Why women are stupid, The Myth of "The Nice Guy"

[AndThePickles]

I don't feel like reading the essay that is the first post BUT- I know for myself, I love a nice guy, but not a pushover. Big difference. I like a nice guy who is confident.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

lol

i dont think anyone could compete with the Colossal Pickles combo

or would yall prefer AndtheSpoons

Aw, we're old news. Sooo 2005 lol

 

[AndThePickles]

Seems to me that only attractive women attract *******s.

Haha, are you implying that I'm unattractive since Spoons liked me enough to date me?

 

[WorthyStevens]

i wasn't calling you out, just using your phrase and running with it. i hate guys who purposely act like pricks cuz they think it's impressive. when it's an act, it's ridiculous.

i just don't understand why people would want to be purposely jerks to someone they care about. and i could never be one of those girls who sticks around with someone who does.

It happens. I don't get it, but it does.

 

[AndThePickles]

Joking aside though Pyro, ALL women attract *******s. We don't do it on purpose, they're just all over the place

 

[ComicChick]

Joking aside though Pyro, ALL women attract *******s. We don't do it on purpose, they're just all over the place

qft

i absolutely hate my job when the ships come back from deployment. not only do i live in the city with the world's largest naval base, but I work at a military store.

so when they come back from all those months on the ships, the jerkiest pricks come in the store and hit on all the females. they act like hornballs who've never seen a female before.

 

[SpideyVille]

qft

i absolutely hate my job when the ships come back from deployment. not only do i live in the city with the world's largest naval base, but I work at a military store.

so when they come back from all those months on the ships, the jerkiest pricks come in the store and hit on all the females. they act like hornballs who've never seen a female before.

sadly i've seen many girls go ga-ga for guys who act like this and i just don't get it. It makes me wonder what am i doing wrong and is this really what girls want from us guys.

 

[ComicChick]

sadly i've seen many girls go ga-ga for guys who act like this and i just don't get it. It makes me wonder what am i doing wrong and is this really what girls want from us guys.

ask instead;

is this really the type of girl i want?

i really hate girls like that who give real ladies a bad name. the media is good for exploiting celebs and their partying, or their pantiless crotch shots and whatnot, and in a twisted way, it becomes impressionable on some ppl that this is the way you're supposed to act.

i think it's ridiculous. i'm not gonna act like an idiot or wear skimpy clothes i don't feel comfortable in just to impress some guy. if you can't love me in my t-shirt and jeans as much as you love me in a barely there halter top, then i don't want you in my life. 'nuff said

 

[SpideyVille]

ask instead;

is this really the type of girl i want?

i really hate girls like that who give real ladies a bad name. the media is good for exploiting celebs and their partying, or their pantiless crotch shots and whatnot, and in a twisted way, it becomes impressionable on some ppl that this is the way you're supposed to act.

i think it's ridiculous. i'm not gonna act like an idiot or wear skimpy clothes i don't feel comfortable in just to impress some guy. if you can't love me in my t-shirt and jeans as much as you love me in a barely there halter top, then i don't want you in my life. 'nuff said

completely agree

i've seen plenty of nice, sweet girls that i've known for years just instantly change their image and personality for no real reason. I mean it's like is that really what it takes to be socially acceptable these days?

I consider myself to be old-fashioned (even though i'm fairly young). i try to do things that a gentlemen is supposed to do for a girl, but yet whenever i try to get with a girl, i end up heartbroken and hurt because they always end up ignoring me while waiting for some big and cocky dude that won't give two ***** about her in a week or two.

I really don't know anymore, is that what the world has come to these days, where a guy who generally cares about a girl and is willing to spill out all his feelings to her, can't get what he wants because it's no longer what's acceptable these days. I've had friends try to hook me up with girls just to get action, but when i don't because there's no feelings or connections between us, they look at me like something's wrong with me .

 

[DarknessOfDeath]

I feel for ya. I know what thats like

 

[SpideyVille]

Yea it pretty much sums up the last 5 years of my life

 

[ComicChick]

completely agree

I consider myself to be old-fashioned (even though i'm fairly young). i try to do things that a gentlemen is supposed to do for a girl, but yet whenever i try to get with a girl, i end up heartbroken and hurt because they always end up ignoring me while waiting for some big and cocky dude that won't give two ***** about her in a week or two.

I really don't know anymore, is that what the world has come to these days, where a guy who generally cares about a girl and is willing to spill out all his feelings to her, can't get what he wants because it's no longer what's acceptable these days. I've had friends try to hook me up with girls just to get action, but when i don't because there's no feelings or connections between us, they look at me like something's wrong with me .

i'm old fashioned myself, and it feels sometimes like i'm in my own world. i've never been a fling kind of girl and that concept seems so lost of some of my friends. i could never be a gold digger and can't stand girls who use men for money. i'm simplistic. i don't need a big fancy car or a diamond on my finger. just care about me and treat me good and that's all i'll ever ask for.

but it seems like no one else has the same ideals as me lol

 

[PyroChamber]

Joking aside though Pyro, ALL women attract *******s. We don't do it on purpose, they're just all over the place

True.

But when it comes to dating it's mostly all about the woman anyway. A woman will usually know if she'll give a guy the time of day within five minutes (or seconds) of meeting him. So if a guy is a *****ebag, and she knows it and still decides to be with him, then hey I guess she gets what she deserves.

I sometimes think men and women see guys in a different way. We'll see a good for nothing piss strain who doesn't deserve the girl he's with while a woman might see a sensitive and charming guy who "needs a good woman". Which in hindsight is usually what a "bad boy" is anyway; a guy that'll treat everyone like **** except his woman, so as long as she's happy it really doesn't matter how he is.

And Pickles, I'm not calling you unattractive. Hell, I don't even know what you look like.

 

[SpideyVille]

i'm old fashioned myself, and it feels sometimes like i'm in my own world. i've never been a fling kind of girl and that concept seems so lost of some of my friends. i could never be a gold digger and can't stand girls who use men for money. i'm simplistic. i don't need a big fancy car or a diamond on my finger. just care about me and treat me good and that's all i'll ever ask for.

but it seems like no one else has the same ideals as me lol

Yea most of my friends think i'm weird because i don't put sex first when when it comes to a relationship. For me, all i care about is having that person there, and have them care for me as much as i do for them, everything else should be a result of this. I mean how can you build a relationship of any kind when you lack the things that make up the basic foundation?

And i wouldn't really say i've been through a lot, but from what i have been through, i've learned a lot. I too used to think something was wrong with me so i would try everything, whether it was buying an expensive gift or change myself or my looks, all because i honestly didn't know what was supposed work or not. But after all that i see the problem was never me, it was all the girls i went after. I've had random girls talk to me and end up telling me i'd make a good bf, but yet the girls i went after couldn't see this because they were either too stuck up in themselves, or waiting for mr. popular to show up and sweep them off their feet.

 

[ComicChick]

Yea most of my friends think i'm weird because i don't put sex first when when it comes to a relationship. For me, all i care about is having that person there, and have them care for me as much as i do for them, everything else should be a result of this. I mean how can you build a relationship of any kind when you lack the things that make up the basic foundation?

And i wouldn't really say i've been through a lot, but from what i have been through, i've learned a lot. I too used to think something was wrong with me so i would try everything, whether it was buying an expensive gift or change myself or my looks, all because i honestly didn't know what was supposed work or not. But after all that i see the problem was never me, it was all the girls i went after. I've had random girls talk to me and end up telling me i'd make a good bf, but yet the girls i went after couldn't see this because they were either too stuck up in themselves, or waiting for mr. popular to show up and sweep them off their feet.

glad you've learned to stop trying to please everyone cuz you never can. i've learned that as well.

my friends have thought the same of me. while some of them can go out and have one night stands with no attachment and no worries afterwards, i'm not the kind of girl who can do that. i'm not a fling chick and I don't think i'd ever want to be. i want something meaningful and lasting, not just a romp in the sheets and a "see ya around never". some of my friends, and others i've noticed, just feel like they have to be with somebody. i don't mind being single until i find someone worth trying to pursue a relationship with.

now all we need is all the a-holes and jerks, of BOTH GENDERS, to get their heads out of their butts and act like they got some sense and everything would be soo much better for everyone else lol.

 

[GL1]

my friends have thought the same of me. while some of them can go out and have one night stands with no attachment and no worries afterwards, i'm not the kind of girl who can do that. i'm not a fling chick and I don't think i'd ever want to be. i want something meaningful and lasting, not just a romp in the sheets and a "see ya around never". some of my friends, and others i've noticed, just feel like they have to be with somebody. i don't mind being single until i find someone worth trying to pursue a relationship with.

APPLAUSE!!!!!!!

The thing about the Myth of the Nice Guy is that it is very much a myth. We all have faults and failings, some of us just don't have mistreating women on our list. Guys like that, thinking rationally, are naturally amazed when all women, especially ones who make great efforts to stand out, do not value that particular trait, but such is life.

My present theory is that certain girls think of love and relationship the same way some guys do sports. They love the thrill, love the game and rules and even if they get hurt, they want to get back in it ASAP for the love of the game. They'll play a team (get a partner), even one that they'll lose to, if they think it might be fun, or that they might learn something new. Being Injured is as far back in this kind of woman's mind as it is in Eli Manning's. That's my current theory, anyway.

The other thing about the Frustration of the Nice Guy is that there we, as nice guys, often overlook nice girls for reasons just as flimsy, and the whole thing is a lot more 'fair' than I had originally perceived in high school and college.

At some point, I had to admit that I was really looking for just one girl (or at the very least, one at a time) and I didn't need all women to be sane or rational on any level. Let them be stupid.

 

[terry78]

The nice guys become desirable once they hit their late 20's. When you're young, you don't care if someone can support you and be nice, because that's boring.

 

[GL1]

Kudos on the succinct version. A man of efficiency.

 

[ComicChick]

The nice guys become desirable once they hit their late 20's. When you're young, you don't care if someone can support you and be nice, because that's boring.

thats what i'm looking for

im done playing games. i know what i want in life and i want a guy who knows the same.

i just think thats why you see some young women with much older guys (eww btw) because they feel they've matured more than the males their age and are ready to settle down while some are "sowing their oats"

 

[AndThePickles]

thats what i'm looking for

im done playing games. i know what i want in life and i want a guy who knows the same.

i just think thats why you see some young women with much older guys (eww btw) because they feel they've matured more than the males their age and are ready to settle down while some are "sowing their oats"

I hate oat sowers

 

[spideyboy_1111]

"nice guys" arn't a myth... it's just usually what the guy calls him self who doesn't get dates... until much later, after the girls been through a bunch of A-holes. i know of plenty of the "nice guys"

 

[Superman79]

awww my first internet marriage proposal
:heart:

I do what I can

 

[Colossal Spoons]

^SWEET avatar!

 

[Figs]

"nice guys" arn't a myth... it's just usually what the guy calls him self who doesn't get dates... until much later, after the girls been through a bunch of A-holes. i know of plenty of the "nice guys"

That's what I hate though, the girls who should be left on the street lol.

They **** on the nice guys throughout their youth but, when it's time to settle down and they need someone with stability and more importantly $$$ they go to the nice guy.

I won't settle for loose ass women that wouldn't give me the time of day when I was younger.

 

[The Guard]

I wouldn't say that women drive men to act like jerks to get their attention. It's more of a broad social thing. That is the behavior that tends to be rewarded in certain circles. Monkey see, monkey do and all that. If Nice Guy wants a particular girl, and he sees The Jerk treat Nice Girl like crap, which usually involves some form of abandonment, ignoring her, demeaning her, etc, and she responds to that, why wouldn't the Nice Guy want to go that route? Especially if he wants that girl?

I place some (not all) of the blame with the people who reward this kind of behavior. Quit rewarding that kind of behavior as a group, and you will quit having to deal with it. But people want things easy and they want things that are socially acceptable and valued (usually "looks" and "prestige", and they seem willing to put up with a lot of crap to have those things. While I understand that thinking to a point...I've never truly understood that.

is this really the type of girl i want?

Good question. I think a lot of the time, the kinds of girls we "want" are informed by social expectations about what we, as men, are supposed to want and need. Especially in high school and college.

But when it comes to dating it's mostly all about the woman anyway. A woman will usually know if she'll give a guy the time of day within five minutes (or seconds) of meeting him. So if a guy is a *****ebag, and she knows it and still decides to be with him, then hey I guess she gets what she deserves.

I'd tend to agree.

The other thing about the Frustration of the Nice Guy is that there we, as nice guys, often overlook nice girls for reasons just as flimsy, and the whole thing is a lot more 'fair' than I had originally perceived in high school and college.

Exactly. a lot of Nice Girls put up with the exact same thing on the other end of the spectrum. One of the saddest days of my life was when I realized I'd been upset at people for doing what I myself had been doing for years.

The nice guys become desirable once they hit their late 20's. When you're young, you don't care if someone can support you and be nice, because that's boring.

The nice guys become desirable to certain women as they get older. Others are still stuck in their "high school" phase.

I've seen the phenomenon from both sides. I've been a nice guy, and I've been a bad boy, and I've been a jerk, and I've been something in between, which is, I think most women actually want, but the guys simply don't live up to, either for lack of understanding, or lack of trying.

When you're a nice guy, even if you have certain attributes that a girl would respond to, they tend to overlook your other attributes if you don't display them outright, and she often places you into the role of "friend" or "confidante". Does that mean she's stupid? No, it means she's smart. If she can get what she wants, who cares where she gets it from, or if she gets different elements of what she needs from multiple sources? At that point it's your fault if you stay in a "relationship" you don't want to be in when the feelings you have aren't being reciprocated.

And it often takes being able to say "Screw you, I'm not going to act as your support mechanism/boyfriend with no benefits" to get out of such a role and to stop being labeled as such. and that's not easy to do, especially if you really do care about someone.

Bad boys/jerks aren't always actually jerks. At least they often don't intend to be. They are sometimes labeled jerks because they use what they know and what has been deemed socially acceptable in order to display confidence: treat people like crap, or resort to crude sexuality. Girls can see through this, to the intent behind the pathetic attempt at machismo. Most men can't.

It's been my experience that girls want confidence (a little ego now and then doesn't exactly turn most of them off) and empathy and they want a sense of humor and some sort of social talent/ability to provide. And they want you to know when to utilize your strengths and weaknesses.

I'm curious, though. I want to see these "lists".