Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[hopefuldreamer]

Agreed. Will try and focus the convo on happier things

 

[Dark Raven]

So the current woman I'm talking to online has this habit of never using my name. It's always "hey there" or "hey" or "hey you". I use her name when addressing her, but it's always the same impersonal response back from her. I once switched to "hey" as well, but then switched back because I don't wish to be like that and think it's a bit rude. Now it might seem something trivial, and yes, it's just a name, but isn't everyone's name important to them? If she can't even be bothered to use my name, then might that not say something about things always remaining at arms length and also a bit about her character?. On the other hand, I do like it when people do use my name. Isn't it one of the things which Dale Carnegie suggests people should use to win friends and influence people?

I'm not particularly into her, but am just corresponding mainly to be polite. However, should I raise this issue with her (which might then make her wonder why I'm making a fuss over it if, say, she thinks names are for tombstones) or just not bother and maybe hope things fizzle out soon enough anyway (in which case I won't then have to bring it up)?

 

[Anita18]

That reminds me of one of my teachers a few semester ago. I actually thought he was flirting with me by always using "Hey you" in his emails.

My fiance always used "Hey." Now when we email each other we don't use anything at all. IMO it's really not a big deal. Again, you're not really into this woman so you're looking for any excuse to not like her. At the email phase, it's fine to just stop responding.

Stop wasting your time. If you're really not getting responses at all and are willing to lower your "standards", actually give someone a chance and be open-minded. But if you are unable to to do that, then continue on your picky quest. But seriously, enough with this wishy washy "trying to be polite" crap. You're only wasting her time and yours.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

That reminds me of one of my teachers a few semester ago. I actually thought he was flirting with me by always using "Hey you" in his emails.

"Hey you" definitely is a little unprofessional, I could see why someone would think that.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

So the current woman I'm talking to online has this habit of never using my name. It's always "hey there" or "hey" or "hey you". I use her name when addressing her, but it's always the same impersonal response back from her. I once switched to "hey" as well, but then switched back because I don't wish to be like that and think it's a bit rude. Now it might seem something trivial, and yes, it's just a name, but isn't everyone's name important to them? If she can't even be bothered to use my name, then might that not say something about things always remaining at arms length and also a bit about her character?. On the other hand, I do like it when people do use my name. Isn't it one of the things which Dale Carnegie suggests people should use to win friends and influence people?

I'm not particularly into her, but am just corresponding mainly to be polite. However, should I raise this issue with her (which might then make her wonder why I'm making a fuss over it if, say, she thinks names are for tombstones) or just not bother and maybe hope things fizzle out soon enough anyway (in which case I won't then have to bring it up)?

Either take a break from "dating", or try another site. Every post is about this girl you're emailing that you don't like and you're just trying to be nice, but hoping it'll just fizzle away. You sound like Jerry Seinfeld, always finding this one little thing that bugs you and makes you not want to pursue the person in any way. Also, you should never be emailing a person long enough to realize a habit in their messaging, by 2-3 emails you should ask them to meet in real life

 

[jaymes_e06]

So the current woman I'm talking to online has this habit of never using my name. It's always "hey there" or "hey" or "hey you". I use her name when addressing her, but it's always the same impersonal response back from her. I once switched to "hey" as well, but then switched back because I don't wish to be like that and think it's a bit rude. Now it might seem something trivial, and yes, it's just a name, but isn't everyone's name important to them? If she can't even be bothered to use my name, then might that not say something about things always remaining at arms length and also a bit about her character?. On the other hand, I do like it when people do use my name. Isn't it one of the things which Dale Carnegie suggests people should use to win friends and influence people?

I'm not particularly into her, but am just corresponding mainly to be polite. However, should I raise this issue with her (which might then make her wonder why I'm making a fuss over it if, say, she thinks names are for tombstones) or just not bother and maybe hope things fizzle out soon enough anyway (in which case I won't then have to bring it up)?

I seriouslly just have a bad time remembering peoples names so it I'll literally do the "You over there, with the... face." and everyone looks at me like a jackass but it is what it is.

 

[Erzengel]

So the current woman I'm talking to online has this habit of never using my name. It's always "hey there" or "hey" or "hey you". I use her name when addressing her, but it's always the same impersonal response back from her. I once switched to "hey" as well, but then switched back because I don't wish to be like that and think it's a bit rude. Now it might seem something trivial, and yes, it's just a name, but isn't everyone's name important to them? If she can't even be bothered to use my name, then might that not say something about things always remaining at arms length and also a bit about her character?. On the other hand, I do like it when people do use my name. Isn't it one of the things which Dale Carnegie suggests people should use to win friends and influence people?

I'm not particularly into her, but am just corresponding mainly to be polite. However, should I raise this issue with her (which might then make her wonder why I'm making a fuss over it if, say, she thinks names are for tombstones) or just not bother and maybe hope things fizzle out soon enough anyway (in which case I won't then have to bring it up)?

Are you sure she's legit and not just a spambot profile?

Does she even acknowledge some of the things you say?

 

[SpideyVille]

I still have my dummy account with OkCupid from a few months ago when some of us were creating them just for fun, and I've used it every now and then to see who's on it, and I noticed a profile for a girl I used to know when I was big on church. I thought it was funny, until I realized some of the info about her is just completely wrong and that someone most likely took a few of her photos and created a fake account.

Now I don't know if I should tell her, since we haven't really spoke in over two years after I left. A lot has changed, but I believe she has a boyfriend now, and I doubt she would lie about her age, ethnicity, etc.

 

[Godzilla2000]

*sigh* I'm just a bit bothered by a conundrum, in that there's this guy I like, and still feel some sort of attachment to, but I am in love with the way he used to be, not who he is now. You see in my mind he used to dress like a regular guy and he seemed much more accessible emotionally to me. But now that he's obsessed with fashion he has become less appealing to me. It's like dressing up has become an addiction to replace other addictions I suppose. But I feel left out because I just don't share his fondness for expensive suits. I think he's letting himself get too influenced by much more shallow people that are brainwashing him. I just feel so uncomfortable around him now and excluded. I want to tell him that I like him the way he is, that I'm attracted to him not his designer suits, but I think it's already too late and that I just have to move on because he obviously is more interested in the exterior, not the interior more and I just will not forfeit who I am for him. If I were to become like the people he hangs around with I'd not be true to myself. I refuse to be brainwashed like they are, which is too bad because he's missing out on my unwavering support and loyalty. I just guess he really doesn't care for me as much as I'd hoped or else he wouldn't make me feel so insignificant that I have to become something fake and shallow too for him to love me.

 

[Anita18]

*sigh* I'm just a bit bothered by a conundrum, in that there's this guy I like, and still feel some sort of attachment to, but I am in love with the way he used to be, not who he is now. You see in my mind he used to dress like a regular guy and he seemed much more accessible emotionally to me. But now that he's obsessed with fashion he has become less appealing to me. It's like dressing up has become an addiction to replace other addictions I suppose. But I feel left out because I just don't share his fondness for expensive suits. I think he's letting himself get too influenced by much more shallow people that are brainwashing him. I just feel so uncomfortable around him now and excluded. I want to tell him that I like him the way he is, that I'm attracted to him not his designer suits, but I think it's already too late and that I just have to move on because he obviously is more interested in the exterior, not the interior more and I just will not forfeit who I am for him. If I were to become like the people he hangs around with I'd not be true to myself. I refuse to be brainwashed like they are, which is too bad because he's missing out on my unwavering support and loyalty. I just guess he really doesn't care for me as much as I'd hoped or else he wouldn't make me feel so insignificant that I have to become something fake and shallow too for him to love me.

And some people just like the way expensive suits look and feel. -shrug-

The main question is: did he ever like you back?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

*sigh* I'm just a bit bothered by a conundrum, in that there's this guy I like, and still feel some sort of attachment to, but I am in love with the way he used to be, not who he is now. You see in my mind he used to dress like a regular guy and he seemed much more accessible emotionally to me. But now that he's obsessed with fashion he has become less appealing to me. It's like dressing up has become an addiction to replace other addictions I suppose. But I feel left out because I just don't share his fondness for expensive suits. I think he's letting himself get too influenced by much more shallow people that are brainwashing him. I just feel so uncomfortable around him now and excluded. I want to tell him that I like him the way he is, that I'm attracted to him not his designer suits, but I think it's already too late and that I just have to move on because he obviously is more interested in the exterior, not the interior more and I just will not forfeit who I am for him. If I were to become like the people he hangs around with I'd not be true to myself. I refuse to be brainwashed like they are, which is too bad because he's missing out on my unwavering support and loyalty. I just guess he really doesn't care for me as much as I'd hoped or else he wouldn't make me feel so insignificant that I have to become something fake and shallow too for him to love me.

Have you ever gone on an actual date with this guy? There's a chance he got a new job that requires him to wear suits. Also, don't talk about unwavering support and loyalty, it's a lie, if you wanted to give that, the clothes he wears or wore wouldn't matter. You're the fake and shallow one.

 

[Anita18]

I wish my fiance had a job that required him to wear suits.

I'd still love him. I'd even help him shop for said suits.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't know why you bother. I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't said more than 20 words to each other.

 

[Anita18]

I don't know why you bother. I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't said more than 20 words to each other.

But it's TRUE LUURRRVE!

Until he turns out to be a different person from what she fantasized about.

 

[Spider-Fan83]

just wondering if I am reading to much into this...

so, here's situation, I was seating in the break room at work (the only other person there is this girl I work with) so, anyway...

this other girl (who I know/talk to sometimes) walks in (just going to her locker to get her phone) the other girl in the room (who also knows her, since we all work together) makes a commit to her, something like "calling your boyfriend?"

she kinda glancing over at him, then responds, knowing I was with in ear range "ya, well he's not really my boyfriend, we're kind of in a open relationship..."

now I don't normally get involved with people from work, so, its not something I would necessarily pursue (nor would I be kin on the idea of getting involved with someone, who's already in an open relationship...)
but, just curious if it seems like this might of been directed at me, that she might have been hinting that she would be available/interested

or I am reading to much into it?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

And some people just like the way expensive suits look and feel. -shrug-

The main question is: did he ever like you back?

No, the main question is: Does he even know you exist? Or did you love him from afar, expecting him to come sweep you off your feet?

 

[Anita18]

just wondering if I am reading to much into this...

so, here's situation, I was seating in the break room at work (the only other person there is this girl I work with) so, anyway...

this other girl (who I know/talk sometimes) walks in (just going to her locker to get her phone) the other girl in the room (who also knows her, since we all work together) makes a commit to her, something like "calling your boyfriend?"

she kinda glancing over at him, then responds, knowing I was with in ear range "ya, well he's not really my boyfriend, we're kind of in a open relationship..."

now I don't normally get involved with people from work, so, its not something I would necessarily pursue (nor would I be kin on the idea of getting involved with someone, who's already in an open relationship...)
but, just curious if it seems like this might of been directed at me, that she might of been hinting that she would be available/interesting

or I am reading to much into it

How old are you all? If you were high-school age, there's some likelihood she did it so you could overhear.

If you are all over 20, the likelihood diminishes very quickly. Unless everyone over there is immature...

 

[Spider-Fan83]

I am more questioning if that is something a girl would say... it just seemed like an odd thing for her to say, if not for my benefit

yes, it does seem immature to me. but, idk if she's just that immature. I know plenty of girls (my age) who never seemed to grow out of that high school mentality, and don't seem to act as mature as they should for their age (not that I am saying all girls are like that) but, just saying

it would seem that I've missed out on alot of past opportunities, because I ignore such hints (that apparently I was suppose "know what they meant")

 

[Anita18]

I am more questioning if that is something a girl would say... it just seemed like an odd thing for her to say, if not for my benefit

yes, it does seem immature to me. but, idk if she's just that immature. I know plenty of girls (my age) who never seemed to grow out of that high school mentality, and don't seem to act as mature as they should for their age (not that I am saying all girls are like that) but, just saying

it would seem that I've missed out on alot of past opportunities, because I ignore such hints (that apparently I was suppose "know what they meant")

I dunno, I think you attract the kind of people you expect. If you expect a girl to be honest and open with her communication, that's the kind of girl you will get.

However, if you expect that girls (or your prospective girl) like to play games and have secret phrases or expect you to just "know what they mean," that's the girl you will get too. And from what I've seen of other people's relationships, the latter kind means a lot more headaches and stress down the road.

I'm sure some girls would think that saying loud enough for others to overhear, they're hinting to any single guys that they're still available. Others would simply be honest about it. When I was first dating my fiance, I was honest that it was just casual. I mean, I wasn't dating around, but I didn't want to get ahead of myself. Even when guy friends asked. Even when my ex was in earshot. But I was really just being honest, I wasn't fishing for more guys.

So....you'd have to get to know the girl better to figure out what she meant.

 

[The Guard]

"Open relationship" doesn't equal "Not boyfriend and girlfriend", even in high school, where one assumes someone who would use the term would know what it meant.

They're either dating, or they're not.

Sounds like they are but she's bored.

Did she respond, knowing you are within ear range and looking at you, or did she just respond?

 

[Godzilla2000]

And some people just like the way expensive suits look and feel. -shrug-

The main question is: did he ever like you back?

Trust me I think this predilection towards expensive things has more to do with the people he's been hanging around with lately who cherish exterior looks over real substance of any kind. These people are the greedily selfish types who only care about themselves and people stroking their own egos. Ever since he's been involved with those prisses he's been acting like I'm not fit to be in his presence anymore because I don't share the view that bigger is better and I want to be unique in what I wear in public. I have so many ideas of my own in my head for lavish dresses I want to wear that I think he'd like, but since he's listening to the words of egocentric selfish hussies he's never going to see them for himself in person.

I think the real question he needs to ask himself is when I'm with another man and I show the Glamour Goth Cinderella living inside of me that is all mine and my ideas alone to the public can he really say he likes just being an observer and not an actual participant in my plans?

Have you ever gone on an actual date with this guy? There's a chance he got a new job that requires him to wear suits. Also, don't talk about unwavering support and loyalty, it's a lie, if you wanted to give that, the clothes he wears or wore wouldn't matter. You're the fake and shallow one.

There's nothing fake and shallow about me at all. You just don't know me in person. I haven't been able to go on anything that resembles a date because the shrill harpies of selfish desires have been acting like a roadblock because one of their demon spawns wants to possess him. Seriously though, new job or not does wearing preppy clothes have to be a 24/7 thing? It's like he can't go out the door, not even to the store without having to be perfect and I can't stand that, the insane level of having to be perfect. Really, if you want an example of how being perfect in a high profile career is only an option how about actor James McAvoy? Seriously, acting has to be the one craft you'd think would require a fixation with perfection, yet James McAvoy is living a totally normal, uncomplicated, private life despite his high profile. This is the sort of quality I liked about this guy before he met those ego cases. Ever since then I've seen small changes in his personality that are starting to mirror theirs as well. It really gets me down because as a free spirited person I just see him gleefully stepping into small traps and making concessions that are going to chain him to the cult of shallow personalities. I'm trying to get him to understand all I want from him is normalcy, not razzle dazzle. He's seemed to intimate to me that my Gothish ways embarrass him, even though I lean towards the Glamorous Goth style of dress in my design plans, not what he and the mannequins are thinking of. He's just listening to other people more than making his own decisions I believe and it gets me down sometimes because he's just throwing all my loyalty out the window because of the opinions of others.

 

[Anita18]

Trust me I think this predilection towards expensive things has more to do with the people he's been hanging around with lately who cherish exterior looks over real substance of any kind. These people are the greedily selfish types who only care about themselves and people stroking their own egos. Ever since he's been involved with those prisses he's been acting like I'm not fit to be in his presence anymore because I don't share the view that bigger is better and I want to be unique in what I wear in public. I have so many ideas of my own in my head for lavish dresses I want to wear that I think he'd like, but since he's listening to the words of egocentric selfish hussies he's never going to see them for himself in person.

Then it sounds like he's not into you. Easy peasy, what's the problem?

I think the real question he needs to ask himself is when I'm with another man and I show the Glamour Goth Cinderella living inside of me that is all mine and my ideas alone to the public can he really say he likes just being an observer and not an actual participant in my plans?

Maybe he doesn't like Glamour Goth anyway?

There's nothing fake and shallow about me at all. You just don't know me in person. I haven't been able to go on anything that resembles a date because the shrill harpies of selfish desires have been acting like a roadblock because one of their demon spawns wants to possess him.

I'm going to have to save that phrase for something.

Seriously though, new job or not does wearing preppy clothes have to be a 24/7 thing? It's like he can't go out the door, not even to the store without having to be perfect and I can't stand that, the insane level of having to be perfect.

Truth be told, I'm not into men who need more hair products than I do. And since I only use shampoo (and sometimes coconut oil), of course the only way to go for me was to bag a man who uses the same soap he uses on his body to wash his hair.

It really gets me down because as a free spirited person I just see him gleefully stepping into small traps and making concessions that are going to chain him to the cult of shallow personalities. I'm trying to get him to understand all I want from him is normalcy, not razzle dazzle. He's seemed to intimate to me that my Gothish ways embarrass him, even though I lean towards the Glamorous Goth style of dress in my design plans, not what he and the mannequins are thinking of. He's just listening to other people more than making his own decisions I believe and it gets me down sometimes because he's just throwing all my loyalty out the window because of the opinions of others.

Wait so...you were actually friends with him? What? I'm confused.

Or do you mean potential loyalty, because it doesn't sound like you're being loyal to him right now.

 

[Spider-Fan83]

"Open relationship" doesn't equal "Not boyfriend and girlfriend", even in high school, where one assumes someone who would use the term would know what it meant.

They're either dating, or they're not.

Sounds like they are but she's bored.

I've consider that too, that she was more saying out of frustration of her situation with the other guy, wanting him/or another guy (if he's not welling to) get more serious

Did she respond, knowing you are within ear range and looking at you, or did she just respond?

she definitely knew I was there/ an did look at me before saying...

 

[Anita18]

I've consider that too, that she was more saying out of frustration of her situation with the other guy, wanting him/or another guy (if he's not welling to) get more serious

she definitely knew I was there/ an did look at me before saying...

If you're interpreting it as frustration and definitely trying to get attention from you, might as well ask her out and see what happens.

I'm just saying, if you're expected to "just know what she means," it'll either be not that serious (hit and quit it), or you're in for a rocky relationship.

 

[Godzilla2000]

You know, what it comes down to is that I thought i finally found one guy that would accept me as is, warts and all but that has proven not to be the case. He's just like all the rest and just as superficial as they are. Basically it's the same old thing just a different face.