A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[Angel_Faerie]

Personally, I think it's a number of factors. I don't know. I'd ask but then I'd seem all pushy and I don't want that.

 

[Anita18]

I think the speed at which your "relationship" with this dude is going so slow, it's moving backwards is exasperating for some of us.

Some of us need baby steps, okay?

I still think they should graduate to hand-holding before kissing though. My bf kissed me before we'd even held hands and it really befuddled me. But that one's easy enough, just grab his hand. He's shown that he likes you enough not to yell at you for it.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Not wrong, but it was the perfect opportunity to have something more happen. It sounds awkward to me, because it seems like a tense situation where sexual contact should have occurred.

I just don't get why this cat hasn't put the moves on her yet.

I don't really either, which again makes me think he's not so experienced. Frankly if I were in his shoes, and I have been, Angel's slow pace would've driven me away weeks ago. I would've dropped some heavy hints her way too, or tried for something myself before it got to that point.

My roommate seems a bit inexperienced. He claims to be experienced, but you can tell how awkward he is in social situations, and he doesn't pick up on nuance very well. You have to pick up of subtlties well, whether you're aware or not, if you're some sort of player.

This guy sounds largely oblivious, unless Angel is lying about their interactions.

 

[SpideyVille]

I can't help but see this situation turning out like the part in 40 Year Old Virgin where his girlfriend asked him why he hasn't slept with her yet. That line about Einstein and it wife is a classic.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Erz, that's kind of what I was worried about, that I didn't do enough with that girl. But once she started messing around with like every dude there, I didn't really see much of an opportunity, and I got thrown off my game. I was stuck between wanting to act to make a move, and not wanting to be all possessive and clingy towards some girl I don't know.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Personally, I think it's a number of factors. I don't know. I'd ask but then I'd seem all pushy and I don't want that.

Being pushy works. Squeeky wheel and all. Don't be afraid to press the issue on something you want, don't even be afraid to argue with that person about it. Relationships involve constant negotiations, and putting a little pressure tests the strength of the bond. If you don't ask it won't happen.

Once I get a phone number, it's all over, I'm gonna ask sometime soon. Might not be the first words out of my mouth, but if you entertain me in conversation for a while, and I see that someone will tolerate me for a minute I'm gonna go for it. So, yeah, ask.

 

[Anita18]

I don't really either, which again makes me think he's not so experienced. Frankly if I were in his shoes, and I have been, Angel's slow pace would've driven me away weeks ago. I would've dropped some heavy hints her way too, or tried for something myself before it got to that point.

My roommate seems a bit inexperienced. He claims to be experienced, but you can tell how awkward he is in social situations, and he doesn't pick up on nuance very well. You have to pick up of subtlties well, whether you're aware or not, if you're some sort of player.

This guy sounds largely oblivious, unless Angel is lying about their interactions.

I'm actually starting to think so too. I've been with someone as shy as Angel's guy...and he was a virgin. Came off like a player to outsiders but it was all an act. But at least he told me he was. I've also met people who were experienced but still had hangups about sex and general physical contact. You just can't assume anything.

My current guy is still very awkward, but has a little experience under his belt. (So to say. ) So having experience doesn't make you more suave or able to pick up on subtleties. He just directly asks what he wants and isn't afraid to do it.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Haha Anita I know what you mean, that's totally me, the guy who acts smooth and suave, but it's really an act. I have people telling me all the time about how suave I am, but I can never seal the deal with a girl. Just check out my latest story lol.

Yea, I act it good enough, but when the time comes to get serious, I get awkward and dont know what to do.

 

[Erzengel]

Personally, I think it's a number of factors. I don't know. I'd ask but then I'd seem all pushy and I don't want that.

Yeah, asking might take a hit to his manhood, however, there's a really lack of intimacy that I find particularly disturbing.

 

[Erzengel]

Some of us need baby steps, okay?

I still think they should graduate to hand-holding before kissing though. My bf kissed me before we'd even held hands and it really befuddled me. But that one's easy enough, just grab his hand. He's shown that he likes you enough not to yell at you for it.

The guy Angel is dating, stated that he was unsure about progressing with her because she was a virgin, blah blah because he's been "around". But he seems very unsure how to proceed.

And honestly, hand holding? I remember my first kiss with almost everyone I've been with. I only remember one particular hand holding session outside of taking their hands when I cross the street.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah, asking might take a hit to his manhood, however, there's a really lack of intimacy that I find particularly disturbing.

I find his lack of faith disturbing...

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah, asking might take a hit to his manhood, however, there's a really lack of intimacy that I find particularly disturbing.

I totally pictured Darth Vader grabbing Angel and saying "I find your lack of intimacy disturbing" when I read this.

 

[Erzengel]

Erz, that's kind of what I was worried about, that I didn't do enough with that girl. But once she started messing around with like every dude there, I didn't really see much of an opportunity, and I got thrown off my game. I was stuck between wanting to act to make a move, and not wanting to be all possessive and clingy towards some girl I don't know.

I'm not sure if you're looking for a gf? But I just meant looking to hook up. I would have pulled her close and initiated something. And if she reciprocated great, if not, oh well. You were only there to visit.

 

[bullets]

Haha Anita I know what you mean, that's totally me, the guy who acts smooth and suave, but it's really an act. I have people telling me all the time about how suave I am, but I can never seal the deal with a girl. Just check out my latest story lol.

Yea, I act it good enough, but when the time comes to get serious, I get awkward and don't know what to do.

You should of tried something a little sooner and if she wasn't feeling it , blame the alcohol. At least it was in another state, probably for the best anyway.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I'm not sure if you're looking for a gf? But I just meant looking to hook up. I would have pulled her close and initiated something. And if she reciprocated great, if not, oh well. You were only there to visit.

No, no girlfriend. I was just looking to hook up too.

 

[Anita18]

The guy Angel is dating, stated that he was unsure about progressing with her because she was a virgin, blah blah because he's been "around". But he seems very unsure how to proceed.

Yeah, does he expect the absolutely inexperienced one to just up and ASK?

And honestly, hand holding? I remember my first kiss with almost everyone I've been with. I only remember one particular hand holding session outside of taking their hands when I cross the street.

What? I remember the first time I held hands with someone!

Although granted, I don't remember when I first held hands with my bf.

 

[SpideyVille]

I used to joke about how the most action I've ever gotten was holding a girl's hand, and even that only happened during the prayer circles I used to do when I was still in church. Although a friend of mine did hold my hand once and say she could tell I would be a great father just by that..

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

The guy Angel is dating, stated that he was unsure about progressing with her because she was a virgin, blah blah because he's been "around". But he seems very unsure how to proceed.

And honestly, hand holding? I remember my first kiss with almost everyone I've been with. I only remember one particular hand holding session outside of taking their hands when I cross the street.

This is very strange to me. Since we all seem to agree here, Angel, that you're a tad insecure, it seems strange to me that Mr. Experienced doesn't know how to land you. It also seems odd that he's sticking it out for a contact-free relationship.

 

[SpideyVille]

I hate to even say this, but is it possible that either he doesn't have much more experience? Either that or he doesn't want to be physical either? Like maybe he just wants to avoid being alone for the holidays? I'm not saying that's the case and I don't want to worry Angel, but I wonder if it may be in the realm of possibility.

 

[Erzengel]

If I get a good vibe, I'm going in like Lando and Nien Numb. If I'm not, they get a nice kiss on the cheek and a thank you for a nice evening. If I'm still not getting it by the 2nd and 3rd date, then it's time to punch out.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I hate to even say this, but is it possible that either he doesn't have much more experience? Either that or he doesn't want to be physical either? Like maybe he just wants to avoid being alone for the holidays? I'm not saying that's the case and I don't want to worry Angel, but I wonder if it may be in the realm of possibility.

He said he has feelings for me a while back (which made my night), so I don't know if it's that. I think it's a mix of:

1. Only having been with someone at my experience level once, when he was at that experience level.

2. Not wanting to mess up those firsts for me, causing me to resent him for it if he does. (I wouldn't, I'd joke about it like "we just need to practice")

3. Uncertainty as to how fast or slow to move because of my inexperience without either of us feeling like he's pushing me into things I'm not ready for

4. He's only been out of his last relationship since April of this year, and that relationship moved fast. Sex on the first date, moving in together after a month fast. So he may want to take things slower here so he doesn't make the same mistakes. Which I can respect.

 

[Erzengel]

I think he's overthinking this whole thing. There isn't a set time to wait for things to happen. Things usually just happen on there own. Something should have happened the other night. You guys were close and his arm is around you. He just doesn't seem experienced in knowing what to do.

 

[Anita18]

He said he has feelings for me a while back (which made my night), so I don't know if it's that. I think it's a mix of:

1. Only having been with someone at my experience level once, when he was at that experience level.

2. Not wanting to mess up those firsts for me, causing me to resent him for it if he does. (I wouldn't, I'd joke about it like "we just need to practice)

3. Uncertainty as to how fast or slow to move because of my inexperience without either of us feeling like he's pushing me into things I'm not ready for

4. He's only been out of his last relationship since April of this year, and that relationship moved fast. Sex on the first date, moving in together after a month fast. So he may want to take things slower here so he doesn't make the same mistakes. Which I can respect.

Well just go at a pace that's comfortable for you. This guy keeps coming back so I don't think you have to worry too much about him not liking you suddenly.

The lack of comfortable communication bothers me though. He says he doesn't want to mess things up for you and doesn't believe that you won't resent him if he messes up your "firsts." He's uncertain as to how fast or slow to move with you and he doesn't ya know, ask?

My bf knew I was a virgin. He wasn't, and so he'd ask and we'd talk things through. Not rocket science.

My first bf was a virgin as I was. Neither of us knew how to take it to the next level, so we never ended up at the next level. Literally. We were in limbo for the last half of our relationship. Not just sexually, but in everything else. Never moved in together, never really tried out new things. It was the same old same old. The day we broke up, we finally discussed our future and he asked, "Do you ever see us getting married?" And no, I didn't. He met his now-wife a few years later and married her a year after he met her. He saw a future with her, but we didn't know what we wanted when we were together.

With my current bf, we've been through a lot together and we've always talked it out so everything's in the open and there are absolutely no misunderstandings. He sucks at long-term plans, but I can see us being together for a long time and taking it as a it goes.

If someone in the relationship doesn't have the courage to ask, you may never get what you want. I fear you could end up in utter limbo like my first bf and I.

 

[AndThePickles]

The entire situation seems really, really strange to me. To the point where it's throwing red flags. I hate to say it, but I have to wonder if he's seeing another woman and is just hanging out as friends with Angel :/ Intimacy is natural, and it's extremely bizarre to just sit next to each other on the couch all night if there is mutual attraction.

 

[Anita18]

The entire situation seems really, really strange to me. To the point where it's throwing red flags. I hate to say it, but I have to wonder if he's seeing another woman and is just hanging out as friends with Angel :/ Intimacy is natural, and it's extremely bizarre to just sit next to each other on the couch all night if there is mutual attraction.

I'll have to bring that up to my bf next time I see him. "Hey you didn't try to make out with me when we'd watch stuff together! (On my bed, natch!) You must have been seeing someone on the side!"

Then again, my bf IS extremely awkward and didn't want to make things too uncomfortable for me. Now I can barely get his hands off me.

The fact that things are going slowly isn't putting up red flags, it's the lack of communication as to what's going on.