The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Anita18]

This sounds shallow but it's her looks, but then again I'm still lonely at the moment.

I have this feeling right now that I really really need to find my better half, but at the same time I was too frustrated to bother and to care and I would rather do other things than to expend my energy on this matter. Has anyone else experienced this and how were you able to get out of this?

Another thing... how much time do most need to gauge whether you want to pursue a romantic relationship with someone? Was "instant spark" really needed? I guess I haven't met someone I really really like or I was trying to really prove this idea that I need to know someone better before telling them that I like them, or was that idea/move wrong?

I think you have to ask yourself, what's pressuring you to find "your better half?" Because if it's other people saying you have to settle down, or you putting pressure on yourself because everyone else is in a relationship, then getting a gf isn't being truthful to your real self.

I mean, dating sucks in general, but I think you should get into a relationship for the right reasons too. Otherwise it's just more pain down the line.

As for the time and effort to decide whether you want to pursue a romantic relationship with someone, it depends on what you want for yourself. Some people can afford to be picky, if they're getting suitors left and right. If being picky is what's making dating manageable, then more power to you. -shrug-

I was too cynical and unattractive (or intimidating) to wait for fireworks. I sure wasn't getting hot, intelligent, thoughtful guys beating down my door, so when I met my husband, I was like, "Well, he's cute in the face and I feel comfortable around him....why not?" I literally had nothing else better at the time. I didn't "really, really like him" when I started dating him. I saw his online profile and thought we might get along (and I thought he was cute in the face), might as well send a message to him.

I think people actually put too much emphasis on the person their partner is. I mean yeah, you should get along with them and like them on a general level, perhaps admire things about them, but past that, everything else is just details. It isn't how attractive they are or how much money or accomplishments they have, but what you build together. And that's what my husband and I did when we dated - we built something together. Even though I wasn't crazy about him when I met him, and teenage idealist me might have passed him over, we built something together over time, so that when I finally suggested we get engaged, it just felt right. Like it had all been progression.

The teenage idealist that was still there a few years ago, thought I was settling because I didn't have fireworks and it wasn't a legendary love affair like the movies said a relationship should be. The realist me living in the present doesn't feel that anymore. F*** the romcom, Disney crap. I couldn't really ask for anyone better as a partner than my husband. THAT'S the most important thing you want if you want a serious relationship - a partner.

If you like a person even a little bit, that doesn't mean you're committed. You commit when you decide to commit. Might as well date them and see what happens.

 

[Erzengel]

You shouldn't treat relationships like I really need a gf right now. You should be more like, this girl I'm dating is amazing, I want her to be my gf.

You can meet a girl and she could be a wrong fit and the worst thing you can do is force a square peg into a round hole.

Go out and date, but don't settle because you feel you just need to have a gf.

 

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