, and I just went a long with it cause I usually always do when i'm drunk. Sadly, he's a really nice guy... he's even said he wants to still be friends after I told him I wasn't able to take it any further.

I hooked up with a guy I again didn't fancy at a party. Why? I was drunk, he'd been buying me drinks all night, and then he asked if I wanted to come back to his and do some coke. So I did, and we ended up fooling around ([BLACKOUT]didn't go very far cause he couldn't get it up[/BLACKOUT]).

Last weekend, I met a whole load of new people and actually made a few friends. But even then I got so wasted that I didn't remember making out with some guy at the club and telling everyone I wanted to take him home.

So yeah, i'm giving off great vibes.

The only people i'm attracting, are the ones that are looking for a drunk idiot to hook up with

 

[TheAQU4M4N]

I was 16. Why do you ask?

Just a general consensus, I felt in my social circle that I was the odd man out for being that person so early n age experiencing something that adult like.

 

[knowsbleed]

Spoiler

Yes

The problem is, it's such a huge part of English culture. I've been working as a barmaid since I was 18. I went to university, and there it was like a competative sport, with all you can drink nights and drinking games and stuff. The majority of people that I speak to, even now about my own concerns are like 'Yeah, I do that all the time too, I wouldn't worry about it.' There are so many of my friends with much worse stories than I have...

It's harder at the moment because I have no job and nothing to do... so i'm going stir crazy, and it's making me wanna do something like drink/take stuff just to escape the boredom.

But i'm in a new town, and i'm meeting all these new people, and i've already screwed up first impressions with a lot of people.

Right, i'm gonna be totally blunt, and you're all gonna think i'm crazy after this, but this is how the first few months of being in a new city have gone in terms of men.

On the first weekend I was here, I was introduced to a friends roomate. We took some md, and we ended up kissing. Thought maybe there might be something there. Then the next weekend I was drunk and dancing with him and went in for a kiss again, and he rejected me. My response to that? Go off on my own to another pub, and end up so drunk that I somehow ended up in hospital (which I only know through the sticky things I found on my body in the morn and some vague blurry images) and lost my expensive phone.

I went drinking with my friends husband one night, and we ended up playing pool with these two guys we met. One of them bought me a few drinks, and even though I didn't fancy him at first, by the end of the night I was so flattered by his interest and compliments I ended up kissing him. He text me the next day but I didn't wanna lead him on any further, so I havent seen him since.

I went on one internet date, where I was almost immediately sure I didn't fancy him. But during the course of the night, after every pint I was being a little bit more friendly and open and a little bit more flirty. Near the end of the night, I was being so flirty he went in for a kiss, and I just went a long with it cause I usually always do when i'm drunk. Sadly, he's a really nice guy... he's even said he wants to still be friends after I told him I wasn't able to take it any further.

I hooked up with a guy I again didn't fancy at a party. Why? I was drunk, he'd been buying me drinks all night, and then he asked if I wanted to come back to his and do some coke. So I did, and we ended up fooling around ([BLACKOUT]didn't go very far cause he couldn't get it up[/BLACKOUT]).

Last weekend, I met a whole load of new people and actually made a few friends. But even then I got so wasted that I didn't remember making out with some guy at the club and telling everyone I wanted to take him home.

So yeah, i'm giving off great vibes.

The only people i'm attracting, are the ones that are looking for a drunk idiot to hook up with

Lonely female problems = making out with too many people

Lonely male problems = ... I dun wanna say

 

[Anita18]

For those who don't usually have extensive relationship problems, what's the longest you've gone between relationships? I'm trying to get a gauge/establish a baseline here... help me out.

6 years. It wasn't necessarily extensive relationship "problems" as it was trying to get in one.

I did that night yeah. Both my parents and my older sister are in AA/NA and I asked them if they thought it was worth me going along and if they knew where the good meetings were and stuff.

I am not entirely sure that I am an addict. But I know that it would be really helpful for me to listen to people's stories, get the perspective that would enable me to decide that, and discover how much better life can be when you get out of that world and get your life back into control.

And I need that at the moment. Last night I found out my best friend of 11 years who I thought was doing really well giving up H after smoking it for a while, is now injecting it

Not necessarily physically addicted, but I think AA or NA would certainly help with the cultural addiction too. And that's what it is for you, as far as you've described it. You don't know anything else and you're bored in a new city, so you go back to what you know, even if you hate it.

It would also really help if you were around people who wanted to change too, instead of friends who end up enabling you despite their best intentions.

 

[Anita18]

Lonely female problems = making out with too many people

Lonely male problems = ... I dun wanna say

Hey man, it's still hard cause when you're female, having the reputation of making out with too many people doesn't help in the search for a serious relationship.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

6 years. It wasn't necessarily extensive relationship "problems" as it was trying to get in one.

Not necessarily physically addicted, but I think AA or NA would certainly help with the cultural addiction too. And that's what it is for you, as far as you've described it. You don't know anything else and you're bored in a new city, so you go back to what you know, even if you hate it.

It would also really help if you were around people who wanted to change too, instead of friends who end up enabling you despite their best intentions.

Well my best friend is currently not even drinking. But she's never been one to get all that drunk. Her addiction has always been the men she was with, and now that her husband has left her, she is still wanting to go out to clubs with 'fun' people. But she's fine with doing all that sober... for me being in a club surrounded by people drunk and/or on drugs makes it really difficult not to joing in with them and become the 'fun' version of me.

Cause TBH, when i'm sober, i'm just not all that much of a fun, confident, social person... it's like a complete jekyl and hyde.

Lonely female problems = making out with too many people

Lonely male problems = ... I dun wanna say

Hey man, it's still hard cause when you're female, having the reputation of making out with too many people doesn't help in the search for a serious relationship.

Too true.

 

[Erzengel]

Are there days that you don't drink?

And when you drink, do you ever just have 1-2 drinks and that's enough?

 

[Erzengel]

Lonely male problems = ... I dun wanna say

Spoiler

http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Daffy-Duck-*********ing.jpg

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Are there days that you don't drink?

And when you drink, do you ever just have 1-2 drinks and that's enough?

Yeah there are plenty of days where I don't drink, but after a few days of not drinking I do start craving it. And I can have 1-2 drinks if that's all there is... but if there is more, I usually find it really difficult not to have more...

I can't remember the last time I went longer than about a week (maybe a bit more) without ANYTHING.

And one of the things I struggle with the most, is saying no when offered a drink. I can quell the urge to go and get myself one, but the minute someone offers I can't seem to say no.

 

[Erzengel]

Have you thought of getting involved in activities/meeting people not around a bar setting?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Have you thought of getting involved in activities/meeting people not around a bar setting?

That's what I was going to suggest. You just moved to a bigger city right, pick a hobby you've always wanted to try, I'm sure you can find a group of people doing that hobby together.

 

[Anita18]

Well my best friend is currently not even drinking. But she's never been one to get all that drunk. Her addiction has always been the men she was with, and now that her husband has left her, she is still wanting to go out to clubs with 'fun' people. But she's fine with doing all that sober... for me being in a club surrounded by people drunk and/or on drugs makes it really difficult not to joing in with them and become the 'fun' version of me.

Cause TBH, when i'm sober, i'm just not all that much of a fun, confident, social person... it's like a complete jekyl and hyde.

Do you think you need to be a fun, confident, social person in order for someone to accept you? To be someone worthy of being in a relationship?

That's what I was going to suggest. You just moved to a bigger city right, pick a hobby you've always wanted to try, I'm sure you can find a group of people doing that hobby together.

Yup! My sister and my cousin met their long-term SOs through swing dancing. There are groups in cities all over where you can do that. No drinking involved, cause you actually have to know what you're doing. I guess it's a US hipster thing...

 

[Charlie Boy]

Spoiler

Yes

The problem is, it's such a huge part of English culture. I've been working as a barmaid since I was 18. I went to university, and there it was like a competative sport, with all you can drink nights and drinking games and stuff. The majority of people that I speak to, even now about my own concerns are like 'Yeah, I do that all the time too, I wouldn't worry about it.' There are so many of my friends with much worse stories than I have...

It's harder at the moment because I have no job and nothing to do... so i'm going stir crazy, and it's making me wanna do something like drink/take stuff just to escape the boredom.

But i'm in a new town, and i'm meeting all these new people, and i've already screwed up first impressions with a lot of people.

Right, i'm gonna be totally blunt, and you're all gonna think i'm crazy after this, but this is how the first few months of being in a new city have gone in terms of men.

On the first weekend I was here, I was introduced to a friends roomate. We took some md, and we ended up kissing. Thought maybe there might be something there. Then the next weekend I was drunk and dancing with him and went in for a kiss again, and he rejected me. My response to that? Go off on my own to another pub, and end up so drunk that I somehow ended up in hospital (which I only know through the sticky things I found on my body in the morn and some vague blurry images) and lost my expensive phone.

I went drinking with my friends husband one night, and we ended up playing pool with these two guys we met. One of them bought me a few drinks, and even though I didn't fancy him at first, by the end of the night I was so flattered by his interest and compliments I ended up kissing him. He text me the next day but I didn't wanna lead him on any further, so I havent seen him since.

I went on one internet date, where I was almost immediately sure I didn't fancy him. But during the course of the night, after every pint I was being a little bit more friendly and open and a little bit more flirty. Near the end of the night, I was being so flirty he went in for a kiss, and I just went a long with it cause I usually always do when i'm drunk. Sadly, he's a really nice guy... he's even said he wants to still be friends after I told him I wasn't able to take it any further.

I hooked up with a guy I again didn't fancy at a party. Why? I was drunk, he'd been buying me drinks all night, and then he asked if I wanted to come back to his and do some coke. So I did, and we ended up fooling around ([BLACKOUT]didn't go very far cause he couldn't get it up[/BLACKOUT]).

Last weekend, I met a whole load of new people and actually made a few friends. But even then I got so wasted that I didn't remember making out with some guy at the club and telling everyone I wanted to take him home.

So yeah, i'm giving off great vibes.

The only people i'm attracting, are the ones that are looking for a drunk idiot to hook up with

How old are you?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Have you thought of getting involved in activities/meeting people not around a bar setting?

Yeah i've thought about it tonnes. But I have no idea what to do.

I like writing, I like watching movies/tv and I like comics. Those are pretty much my only hobbies that aren't in a bar setting. I haven't seen anywhere with 'clubs' for those kind of activities. I'm not even sure where i'd look.

Do you think you need to be a fun, confident, social person in order for someone to accept you? To be someone worthy of being in a relationship?

No, but I think I need to be a fun, confident and social person in order to attract the kind of man i'd be attracted to. Because i'm not attracted to people that wanna stay in and watch tv, or never wanna go out and socialise, or never wanna do anything spontaneous and crazy.

Besides, that's my 'me' time. Lazing around doing nothing is what I do when i'm by myself, or with my closest friends.

And the other thing is, i've never courted anyone in a normal way. I have absolutely no idea how to do it, or how anyone does it for that matter

How old are you?

25. Depressingly old to still not have sorted my life out.

 

[Charlie Boy]

No worries, my girlfriend is 24 and she's still figuring things out to better her life.

 

[WillardNation]

Yeah i've thought about it tonnes. But I have no idea what to do.

I like writing, I like watching movies/tv and I like comics. Those are pretty much my only hobbies that aren't in a bar setting. I haven't seen anywhere with 'clubs' for those kind of activities. I'm not even sure where i'd look.

Were you ever in to sports? Finding some kind of healthy activity would not only get you out of the bar setting and get you doing more positive things but it would also help you find someone that isn't just looking for a drunk hook up.

Also, if anyone wanted to go vote for me in my deathmatch, it would be appreciated. Duke is currently demolishing me. ---> HERE

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Were you ever in to sports? Finding some kind of healthy activity would not only get you out of the bar setting and get you doing more positive things but it would also help you find someone that isn't just looking for a drunk hook up.

... but seriously... no

Besides, where the hell do you go to join in with sports activities? You can't just go along to a game and say 'hey, can I play?

 

[WillardNation]

... but seriously... no

Besides, where the hell do you go to join in with sports activities? You can't just go along to a game and say 'hey, can I play?

They don't have leagues or stuff over there? You can find all kinds of community sports games here. Kickball, softball, etc. that people are doing just for fun and want people to join.

And you know what I'm going to say, you could always join a gym. I won't suggest anything specific but you know my preference.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

They don't have leagues or stuff over there? You can find all kinds of community sports games here. Kickball, softball, etc. that people are doing just for fun and want people to join.

And you know what I'm going to say, you could always join a gym. I won't suggest anything specific but you know my preference.

I did join the gym. I had to quit because I couldn't afford it. But I wouldn't call that a social opportunity, people don't tend to talk to each other during work outs....

As for leagues... honestly, in the city, I have no clue. But I would imagine it is pretty difficult for a girl who sucks at sports to get involved with team games.

It'd be like P.E. lessons all over again

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Yeah i've thought about it tonnes. But I have no idea what to do.

I like writing, I like watching movies/tv and I like comics. Those are pretty much my only hobbies that aren't in a bar setting. I haven't seen anywhere with 'clubs' for those kind of activities. I'm not even sure where i'd look.

No, but I think I need to be a fun, confident and social person in order to attract the kind of man i'd be attracted to. Because i'm not attracted to people that wanna stay in and watch tv, or never wanna go out and socialise, or never wanna do anything spontaneous and crazy.

Besides, that's my 'me' time. Lazing around doing nothing is what I do when i'm by myself, or with my closest friends.

And the other thing is, i've never courted anyone in a normal way. I have absolutely no idea how to do it, or how anyone does it for that matter

25. Depressingly old to still not have sorted my life out.

You've got the internet obviously since you're posting on here. Do a google search. When I was getting into running, I thought it'd be fun to run with a group, so I did a search for running groups. Found one where everyone met at a bar, we'd go for a run, then have some drinks. It was that easy. Before I met my wife, she moved to a new city for a year for school, she always liked to knit, but always found it more fun to do in a group setting, she looked online, found a group of girls that did it. She just emailed one and joined the group.

You're in a new city, expand your horizons, get out of your comfort zone, try something new. What's something you've always wanted to try, but never got around to it, do that.

 

[knowsbleed]

Drinking is fun... I'd stick with doing that.