Raiders of the Official Relationship Thread

[Anita18]

I have been reading this thread regularly for about a year now, has any single person who has been coming into the thread asking for advice, ever came back in and said they'd now been successful in getting a girlfriend or boyfriend?
Maybe the thread is jinxed. haha

Well I've been dating my bf for a little more than three years and the first time I visited this thread was before then. Maybe you need to go back a bit more.

Though I didn't listen to y'alls advice about moving on after I said there wasn't a whole lot of chemistry at first. Some relationships just need time to bloom.

What's everybody's thoughts on soul mates, fate, etc?

Too much pressure, I don't really think about it.

And as for fate, well, you make your own fate.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement.

I don't think you took that comment the way I meant it when I typed it.

She's fine. I've gone after a few other "bad choices" within the department, however, that looking back at it, I'm glad it didn't work out.

As for the "soul mate", "fate" question - don't believe in it.

I don't believe in fate, I don't believe in supernatural forces that have pre-determined events in our lives. I don't believe in "soul mates", I don't believe that there's one person that you're "meant" to be with. I think there's people that you're compatible with, and you find someone that you're compatible with. Hopefully.

 

[Anita18]

not sure how i feel on it

my grandparents have been married 65 years, my parents have been together 41, my aunt and uncle were together 50+ and another aunt and uncle of mine are going at 50+ years too. i guess when people in my grandma's family get married, they do it right.

i'd be lying to myself if i said i didn't want to find someone to spend my life with like that. but i'm not sure that it would happen, especially these days.
some days i don't even feel like i'll ever get married at all

That's the thing about "soulmates" - in this day and age, hoping for a "soulmate" more often than not means having unrealistic expectations. It carries too much baggage.

The world is more connected than ever, and we're traveling further than our grandparents ever did. Instead of looking for a partner in our neighborhood in our teens, we hope to meet our soulmate in college, at work, online, when we move to a new city, etc etc.

Believe fervently in "the one" or your soulmate or whoever, could cause you to ditch perfectly good partners in the search for a perfect one that doesn't exist. Like that college girl I mentioned before who wanted to break up with her bf because he didn't have her taste in art and music.

I don't think most of us here are quite THAT bad though. Just a little picky, like myself.

 

[The Squirrel]

I think marriage can work between any two people that are willing to work hard enough.

 

[SpideyVille]

I've only felt that way about a girl once and I wound up leaving her (long distance relationship). The opportunity to get back together opened up and I didn't act on it either. So I think you can fall in love with someone to the point of believing that but fate is a strange thing. Not sure it exists. I think two people can be absolutely right for each other but not sure there's some type of destiny at play.

It's like something they said on How I Met Your Mother early this season. Basically the two things you are chemistry and timing. Once you have chemistry with someone, the only thing missing is getting the timing right, and timing's a *****.

I know that was the case with me. Most of the girls that I got a long great with didn't turn into anything more because the timing was bad. Either they just got a boyfriend or they recently got out of a long relationship. It shouldn't be too complicated, but sometimes things come up that we can't control, and more often than not its for the better.

i'd be lying to myself if i said i didn't want to find someone to spend my life with like that. but i'm not sure that it would happen, especially these days.
some days i don't even feel like i'll ever get married at all

I feel the same sometimes. Like ideally I want it to be one and done, but in this day and age, people don't hold the same value to committment as they did in the past, mostly because divorce is considered much more common than in the past. Before, if you had problems, you were stuck with someone and had to figure out a way to fix it. But now people separate or get divorce, even if they have kids and its not as bad.

Like I look at my brother who just got married after 15 years with his girlfriend, but my sister got married twice in the span of 5 years and is getting divorced for the second time.

And as for fate, well, you make your own fate.

No fate but what we make.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

I think my cute OkCupid girl has shut me down..

We were all set to go out. I tried to set something up for Sunday, but at some point early Saturday, apparently she had to re-check her schedule or something and I haven't heard anything back since... I sent her a follow-up message and a text asking to meet up again sometime this week but no response yet.

*** fricking ******.

 

[Anita18]

I think my cute OkCupid girl has shut me down..

We were all set to go out. I tried to set something up for Sunday, but at some point early Saturday, apparently she had to re-check her schedule or something and I haven't heard anything back since... I sent her a follow-up message and a text asking to meet up again sometime this week but no response yet.

*** fricking ******.

Have some other girls waiting in the wings. Don't feel bad about that - you're just dating, totally not exclusive yet.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

The girls I have waiting...they're definitely several points down the ladder.. I was just testing the waters with them until something better popped up.

Looks like I'm gonna have to drop my expectations even lower...

 

[Anita18]

The girls I have waiting...they're definitely several points down the ladder.. I was just testing the waters with them until something better popped up.

Looks like I'm gonna have to drop my expectations even lower...

Is the pool really that poor? When I'd shop for guys on POF, I always came up with some that I'd be fine with dating. The way you guys make it seem like, you're only finding homeless people on there.

Or is that because there are 5x more guys on dating sites than girls?

 

[AndThePickles]

What's everybody's thoughts on soul mates, fate, etc?

I don't believe in soul mates. I think that there are multiple people in the world that you could happily spend the rest of your life with. It's your job to decide who that is, and that's not to say that other people won't come along, but you make the choice to stay with one person.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

What's everybody's thoughts on soul mates, fate, etc?

I don't believe fate is something set in stone, like we have no control.

But I do think there are things we are 'meant' to do and people we are 'meant' to meet along the way.

Basically, I like the philosophy of 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho when it comes to fate/soul mates.

I do think that some connections are inexplicable and immediate, and that a person or a choice can just feel 'right'.

That's not to say that other choices aren't possible, or that you can't be happy with someone/something else.

But maybe not AS happy.

 

[HisMagicTrick]

What's everybody's thoughts on soul mates, fate, etc?

I definitely do not believe in anything like fate, but that's probably because I'm extremely cynical. I believe that everything in life is a choice, and everything that happens is because of yours and other peoples own choices, not some firm thing that was destined to happen no matter what (if that makes sense).

People tell themselves their soul mates or whatever most likely because they're both really compatible with each other, and because they'd like to believe they were meant to be together. I don't think there is anything more to it.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Well I've been dating my bf for a little more than three years and the first time I visited this thread was before then. Maybe you need to go back a bit more.

Aye, well, that was before I was a regular poster here, ie if you are inexperienced and single, and come into this thread now, there is no chance you will have any success, because I have jinxed the thread.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't believe in soul mates. I think that there are multiple people in the world that you could happily spend the rest of your life with. It's your job to decide who that is, and that's not to say that other people won't come along, but you make the choice to stay with one person.

I feel the same way.

Although, I grew up on a military base and when we were both children, she visited it and we were probably in the same vicinity but never met. Then we met like 16 years later in another state.

I like that story.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

Is the pool really that poor? When I'd shop for guys on POF, I always came up with some that I'd be fine with dating. The way you guys make it seem like, you're only finding homeless people on there.

Or is that because there are 5x more guys on dating sites than girls?

Oh, I have no doubt that there are way more guys to choose from on these sites than there are girls.

 

[Erzengel]

Well I've been dating my bf for a little more than three years and the first time I visited this thread was before then. Maybe you need to go back a bit more.

Though I didn't listen to y'alls advice about moving on after I said there wasn't a whole lot of chemistry at first. Some relationships just need time to bloom.

I think 1 out of 100 people this thread works.

I remember I think his name was Ghostvirus? And he spent like 2-3 years infatuated with a girl at some Pharmacy. Everyone kept saying, just ask her out. But he'd get nervous, have anxiety attacks and only to later found out she was married or something.

Let's not forget Ghostrider87 but his is an exception because I'm pretty sure he has a form of aspergers which I'm kinda sure maybe 1 or 2 other people here are undiagnosed.

Most time in this thread people are looking for confirmation on a pre-made decision that they are already going ahead with.

 

[AndThePickles]

I feel the same way.

Although, I grew up on a military base and when we were both children, she visited it and we were probably in the same vicinity but never met. Then we met like 16 years later in another state.

I like that story.

That is neat

 

[SuperFerret]

Had an awesome first date last night with a girl I met on okCupid, now I've gotta find a Turkish place for #2. I don't know if I even like Turkish food.

 

[Erzengel]

You never had a Klauh Kalesh?

 

[SuperFerret]

I just googled that and wound up on a racist website. So, no, I've never had that.

 

[Erzengel]

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Personally I believe I have a soul mate, but he's not a romantic partner.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Personally I believe I have a soul mate, but he's not a romantic partner.

I have the same view. I think people often forget you don't love just one person in your life, you may love several. Sex is not necessary for love either. Frankly, my Mom and Dad are two people I love way more than anyone I've slept with or thought of sleeping with.

 

[bullets]

I think my cute OkCupid girl has shut me down..

We were all set to go out. I tried to set something up for Sunday, but at some point early Saturday, apparently she had to re-check her schedule or something and I haven't heard anything back since... I sent her a follow-up message and a text asking to meet up again sometime this week but no response yet.

*** fricking ******.

I was talking to a girl and everything seemed to be good but I didn't hear anything from her yesterday . She could be talking to another guy for all I know or maybe I said the wrong thing. Then I messaged another girl on POF and we started chatting but she had schoolwork to do and we'll talk later tonight. I'd just keep my options open so I don't get too disappointed if something doesn't work out. So just keep at it man.

That's not to say that other choices aren't possible, or that you can't be happy with someone/something else.

But maybe not AS happy.

I was with in a relationship with a girl who was like my soul mate. We just always seemed to know what the other was thinking also. I had to move and broke it off though. A couple years later I fell in love with another woman and we had a great relationship but I had some issues and wound up ruining it.
So I was happy with both but I've only had that feeling of being completely in love once. I think anything after that comes with a bit of skepticism and you can never reach that point again.

 

[Anita18]

I feel the same way.

Although, I grew up on a military base and when we were both children, she visited it and we were probably in the same vicinity but never met. Then we met like 16 years later in another state.

I like that story.

My parents were born in Taiwan, around the same city. But they met in the US, which is obviously a lot bigger.

My ex-bf believed in fate, because it was luck that his parents met like they did (it rained or something like that, causing his mom to change her plans or somesort). And he met his wife at a political get-together he just figured he might as well go to because he was sick of unpacking. She had basically made the same decision.

But again, it was a set of decisions they made that caused them to meet, it wasn't like they were doing their usual routine and this person fell from the sky.

I think 1 out of 100 people this thread works.

I remember I think his name was Ghostvirus? And he spent like 2-3 years infatuated with a girl at some Pharmacy. Everyone kept saying, just ask her out. But he'd get nervous, have anxiety attacks and only to later found out she was married or something.

Let's not forget Ghostrider87 but his is an exception because I'm pretty sure he has a form of aspergers which I'm kinda sure maybe 1 or 2 other people here are undiagnosed.

Most time in this thread people are looking for confirmation on a pre-made decision that they are already going ahead with.

Yup pretty much. And I think many people come on here looking for advice when they've already invested a lot into a potential relationship, whereas I think it's more common that the other person isn't interested.