Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Mrs. Sawyer]

I'm effing tired of people who think that they know as much as they do.

Too bad you don't know anything.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Y'know, I really don't like a lot of the things that S.A.A.D says around here, but I have to say, at least the guy speaks his mind, unlike a lot of the phoney baloneys I see on message boards.
edit: Because a lot of the so-called 'friendhships' and 'opinions' on these kind of boards are nothing of the sort, a lot of them hinge on cliques, politics, and ass-kissing.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

In my experiences, people only give one side of the story anyways. I mean, they'll say "Hey this person gave me their number and I called, but now they're ignoring me." But they'll conveniently leave out how they called the person 20 times in an hour.

So, if one person is giving one side of their story then that automatically means that they are lying. Am I right? Not every detail when it comes to things needs to be explained, somethings are omitted for a reason if not for reasons.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Y'know, I really don't like a lot of the things that S.A.A.A.D says around here, but I have to say, at least the guy speaks his mind, unlike a lot of the phoney baloneys I see on message boards.
edit: Because a lot of the so-called 'friendhships' on these kind of boards are nothing of the sort, a lot of them hinge on cliques, politics, and ass-kissing.

Thanks, that's the beauty of not really giving a damn about people's feelings in general. In a hostile place like this, you need to be too damn politically correct so you don't upset others, unfortunately.

 

[SpideyVille]

I never said anything about lying. But like others have said, people can only give advice on what they know. If someone decides to leave out a piece of their story when they ask for advice, then its not fair to blame others for giving bad advice if things don't go as planned.

And no, not everything needs to be explained. But there's a difference between leaving out a detail that would affect the outcome of something, and something that's completely unrelated.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Thanks, that's the beauty of not really giving a damn about people's feelings in general. In a hostile place like this, you need to be too damn politically correct so you don't upset others, unfortunately.

Don't thank me too soon, because it is not completely positive in the way you utlilise this outspoken aspect of yourself, because sometimes it takes the better person to keep their mouths shut when it comes to certain subjects, to save you from hurting other people's feelings in the way of the overly personal.
edit: In other words, i think you should try to excercise more compassion when it comes to choosing the moments when you speak your mind. It is positive that you don't bs through your teeth though, like a lot of folk round here.

edit: because, you know what, you might actually want to try being the better person saad, i'm actually trying to give you some good advice here.
You know as well as i do that there are folk round here who act like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths, but say the most horrible things to other people in veiled insults.
So, y'know, try not to stoop to their level, but, eh, sometimes these jerks go too far and need something nasty said back, you tend to notice they shut up a bit when they get the personal insults for a change. So, choose your battles well, don't be indisciminantly going round saying every crazy piece of crap that pops into your head, save that for the bullies who start that sh** up in the first place.

 

[ComicChick]

 

[Hound55]

If he had the ability to filter every crazy piece of crap that pops into his head wouldn't he have shown signs of it by now?

 

[Godzilla2000]

Well, what's on my mind today? It is the word compromise in regards to relationships. I'm mostly been introspecting on this based solely on a silly little Relationship Horrorscope I read. Basically the question in my mind is what do you consider suitable grounds for compromise? We all know that you can't get a guy or girl you date to agree to everything that makes you feel comfortable, but yet you can't promise to compromise on things that are beyond your control or impossible to fulfill. Well, let me give you a few examples of things that I will and won't compromise on based upon personal experience.

Compromisable Things:

1. That dern Toilet Paper roll. I can just flip it around to the way I feel is more comfortable to unravel.

2. Vices - I am staunchly against smoking and drinking, Drinking mostly because it nearly destroyed me when I was younger from my dad's abusive behavior while under the influence and I have reason to believe it's one of the things that lead to my dad's death. Smoking is even more so because I cannot be in the same room with a smoker without having breathing problems. Also I had my beloved maternal Grandmother die a horrible death of suffocation from the damage smoking did to her lungs. Not a very positive memory there. That said if a guy I like is into either I'm not going to stop him from doing these things, just not around me please. These two things have wrecked my life thoroughly in the past.

3. Going to the beach. As silly as this sounds it's something that I feel important. I know a lot of you love going to the beach, soaking up the sun and swimming. Me on the other hand, I will go to the beach, but I try to find as shady a spot as I can to shelter myself from things that can dry my skin up like a grape to a raisin but it's not just for cosmetic reasons I fear going out in the sun on a hot day. I'm not going to not go to the beach, but I'd prefer to have some kind of shelter from the heat and the sun, 2 things that have always given me health scares in the past. Things like the largest umbrella in the country or a very retro 60's Cabana tent would do the trick for me of course. I don't want to prevent anyone from having fun at the beach, but yet I don't want to risk passing out from the sun exposure or getting physically ill from heat stroke. Seriously if I was going somewhere as a kid that would include being out in the sun during Summer my mom would have to pack me with a lunchbox full of rehydrating consumables and a note to the people in charge. Maybe I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but I seriously can't stay out in the sun very long without it causing me to suffer.

Uncompromisable Things:

1. Changing me into something that's just not me. I really don't like faking a persona just to keep a man, like trying to become some OCD level glamour goddess when I'm just a very plain, Spartan type woman. Minimalistic living conditions make me feel very comfortable and I hate extravagance period. I'm not better than other people nor do I want to come across as such. Also a man has to take me as is or not at all because as I stated previously if I can't effortlessly keep a man's attention without making a production out of it, it's not worth my stress, time and effort.

2. Drugs, including Marijuana. Look, I work the Nightshift and I encounter a lot of people, especially the creepy drug addicted types, like this pot smoking hippy who also comes in plastered out of his mind every once in awhile. He seriously makes me angry and I ignore him, a lot, playing my Monster Hunter game instead to let him know I don't like his company. I find these sorts of people intolerable at best. Don't ever dare to think I would willingly do drugs and become like those wretched creatures.

3. Illicit affairs with married men, even if they've separated from their wives. Legal separation to me is just cheating in my book. It's like the purgatory of Marital status in that you aren't completely married yet you aren't completely divorced. And guys that are married, no matter how handsome they are, there's just absolutely no chance of a relationship at all. I want my relationships to actually end up somewhere if they totally click. I don't like feeling like I'm a sportcar still in neutral spinning my wheels in the dirt not going anywhere, metaphorically speaking.

3. Converting me to Catholicism. This might sound very silly but this is an important thing to me. I just can't as a free spirit commit myself to a sect of Christianity that imposes so many archaic rules on their followers. I more or less grew up in a pretty liberal Pentecostal Church where we actually did fun things like go horseback riding when i was in their Youth group or have a family Rollerskating night with the church, not think every single thing we did or didn't do was a sin. Oh, and then there was all the fun we kids had after church on Sunday with the Pastor's son and daughter where it as like a Zombie Apocalypse scenario as we girls barricaded ourselves in the rectory to get away from the boys who would always try to terrorize us and get in. I want my belief in God to be fun and exciting, not bogged down in dull ceremonies that are sleep inducing brainwashing techniques to me.

Any man that can respect my wishes and what makes me feel comfortable with myself is pretty good to me. It's just that for too long I've let other people dictate my life for me, trying to get me to change that I'm not having it anymore. People just accept me as is, whether they agree with me or not, or not at all. I'm sick of having to live up to other people's expectations. I'm going to live up to my own, however meek or fantastical they might be.

 

[DarthDaveBanner]

I've been with this girl a few weeks and its not really working out....I've told her this but she has threatened to hurt herself if I leave her.

Any suggestions?

 

[Godzilla2000]

I've been with this girl a few weeks and its not really working out....I've told her this but she has threatened to hurt herself if I leave her.

Any suggestions?

Does she live with anyone else like a room mate or parents? I think my first thought in that case would be to talk to whomever she lives with and tell them she needs serious help because she's suicidal after you told her you wanted to leave her. This is not a healthy atmosphere for you to be living in. She's very desperate to control you in this type of manner and you need not feel guilty about what she is doing, but before you go let people who care about her know about her destructive behavior. You have to get out of this situation before it starts eating at you. She can't force you to love her and you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. If she has no problems harming herself, she sounds like in the long term she'd have no trouble with harming you in some way. Please just cut all ties with her immediately with no regrets and get support from your own friends and family because this girl sounds like she needs some serious psychiatric help.

 

[DarthDaveBanner]

That does make the most sense.....but still I'm a bit of a pushover so I know I'll end up feeling guilty.

 

[AndThePickles]

Call her bluff...if she threatens to hurt herself again, call 9-1-1

 

[SpideyVille]

Why not just say that if she doesn't let you break it off, then you'll hurt yourself?

 

[Erzengel]

As cold as this may sound, you shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed by her. Tell her family or friends what she said then walk away. It shouldn't be your responsibility to stay with her especially if you aren't happy.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well my friends think this girl is dissing me. I've been reluctant to say that she was doing it intentionally, but one way or another I'm starting to think it's time to make myself less available to her.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Not only make yourself less available, but make yourself not available at all. If she's trying to manipulate your emotional response to her to get you to stay with her this is not a healthy thing for you to subject yourself to. If you feel emotional turmoil in her presence then this is a person you must disconnect from completely because it's obviously a toxic atmosphere that will not be beneficial for you in the long run.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

2. Drugs, including Marijuana.

"Don't condescend me, man."

I won't date the following... racists, religious fundies, conservatives, people who like 'Two and a half men'. That's about it.

 

[Godzilla2000]

"Don't condescend me, man."

I won't date the following... racists, religious fundies, conservatives, people who like 'Two and a half men'. That's about it.

No offense, but I just don't think you'd ever get out of the locker room area in the ballpark metaphorically speaking.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

I won't date the following... racists, religious fundies, conservatives, people who like 'Two and a half men'. That's about it.

I would only date a racist if they hated every race on Earth equally.
I don't know what 'religious fundies' are, are they erotic underpants with sexy Jesus images printed on them?
I don't know what the definition of a conservative is where you live, but where i am, it is not that big a deal, unless you are Margaret Thatcher.
'Two and a half men', dude, that is the demographic you *should* be targeting, they might actually laugh at your gags, well, two and a half of them anyway. haha

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

No offense, but I just don't think you'd ever get out of the locker room area in the ballpark metaphorically speaking.

Seriously, i think getting stoned would do you a lot of good. Unclog a lot of that gunk you have floating around in your head.
I mean, that stuff you posted about not wanting to go to the beach, do you seriously go around thinking about that kind of stuff?
I mean, you must if you think it's so imporatnt that the wolrd needs to know about that train of thought you have.
Wear some sun tan lotion, stay in the shade, drink water...pretty simple solutions to what you were talking about if you fell in love with some surfer dude.
unless of course the real problem is that you feel more uncomfortable with being exposed physically, and that is just a symptom that contrbutes to you getting hot and flustered, which happens when folk get anxious.
Because, you did go out of your way to say that was not the problem, whereas the rest of your problme was easily solved. I mean, you don't have any kind of special physical condition that prevents you from being out in the sun right?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Not only make yourself less available, but make yourself not available at all. If she's trying to manipulate your emotional response to her to get you to stay with her this is not a healthy thing for you to subject yourself to. If you feel emotional turmoil in her presence then this is a person you must disconnect from completely because it's obviously a toxic atmosphere that will not be beneficial for you in the long run.

I wouldn't say emotional turmoil. Her and I aren't at the point to really have "emotions" involved.

We've been talking for a few weeks now, and on both ends trying to set something up. But everytime we try to make plans, one or the other person has been busy.

Well, talking one time, we figured out that we both have a class at the same time in the same building. She began talking about how it was weird that we hadn't seen each other, and she wanted to fix that, and get together sometime. Again, for various reasons, when we tried to figure out our schedules to meet up, one or the other of us had something going on and didn't have time to meet up after class.

There was something I began noticing about her - she absolutely sucks at responding to texts or Facebook messages. Now, she's really good about initiating contact - it was getting to a point where I'd make a Facebook status, and then she was texting me to talk about it. She was real good about initiating contact in various ways, but continuing the conversation wasn't a strong point.

Well, she contacted me one day to tell me she was going to be on campus, in the building where we share our class, and her on campus schedule for the day. When I had some free time, I contacted her to ask her if she was still there, and since I had a little over an hour free, I decided to head on over to try to see her. I texted her when I got there - no response. After waiting for a few minutes, I called her - no answer. And finally, after having waited for her for a bit and not seeing her, I sent her another text telling her that I had to leave, but if she was available after her thing was over, I was going to have another block of free time, and since we missed each other we could get together then. No response.

And I haven't heard back from her since then. Giving the benefit of the doubt that perhaps it was a weird misunderstanding, I sent her a text the next day asking if she wanted to get together during our break period (at least I -think- she has a break at the same time as me, based on how she's talked about us getting together in the past), and again, no break.

A friend of mine said that one missed meeting doesn't necessarily equate to her blowing me off, but a string of her not contacting me afterwards most likely is. And a couple of my girlfriends have now decided that they don't like her and she's just a "*****" - I wouldn't go that far, but I think I agree it's time to back off. She knows how to get ahold of me if she wants to see me.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Seriously, i think getting stoned would do you a lot of good. Unclog a lot of that gunk you have floating around in your head.

Not interested in your sharia fueled opinion.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Not interested in your sharia fueled opinion.

the getting stoned part was a joke, but i was serious about the other aspects.
but, of course, there is no way you would ever entertain such a sensible insight into your problems in regard to the beach, as it would undermine all of your anti-plastic surgery tirades in regards to how easy it is for folk to just ignore the stares of ignorant people.

 

[terry78]

Freud would have a field day on this thread.