A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[Boy Scout]

Man, this just sounds like you are typing up a lot of fancy footwork explanations to avoid my point, which is...this is the very definition of a minor crush. You would have had no problem moving on from that without telling her.

Maybe. Maybe not. I guess we'll never know until something like this happens again. And if it does, I'll be sure to keep my mouth shut. All I know is, talking it out is doing me some good.

It sounds to me like you wanted to get a kick out of your crush before it went away

What? Do you not know what on again/off again means? If it had went away the first time or second time, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

You could indulge your fantasy, and at the same time, have something in the realm of the romantic in your life to talk and think about.

I'm telling you now that this isn't the case. If it was, then what would be the point in denying it? I don't think there would be any shame in admitting it if it were true, because then I would realize that there's something about myself I need to work on if I want to be in a relationship, which I do. Not admitting that there's a problem would only hinder me from getting what I want, which would be a very stupid thing to do.

So, now, you feel like you have some kind of connection with here that you didn't before, you are still getting a kick out of the crush, now you have that little hook into her and will geta thrill out of her knowing you like her and were brave enough to confess it, even though she had a bf.

Since you seem stuck on this, I'll let you know: I specifically told her I had some reservations about telling her because she has a boyfriend, and I'm not the type to ruin relationships. She understood, and the rest is history.

So, you look like the brave tragic figure in her eyes

I don't. Like at all. She was flattered by it, we talked about it, and now she's moved on. We don't bring it up anymore and we're most likely not going to. So you're dead wrong about that one.

and you get a kick out of it.

I asuure you, this isn't fun for me.

That is my diagnosis kid, coming up with 'mature' sounding reasonings for it so you can bunch up with the adults and tell your tale, is also part of the kick you are getting out of the crush.

This is why I didn't want to say my age. Because I knew someone would respond like this.

You love the drama.

How many times will I have to tell you I don't before you believe it? I. Do. Not.

 

[Erzengel]

Boy Scout

We've all been there. Most of us have that girl in high school that we fell for but trust me. You get over her eventually.

But people here said it best, hanging around her is just going to make you keep having feelings for her. You need to have some other girl in your life and not having her in the forefront.

 

[Boy Scout]

Boy Scout

We've all been there. Most of us have that girl in high school that we fell for but trust me. You get over her eventually.

I know. That's what I'm trying to do now. I will take you guys' advice and not really communicate with her before we get back to school, which is on the second of January. But I do still want to be friends with her.

But people here said it best, hanging around her is just going to make you keep having feelings for her. You need to have some other girl in your life and not having her in the forefront.

Exactly right. Which is why I have every intention of finding someone else when I get back to school. I don't want to remain hung-up on this girl when there are so many more out there.

 

[Erzengel]

Don't wait for a bus that's not coming.

Also, hook up with her friend.

 

[SpideyVille]

I kinda feel bad for the poor lad because he's only 16, so he has a right to be young and naive, believing in things that only happen in movies and teenage dramas.

 

[Erzengel]

I think there are some people here who are in their 20s who still believe that.

 

[Boy Scout]

I'm just gonna re-post what I edited into my post that you missed, as it covers how I feel on this,(and yr fancy footwork attempts in the latest post) and you still haven't given any kind of solid reason why you had to tell her.

The reasons I've given over and over are solid enough for me. If they aren't for you, that's not my fault.

I don't get why you're being so confrontational, especially when I keep telling you over and over again that you're wrong. If you were right, I'd tell you. But you aren't. Not by a long shot.

You're trying to help me out. I get that. And I sincerely appreciate it. Everything you're saying to me is you giving me sincere advice. But what you're saying to me isn't of any use to me, because the context that your advice is based on doesn't exist. If it did, then why wouldn't I let you know? Becuase if you were right, then that would open the door to even more help for me, which can only benefit me in the long run. So please...give me one good reason why I wouldn't tell you if I was wrong.

I'm not going to argue with you about it any more. You're wrong. End of story. Whether or not you believe is your choice.

But if it helps you feel better, you're right about one thing: I will - and can - move on. And that's what I'm trying to do.

And in regards to my "fancy footwork" huh: would you rather I act like an immature *****e and "typ3 lyk3 diss!!1?@!" or would you rather I act like I have some sense? Believe it or not, not all teens are especially immature.

 

[SpideyVille]

I think there are some people here who are in their 20s who still believe that.

And they get no pity from me!

 

[Boy Scout]

Don't wait for a bus that's not coming.

As I've said...I'm not. I will be looking for other girls. The ship with the other girl has sailed. Nothing I can do about it.

Also, hook up with her friend.

She does have some cute friends! t:

I kinda feel bad for the poor lad because he's only 16, so he has a right to be young and naive, believing in things that only happen in movies and teenage dramas.

I don't, for the most part. I know that things don't always play out the way they do in movies. Real life isn't like that. It's just a fact of life. If this were a movie, I'd probably be with the girl by now. But this is real life, and it doesn't work like that.

 

[Alonsovich]

Don't wait for a bus that's not coming.

Also, hook up with her friend.

^This...

 

[SpideyVille]

I would personally suggest hooking up with her sister if she has one. At least, you can get someone that looks like her and has the same gene pool.

 

[Boy Scout]

I would personally suggest hooking up with her sister if she has one. At least, you can get someone that looks like her and has the same gene pool.

She has a twin sister. I've considered asking her out, but she has a boyfriend too.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So I have a massive crush on this girl. For a while, it was an on again/off again thing. About a week or two ago, I decided to grow a pair and tell her how I felt. At first, I was a little hesitant to do so. Not only was I afraid of her reaction, but also because she is in a committed relationship with a boyfriend who makes her happy. I'm not a fan of going in and wrecking other peoples' relationships, but this was something I felt I had to do if I was going to move on.

To make a long story short, I told her, and as you might be able to guess, the feelings weren't reciprocated. But she was really nice and cool about it, and we ended conversation with the promise that we would become "amazing friends." And we are. We're learning more and more about each other every day. Just yesterday (Christmas Eve) we spent hours talking to each other (via text). And instead of getting over her...I'm falling for her. She just might end up being my very first love. And it really does kill me to know we probably won't ever be together.

I know, I know, I sound pathetic. And you all probably have to deal with this sort of crap every day, and I apologize in advance if I'm annoying any of you with this question, but I have to ask...what the hell should I do?

EDIT: It felt really good getting that off my chest.

May I ask how old you are?

As far as what you should do - I think the first response to your post sums it up.

There's nothing to do. And if being around her is going to cause so much feelings for you, then you probably need to not be around her. It's not going to be healthy for you, or for her, and since she's already in a relationship, there's nothing for you to do except bow out.

 

[Boy Scout]

May I ask how old you are?

As far as what you should do - I think the first response to your post sums it up.

There's nothing to do. And if being around her is going to cause so much feelings for you, then you probably need to not be around her. It's not going to be healthy for you, or for her, and since she's already in a relationship, there's nothing for you to do except bow out.

Yeah, that's what everyone's been telling me (you'll see all of that if you read the last two pages ) and I'm in a much better position to move on than I was yesterday. All I need is an opportunity. Thanks to everyone who helped out and listened to whine, I do appreciate it. The problem has officially been solved.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah, I'm not really doing the Christmas thing this year because it hasn't felt the same as it did when I was young. The past few years have been the same, where it involves me and my mom going to my brother's house empty handed, just to see his kids open a ton of presents and brag in our face.

I also haven't been getting along with my family lately so I'm kinda dreading every holiday that involves families getting together. I don't hate the holiday, but rather the fact that I'm not spending it with people that I really care for. I think it'll get better when I have my own family and money to go around buying gifts for others, but right now it's just another day that I just want to get through without being bothered.

But just because things aren't great for you doesn't mean you still can't have a good time or that you should be bummed.

This is pretty much my experience with Christmas lately, especially this year.

With the circumstances surrounding my brother and I, I didn't go over to his place for Christmas this year, so I ended up spending it alone. I had a teacher invite me to spend Christmas with her and her family (it's not exactly as awkward as it sounds, I've actually had relationships within that family since before I started school, and it just so happens that she's one of the big time faculty members in my department), but I never heard back from them, and well, I feel it might be kind of awkward being the only non family member there. At least for Thanksgiving, there were other students there as well, not just me.

So I've been alone at my apartment this Christmas, which does kind of suck, and I am feeling a little bit lonely, but at the same time, I agree with your other point that, once I have a family of my own, and an actual career where I can have money to buy gifts for others (I am 100% flat broke this year), Christmas will get better again.

It's sucked for the past few years though.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

This is the biggest lie that every single one of us have told ourselves at one point or another whenever we liked a friend that didn't like us back. She my be cool and stuff, but the big reason why you may think she's a great friend or could be is because you want her to be that good of a friend, because you most likely won't get anything further than that with her. I've done it plenty of times and it always sucks and hurts even more when you realize you were sticking around for someone and didn't get what you want in the end.

You don't have to cut her out completely, but don't be so quick to go seek her to talk to. If anything, let her come to you, but never go to her unless its absolutely necessary, and even then, don't. Keep her at a distance because you're eally not going to suddenly fall out of love with her. Even if you find someone else, she'll still be in your mind and you'll compare every other girl to her.

And there were a couple of girls that I liked in my acting class but at the risk of making things awkward, I didn't go for it because of that exact reason. You save yourself a lot of stress and worry but not making this a problem and the best way to do that it to let her go. It'll be more awkward if she knows you like her and have feelings for her.

I know it's the exception, not the rule, but I do know that it is possible to be "just friends" even with a girl you've liked. I'm doing it right now.

But it really has turned into a case of I'm not just hanging around with the slim hopes that something will happen. I know it's not going to. It just so happens tho that she actually HAS been a good friend, and not just in the "she's cool to hang out with" bit, but she's also done a lot for me that has helped me advance in what I'm doing. She's given me a bunch of opportunities with my acting and stuff, and in general has just been a really huge help for me.

Oh, I know all about the hanging around with slim hopes bit, I'm still doing it with a few others as well. The "we get along great" is man code for "I think she's hot and if she ever left her boyfriend I'd be the first one in her bed capitalizing on the situation" But this one girl in particular is the exception, not the rule.

 

[Boy Scout]

I know it's the exception, not the rule, but I do know that it is possible to be "just friends" even with a girl you've liked. I'm doing it right now.

But it really has turned into a case of I'm not just hanging around with the slim hopes that something will happen. I know it's not going to. It just so happens tho that she actually HAS been a good friend, and not just in the "she's cool to hang out with" bit, but she's also done a lot for me that has helped me advance in what I'm doing. She's given me a bunch of opportunities with my acting and stuff, and in general has just been a really huge help for me.

Oh, I know all about the hanging around with slim hopes bit, I'm still doing it with a few others as well. The "we get along great" is man code for "I think she's hot and if she ever left her boyfriend I'd be the first one in her bed capitalizing on the situation" But this one girl in particular is the exception, not the rule.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah, that's what everyone's been telling me (you'll see all of that if you read the last two pages ) and I'm in a much better position to move on than I was yesterday. All I need is an opportunity. Thanks to everyone who helped out and listened to whine, I do appreciate it. The problem has officially been solved.

Cool man, I didn't read the other pages before I made my post, but it seems like you have a basic grasp of the situation.

There's a little bit of you being 16, young, and naive in there, but there's another part that seems to understand that things don't work a certain way in real life. I wish I would have known that at 16, hehe.

You'll be alright. Trust me, I've done the same exact thing that you did, as I'm sure everyone else here did as well.

 

[Boy Scout]

Cool man, I didn't read the other pages before I made my post, but it seems like you have a basic grasp of the situation.

Oh, sorry man, I didn't mean that in a mean way. I apologize if it came off that way.

There's a little bit of you being 16, young, and naive in there

Most definitely. I know now, now that I've had time to settle down and think, that I'm not in love with anyone. That was just me blowing things out of proportion.

but there's another part that seems to understand that things don't work a certain way in real life. I wish I would have known that at 16, hehe.

And there's still so much I have to learn. This might come as a shock, but I'm not exactly an expert on relationships.

You'll be alright. Trust me, I've done the same exact thing that you did, as I'm sure everyone else here did as well.

Thanks, man, I really appreciate it.

 

[SpideyVille]

This is pretty much my experience with Christmas lately, especially this year.

With the circumstances surrounding my brother and I, I didn't go over to his place for Christmas this year, so I ended up spending it alone. I had a teacher invite me to spend Christmas with her and her family (it's not exactly as awkward as it sounds, I've actually had relationships within that family since before I started school, and it just so happens that she's one of the big time faculty members in my department), but I never heard back from them, and well, I feel it might be kind of awkward being the only non family member there. At least for Thanksgiving, there were other students there as well, not just me.

So I've been alone at my apartment this Christmas, which does kind of suck, and I am feeling a little bit lonely, but at the same time, I agree with your other point that, once I have a family of my own, and an actual career where I can have money to buy gifts for others (I am 100% flat broke this year), Christmas will get better again.

It's sucked for the past few years though.

Yeah, the past few years have definitely sucked, mostly because of financial reasons, but also because I've gotten older and my mom broke up with her boyfriend so its been mostly just me and her. But I would much rather send the day alone without her because she is a real downer and expects others to treat her like a queen.

As for my brother, I don't talk to him enough to have a serious issue with him, but he did invite me to his sister-in-law's hose last night and I declined because that's his side of the family now, and I would feel really weird showing up there empty handed while everyone else is exchanging gifts and the kids are bragging about their stuff.

I think the bigger problem is just finding a way to get into the Christmas spirit. It's been hard these past few years because I have nothing special to look forward to and already know what to expect.

I know it's the exception, not the rule, but I do know that it is possible to be "just friends" even with a girl you've liked. I'm doing it right now.

But it really has turned into a case of I'm not just hanging around with the slim hopes that something will happen. I know it's not going to. It just so happens tho that she actually HAS been a good friend, and not just in the "she's cool to hang out with" bit, but she's also done a lot for me that has helped me advance in what I'm doing. She's given me a bunch of opportunities with my acting and stuff, and in general has just been a really huge help for me.

Oh, I know all about the hanging around with slim hopes bit, I'm still doing it with a few others as well. The "we get along great" is man code for "I think she's hot and if she ever left her boyfriend I'd be the first one in her bed capitalizing on the situation" But this one girl in particular is the exception, not the rule.

Yeah, its not definite, but for someone who's young, its hard to understand the difference and how to deal with it. Personally, I'm the same way. I have this one friend who I thought was hot when I met her through a friend, but I never imagined going after her because I thought she was a certain way. But after having a class together and now hanging out a little these past few months, I consider her my best friend. She's my complete opposite and in some ways I wonder if she's the kind of girl I should go after, but at the same time, I don't hold out hope on her because she's kinda seeing other guys on the side and I know it'll never work out with her because of that and so many other things. I'll admit that I like her, but instead of going for it I'm just trying to have fun because I don't have to worry about trying to impress her or make me like her. Plus, I don't really have too many friends that have been as thoughtful and caring so why ruin that.

There's a little bit of you being 16, young, and naive in there, but there's another part that seems to understand that things don't work a certain way in real life. I wish I would have known that at 16, hehe.

I didn't learn this until maybe 2-3 years ago. Liked a girl who had just gotten out of a long relationship. We were still friends but drifted apart, mostly because I started to like another girl. A year later we were friends again and closer, but those feelings crept up again and were stronger than ever. I tried to hide it but that little hope of something possibly happening kept me from doing so and it didn't end well once she found out. It really sucked because I considered her my best friend, but I recently found out she didn't even see me that way, so it makes me wonder how close we really were.

 

[bullets]

So I live and study in Central Europe (small and snowy city), despite being spanish, and I came home for three weeks for the holidays. There's a female friend and classmate of mine that has been single for a long time (despite being quite attractive, must say) and all of a sudden she asked me last friday if she could come down to my city (350-something euro ticket to a spanish city that's not Madrid or Barcelona) to spend 3-4 days and if she could stay at my place. Is this what I think it is? Or I'm just reading too much into it and she just wants to escape the bad weather in Central Europe? I just don't know wtf to expect from women anymore... each gf and friend with benefits that I've had until now have made it even more and more confusing...


PS: Yes, she actually BOUGHT the plane ticket...

I wouldn't expect anything , just play it cool and you'll get more of an idea if its gonna go anywhere when she gets there.

 

[Alonsovich]

I wouldn't expect anything , just play it cool and you'll get more of an idea if its gonna go anywhere when she gets there.

Yeah, was my plan anyway... It just seems randomly out of the blue...

 

[bullets]

Yeah, was my plan anyway... It just seems randomly out of the blue...

That does seem random but she might of been thinking of it for a while. Sometimes good experiences seem to come out the blue.

 

[DBryan]

Do you think its wrong if parts of messages you're sending out in dating sites are copied/pasted?

'Cause you need to message a bunch of people to hope for a response, and its hard writing really good messages.

 

[bullets]

Do you think its wrong if parts of messages you're sending out in dating sites are copied/pasted?

'Cause you need to message a bunch of people to hope for a response, and its hard writing really good messages.

I don't see why not , it's not like anyone is going to know. You might want to switch it up sometimes to see what works best though