Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[BlackLantern]

Erz is right....most people don't remember their first time all that fondly....I sure as hell don't

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I know what you meant, Erz. I was just explaining my point of view on the subject.

And I know not every intimate moment I'll experience in my life is going to be perfect and romantic. I just want them to be at least good experiences.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Who wants them to be bad ones? Unless you are a masochist?

 

[Erzengel]

You also can't force them. They'll happen naturally at sometimes opportune and non opportune times.

I remember some former friends who's first kiss was after he just made a strike in bowling and she congratulated him. I admit not the most romantic moment but sometimes it just happens.

I guess what I'm saying is to just take things as they come.

And I just want to add, his view on "ruining" your first experience by being more experienced than you, kinda shows maybe he's not as experienced as he may think.

 

[BlackLantern]

Ive done it in the parking lot of a bowling alley in the back of a rental car.....one of my fondest memories because it was very spontaneous

 

[Angel_Faerie]

That's why I haven't made a move when it comes to kissing. I don't want to force anything and seem too aggressive.

 

[Erzengel]

You've been on 4 dates, I think you leaning in for a kiss really shouldn't be seen as being too aggressive.

Then again, I wonder how more emotionally involved you will get if this becomes physical and he continues to sit on the pot.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I'm also worried about rejection. I've been rejected more times than I can count. Until I started dating Ephraim (that's his name) I had only been in internet-based relationships (three to be exact) and I was convinced that was the only action I was going to get because no guys in this area paid one ounce of attention to me outside of a friend capacity. I've made moves and tried to kiss guys I've liked in the past. Never ended well. I know this is a different situation, and if it explodes in my face I think I'll be ok, but rejection still isn't fun and that worry is still there.

 

[BlackLantern]

its why I just deal with escorts now

 

[venom892]

oh BL you make life simple.Also kissing someone shouldn't be a life or death situation. Plus when kissing someone the feeling it gives you gives you an indication of how you feel about the person. For example I had a blind date with someone Saturday. We made out a bit and I knew that I would never get serious with her after that.

 

[BlackLantern]

as simple as I can....I actually did a cost benefit analysis on a conventional relationship vs. an escort....and its actually cheaper the less conventional way

 

[amazingfantasy15]

as simple as I can....I actually did a cost benefit analysis on a conventional relationship vs. an escort....and its actually cheaper the less conventional way

Yup, because money spent is the most important thing in a relationship.

No, we haven't kissed yet. There have been a few moments where it could have happened had I made a move but I chickened out for a couple reasons.

A. Nerves. I've never kissed, and he has (quite a bit according to his reputation). Don't want to disappoint him and end up ruining everything.

B. I didn't want to come off as too aggressive and forward and try and do something he isn't comfortable with. I don't know when would be too soon or when isn't soon enough. Funnily enough he mentioned something similar the other night. He said he didn't know how fast to go because of my inexperience and he doesn't want to try and do something when I don't feel ready.

A bad first kiss will only ruin things with an *********. You can even make a game of it if it is, like we just need more practice.

One first date I had the girl was the one that made the move, it definitely caught me off guard, but also definitely got me to call for a second date. When I kissed my girlfriend for the first time it was in the middle of a crowded street, a little awkward, but also didn't want the awkward end of date kiss. She mentioned several times how shocked she was I went for it, but also how awesome too. You just have to go for it.

Anyone who would stop seeing you for waiting on thnigs to get physical isn't worth your time, totally agree with Anita there. However, I still think it'll help put the ex out of his mind.

 

[BlackLantern]

Yup, because money spent is the most important thing in a relationship.

Financial issues are the leading cause of divorce here in the US....I grew up with my parents arguing and most of the time, those arguments were about guess what? money

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I guess I can try and make a move the next time we see each other if the moment feels right. Still kind of worried he won't feel comfortable with it and reject me, though. Like I said earlier, I've tried to kiss guys I've liked before. Never ended well.

 

[Anubis]

ATTACK HUG!

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Yeah... *shame*

 

[Anubis]

I think what it ultimately comes down to is that, you like wishy washy *****e bags.

Like, don't do that.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I guess I can try and make a move the next time we see each other if the moment feels right. Still kind of worried he won't feel comfortable with it and reject me, though. Like I said earlier, I've tried to kiss guys I've liked before. Never ended well.

Were you dating them at the time?

 

[Angel_Faerie]

No. But I wanted to date them. Asked them out, too. But I either got plain old "No" or the "Just Friends" speech. I've heard that damn thing so many times I swear I could recite it by heart.

 

[BlackLantern]

and they didn't want to date you....well it happens

world keeps spinning

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I guess I can try and make a move the next time we see each other if the moment feels right. Still kind of worried he won't feel comfortable with it and reject me, though. Like I said earlier, I've tried to kiss guys I've liked before. Never ended well.

Yeah I would initiate some physical contact, or some form of sexual energy.

It's interesting to me that you're here talking about him but you're worried about whether he will go for you or not. Guys want girls thinking about them, obsessing over them, etc. Generally that's how 'playas' operate. By making you chase them a little more than they chase you. It's kind of a bait and switch.

If you're a little nervous about kissing him, what I'd do is flirt with him suggestively and see what his reaction is. If he bites on it and flirts back that'll be your greenlight to initiate physical contact. If he acts oblivious to sexual or suggestive comments, or attempts to divert the conversation, then he won't respond well to you trying to kiss him.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Financial issues are the leading cause of divorce here in the US....I grew up with my parents arguing and most of the time, those arguments were about guess what? money

Yeah, but you're talking about two different things the way I see.

Money spent on being in a relationship, as in how much you're spending going on dates with a girl.

Financial issues leading to a divorce, the way a couple manages or mismanages their combined finances, a lot of those issues can also stem from other sources, loss of a job, medical bills, living beyond their means...

Things that have nothing to do with going out to a nice dinner the a girl you're dating vs. paying a chick to bang you and leave.

 

[BlackLantern]

I think those things are intertwined....it all starts with dinner, next thing you know you're getting yelled at for buying a toolbox instead of taking her out to dinner

 

[Anita18]

B. I didn't want to come off as too aggressive and forward and try and do something he isn't comfortable with. I don't know when would be too soon or when isn't soon enough. Funnily enough he mentioned something similar the other night. He said he didn't know how fast to go because of my inexperience and he doesn't want to try and do something when I don't feel ready.

Yeah, that's complicated when you're so inexperienced you don't even know what you want and when you're ready.

My suggestion is to stop making it such a big deal. As I said, even when it's not someone's "first time" doing something, it'd still be their first time doing it with you.

Firsts are important for me, because you never get a chance to have that very first again. Sure it can be the first with a specific person, but you only get one shot to have a very first kiss or very first time having sex. Kissing isn't a massive, huge deal for me (though I do consider it important), but sex is. When I finally do have sex with someone, I want to be 100% sure I'm making the right choice and 100% ready for it. I don't want to look back on it with regret saying "I wish I had saved my first time for so-and-so". I want to look back fondly. I want it to be special. Not perfect, of course, but I want it to be a good experience at least.

IMO it entirely, entirely depends on your partner. I'm telling you this as a girl who until fairly recently was a virgin too. I probably beat everyone here - 26.

You have to trust them 100%, that's the most important thing. The girl friends I've talked to about this, none of them say that they wish they had lost their virginity sooner. Usually they wish they had waited until they had found a guy they could trust 100%. It's not about having "one shot at a first time." I actually don't remember my "first time," because we'd been fooling around for quite a while before actually doing the deed, but I don't have bad memories of any of it because he made me feel very comfortable. It wasn't special because it was my first time, it was special because my partner made me feel comfortable.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Yeah, that's complicated when you're so inexperienced you don't even know what you want and when you're ready.

My suggestion is to stop making it such a big deal. As I said, even when it's not someone's "first time" doing something, it'd still be their first time doing it with you.


IMO it entirely, entirely depends on your partner. I'm telling you this as a girl who until fairly recently was a virgin too. I probably beat everyone here - 26.

You have to trust them 100%, that's the most important thing. The girl friends I've talked to about this, none of them say that they wish they had lost their virginity sooner. Usually they wish they had waited until they had found a guy they could trust 100%. It's not about having "one shot at a first time." I actually don't remember my "first time," because we'd been fooling around for quite a while before actually doing the deed, but I don't have bad memories of any of it because he made me feel very comfortable. It wasn't special because it was my first time, it was special because my partner made me feel comfortable.

I have zero experience, more or less. I've had three long-distance internet relationships, but I never got to meet any of them in person. So these issues never really were issues. I talked about this stuff with each of them when I was with each respective guy, but it never happened because they never came to visit (though every single one of them planned on visiting but for one reason or another they never did).

Part of what is adding to me making a big deal out of this is because I never thought I'd be in a position like this. I thought I'd either be a spinster or be stuck with internet relationships and that would be that. I'd accepted that and was pretty happy on my own after my last breakup in February. Then suddenly all this happens and I'm thrown for a loop. I have no idea what I'm doing. I try and keep calm and just act normal when I'm around him, even though I'm bundle of excitement, nervousness/uncertainty, and hormones. He can tell sometimes and tells me not to be so nervous but I can't help myself. I'm nervous that one wrong move or word and POOF it'll disappear and I'll never see the guy whose company I've really started to enjoy again.

And as for your last paragraph, that's sort of what I was getting at with some of what I was saying, I'm just not as articulate. Basically what I was trying to say is that I want my first time to be enjoyable (though not perfect, I know it'll be awkward) with someone I completely trust and am wholly comfortable with and that I'll never look back on it and think it was the wrong choice.