The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[hopefuldreamer]

Hi Hope, I haven't posted in ages but I just read your last few posts and you seem like you're maybe in a bit of a pickle. You can tell me to bugger off if you want but my thoughts are that this might be something you've rushed into or have not thought through enough. Living with limited space means you can't ever get any alone time or privacy, him being out of work makes this even more of a problem as you say, and having all his belongings there as well is just adding to the situation.

What I find the strangest thing about this though is the no sex thing for quite a while? That to me is a bit worrying. You say that you missed him and sex when you were apart and yet he has turned down or not even wanted sex with you on a few occasions since. I find this really weird as when I'm with a new girlfriend we tend to want each other a lot most of the time, especially as you guys haven't even been together that long too.

I may be wrong and I will apologise if I am, but I don't think this guy is really into you properly. He should be far more receptive to you and to sex and the fact he doesn't seem to want you is a bit of a warning sign to me.

I hope he is not using you for something casual that he can use when it suits him, and also for a place to stay?

If it was me I would be making it very clear that he needs to get a place to live as quickly as possible (in a gently persuasive way).

Sorry Hope, I may be totally wrong but a guy who has lost his job, has no place to live and doesn't even seem to want you sexually very much is an accident waiting to happen in my opinion, and doesn't promise much of a future together. Also he should be sorting out the furniture and plumbing in the washing machine etc as soon as possible, that's the first thing he should be doing to make sure that your home is manageable and how you want it. Tell him to put down the spliff and the booze for a while and do the things he has to. Being in your home he has to play by your rules, just don't let things slide or not get done while you are at the start of this thing, set some house rules and make sure he knows you wont just put up with stuff or he may take advantage.

Hope I wasn't too harsh as I don't know the full story or either of you guys personally, but I'm just worried you'll be hurt or have a crappy time for a while if it goes wrong and he wont leave or something? Good luck anyway Hopey . Okay, I'll bugger off now.

Nah, thanks for the honest opinion

Nothing you said isn't stuff i'm not already thinking.

He's not a total layabout. He isn't a totally lazy person. He chose to do the later shifts at his job BECAUSE they were busier and he hates being bored at work.

I just spoke to him and he said he's currently trying to sort out/clean my place up a bit, and i'm hope that when I get back it'll look a lot better. I told him i'm going to a friends house tonight, and i'm glad I decided to do that because I don't have to top MY life just because he's there and i'm thinking 'oh, well he'll be bored and have nothing to do'... cause it's insane, he's no more bored than he was before at his own place i'm sure.

It is way too much to take on all at once. I feel like i've barely had time to see how the word 'boyfriend' tastes in my mouth, and all of a sudden I feel like I am experiencing relationship issues that aren't supposed to happen until way down the line when your both totally at ease with each other and know how to pick up on how the other is feeling.

The sex thing...

I never thought i'd be like this, but it's a much bigger issue than I thought.

I don't have to have sex with him every time I see him. I don't have to have sex with him every time we're in a bed together (though i'd prefer it if he tried). But to go this long without, and feel like i'm the only one who it's even making uncomfortable... that bothers me.

It definitely makes me think either i'm not hot enough to him, or he's sexually apathetic. Neither of which bode well.

But again... maybe once all this has settled down a bit, we can get it back on track. It's all been so up in the air. Who knows what he's thinking? Maybe he thinks not trying it on last night was something nice, because he's only just moved in and doesn't want to freak me out by pushing it? I really don't know.

Once again... as with pretty much everything... all I can do now, is wait and see!

I told him to send me his CV and i'll print him off some copies at work. I feel like if we can just get him a job, then I can re asses how the relationship works from there.

It's not the first time i've had someone without a job stay in that place with me. I had my old housemate there too. But that was easier for several reasons.

1. He didn't have tonnes of stuff, just a bag, 2. There was no relationship/sex pressure 3. I'd known him for years and lived with him before, so we were used to being in each others company and just getting on with our own thing... so he'd read on the sofa while I watched tv, or vice versa.

This is much more intense.

But yeah, hopefully it won't be for too long. Or hopefully if he gets a job soon, it will at least be less suffocating.

 

[enterthemadness]

Just a little update on me. Erz said something about me in this thread and it lit a fire under me.


So, early Sept interviewed and hired on same day at a haunted house attraction. And it's awesome. Seasonal gig. Opening week was this Fri and Sat.

Shortly after that, decided to reapply at local community college here and go after a grant or loan. Did my FAFSA and redid my placement tests and qualify for a grant. School starts in January.

This past Wed I interviewed and got hired on the spot at Buffalo Wild Wings at $8.25 an hour. It's part time, 25 or so hours a week I think, maybe closer to 30, cause I am doing the both jobs. And the haunted gig...so awesome. Scaring people. Makes for some crazy sch/work hours. For example, the next two Fridays I work 11am to 5pm at Buffalo, and then 5:30pm to at least 12am at the haunted attractions. Open at 7, but need to get there early for make up. At some point, my voice is gonna be thrown the **** out from the noise/screech I make as a zombie.


And I am talking to a woman on POF...I find her to be hot, but I am careful...she has a past, and that is all I will say. Hot, but cautious. Have a date, perhaps, on the 28th, cause that is my next day off. Was gonna be Thursday, but I work that night it turns out.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Hi Retro, sorry to hear about your break up man. It seems quite a few of us on here are having a mad or rough time lately, I guess life throws stuff at us all at some point doesn't it. I've got a futon in my lounge if you want to crash for a while mate, but I'm in Brum and you are in London aren't you?
Screw it, I'll move in with you if you want to get a two bed or bigger place mate, we can become partners in crime and London town wont know whats hit it! t:

As long as we are home by 10.30 though so I can have my warm milk before bedtime. I'm so punk rock.

^^^
That is the first out loud laugh I have had in a long time mate... t:
And I'm about 30 miles north of London, ever heard of Hemel Hempstead? No? I thought not...

The thing that you don't actually know is that I am often in bed during the week by around 10:30 as I often get up at 06:00 to go to my gym!!!

EDIT
If you do know, then stop the hell spying on me!

 

[Greeneyes]

Nah, thanks for the honest opinion

Nothing you said isn't stuff i'm not already thinking.

He's not a total layabout. He isn't a totally lazy person. He chose to do the later shifts at his job BECAUSE they were busier and he hates being bored at work.

I just spoke to him and he said he's currently trying to sort out/clean my place up a bit, and i'm hope that when I get back it'll look a lot better. I told him i'm going to a friends house tonight, and i'm glad I decided to do that because I don't have to top MY life just because he's there and i'm thinking 'oh, well he'll be bored and have nothing to do'... cause it's insane, he's no more bored than he was before at his own place i'm sure.

It is way too much to take on all at once. I feel like i've barely had time to see how the word 'boyfriend' tastes in my mouth, and all of a sudden I feel like I am experiencing relationship issues that aren't supposed to happen until way down the line when your both totally at ease with each other and know how to pick up on how the other is feeling.

The sex thing...

I never thought i'd be like this, but it's a much bigger issue than I thought.

I don't have to have sex with him every time I see him. I don't have to have sex with him every time we're in a bed together (though i'd prefer it if he tried). But to go this long without, and feel like i'm the only one who it's even making uncomfortable... that bothers me.

It definitely makes me think either i'm not hot enough to him, or he's sexually apathetic. Neither of which bode well.

But again... maybe once all this has settled down a bit, we can get it back on track. It's all been so up in the air. Who knows what he's thinking? Maybe he thinks not trying it on last night was something nice, because he's only just moved in and doesn't want to freak me out by pushing it? I really don't know.

Once again... as with pretty much everything... all I can do now, is wait and see!

I told him to send me his CV and i'll print him off some copies at work. I feel like if we can just get him a job, then I can re asses how the relationship works from there.

It's not the first time i've had someone without a job stay in that place with me. I had my old housemate there too. But that was easier for several reasons.

1. He didn't have tonnes of stuff, just a bag, 2. There was no relationship/sex pressure 3. I'd known him for years and lived with him before, so we were used to being in each others company and just getting on with our own thing... so he'd read on the sofa while I watched tv, or vice versa.

This is much more intense.

But yeah, hopefully it won't be for too long. Or hopefully if he gets a job soon, it will at least be less suffocating.

Maybe I'm just a silly romantic who thinks that meeting someone and moving in together really quick should be a crazy whirlwind of passionate sex and long intimate talks while cuddling or when taking walks together hand in hand and then getting two kittens obviously called Clark and Lois. This to me is normal life t:

Seriously though, you seem to be pretty aware of what's going on and understand your own feelings really well, but as you say it's just all too much all at once at the moment. You are helping him out big time and even offering to do his CV's at work for him shows that you are caring and trying to help him and this will then obviously help you and the relationship. I'm sure he would feel better himself too if he finds a job and things will then improve all round.

Also without wanting to sound like an old ocd nun or something, if you guys can get your flat sorted out and as organised and uncluttered as possible it will really help your states of mind, then you guys can focus on job hunting and sensual massages and energetic rampant fornication with lots of cuddles, chats, walks in the rain and of course the Clois kitties!

It would be interesting how you would be feeling right now if you had two bedrooms and he was able to live as a lodger/lover/boyfriend? Maybe you guys should think about renting a bigger place if you get on well together once he's back in work?

Time will tell as you say.

I now want to walk hand in hand in the rain with someone I love, have slow sensual sex with them and buy two small furry animals that will occasionally poop on my floor but we can play and cuddle with them on rainy Sunday mornings after I've cooked eggs and made the coffee.

You'd never guess I'm single at the moment would you

 

[Greeneyes]

^^^
That is the first out loud laugh I have had in a long time mate... t:
And I'm about 30 miles north of London, ever heard of Hemel Hempstead? No? I thought not...

The thing that you don't actually know is that I am often in bed during the week by around 10:30 as I often get up at 06:00 to go to my gym!!!

EDIT
If you do know, then stop the hell spying on me!

Haha, I don't spy anymore because of those stupid police people and those court orders that are just so so silly, I mean as if I'm a danger to anyone these days ha...but I know you go to the gym to do crazy painful things to yourself as I do read the fitness thread sometimes and have also been known to lift things for no reason and then put them back down again.

Your vids doing flagpole thingamies and jumping up to the handrails are cool and inspiring and your amazing before and after pics when you were an out of shape chubster addicted to nasty kebabs, ale by the barrel load, women of ill repute and very possibly a candy crush fetish and then now you are transformed with packs of six and lean muscled bad assery like a Vulcan male model who has had ear surgery to fit in with us crazy lot.

You will live longish and you will possibly prosper depending on if you marry a half Human half Klingon hottie who will kill you in your bed during an aggressive bonk. (can't you tell I'm single at the moment)

I have stopped at Hemel Hempstead quite a few times on the train to London but I never had the need or interest to get off the train and investigate. Maybe I'm missing out. It would be sweet if you could give us some places of interest in Hamill Hampsters and a good pubs/brothels guide.

Retro, I think in the dark of night you should change Hemel Hempsteads train stations name on the signs to Enamel Hampsters or Hamills Hempbed or both as there are multiple name signs I believe. People going through on the trains would all have that kind of look on their faces when they think they saw something and they would turn to each other on the train with confused looks which could possibly lead to people becoming lifelong friends or even just the briefest of lovers, all because of you.

God it could be beautiful.



I have partaken in Sunday drinks if you are wondering about the crazy t:

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
Keep 'em coming...

 

[Greeneyes]

^^^
Keep 'em coming...

Yeah, I'll stop now . I do like the train idea though.

Your fitness transformation is seriously inspiring though, hope you don't think I'm taking the piss with my previous post.

Enjoy your New York trip man, you may meet a cosplay lady of your dreams!

Wish I was going with you mate

 

[Anita18]

It is way too much to take on all at once. I feel like i've barely had time to see how the word 'boyfriend' tastes in my mouth, and all of a sudden I feel like I am experiencing relationship issues that aren't supposed to happen until way down the line when your both totally at ease with each other and know how to pick up on how the other is feeling.

I can pick up on what my husband is feeling, but I still won't know why he's feeling it unless I ask him. I mean, I HAVE gotten good at guessing, but it's good to give the other person a chance to speak their mind about things like this. You want to give them autonomy, instead of treating them like a robot.

And it's also like, some people are good for casual relationships but aren't compatible for longer-term ones. It sounds like it was nice hanging out with him, but either it's too early for the serious living-together thing, or that he's simply irresponsible in other parts of his life.

The sex thing...

I never thought i'd be like this, but it's a much bigger issue than I thought.

I don't have to have sex with him every time I see him. I don't have to have sex with him every time we're in a bed together (though i'd prefer it if he tried). But to go this long without, and feel like i'm the only one who it's even making uncomfortable... that bothers me.

It definitely makes me think either i'm not hot enough to him, or he's sexually apathetic. Neither of which bode well.

The solution is one of either two things, and you'll have to determine whether it will do:

1. Talk to him about him initiating more. If it's just the initiating bothering you, this will be fine. BUT if the issue is "I need him to WANT it without prompting" then it won't be enough, because you'll have had to tell him.
2. If you want him to inherently initiate sex because it makes you feel unattractive if you had to tell him, then the only thing to do is to wait and see if your sex drives are actually at the same level, after the stress of moving in (and hopefully finding a job) have passed. Not everyone wants sex at the same rate. But from what you've described to me, it also partly sounds like he's blase like you mentioned before re: his previous gfs. He doesn't try very hard. Even if my husband can't get it up, he'll use other ways of pleasing me. I think wanting to please someone, and not just in sex, is important in a long-term relationship. And you'll have to determine whether that's a dealbreaker.

Just the initiation is a communication issue. The differing sex drives is a compatibility issue, and will be harder to fix if it's really important to you.

The other thing is, you can't always use "This man wants to have sex with me" as a validation of your relationship and attractiveness, and thus worth as a woman. I know, this is I think only the second bf you've had, and the first turned out to be gay and gave you a complex. I understand that. But it's something that you can work on as well. You shouldn't have to use sex as validation for anything. But since you're here and it's what you have, it's important that he knows how important it is to you.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I'm kind of at a stand still right now. Me and my girlfriend publicly came out as a couple about two months ago, and for the most part, a lot of people that we know, or she knows all agree that it was the best thing she could have ever done because they couldn't stand her ex, and after meeting me, they say things like I'm a keeper and stuff. So it's been pretty good, but now that classes are in session for her, we're starting to deal with the issue of certain friends of her, who are part of the theater group that I used to be part of, have subtly made it known that they don't approve of it because they either don't approve of me, or they don't approve of how we started.

Now that was expected and we've worked around it by sticking close to the few people who have supported us and our decisions for the last 6 months. But the most recent incident involves her ex, who showed up to two parties in the last two weekends that he wasn't even invited to. We couldn't make the first one, but we showed up to the second one and even though we only saw him for a few seconds and he didn't approach us or anything, I'm now hearing that the reason he left when we came was because he wanted to fight me. This is the second time I've heard something like this, the first being a couple of months ago before we were publicly together, because he had just seen her for the first time since the breakup, which was 5 months ago, and he had tried to pull the "let's be friends" card on her, but she quickly caught on that he was back to his old tricks of forcing his way into her life. He had told her he was going to pick her up from class after they had agreed to just talk through phone, and after she insisted on texting him instead, he started ranting about she really needs to call him, which then turn into a long text battle where he told her people were brainwashing her and that she should get back with him.

Now all bias aside, from the things I've seen and heard about him and their relationship, not just from her, but a bunch of people who knew them, he did some pretty f-ed up things and his intentions became very clear to her now that she realized what she had gotten into with him. Because of that alone, I have no respect for him. But now, I really don't know what to do because he's really pissed me off in terms of how poorly he treated her for years, but as much as I know I shouldn't do anything to provoke him, he makes it hard on her now because they had the same group of friends and she met them all through him and its made things so awkward for her because she considers them her closest friends since the were the first group of people to accept her in college, but I also have my own opinions of them since I was close to many of them back when I was there, but they seemed to turn on me and reject me after I graduated and tried to do my own thing. I feel like there's a group mentality amongst them and with her ex making sure that he's the loudest guy in the group and the room, I don't know what to do about the whole situation. i honestly want her ex to come start something with me so I can have a reason to shut him up, but I know that's not right, but I know he's also giving a lot of people reasons to hate her based on how their relationship ended.

 

[Anita18]

So I'm kind of at a stand still right now. Me and my girlfriend publicly came out as a couple about two months ago, and for the most part, a lot of people that we know, or she knows all agree that it was the best thing she could have ever done because they couldn't stand her ex, and after meeting me, they say things like I'm a keeper and stuff. So it's been pretty good, but now that classes are in session for her, we're starting to deal with the issue of certain friends of her, who are part of the theater group that I used to be part of, have subtly made it known that they don't approve of it because they either don't approve of me, or they don't approve of how we started.

Now that was expected and we've worked around it by sticking close to the few people who have supported us and our decisions for the last 6 months. But the most recent incident involves her ex, who showed up to two parties in the last two weekends that he wasn't even invited to. We couldn't make the first one, but we showed up to the second one and even though we only saw him for a few seconds and he didn't approach us or anything, I'm now hearing that the reason he left when we came was because he wanted to fight me. This is the second time I've heard something like this, the first being a couple of months ago before we were publicly together, because he had just seen her for the first time since the breakup, which was 5 months ago, and he had tried to pull the "let's be friends" card on her, but she quickly caught on that he was back to his old tricks of forcing his way into her life. He had told her he was going to pick her up from class after they had agreed to just talk through phone, and after she insisted on texting him instead, he started ranting about she really needs to call him, which then turn into a long text battle where he told her people were brainwashing her and that she should get back with him.

Now all bias aside, from the things I've seen and heard about him and their relationship, not just from her, but a bunch of people who knew them, he did some pretty f-ed up things and his intentions became very clear to her now that she realized what she had gotten into with him. Because of that alone, I have no respect for him. But now, I really don't know what to do because he's really pissed me off in terms of how poorly he treated her for years, but as much as I know I shouldn't do anything to provoke him, he makes it hard on her now because they had the same group of friends and she met them all through him and its made things so awkward for her because she considers them her closest friends since the were the first group of people to accept her in college, but I also have my own opinions of them since I was close to many of them back when I was there, but they seemed to turn on me and reject me after I graduated and tried to do my own thing. I feel like there's a group mentality amongst them and with her ex making sure that he's the loudest guy in the group and the room, I don't know what to do about the whole situation. i honestly want her ex to come start something with me so I can have a reason to shut him up, but I know that's not right, but I know he's also giving a lot of people reasons to hate her based on how their relationship ended.

Your relationship is no one's business but your own.

And the status of "friends" can change depending on how you change as a person. You don't owe anyone undying loyalty because they were nice to you in the past. Especially if they're judging you now for what you do. But that's all in her hands, because it's her ex and her friends. If you get involved with her ex, you'll have a lot more drama on your hands that wasn't your business to begin with. First, it's her ex, and second, it's in the past. She's with you now. At most, get involved enough to tell him that your relationship is your business and not his, and leave it at that.

Nobody "makes" people feel or think things. Know that. If her friends are that ready to turn on her because of what some controlling jerk tells them, that says FAR more about them than it does about the two of you.

It's hard because she's in college and they were nice to her in the past, but nothing is forever in this life. If they're hurting her now, either she sucks it up and doesn't let it get to her (the same for you), or she lets them go.


I mean, not everyone is crazy about my husband. He's antisocial and extremely sheltered and sometimes has ignorant ways of expressing himself, to say the least. But I know the way he treats me, and it's better than anyone else has ever treated me. (And I have pretty high standards!) Maybe that means I'm a loser who can't find a perfect husband everybody loves, but again, that's no one's business but my own. Even people who don't think he's perfect, they see how he well he treats me and cares for me, and that's enough for them. That's by far the most important thing.

My parents always side-eyed my sister's ex because of how they started (he was dating multiple women and my sister was led to believe it was exclusive, but they sorted it out), but they were willing to give him a shot nevertheless. It was when they saw the way he treated her, the writing was on the wall for that.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So last night he settled a lot of my worries.

I went to a friends, didn't get back till late. When I said I would be coming home soon, he told me to give him some warning and I did wonder why.

But then I get back and he's sorted the place out so it looks like a flat again instead of just a pile of boxes

There's a wardrobe up that he's put all my clothes in, there's a coffee table set up with some of his stuff on, and he's put food (and cider for me) in the fridge.

He's also made my bed with his big comfy blankets and pillows, and lit incense and candles... and it all just looks so nice

So I thanked him, talked to him about getting some headphones so we don't have to worry about him waking me up if he can't sleep, and then sat down to watch a movie.

But yeah... I couldn't just sit there after that. So I did initiate slowly, wound him up on the outside of his clothes until he made a move to remove them

But hey, at least it led to sex.

The initiation thing... I will try and have a proper conversation with him over the next few weeks if I still get nothing.

I was thinking it over a lot, and I think i'd been fine with him doing it because he knows I want him too... it's just as long as I get that reassurance that he's still into me sexually.

I know it's not the be all and end all. But I HAD a relationship where someone was not sexually interested in me. And as this is only my second one, I really don't wanna just do the same thing again. I want it to be different.

Just a little update on me. Erz said something about me in this thread and it lit a fire under me.

So, early Sept interviewed and hired on same day at a haunted house attraction. And it's awesome. Seasonal gig. Opening week was this Fri and Sat.

Shortly after that, decided to reapply at local community college here and go after a grant or loan. Did my FAFSA and redid my placement tests and qualify for a grant. School starts in January.

This past Wed I interviewed and got hired on the spot at Buffalo Wild Wings at $8.25 an hour. It's part time, 25 or so hours a week I think, maybe closer to 30, cause I am doing the both jobs. And the haunted gig...so awesome. Scaring people. Makes for some crazy sch/work hours. For example, the next two Fridays I work 11am to 5pm at Buffalo, and then 5:30pm to at least 12am at the haunted attractions. Open at 7, but need to get there early for make up. At some point, my voice is gonna be thrown the **** out from the noise/screech I make as a zombie.

And I am talking to a woman on POF...I find her to be hot, but I am careful...she has a past, and that is all I will say. Hot, but cautious. Have a date, perhaps, on the 28th, cause that is my next day off. Was gonna be Thursday, but I work that night it turns out.

Glad to hear you're happy All sounds positive enough to me!

So I'm kind of at a stand still right now. Me and my girlfriend publicly came out as a couple about two months ago, and for the most part, a lot of people that we know, or she knows all agree that it was the best thing she could have ever done because they couldn't stand her ex, and after meeting me, they say things like I'm a keeper and stuff. So it's been pretty good, but now that classes are in session for her, we're starting to deal with the issue of certain friends of her, who are part of the theater group that I used to be part of, have subtly made it known that they don't approve of it because they either don't approve of me, or they don't approve of how we started.

Now that was expected and we've worked around it by sticking close to the few people who have supported us and our decisions for the last 6 months. But the most recent incident involves her ex, who showed up to two parties in the last two weekends that he wasn't even invited to. We couldn't make the first one, but we showed up to the second one and even though we only saw him for a few seconds and he didn't approach us or anything, I'm now hearing that the reason he left when we came was because he wanted to fight me. This is the second time I've heard something like this, the first being a couple of months ago before we were publicly together, because he had just seen her for the first time since the breakup, which was 5 months ago, and he had tried to pull the "let's be friends" card on her, but she quickly caught on that he was back to his old tricks of forcing his way into her life. He had told her he was going to pick her up from class after they had agreed to just talk through phone, and after she insisted on texting him instead, he started ranting about she really needs to call him, which then turn into a long text battle where he told her people were brainwashing her and that she should get back with him.

Now all bias aside, from the things I've seen and heard about him and their relationship, not just from her, but a bunch of people who knew them, he did some pretty f-ed up things and his intentions became very clear to her now that she realized what she had gotten into with him. Because of that alone, I have no respect for him. But now, I really don't know what to do because he's really pissed me off in terms of how poorly he treated her for years, but as much as I know I shouldn't do anything to provoke him, he makes it hard on her now because they had the same group of friends and she met them all through him and its made things so awkward for her because she considers them her closest friends since the were the first group of people to accept her in college, but I also have my own opinions of them since I was close to many of them back when I was there, but they seemed to turn on me and reject me after I graduated and tried to do my own thing. I feel like there's a group mentality amongst them and with her ex making sure that he's the loudest guy in the group and the room, I don't know what to do about the whole situation. i honestly want her ex to come start something with me so I can have a reason to shut him up, but I know that's not right, but I know he's also giving a lot of people reasons to hate her based on how their relationship ended.

Group dynamics are incredibly difficult when it comes to messy break ups of any kind. It'd be awkward even if you weren't in the picture, but obviously you are and it adds a that extra dimension.

But really... there is nothing you can do about it.

My advice? Just be the people without the problem. Be confident in your decision.

In my experience, if one side of the break up keeps going on about it and keeps trying to get people 'on side' and making everyone uncomfortable... they are the ones that will end up on the outside looking in.

If he's going to parties and telling people he's got to leave because he wants to start a fight with you... then he's turning himself into the kind of person who people will stop wanting to invite if they know you guys are coming.

And that's on him... and will probably work out nicely for you!

You can't do anything about the way he treated her before, all you can do is treat her way way better

 

[ShadowBoxer]

So things have gotten more interesting for me relationship wise. Like I have mentioned to you all before in this tread, I do have a crush on a girl I met through a mutual friend. We don't see each other much, but whenever we do its instant chemistry and I dare say attraction (though that could be me more so than her). For example, another mutual friend of ours got married a few weeks ago and we both were at the wedding. She looked beautiful and I noticed she was staring a me a LOT at the reception. I was actually the photographer so I couldn't really chat with her that much.

Then last weekend there was this big social event in for young adults at my church (18-30) with fire pits, smores, corn hole, etc. I am 26 and the girl I like is 28. We ended up chatting and I vaguely hinted that I was interested in her. I did in a why that I wasn't directly telling her that I liked HER but still in a way showing I was interested. I did it just to she how she would respond. She kinda gave vague answers but she was still showing mixed signals. But she kept mentioning our friendship so I just assumed she just wanted to be friends.

So I went and talked to anther girl and I noticed she looked kinda ticked. Today, I get a message on Facebook from one of HER friends saying why am I toying with her emotions! I am like WHAT??!!!!!! Can someone explain to me what I did wrong there? I threw out a hint that I was interested but SHE didn't really respond. Now I am the bad guy for simply talking and having a friendly conversation with another girl??

 

[enterthemadness]

My first day at work went well. Short. 10am to bit past Noon, was sch 10-5 though. Turns out while Im in training i may not be required to work entire shift. It seems easy, just a lot to remember and will at times be slammed.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So last night was again snuggled up and was trying to hint a bit... but still feeling frustrated that it's always me, so refused to actually do the move making.

Anyway, after a while of getting nothing back, I decided to just back off... and my discontent must have been fairly obvious, because I got up in a bit of a huff and then proceeded to get my laptop out and sit upright browsing the net. He kept looking at me, and I kept saying 'What?' and he just kept looking at me knowingly and being like 'What's wrong?' and I just kept saying nothing. Eventually, not wanting to deal with the awkwardness, I just fell asleep at 9.30ish.

I wake up at 11.30 to some loud banging around in the kitchen... it was pretty darn obvious that he was deliberately trying to wake me up. I groan a bit, and he says 'aw, you awake'... and i'm like 'well I am now!'. But he's just been to the shop and so he hands me a cider and smiles and kisses me... and then basically kicks into gear and initiates some very decent sex.

Afterwards, he admitted that he knew exactly why I was being pissy, and I was like 'Oh, so you do catch on' and teased him a bit about it. But I did talk to him seriously about the reasons why it's important for me not to be constantly the one making the move, and he said he's not A sexual and of course will, but he just has to be in the mood himself.

I feel much better about it now anyway, hopefully I was worrying about nothing and it will be a regular enough occurrence

Though the sleeping thing is such a big issue. From then, I couldn't get back to sleep until about 3am... partly because i'd had my sleep totally and utterly disrupted, and partly because just when I was about to drop off he'd start changing the channel and being indecisive, and i'd hear him laughing or making a cigarette or opening a can... I just couldn't deal with it. Had to just say 'sorry but you gotta just put on what I can fall asleep to and leave it... at least until i'm actually asleep.

And then I still couldn't sleep... until he actually settled down and fell asleep himself. Then I drifted off no problem.

Really don't know what to do about that. Hopefully it was only such a problem because i'd already slept a few hours and therefore wasn't as tired. But it is REALLY annoying to have someone awake and making noise and stuff when it's such a small space. I was lying there, trying to run my options over in my head - I could try sleeping on the sofa, but it'd still be close enough to be annoyed by the noise. I could grab a blanket and sleep in the hallway... but one of my neighbours might find me and be freaked out. I could try putting headphones on myself and just putting on the kind of thing I usually can fall asleep too... but I think i'd still feel him moving around and it'd bug me.

Oh well, can only try and test these things I guess!

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Tired of getting rejected on POF, Tinder. I am starting to wonder if there truly is a women out there for me.

 

[Anubis]

So last night was again snuggled up and was trying to hint a bit... but still feeling frustrated that it's always me, so refused to actually do the move making.

Anyway, after a while of getting nothing back, I decided to just back off... and my discontent must have been fairly obvious, because I got up in a bit of a huff and then proceeded to get my laptop out and sit upright browsing the net. He kept looking at me, and I kept saying 'What?' and he just kept looking at me knowingly and being like 'What's wrong?' and I just kept saying nothing. Eventually, not wanting to deal with the awkwardness, I just fell asleep at 9.30ish.

I wake up at 11.30 to some loud banging around in the kitchen... it was pretty darn obvious that he was deliberately trying to wake me up. I groan a bit, and he says 'aw, you awake'... and i'm like 'well I am now!'. But he's just been to the shop and so he hands me a cider and smiles and kisses me... and then basically kicks into gear and initiates some very decent sex.

Afterwards, he admitted that he knew exactly why I was being pissy, and I was like 'Oh, so you do catch on' and teased him a bit about it. But I did talk to him seriously about the reasons why it's important for me not to be constantly the one making the move, and he said he's not A sexual and of course will, but he just has to be in the mood himself.

I feel much better about it now anyway, hopefully I was worrying about nothing and it will be a regular enough occurrence

Though the sleeping thing is such a big issue. From then, I couldn't get back to sleep until about 3am... partly because i'd had my sleep totally and utterly disrupted, and partly because just when I was about to drop off he'd start changing the channel and being indecisive, and i'd hear him laughing or making a cigarette or opening a can... I just couldn't deal with it. Had to just say 'sorry but you gotta just put on what I can fall asleep to and leave it... at least until i'm actually asleep.

And then I still couldn't sleep... until he actually settled down and fell asleep himself. Then I drifted off no problem.

Really don't know what to do about that. Hopefully it was only such a problem because i'd already slept a few hours and therefore wasn't as tired. But it is REALLY annoying to have someone awake and making noise and stuff when it's such a small space. I was lying there, trying to run my options over in my head - I could try sleeping on the sofa, but it'd still be close enough to be annoyed by the noise. I could grab a blanket and sleep in the hallway... but one of my neighbours might find me and be freaked out. I could try putting headphones on myself and just putting on the kind of thing I usually can fall asleep too... but I think i'd still feel him moving around and it'd bug me.

Oh well, can only try and test these things I guess!

And there's your answer.

 

[Anita18]

Tired of getting rejected on POF, Tinder. I am starting to wonder if there truly is a women out there for me.

Took me 3 years on POF to find my husband, and I'm not an ogre or anything.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Took me 3 years on POF to find my husband, and I'm not an ogre or anything.

Really? That's interesting well I am glad it isn't just me lol.

 

[Anita18]

Really? That's interesting well I am glad it isn't just me lol.

Yeah, and I'm a 5'5", 115-lb Asian woman. Definitely not an ogre, but between my nerdiness, tomboy-ishness/perceived asexuality, and extreme intelligence that probably intimidates guys, I've only dated two people in my entire life. -shrug-

Finding my husband was mostly a matter of luck, as far as I'm concerned. Just gotta keep putting yourself out there.

 

[Anita18]

Just a little update on me. Erz said something about me in this thread and it lit a fire under me.


So, early Sept interviewed and hired on same day at a haunted house attraction. And it's awesome. Seasonal gig. Opening week was this Fri and Sat.

Shortly after that, decided to reapply at local community college here and go after a grant or loan. Did my FAFSA and redid my placement tests and qualify for a grant. School starts in January.

This past Wed I interviewed and got hired on the spot at Buffalo Wild Wings at $8.25 an hour. It's part time, 25 or so hours a week I think, maybe closer to 30, cause I am doing the both jobs. And the haunted gig...so awesome. Scaring people. Makes for some crazy sch/work hours. For example, the next two Fridays I work 11am to 5pm at Buffalo, and then 5:30pm to at least 12am at the haunted attractions. Open at 7, but need to get there early for make up. At some point, my voice is gonna be thrown the **** out from the noise/screech I make as a zombie.


And I am talking to a woman on POF...I find her to be hot, but I am careful...she has a past, and that is all I will say. Hot, but cautious. Have a date, perhaps, on the 28th, cause that is my next day off. Was gonna be Thursday, but I work that night it turns out.

Meant to reply to this but got lost in the shuffle. Sounds like you're getting some stuff done! Glad to hear it!

 

[Anita18]

So last night was again snuggled up and was trying to hint a bit... but still feeling frustrated that it's always me, so refused to actually do the move making.

Anyway, after a while of getting nothing back, I decided to just back off... and my discontent must have been fairly obvious, because I got up in a bit of a huff and then proceeded to get my laptop out and sit upright browsing the net. He kept looking at me, and I kept saying 'What?' and he just kept looking at me knowingly and being like 'What's wrong?' and I just kept saying nothing. Eventually, not wanting to deal with the awkwardness, I just fell asleep at 9.30ish.

I wake up at 11.30 to some loud banging around in the kitchen... it was pretty darn obvious that he was deliberately trying to wake me up. I groan a bit, and he says 'aw, you awake'... and i'm like 'well I am now!'. But he's just been to the shop and so he hands me a cider and smiles and kisses me... and then basically kicks into gear and initiates some very decent sex.

Afterwards, he admitted that he knew exactly why I was being pissy, and I was like 'Oh, so you do catch on' and teased him a bit about it. But I did talk to him seriously about the reasons why it's important for me not to be constantly the one making the move, and he said he's not A sexual and of course will, but he just has to be in the mood himself.

I feel much better about it now anyway, hopefully I was worrying about nothing and it will be a regular enough occurrence

Though the sleeping thing is such a big issue. From then, I couldn't get back to sleep until about 3am... partly because i'd had my sleep totally and utterly disrupted, and partly because just when I was about to drop off he'd start changing the channel and being indecisive, and i'd hear him laughing or making a cigarette or opening a can... I just couldn't deal with it. Had to just say 'sorry but you gotta just put on what I can fall asleep to and leave it... at least until i'm actually asleep.

And then I still couldn't sleep... until he actually settled down and fell asleep himself. Then I drifted off no problem.

Really don't know what to do about that. Hopefully it was only such a problem because i'd already slept a few hours and therefore wasn't as tired. But it is REALLY annoying to have someone awake and making noise and stuff when it's such a small space. I was lying there, trying to run my options over in my head - I could try sleeping on the sofa, but it'd still be close enough to be annoyed by the noise. I could grab a blanket and sleep in the hallway... but one of my neighbours might find me and be freaked out. I could try putting headphones on myself and just putting on the kind of thing I usually can fall asleep too... but I think i'd still feel him moving around and it'd bug me.

Oh well, can only try and test these things I guess!

Sounds like you'll have to employ some "annoying college roommate" techniques!

Is there a way to block light from the bed? Or wear earplugs? My husband and I lived in a studio for about two years, but it did have a separate space for the kitchen where I would work late at night when he'd sleep. (He's an early bird, I'm a certified night owl!) We had a tall bookshelf that would block most of the light going onto the bed.

It was fine for a while, but then he started to require more darkness, and I bought blackout curtains for the doorway and they worked really well.

My husband was also an early bird in college, where he lived with 2 guys who stayed up much later than he did. He put curtains around his bunk so he could sleep hours before anyone else did, and managed.



Also, your bf purposely waking you with loud banging is seriously not cool. If I have to ask my husband something when he's napping, I poke him very gently on the foot. Loud banging is a HUGE no-no for him! I think it would be obvious the first time someone tried it.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Sounds like you'll have to employ some "annoying college roommate" techniques!

Is there a way to block light from the bed? Or wear earplugs? My husband and I lived in a studio for about two years, but it did have a separate space for the kitchen where I would work late at night when he'd sleep. (He's an early bird, I'm a certified night owl!) We had a tall bookshelf that would block most of the light going onto the bed.

It was fine for a while, but then he started to require more darkness, and I bought blackout curtains for the doorway and they worked really well.

My husband was also an early bird in college, where he lived with 2 guys who stayed up much later than he did. He put curtains around his bunk so he could sleep hours before anyone else did, and managed.

It's not the light at all. It's not even noise itself. I can't sleep WITHOUT noise and light. I usually fall asleep with the TV on myself.

It's just a question of a) what's on b) how much noise he's making and c) what situation i'm trying to fall asleep in.

Last night for instance, I fell asleep no problem. Because he was happy to be watching Chuck, and just let the episodes keep playing, I slept fine. Slipped off about 11.30 cause I was really tired and slept on through till morning, not a bother.

But the night before, I was much less sleepy and TRYING to force sleep, which is so much harder to do when someone is disturbing you with small to large awake noises. Not to mention when you can here the pop pop pop of them going up and down all the channels and then stopping for a bit on something, long enough that you think you might just slip off... and then changing the channels again. It was just driving me nuts

Hopefully, he'll see how much better last night was and just stick to that sort of arrangement from now on!

Also, your bf purposely waking you with loud banging is seriously not cool. If I have to ask my husband something when he's napping, I poke him very gently on the foot. Loud banging is a HUGE no-no for him! I think it would be obvious the first time someone tried it.

Well... I mean, he did it because he wanted to make up for not doing something about my obvious horniness earlier. So I forgive him... this once.

Obviously if that kept happening i'd kick him in the crotch

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

In my latest de-coupling news...

The situation got too stressful. I had been "allowed" to stay at ex partners house until my flat was ready on the 18th of October.
But in the end, pretty much all she wanted to do was pick arguments. Not that I really blame her, as I was the one who originally said I had, had enough and wanted to leave.

Any way, Sunday night was particularly argument ridden. But all the time I am not arguing back. For two reasons, 1. I hate arguing and 2. I feel I should cut her some slack...
But at the same time it is distressing to have to listen to it. So after about half an hour or so of this, I get up, put my shoes on and say something like "I don't have to listen to this..." calmly I go downstairs and let myself out of the house. Off I go to my office where I proceed to spend the night.
Not much sleep is forthcoming, it is an office not a bedroom after all! So I am tired and fed-up come the morning. I then think about the previous evening and decide I really don't want to stay there for another month of that.
So I go back about midday and grab a suitcase to put my clothes into. Luckily that is pretty much all that there is left there as I have been moving all of my other belongings out over the past two weeks and putting them into storage.

She proceeds to demand that I apologise to her. Why I am not sure, but I am certain in her mind there is a good reason.
Then she wants to know when I am going to fix her laptop and take her car for MOT.

Basically I respond by telling her that there is no apology coming and as for the other things, not a chance, as you still haven't returned my cosplay suit material (£288 worth) and then I tell her "I'd rather sleep in a car park than spend another night here."

I finish packing the suitcase, grab a couple of other things that are mine. She has gone out by now to do something. I let myself out and lock the door behind me. After this I do wonder to myself where am I going to sleep tonight?!

But after a telephone call to my wonderful sister, I don't need to worry about that.

Two nights later, I have no regrets whatsoever with the decision I have taken. Actually, I probably should have done this several years ago...

Moral of the story? Never stay in a relationship where you have major misgivings.

 

[Greeneyes]

^^^Good on you Retro!

Maybe you should have done this ages ago, but at least you have done it now. Well done and don't feel bad or go back and fix her laptop and stuff.

It's hard to end relationships when we have hope for them or we don't want to go back to being on our own again but it's for the best mate.

I bet you feel lighter in a way having this all lifted off you.

 

[Greeneyes]

Obviously if that kept happening i'd kick him in the crotch

What a strange thing to say?

I've just realised how weird it is that joking and threatening a man's balls or actually hitting a guy there is just accepted as normal and okay these days. WTF is that about and how did it become okay to threaten someones reproductive organs?

Hmm, I'm gonna try something...


One of my good female friends always annoys me and pisses me off all the time on purpose, I think if she doesn't stop it I'm going to kick her in her crotch or punch her in her boobs


So does that sound okay to say that about a woman?

It's interesting to reverse the situation isn't it. Joking about or actually hitting a woman in the crotch or boobs should be fine shouldn't it?

Hell no it's not fine at all, just as it's not fine to do so to a male. So how did it become a big old joke for men to be hit in the crotch and yet a female would be being sexually assaulted and attacked? Seems to me men are treated as though they don't get hurt or upset. We were told growing up (boys and girls) that you only ever hit someone there if you are being seriously threatened or assaulted.

Our poor balls are not a joke, you hear me world! *shakes fist at sky furiously*

This isn't an attack on you Hopey D, just our mad society we exist in, I'm even wearing a cup as I type this in case I annoy my laptop and it kicks me in the plums...

Sorry about the off topic crazy equality crotch rant, I was bored waiting for my big pot of stew to cook on the range. It looks and smells so good!

Is there a Hype Award for strangest rant? I may have a chance at that t:



Sooo relationships then...